When You’re Forced to Compromise Standards: Stress Management for Overwhelmed HSPs in the Workplace

Client: so, um, from our conversation, uh, an hour ago. I [00:05:00] kind of, I had the thought that kept coming up over and over again is I have to generalize my work, my class. ’cause if I’m, if I teach them the specifics, then that there’s a lot more liability. But generalizing my class is, it’s not my, it’s not something I want to do, but I think I’m gonna have to, I’m gonna have to.

Generalize my class. Okay. So that I don’t get liability if someone does something wrong.

Todd: Okay. So the thought you wanna question is you have to generalize your class.

Client: Yeah. ’cause, um, well, not ’cause just I’m resistant to doing that. I like, I like to teach very specifics with safety in mind. But if I generalize my class, then I, then I can cover.

A broader range of equipment [00:06:00] and just tell them things they should be looking for. But in my head I’m like, I don’t like doing that. Okay.

Todd: Because

Client: it’s kind of like saying, here’s how you drive. First you get in the car,

Todd: then you keep it on the road.

Client: And the big round thing, if there is one. You know,

Todd: if your version has a round thing, then just turn it when it seems appropriate.

Client: Exactly so, so I mean, that may be part of what I’m thinking, but I’m also thinking like I have to come up with a way to make it so that I can do this class and.

Not get anybody hurt, you know? So generalizing it is right. My answer. So is

Todd: it like, I don’t want to generalize my class, is that

Client: I, I really don’t like generalizing. I like to teach them on their equipment and, um, [00:07:00] plug in here. Uh, yeah. I prefer to teach them the specifics of their equipment because each, even though there’s, it’s one piece of equipment that has a lot of makers.

Each one of them has, its tricky way of doing something. Right. But I mean, I can generalize it, but that also, you know, just the thought of doing it makes me tired because then I have to go through my existing class, make new slides, get different videos, show, you know, show them all this stuff. So, okay.

Todd: So you don’t want to generalize your class.

I don’t wanna

Client: generalize, even though in order to do it, I’m gonna have to.

Todd: So is it true you don’t want to generalize your class Uhhuh? I think we got that picture right. So can you absolutely know it’s true you don’t want to.[00:08:00]

Client: Now, see, I’m playing with the difference between need and want and when it’s want.

I don’t want to, yeah.

Todd: Okay.

Client: Okay. Yeah.

Todd: So it sounds like you Absolute, it’s absolutely clear. You don’t wanna, I don’t wanna

Client: have to do this, but it’s it, it will work. Okay. Right.

Todd: Okay. So how do you react? What happens when you don’t want to generalize your class and you’re starting to think you have to generalize it?

Client: I look at my existing program, training program and I see that there’s only a little bit of it that I can use, so I’m already tired [00:09:00] thinking about the next three days of having to create a new training program and, and cover, you know, what needs to be in there. And without, with, and, and it’s still legal.

So that’s the first thing. It’s like I have all these different criteria that have to be met for a training program and I want to, I want it to be legal so that if someone has a problem with it, they won’t be able to find anything in my training that cause their problem. But I won’t have left anything out that they needed to go.

So all that’s going through my mind. And so, and already mentally tired trying to do it and

Todd: Yeah. Yeah,

Client: yeah. Huh. Yeah.

Todd: Suddenly it is not just like offering a class you’ve offered before. It’s like creating a new class. Right.

Client: It’s, it can take 40 up to a hundred hours to create a class. Yeah. And believe

Todd: it,

Client: [00:10:00] and I’m.

I have to do this, this worksheet too. I don’t, I don’t wanna back out. I, you know, it’s already scheduled and I’ve signed an agreement that I’ll teach, so I don’t wanna back outta that. But I also, yeah, it’s all IR illogical stuff that comes to me, you know? I mean like in the real world, I know that these guys have operated the equipment before E everything will be fine kind of stuff.

But in my head it’s a lot of work. It’s gonna take all this time I have to write a new class. I’m already tired thinking about it. How do I, you know, I can, I. Put in, I’m thinking of different ways that I can do it. Going, some equipment is this way, some equipment is that way, you know? And then, and then in my head, I try to convince myself that that’s better training.

’cause then they can operate any of the equipment. But oh, maybe it is.[00:11:00]

Well, I couldn’t get to that with a mess in my head.

Todd: We were just simply reporting how you react. Exactly. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Yeah. So I don’t wanna generalize my class. Yeah.

Client: Any other

Todd: reactions?

