Challenging the Notion of Victimhood: How HSPs Can Reclaim Power After Family Betrayal through Inner Work

Client: I, I could do one.

Todd: Sure. Okay.

Client: I haven’t looked at this situation. I haven’t done a worksheet on it. And, um. Uh, it happened, um, five years ago, and, uh, I, my uncle, when he passed on, he, uh, bequest, uh, like 18 people, uh, a little bit of his estate. And, uh, and my cousin, who was my, my age, um, was the, uh, um, executor and he was the um, um.

He, what was it? Not the executor, but it’s the, uh, a power of attorney. And, um, anyway, he, he, uh, um, anyway, there’s a lot of things that he did that was very, um, uh, deceitful. [00:05:00] And, uh, so we took him, uh, myself and my other two cousins, uh, took him to court and it was supposed to be a real short time turnaround and I just feel very frustrated.

It’s five years and it’s closing up and, um, um, he’s not paying up. I mean, he just took every single turn that he could do and stalled it to the end and made up excuses. I mean, it. Our lawyers, our lawyer couldn’t believe, um, he thought, he thought it was gonna be a year and a half turnaround, and they’ve never had a case like this.

So I’m very, uh, I mean, I grew up, you know, with my cousin, um, it’s just my, I just feel like my cousin is deceitful or a thief.

Todd: Mm-hmm.

Okay, well we can do the work on that. Um, as

Client: a cheat or whatever. He, I mean, he took advantage of all, he just, uh, took advantage of, um, all of us.

Todd: Yeah, [00:06:00] that’s a good one right there.

He took advantage of all of us. What feels closer to you to what is causing the feeling of stress for you that. He is deceitful. He’s a thief. He took advantage of all of us.

Client: Yeah, he took advantage of all of us.

Todd: Okay, so let’s look at it. Um, what’s the situation that you’re, like, what’s the moment that you can anchor in as you’re looking at this?

Client: Um, uh, when he, um, sent out, uh. The letter that said you need to sign this and get this back in. This is five years ago. Get this back into the attorney. Um, and he kinda really pushed it fast and everybody signed except uh, us ’cause we’re saying, Hey, we got some questions. So we questioned it and, uh, he was pretty, um, he couldn’t answer the stuff, questions that we [00:07:00] had and he had justified that everything he did was right.

And um. That’s a situation, talking to him and, and the original, uh, attorney.

Todd: Okay. So he took advantage of all of you. Is that true?

Client: Yes.

Todd: And can you absolutely know it’s true. He took advantage of all of you?

Client: Yeah. It was proven in a court of law.

Todd: Okay. So how do you react? What happens when you think this thought?

He took advantage of all of us.

Client: Um, I feel, uh, like this, I, uh, I feel taken advantage of. I feel, um, um, that he really to, to know somebody in my life and not, um, and have them do this just [00:08:00] kind of blows me away. And, um.

It makes me more guarded, feeling more guarded, uh, around people. You know, there’s a lot of scammers out, you know, I get scammed myself and it’s just like,

Todd: ah,

Client: uh, it’s a, uh, wicked world out there. And, uh, um, yeah, I, I don’t. I mean, I, I don’t want ever want to, um, see him again. And it really changed the dynamics of, you know, all the cousins, you know, they’re kind of against us ’cause we should have rolled with it.

And, um, so it’s really sad. I feel sad that it happened and, um, yeah. And I’m really, um, pissed off at my cousin. And I’m mad at the, uh, the original attorney ’cause he was rolling with it too. So, yeah, I just [00:09:00] felt, uh, taken advantage of. And I guess the past image would be of my, um, uh,

I don’t know. I, I kind of go back to my dad. Um, I don’t have really have a specific situation, but, um.

Just, uh, and the way he was with his alcoholism and, uh, just kind of taking advantage of his, of me.

Todd: Yeah.

How do you treat your cousin specifically, either in person or. In your mind when you think he took advantage of you?