Client: Well, I see a past of. Just giving the, the sitting points on something and people leaving really not knowing any more than they did when they came in. And

Todd: so I, I don’t,

Client: yeah. So that is a problem. And then if I if generalize it and don’t give them enough information and someone gets hurt, then I see myself having to testify, you [00:12:00] know, about what I taught them.

So that, and, and. And while thinking, you know, the class wasn’t really sufficient enough to keep them safe with, and then, you know, find a way to blame the employer instead of me.

Todd: Hmm. Right. There’s a lot going on here.

Client: Funny. Yeah. And then I have all these ideas on how I can fix it. You know, I can insist that, uh, an experienced worker is in the class so that they can demonstrate their equipment.

I mean, they’re all good ideas, but it’s still. In my mind, it’s still prohibiting me from sitting here relaxing. ’cause I’ve, I’m coming up with all this problem, solving to this problem.

Todd: Yeah. Keeps the mind busy. Right. It’s very,

Client: and I get and I get very analytical. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel it just, my whole body just gets tired.[00:13:00]

Todd: Do any past images come in when you think you don’t want to generalize your class?

Client: I’m, yeah. This has happened only twice in the 40 years that I’ve been doing this kind of work. Um. Someone said that they told their boss that they didn’t learn anything in my class, that I didn’t teach them anything that was worthwhile. And the first time I heard that, then I started getting more specific on things, how they work and why and what not to do.

And that worked. I didn’t get any more complaints, but I taught a class last week and someone complained that I didn’t teach. Certain parts of the class that I have video of me teaching.

Todd: Mm-hmm.

Client: And so I, you know, so now I’m hurting from someone complaining about something that [00:14:00] wasn’t, wasn’t accurate. So, so that put me in the, in that place of cover my ass kind of place.

Todd: Yeah. It’s interesting. So the, the past images are about being like. Getting negative feedback in a way. Right? Right.

Client: I mean, I’ve had negative feedback from other things. Usually my language and, and, but not the content of the class.

Todd: Right. That

Client: I am banned. That hurts. I am banned from one wastewater treatment plant for farting.

I thought that was kind of interesting, but, but I did it exactly the way you’re supposed to, so,

all right.

Todd: So who would you be without the thought that you don’t want to generalize your class?[00:15:00]

Client: I would, I would be contacting the client, telling them they have to find, if they have to order and pay for an owner’s manual for their equipment, that they should have documentation. That’s, that’s something that the osha, the safety organization requires that people have the documentation that goes with their equipment, the manufacturer’s documentation.

So why didn’t I think of that before?

Okay. Yeah. I can just insist that they have it and send me a copy so I can look at it. And then, you know, a lot of the things are the same no matter what. You get a wood chipper, you, you, they’re, the safety summary is the same, but we’re gonna go out and actually operate it. So I don’t wanna operate something without the manual.

Todd: What else? What else? So who would you be, I would think thinking about this class and preparing for it without the thought that you don’t want to generalize this [00:16:00] class and you may have to,

Client: I mean, yeah. Okay. So without the thought, I would start looking at the class and see where I would need to generalize it.

Like, like I would really see that there are some areas that have to be specific. Then some areas where, where I can just ask the students, have you got experience or know anything? You know, do you have previous experience with this equipment or equipment like it? And, and, and then without the thought, I’m just, I don’t mind going on YouTube and watching videos and picking out sections of videos that, that have good information.

And preparing them to be able to use any piece of equipment. But, um, and I could just get an owner’s manual without it. I’m like, the problem is solved. I could just get an owner’s manual for a piece of equipment and show them how to use the owner’s [00:17:00] manual and they’re on their own to get one.

Todd: Hmm.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Mm-hmm.

Client: You can’t solve these things when you’re in it. Huh?

Todd: That’s it. Right? When you’re thinking, I don’t want to generalize my class. You can’t. All you can feel is resistance. Yeah. And tired and all that, but once you’re not in it, who would you be without the thought? There’s some space and problem solving starts happening on the spot sometimes.

Yeah.

Client: Hmm. Yeah. That worked.

Todd: Cool. So turn the thought around. I don’t want to generalize my class.

Client: I want to generalize my class or semi generalize it and, and you know, it’s a good idea to, to add safety hazards for other equipment with it. So I do want to put some generalized information in there.

If they get rid of that and get a new piece of equipment, or some of them [00:18:00] go to a different city to work for, then they’ll have a, a really good idea of that.

Todd: Mm-hmm. Okay. So it’s helpful for, for your students. Um mm-hmm. Is there, are there any other things that, like when you look at the workload that you will have to do to generalize and go through it?