Client: Um,

well, I treat him, um, uh.[00:10:00]

I’m disgusted with him and, uh, uh, he’s, he, I’m appalled by him and I, I don’t, I don’t wanna see him again. I mean, he just really, yeah, he just really caused, uh, change the whole family dynamics.

Um, so I sent a Christmas card to his dad, uh, and, uh, um, but I, you know, won’t send one to him.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: I don’t know if that’s very dramatic, but, you know, it’s, uh, uh, that’s, yeah. I mean, sometimes I just like to, uh, stop by and just chew ’em out, but, um. I don’t wanna get arrested or anything. But anyway, I just, I mean, it’s not gonna, uh, it’s not gonna help any I know.

[00:11:00] And, uh Right. But this is you to write him a letter and, you know, his, his view is different than my view. Right.

Todd: But that what we’re seeing is how you react and, and even though you don’t do anything. The thoughts come. Sometimes I’d like to just chew ’em out or write him a letter or do something like that.

And then of course you don’t, which is fine, but we’re just noticing the effect of the thought when you think he took advantage of all of us, there’s a desire to, to say something or to ex to cut him out or, um, any of those things. So it’s reaction. Yeah.

Yeah.

Who would you be without the thought? He took advantage of all of us, even though it was proved in a court of law. So there’s actual strong evidence there. Um, who would you be if you weren’t dwelling so strongly on this thought that he took advantage of all of us. I.[00:12:00]

Client: Um, I would, uh, feel, I mean, I would, um, I’d be more, uh, open with the other cousins and not feel, uh, almost. In some way have to justify myself or prove myself, uh, to them. Um, and part of me almost feels a little ashamed because, uh, I did this to him. I mean, that’s kind of the pressure I get from other cousins.

Like, you know, I should have just, uh, rolled with it and, um, [00:13:00] yeah. So who would I be without that thought? Um, um, boy, that’s a good one. ’cause I, uh, it’s been in my mind for, uh, five years now, um, present and, um,

uh, I would think of my cousin as, um, uh, he was just trying to, um, uh. Um, he was just trying to, uh, um, make ends meet and he thought this was the best way. He thought it was a good situation that he could, um, uh, he could stay in the house for four years and have all his, you know, I mean, have things all paid for him, his room and board.

Still get a stipend when my uncle was in a [00:14:00] nursing home all that time. Um, so I would think that without that thought, I would just think he really thought that he was, um, he truly believed what he did was right and that, uh,

yeah. And so, wow, this is just a hard one for me. Um, it is a

Todd: hard one.

Yeah. We’re looking at a fact, right? It’s, there’s a, there’s a certain factual ness to this, but the question can still be played with. Um, and that is, who would you be if you weren’t thinking about that so much, if you weren’t, if it wasn’t on your mind so much that he took advantage of all of us.

If you weren’t so.

Client: Well, when, when I eventually get the money, even though it’s not a lot, [00:15:00] but when I eventually get it, I’m gonna be, um, I’ll be open and I feel really, uh, I feel really good for about myself, for standing up for what, um, I think is right, regardless of how much work went into it. Yeah. Um, and I would, um.

I would see the, um, I would see the honesty in people and, uh, and, um, my interactions on the computer and see that, um. There’s just so much of that out there. It’s just those little, little points of people or whatever. It’s just such a small amount that there’s so much good out there. And, uh, I like to focus on that ’cause I feel a lot better when I think about that.

You know, it’s just that little.here and there, black.here. And, uh, you know, I, [00:16:00] so I’m focusing on, um, the good. I’m focusing on all the wonder, the people that I know and looking ’em in the eyes and seeing, uh, the kindness and the love and the honesty that they have.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. So all of that gets eclipsed when you think about how he took advantage of all of us.

Yeah.

Client: Yeah. That’s kinda like instead of a little dot it’s a big dot, you know? So it’s really puts it into perspective. Yeah, that this is just a one case, you know, one, one case, one, one little, one thing that happened.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: It’s not compared to my whole life, it’s like 1%.

Todd: It’s not that it didn’t happen. We’re not pretending that it didn’t happen.

It did. It’s just that where’s your attention? Is it on that and is it. Everything getting blacked out because of that? [00:17:00] Um, or is it moving more freely in all the other places that are, um, okay. Yeah. So this is, this is what I mean by who would you be without the thought? It took advantage of all of us.

Client: Yeah.

Yeah. My focus would be, um.

This is just a, a incident that happened and my focus would be on, my attention would be on, um, seeing the good in people and, and in myself. I don’t know if that’s specific enough, but, um,

Todd: yeah. And even when you look at him specifically, what do you see when you look at him without this? Thought blocking him out completely.

Is it, what do you see if you, if you move it to the side a little bit, even though it’s connected with him, can you see anything [00:18:00] about him that you don’t, that you weren’t without the thought that he took advantage of all of us.

Client: Um,

could I see any? Would I see him differently if I didn’t have this,

Todd: basically? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Client: Um,

um,

I would, uh,

yeah, I could see him as, um.

Uh, and I could see him as someone who, um,

thought he was helping out my uncle and that he [00:19:00] deserved the stuff that he did. Is that kind of, am I getting off of on that thought? That’s where would I be without that thought?

Todd: Yeah, that’s what we’re looking at. Where would you be without that thought? When you look at him and you’re starting to see him, like right now, you’ve been defining him as the deceitful one, the thief, the person who took advantage of all of us.

But if that one defining characteristic isn’t the only thing. Defining him. If that isn’t your only vantage point, what do you see when you look at that cousin?

Client: Well, you mean like what are the things I admire in him? Or I could, could be

Todd: that, it could be even in the situation of him being a thief. Um, but it could be broader than that as well, wherever your mind goes.[00:20:00]

Client: Well, I’m stumped on the one about him, uh, being a thief, unless he just, um, I mean, I appreciate him for, um, stepping up and helping my uncle at the beginning.

Todd: Mm-hmm.

Client: And, uh, the attention, um,

yeah, that, so that’s something. Because my uncle, um, never married.

Todd: So with the thought, he took advantage of all of us. It’s not even possible to see that. Or if you see it, it becomes so discounted that it doesn’t, uh, it doesn’t register almost. But if the mind isn’t so attached on, he took advantage of all us.

All of us. There is a, just seeing how he did step up there. Even though he did [00:21:00] end up taking advantage, like the two aren’t mutually exclusive, they’re starting to see something more than just the thief or just the deceit.

Client: Okay.

Todd: I think of myself like that when I do something. Maybe wrong or not what I would approve of. Um, the mind likes to say that’s who I am. Right? I’m a thief, or I’m deceitful, or I am, but without that thought, that’s just an action I did regrettably, but it’s not the whole of me.[00:22:00]

Client: Yes. So I guess it’s not the whole of him, the deceitful part. Um, it’s that, uh, he, uh, helped move my uncle from California to Iowa

and, um. Set up getting a house for him. I mean, helping him pick a house out. So that, that was, you know, really, uh, so I appreciate that he did that.

Um,

and he is done other stuff in his, uh, his life, uh, that, uh. You know, he, that he’s worked with, um, uh, young people. He’s electrical engineer and so he, you know, has helped them do the robotic kind of things that they do the um, uh, for, [00:23:00] um, tournaments and stuff like that. So I know that he has a heart there and, uh, um, yeah.

I know this is for me, uh, um, softening my heart for him, um, whether he knows it or not. Uh, yeah. Yeah. ’cause I’ve been pretty stuck in trying to like, just keep. Um, you know, camaraderie. My other two cousins, we just slam him and all this stuff and it’s just, uh, definitely a, uh, change in attention. Yeah.

Todd: He is now, or has been for some years now, defined as the person who took advantage of us.

Um, and so, but what [00:24:00] we’re seeing as you’re just exploring this a little bit without the thought. That he took advantage of us, even though he did. But without that thought, there’s just a little more view from behind that black mark, a little more view of who he is that is bigger than just that action, even though it was not a good action.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: So how would you turn the thought around? He took advantage of all of us.