How is it, how would you be willing or want to go through that? Um, if it’s necessary. That’s

Client: a good point, because I would still need to go through all my slides, but I tend to review my slides prior to a class. I haven’t done this one yet this year, so that would be long enough for me to wanna review my slides anyway.

And so. I wouldn’t have any resistance to that. I would, I would see that, like I’m gonna have to sit down and do it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. And I would probably update a video two or two or, you know, look, look [00:19:00] for some more specifics.

Todd: Hmm.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: So that’s cool perspective, like you’re already doing it. You would do do it normally anyway, but you have to do a little bit more because it’s some change to curriculum.

But um,

Client: yeah.

Todd: It may not be,

Client: well, it’s not tiring.

Todd: It may not,

Client: right.

Todd: Yeah. It doesn’t look as big of a extra amount as what it originally looked like when we first started here.

Client: Yeah. Existing training is, is, is good. It’s a good program. So.

Yeah, just some tweaks.

Todd: Okay.

Client: Yeah,

Todd: yeah. Another way to do this, I

Client: do want to,

Todd: this kind of statement. Another way to turn it around is instead of, I don’t want to generalize my class, um, and you’ve done, I want to, you can another, you can also play with those. I’m willing to, or I look forward to [00:20:00] generalize in my class that turnaround fits with this kind of statement.

Client: That’s true. Yeah, now, now I’m interested

and it’s not tiring.

Okay. Um,

I don’t wanna generalize my life.

Todd: Okay. As a kind of turnaround. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Client: I don’t wanna generalize my life. It’s like, and, and the work does that, the work puts us all on the same plane

and, and if I generalize my life, then I will, I, I won’t be able to get upset about a specific thing and. Um, won’t be able to get mad at [00:21:00] someone,

but by generalizing my life,

it, there would be little that could occur that could upset me. I. Because like, and instead of these things have to happen, anything can happen.

Todd: So what does that mean? Generalize your life?

Client: It takes me out of the specific, like my life has to look a certain way. I.

Todd: Hmm. Okay.

Client: Because it doesn’t look, always look the way I specifically think it should when that why we do the work,

Todd: right? Mm-hmm. Like instead of thinking you have to do a certain kind of class, um, something else comes along, right?

Yeah. Yeah. You have

Client: to do a certain [00:22:00] kind of life.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah.

Client: So I’ve been, I’ve been. Not wanting to generalize and, and by generalizing, I think that’s what Byron Katie does. She just sees everyone the same. Everything is beautiful. Questions. Any thought that comes in that would be generalizing my life.

Todd: That’s interesting. That’s interesting perspective. Yeah,

Client: yeah,

Todd: yeah. Let’s just generalize everything as okay or good. Yeah. And

Client: then there’s no people, you know, I don’t pick specific people to like or dislike.

Todd: Hmm

Client: huh.

Todd: Yeah. It’s like with be like the original statement, I don’t want to generalize my class or in this case we’re even thinking life. It’s like somehow generalization is getting a bad name. Yeah. The general, general is bad. Specific is good. [00:23:00] And you even had that experience of when you weren’t specific, someone complained, and then you started being more specific and you got less complaints or no more complaints.

Uh, so then the mind says generalization, bad specifics, good. And tries to, and, and then if you’re having to go towards generalization, it’s like, no, no, no, no, no. I don’t want to go there. That’s bad.

Client: Exactly. Exactly.

Todd: Wow. And this is kind of opening it out again and saying maybe generalizing is as good as specifics.

Maybe there’s a time and place for each and they’re both good and,

Client: and in the generalizing, I can be clear that there are some things that are gonna be different for each piece of equipment. I, I remember a long time ago I was at the fire station and the guys were at a fire and I was off duty, but they called me on the radio and asked me to bring a particular unit there, and I had never driven that unit.

So I got in it [00:24:00] and I. There were no keys. There was no place to put a key, I didn’t know where the keys were, and I had to get back on the radio and go, I, I don’t know how to even start this thing, you know? Uh, uh, someone told me where I could find the keys, but it, it had, the ignition had gotten moved to under the dashboard.

Todd: Wow. And

Client: yeah, and you put a key in. It was a weird key too. Anyway, but that was like. What made me think of that was I’m, I guess I, it’s in my head I’m thinking, oh, you know, I’m delaying the delivery of this vehicle that they need for this emergency by not knowing how to do something. So if I get specific, you know?