Client: He didn’t take a advantage of all of us.

Todd: Okay. How could that be as true without changing the facts or without going into some kind of unreality? Is there any way that that could make any sense, um, for you?[00:25:00]

Client: Uh, because he was, um, by, um, visiting my uncle, uh, he put him in the same town as him, so he visited him weekly. So that wasn’t taking advantage of us. Okay.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Even though he did get a big payoff for doing that.

Todd: Right. But

Client: they’re actually, he did visit our, our own call.

Todd: Those two can coexist. He took advantage of us and he didn’t take advantage of us.

And in that particular regard, he was almost serving the whole family by helping take care of the uncle. Um, but. [00:26:00] He also did take advantage, right? There’s, yeah. This is the wiggle room we’re looking for.

Client: This is, it’s not all or nothing exercise. ’cause part of me just wants to stop. ’cause it’s really, it feels really, of course, hard for me to

Todd: do that.

This is hard. You picked a hard one.

Client: I’m gonna stuff it back down.

Todd: You can always do that. You can always do that.

Client: Yeah. I almost like kind of get the heebie-jeebies even thinking about this, but I’m gonna go ahead. It goes

Todd: against what you’ve gotten. Focused on, right? This is like Byron Katie sometimes says, we’re going against your religion.

You know, my religion is, he is bad. He did something bad, he took advantage of us, and we’re challenging that in a gentle way, but it’s a challenge. Um, so it doesn’t, the key that I think is so important to hold is that we’re not trying to [00:27:00] minimize or trying to take away the fact that he did something.

Deceitful. Um, it’s just is not the whole story. And is there any way that he maybe didn’t take advantage of us as well?

Client: Thank you. Um, so, uh,

he didn’t have us do any, any, he didn’t have us step up or, you know, to help her uncle. Um. He could have and then still taken advantage of us. You know, it’s not like nobody said, okay, I’ll, you know, do this every other week. Randy said, uh, yeah, my cousin said you don’t have to do it. So, um, you know, he took it all on himself.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Um.[00:28:00]

We didn’t have to pay any money or anything, uh, to help our uncle out, you know, we didn’t have to. Um, he set it up so there’s flowers sent to his, uh, our uncle every week. And, uh, we didn’t have to do that. Um,

and, uh. Um,

that’s about, that’s probably it for there. I know we’re getting a little low on time, so I could go ahead and do this worksheet. I’ll do, do a worksheet on this.

Todd: You, you’re, you’re doing quite well. Um, if you have a couple extra minutes, we can do, turn around if you’d like. Sure. Um, if he took advantage of all of us, what would be another turnaround?[00:29:00]

Client: Well, let’s see. Let me look at ’em first. I took advantage of, of all of us.

Todd: Okay. Does that have any meaning for you?

Client: Sure. I, uh, uh, we didn’t have a, a group session saying, Hey, we’re gonna take this to court. Does anybody disagree? We just went ahead and did it. So now we have held their money for five years.

Um, and the payoff isn’t, wasn’t really that big because he, you know, our cousin didn’t pay everything he’s supposed to do. What? That’s a great example.

Todd: Yeah. It just balances it. Again, I felt like I

Client: took advantage of our cousins and I know they felt like we took advantage of them. We held their money hostage.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: You know, and five years is a long time,

Todd: right? [00:30:00] So this is, this is how this turnaround helps to balance the original statement, which is he took advantage of us, which is true, but we also did a little, it wasn’t the same, but we did a little, we tied up the money for another five years and, um, so yeah.

Client: That’s, and there have been, um, four people that have passed of the 18. Wow. So they never gotta spend the money. And uh, they could, they could have used it, you know, so that’s another, I think that’s kind of a guilt that I have, um, of, uh, I took, and it doesn’t

Todd: even have to be a, um, yeah, it’s just, it’s just noticing, right.

That it, okay. We all in our different ways. At least have some have taken advantage in different ways. Not even meaning to, but that’s the way it [00:31:00] worked out. Um, and it can soften it. That’s all. That’s the only point of looking at that. Yeah. And that any other turnaround While we’re, while we’re here, he took advantage of all of us.

Client: Um, I guess, uh, for the self, um, I took advantage of me.

Todd: Mm-hmm. Could that have any meaning?

Client: Yes. Um, it took a, a lot of my time at, at the beginning, uh, to write up like a sequence of events of what happened. You know, it stressed me out. I took advantage of myself. It stressed me out to do that, um, time-wise and, you know, I, um, there’s a lot of meetings and, [00:32:00] and, uh, paper and court. It just, uh,

yeah, my time and the weight. It would’ve been a lot easier just to go ahead and, um, uh, rolled with it at the beginning, um, five years ago. So I took advantage of me. Um, does that make sense?

Todd: Mm-hmm. Yep,

it does. And how about another turnaround? I took advantage of him. Is there any way that that can make sense in this situation?

Client: Um, yeah, it’s, uh, he’s probably with some people, uh, come out as the bad guy,

so I took advantage of his reputation, um, and also, um, of the time that he put [00:33:00] in. To this case. Um, I mean, he had to do stuff and even just, just delaying it. I’m sure it was stressful on his mind having to, um, play that game and, uh, you know, having this hanging on him for five years instead of being a slam dunk, um, that probably was very stressful for him and, uh, changed, maybe changed his life in some way.

Todd: So it doesn’t, again, it’s like the original statement can still be true. He took advantage of us and here’s where I did something to him too, and it’s just good to see that’s all.

Client: Yeah,

Todd: that, and I like where you went. It is almost a turnaround in and of itself. Um, somewhere in question three, you said something like, um.

Uh, instead of his taking advantage of us [00:34:00] or he took advantage of us, um, I kind of, um, stood up for myself. Um, so that’s another way of looking at the same sequence of events. One is, oh, he took advantage of us. The other is I stood up for myself. Um, and that has a different flavor, a different interpretation

Client: Yeah.

Of

Todd: the same exact situation.

Client: Yeah, when we were going into this, uh, we were talking this through, um, and said, uh, we, you know, there probably won’t be a, a big advantage, but we’re, uh, it’s just the principle of it and we were doing this just because we thought it was the right thing to do. Yeah. So,

Todd: so that’s enough, right?

So

Client: yeah,

Todd: the mind likes to go and. Go even further than that and, and then push the other person down. But it’s [00:35:00] enough. I just did what I thought was right, and that’s, that’s a good thing. Um, so I, you can look at this whole situation as he took advantage of us, or he can look at this whole situation as I stood up for myself and, mm-hmm.

They’re just really two different ways of saying the, seeing the same exact thing, but one is way more stressful than the other.

Client: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I like that, Todd. That’s really uh, yeah, A different focus.

Todd: Different focus.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Yeah. That’s what this work is about. Just a little different focus. We’re not changing the reality at all.

We’re not changing the facts, we’re not doing anything of that sort. We’re just seeing is there any way to look at it like from under here, up here over there, that might be a more peaceful way [00:36:00] of experiencing the same situation. That’s all. Yeah.

Client: Thank you for seeing us through the end, the last couple minutes.

’cause that it was, it is really a, a big. A big,

Todd: it’s a good one.

Client: Aha. For me. Yep.

Todd: Well, thank you for your work. Thank you for bringing it.

Client: Thank you for facilitating it.

Todd: My pleasure

Client: being there.

Todd: If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you heard just now, then go to the work as meditation.com and there you will see the schedule. You’ll see how it works. You can sign up and participate in these little intimate sessions of doing the work. We do the work as you know. We also go over questions, and you’re also welcome to just sit and listen.

All of this can be found at the work as meditation.com under the open sessions [00:37:00] page. And while you’re at the work as meditation.com, I also encourage you to check out my um, book called Finding the Door to Inquiry, which is a way to help you. Identify stressful thoughts to question. We use the judge your neighbor worksheet primarily as a great way to identify what’s actually bothering you in a particular situation.