Mm-hmm. It’s like specifically knowing how this particular piece of equipment works. And that’s when I think, okay, I’m gonna go teach ’em how to use some equipment. They need to know how that piece of equipment [00:25:00] works.

Todd: Right. Yeah. So again, the mind starts gravitating towards specific is good and general is not so useful, and so I better keep focusing on specific.

And if I’m forced to go to general, that’s uncomfortable because it’s somehow lesser. Yeah. There’s a, there’s a, people

Client: will get in trouble because they don’t know the specifics,

Todd: right?

Client: Yeah.

Todd: And there’s some truth in it, of course, right? Yeah. But I, I, I kind of think of my own experience with. Teaching and, and and learning.

And there’s a kind of a dialogue between general and specific. There’s a back and forth, like there’s general principles and specific applications and they kind of inform each other. And sometimes going into the general helps me understand the specific better and sometimes going into the specific helps me understand the general better and they kind of work

Client: so of the blend.

And I can do that. Yeah, I mean I can give specific examples. [00:26:00] They could look for, even though the class won’t say, you do it this way. I can say, here are some ways that this is done, and you have to figure out which one applies to this piece of equipment.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: And there’s still kind of a, that thing that you found that you may not even have to generalize your class that much.

If you can hold your client to getting the manual for you, or if you find the manual yourself and you can dial in on whatever it is they’re using. That’s true. So,

okay,

Client: so I don’t want to. To the general. So did I do, I don’t wanna be specific

Todd: that’s, no, we haven’t done that.

Client: Okay.

Todd: Instead of, I don’t wanna generalize my class, I don’t want to

Client: to specify, make my class specific. My class

Todd: [00:27:00] specify. Yeah. Whatever that word is.

Client: I don’t wanna get too into the details in my class.

Todd: Hmm.

Client: That can confuse some people. Some people, they really do need to understand the basics of it. I mean, oh, wood chipper works a very particular way, but like, you know, like the key in the, in that unit, each one has a different procedure and so I want to let them know that they have to find out what the procedure is, and here’s an example of a procedure.

Mm-hmm. For this one. Right, right. Even

Todd: otherwise, you can just bombard them with so many specifics. You can’t see the forest for the trees and they’re just feeling confused and overwhelmed there.

Client: There is something in the OSHA manual that states that people will be trained on the equipment that they’re using and I can contact the client and tell them they have to find the documents for that piece of equipment to be [00:28:00] legal.

Todd: That makes sense. Yeah.

Client: But if I. If I call my class a general wood chipper safety class, then even if I do get specific, my other concern is that they’ll know that this isn’t the same for all the equipment. They won’t go, I. Buy a new piece of equipment or go to another city and not be able to operate it or go rent one.

People that

Todd: mm-hmm.

Client: People think they know how to do something because they saw someone else do it. And that was a, a large part of responding in emergencies is for people who get hurt operating, um, any kind of a lawn care equipment. There’s a lot, a lot of people who get injured doing that.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Hmm. Yeah.

Okay.

Todd: So general, a general class on how to run a wood chipper with a specific [00:29:00] specialization on your particular kind of wood chipper. Mm-hmm. Right. It could be almost like a class. General class with a specific little module that you plug in and out. You can now have,

Client: you will have to find where you put the key, you will have to find where you press the on button you’ll, you know?

Mm-hmm. On this one it’s here kind of thing. And it’s the same thing with the second half of the class is chainsaw and every model of chainsaw operate a different way. It has different screws in different places and different requirements. So I can generali, I can semi generalize that as well. Yeah,

Todd: general and specific.

Cool.

Client: Okay,

Todd: so overall, remember you said, I don’t like generalizing uhhuh, so,

Client: huh.

Todd: Turn it around and play with a turnaround there. It’s on the same topic. Topic. I like generalizing.

Client: Like if I do it in the right places, it gives [00:30:00] people a broader understanding of how things could be different and they could be looking for the differences ahead of time, which would make it safer for them.

Yeah. Yeah.

Todd: Cool.

Client: Yeah, and it’s not that hard. Please.

Todd: Once the mind gets out of that rabbit hole, you know?

Client: Yeah. You’re already exhausted for something. I haven’t even started yet.

Todd: Exactly.

Client: Yeah. Yeah. I can generalize that. Thanks.

Todd: Thank you.

If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one we just heard, then go to the work as meditation.com and then go to the open sessions page and you’ll see the schedule coming up. You can sign up, uh, sign the release form so you can participate and join me so that you can ask your questions [00:31:00] or do the work with me.