What are the thoughts running in your mind? And sometimes it’s not clear. How can I use a judge your neighbor worksheet. In a particular situation. So we look at that in great detail in that book, and I encourage you to check it out at the work as meditation.com under book or finding the door to inquiry.

Next, I’m gonna read one of my newsletter articles called Does the Work Point us towards going into Denial?

If you can’t deny the simple fact there are that there are three peaches on a [00:38:00] plate, and I show a picture of this, but you can still question even this fact. Who knows what you’ll find? You may get confirmation of the fact when you do inquiry or you may find something unexpected. It’s worth exploring.

Someone had a great question recently, a participant in the Work 1 0 1 course that I offer recently asked the question, which I quote in full. I’m wondering about the work’s value in questioning certain, say quote unquote realities like death of a loved one, disease or diagnosis, et cetera. I heard Byron Katie do the work with someone on a thought.

I have HIV. This was a stressful thought for him. Byron Katie guided him through the four questions and turnarounds and the turn turnaround was, I don’t have HIV. For me, this seems like denial of a hard fact. Or Todd, I’ve heard you do the work with someone on my mother died. Sure, it feels better not to think that you [00:39:00] have HIV or not to think that your mother died, but these things are, I understand the thought quote unquote about.

Uh, about it is what we’re questioning and not so much whether there is HIV in me or mother is no longer physically here, but that does not change those facts. Any advice on how to think about this? Secondly, along these same lines, I think what is stressful about these thoughts is not that these are realities of nature, but that we infuse these things as bad.

Like it’s a, it is bad that my mother died. It is horrible that I have HIV. If I can identify and include the implicit message within these types of thoughts, I guess what, uh, Todd, you’re calling the interpretation. Then I can see how to work with it. If not, it just seems like denial. If this is a valid point, then why wasn’t this [00:40:00] step to identify the interpretation taken in?

The examples, um, I gave above about HIV and mother died, or am I missing something here? Here is my response. You’ve basically uncovered two different ways to do the work on something. First is question the fact itself. And second is question the emotional interpretation. I used to always question the fact itself, and I got really good at finding the wiggle room even with hardcore facts.

It’s amazing when you go through this process, how often a hard fact is both true and not true. I usually would land on this balance a kind of coexistence, if you will, of opposites. My mother died and my mother did not die. Same with, I got HIV and I didn’t get, get HIV. Um, there are always two sides, even to a factual thing if you really look.

[00:41:00] But your caution is very important too. I also feel it is very important not to go into denial by using the work. I’m not trying to fool myself with the work. I’m looking for another way to see the same situation that is less stressful for me. But is still true. That’s where I sometimes arrive at. Both things being true more often than not when I question a solid fact, my examples are soft examples.

My mother didn’t die because she is still alive in my heart, for example. It is true, but in a different way. It’s, but, but even a soft example such as this can be very helpful. There is not just one truth. I think one place we often get hung up is with the idea that there is one truth. We are trained to think objectively.

We look for one truth that we can all agree on, but the work is mainly [00:42:00] subjective. I’m looking for a way within myself to see it differently. Sometimes seeing my mother as alive in my heart can ease, sorry, can ease a huge feeling of loss on the subjective level. Who cares if it’s not true on the physical level, it still has its value experientially, and what shifts one person may not shift another person.

That’s why the work is always a personal process. I have to move my own heart using evidence that is genuine for me. So this is the second part, the second option when questioning facts. Is questioning facts versus questioning interpretations. It can be fun to question hard facts. You never know what you’ll find.

But the question you bring up here is also why I usually now question my interpretation of the fact more often than the fact itself. It seems to get to the core of what is [00:43:00] bothering me more, and it is easier to work and to turn around so I can work my interpretation that it is terrible that I have HIV, for example, instead of questioning the fact.

I have HIV see how the statement, it is terrible that I have, HIV is an interpretation. Now we’re working with something more subjective and it’s gonna be easier to question subjectively, but I can also work with the hardcore fact. I have HIV, um, in that example. And both will yield slightly different, um, but often quite effective results.

Or if I’m using the judge your neighbor worksheet format, I might write, I’m angry at my mom because she abandoned me instead of writing because she died. So that’s an interpretation. Again, she didn’t, she died. That’s the fact. But my interpretation is she abandoned me. So I [00:44:00] can question that. And sometimes that feels closer than the actual statement of fact.

Interestingly, interestingly enough, because it’s not the facts that actually. Hurt us or bother us. It’s our interpretation anyway. That usually is what’s getting to us. So if you can identify that interpretation, you can often do the work on that, and that can soften the experience of whatever fact is there.

This is why I love brainstorming before writing a judge your neighbor worksheet. It helps me to find a list of my interpretations first, so I can choose one interpretation to write on mine, one of a worksheet. If you want more details on how to do this, then uh, use my getting closer template for writing a Judger Neighbor worksheet, which is a part of my Inquiry Circle, uh, app.

Basically, I. You can also use the prompt, and it means that, for example, I have HIV and it means that I won’t be able to live a normal life. [00:45:00] Now I’m questioning I won’t be able to live a normal life. My interpretation, rather than the fact I have HIV. I often find this to be more productive, but I encourage you to try it both ways.

Just explore. Trust your integrity. Don’t let the turnaround trick you into going into denial. Listen to your own inner intelligence. The turnaround is just there as a pointer. This is a really, really important, uh, point, if you will, is that the turnaround just says, Hey, check out over here. Hey, look over there.

And, uh, it doesn’t mean that it’s absolutely true. It doesn’t. Just because there’s a turnaround doesn’t mean that it’s a. True turnaround is just a place to look and you may find something, you may not find something. Sometimes when questioning a fact, it can be amazing how what you thought was hard evidence, uh, or evidence-based truth was not so solid at all.

And other times, just [00:46:00] throwing a shadow of a doubt on a hard truth can free up the heart, even though it’s still 99.999% true, and everyone else would agree about it. The work is just about loosening my grip on my story of my suffering. Anything that accomplishes this, opens the heart, but you are in the driver’s seat always.

When you do the work. It all must be tested against your heart and your integrity. You can’t pull the wool over your own eyes. It’s not freeing, nor is the work wanting you to do that. The work wants you to find something true for you that is as true or truer than the original statement, and if you can find it, it will balance the original statement or if it’s truer.

It may completely replace the original statement, but in any degree, just looking for that softens the heart, and that’s what this process is about. So, uh, [00:47:00] let’s end with a quote from Byron Katie from her book Loving. What is a powerful way of prompting yourself is to add, and it means that to your original statement.

Your suffering may be caused by a thought that interprets what happened rather than the thought you wrote down. This additional phrase prompts you to reveal your interpretation of the fact. The answer to the prompt for the purpose of inquiry is always what you think your statement means. Let’s say you wrote, I am angry at my father because he hit me.

Is it true? Yes, you are angry and yes, he did hit you many times when you were a child. Try writing this statement with your added interpretation. I’m angry at my father because he hit me, and it means that maybe your addition would be, and it means that he doesn’t love me. Now you know what your interpretation is.

You can take it to inquiry. [00:48:00] Write down the new statement and apply all four questions and the turnaround, you may come to realize that it’s your interpretation of the fact that it’s causing you stress.

So thanks for listening and be sure to subscribe to this podcast. Share it with a friend, post something on social media. Leave a review for the podcast if you haven’t done that already. And stop by the work as meditation.com. To, uh, get my newsletter and to participate in open sessions like the one you heard here today.

And you also find hundreds of articles on the work of Byron Katie, as well as information about the courses I offer and my ongoing practice group called Inquiry Circle, as well as private sessions and other products and services that I offer. So you’ll find all that at the work as meditation.com. Uh, thank you for listening and I hope you have a great.

Rest of your day and we’ll see you next [00:49:00] time.