Or even just sit in, live on these sessions. These sessions are limited to, to just seven people each week. So, um, join in. It can be a, a nice way of keeping the work alive in your life. And also, while you’re at the work as meditation.com, I also, uh, would love to invite you to participate in some of my private sessions.

This is. The same thing, but one-on-one and with total privacy. And you can go into subjects that you may not feel comfortable looking at in the open sessions. And it’s a way to get, uh, personalized attention and support for doing the work.

Next, I’m gonna read one of my newsletter articles called the Photography Principle.

The same old apple orchard looks very different when you change your perspective. This is exactly [00:32:00] what the work of Byron Katie is all about, changing perspective, still having trouble wrapping your mind around the work. When you’re new to the work, it may seem a bit elusive to understand what exactly is the work.

Surprisingly, photography gives some insight. I was a professional photographer for about seven years, and I photographed weddings for four years and was a nature photographer for three. If there’s one thing I learned about photography, it’s that the angle you choose when taking a photo makes all the difference.

The work is very similar. Instead of observing trees or flowers as you do in photography, you observe stressful situations through the lens of the work. Like photography, you observe them from different angles. The most common angle, the angle we all start from each time we write a new judge or neighbor worksheet, is the [00:33:00] angle of the victim.

That’s the stressful angle, poor me. And that’s usually the angle we’re stuck in. That might be like trying to photograph the orchard that I show here in this article with a tree right in front of the lens. It would be frustrating. It would be ugly. It would be annoying. You might think photography doesn’t work until you realize that you can move your camera to a better angle.

And here in another photo of some tulips, I’m literally, literally lying on the ground looking up at these tulips when I photograph them. The tulips are the same, but the experience is totally different in this image than if you were just taking them, standing up, looking down on them. The work simply suggests a change of angle.

Let’s say you had found a stressful situation involving, involving a colleague from work and you had identified [00:34:00] that stressful thought to be, he should include me, and the stressful thought is coming from the victim angle and questions three and four of the work will confirm this. The turnarounds then invite you to explore other points of view, other angles for seeing the same situation.

For example, the turnaround, I should include me, opens up an interesting realm to explore, as does the turnaround. I should include him. These turnarounds could keep you so busy exploring new ways of being that you don’t have time to worry about. The original stressful statement, which was he should include me.

You are no longer the victim of that stressful point of view. Finally, the turnaround he shouldn’t include me can give insight into why he does what he does, why he doesn’t include you. Why shouldn’t he include me? [00:35:00] Puts you in his shoes. It’s an invitation to look for ways to understand this person who doesn’t include you and consider what it’s like from their point of view.

The only thing you play with is your angle. If you’re stuck with a tree trunk in your way while you’re trying to photograph an orchard, there are two ways to make it better. One way is to carry a chainsaw with you. The other is to move around and try different angles for your photography. Photographers don’t carry chainsaws.

Yet in personal life, we often try to chainsaw our way out of stressful situations all the time. We want our spouses to change, not us. We want our children to act more grown up, not us. We want our bosses to think of us first, not the other way around. And when we meet resistance, we think the only way forward is to use [00:36:00] force.

We think the world must change. The work simply reminds us that there is another way. Have you tried moving the camera over there? That’s what the work quietly asks us. Have you tried looking at your stressful situation from this angle yet? I play with this shifting of perspective. Every time I do the work, the same situation that seems stressful before doing the work suddenly becomes interesting, even beautiful when a different angle is considered.

If you’re new to the work, I invite you to give it a try today. Consider it an adventure in photography.

Thanks for listening, and be sure to subscribe to this podcast. Share it with a friend, post a link on social media. Leave a review wherever you happen to listen to this podcast, and you can find it on all the main channels wherever podcasts [00:37:00] are, uh, published. And also stop by the work as meditation.com to get my newsletter or to participate in open sessions like the one you heard today.

They’re even more fun. Live. I can vouch for that. And you’ll also find hundreds of articles on the work of Byron Katie at my website, as well as information about the courses I offer, such as the Work 1 0 1, the Work 1 0 2 Virtual Retreats. Um, my ongoing practice group called Inquiry Circle, uh, which is really our community and has been going strong since 2013.

Uh, you’ll also find private sessions there with me. Uh, you’ll find the Living With Money Course, which is a. 18 hour course and going a little deeper into the thoughts that could be causing you stress around money and then learning how to question those. And then there’s the finding the door to inquiry book, which can get you started when you’re not quite sure, uh, what is the stressful thought that is bugging you?[00:38:00]

So all that is at the work as meditation.com, and thank you again for listening. Have a wonderful week.