When Setting Up a New Laptop Triggers Overwhelm: How The Work of Byron Katie Can Help HSP Stress Management

Todd: [00:00:00] If you ever need a little inspiration to get the momentum going in, doing the work of Byron Katie, one of my weekend virtual retreats, which I offer four times a year, can be a great way to. Reinvigorate the interest in doing the work. What happens in these retreats is you get a lot of experience doing the work in a very short amount of time, and you work with different people.

It’s a lot you can a ask all kinds of questions. It’s a very kind of group experience, but you also go really deep one-on-one with partners. So these treat retreats are designed to. Jumpstart your practice again in the work of Byron Katie, and it can be a great way to get inspired to begin to want to do the work and start to work with partners or on your own.

After that, if you’re interested in these virtual retreats, then go to the work as meditation.com [00:01:00] and then go to the virtual retreats page.

Client: My computer crashed the other day and it turned out to be not fixable. So I did buy another computer and I bought it on Sunday and it’s Tuesday and on Sunday I spent a little time at the Apple store getting it set up, but now it’s Tuesday and I’m not, I haven’t been doing anything else on it.

It’s like I feel like I can’t. 

Todd: Welcome to wiggle room. A podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around. And we use the work of Byron Katie, which is a way to identify the thoughts that you’re thinking in any stressful moment, and then question those thoughts. When you question your thoughts, your experience of the same situation will often change, and this can make a huge difference.

I’m Todd [00:02:00] Smith and on the program today, we will be doing some work on computers. A favorite topic for many of us that live with computers, they are a part of our lives in many ways. And this particular piece of work is. First of all, someone had their laptop died and she wanted to she got a new computer and she wanted to start setting it up.

But it seemed to be complicated. Things were different. It wasn’t as easy as she thought, and the thought she questions is, I don’t want to do this again. Then. After doing that piece of work, she continues thinking that she is, she’s feeling guilty that she’s having to do this again so frequently with her computers.

And so her thought that she questions is, I’m treating my computers too roughly. So both of these come from the open session and you’ll hear the. Recording as always completely unedited. After that I will [00:03:00] be reading a, an article called Adding Some Grace to My Workflow. So let’s listen to the open session recording now and I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Client: Okay my computer crashed the other day and it turned out to be not fixable. So I did buy another computer and I bought it on Sunday, and it’s Tuesday and on Sunday I spent a little time at the Apple store getting it set up, but now it’s Tuesday and I’m not, I haven’t been doing anything else on it.

It’s like I just feel like I can’t generate the mental energy to actually focus to do it. And I’m like ha. There’s a thought behind it. I’m just wasting my time. It’s just, or it’s too hard. I’ll make some mistake and just, destroy it, and I’m usually and I know how to do this and there’s I’ll just do it.

I’ll just do it all tomorrow. I’ll start it tomorrow. And it, I think what’s [00:04:00] happening is that the way that I’m looking at the apps. The, there’s like a different language all of a sudden. And it’s confusing. It’s not clear. It says, it even gives you step one look for X and an X isn’t there, there’s no X anywhere, 

Todd: and I know I’m not the only 

Client: person who experiences this. It’s, but it’s it can’t, it doesn’t have to be this complicated. And I’m frustrated with its complexity and I’m, I’m happy to have a new computer. I feel confident to eventually they’ll be working fine, but it’s just step one, press the button and there’s no button or 

Todd: back to step one.

Oh wait, press the button. Oh, there’s no button. There’s 

Client: no button. They 

Todd: caught in an endless loop. 

Client: And it’s, there was something else that just said double press or whatever that is, 

Todd: double click. Double 

Client: click. Yeah, double click immediately. And on what? [00:05:00] On what?

Todd: Just double click period. 

Client: And it was, yeah. Because there was no, there’s no bar or, and yeah, in any case, and, I just keep, it’s like this is stupid, this is ridiculous. This is a waste of time. I’ve, I’m tired. I don’t feel, this, all that is coming up and I don’t have, I’ve been trying to work out the, this, the wording for my statement.

I’m just having a hard time with that. 

Todd: Okay. All right. You’ve set a few good possibilities here as you were speaking. I’ve jotted a few of those down things like it’s too hard. 

Client: Or 

Todd: it’s impo. That might be a good one. 

Client: It’s impossible. In some cases

Todd: it’s impossible, right? Yes. I can’t get there from here.

It’s not clear. I’ll make some mistake and destroy it. It doesn’t have to be this complicated. Oh, and the 

Client: history with, I’ll make some mistake and destroy it. When I was first setting up my Apple account, it said, make [00:06:00] sure what you want, your password or your name to be, not your password, your account name to be is accurate because you can’t change it ever.

Todd: And I said, of course 

Client: it’s accurate. I typed my name and then I hit send and I had misspelled my name, so my.

So my Apple account is, my name is spelled

Todd: Lucky You. 

Client: It’ll be harder for anyone to actually steal it ’cause they’ll do it with my name the way it is and it won’t work. 

Todd: Yeah. Oh my. Okay. All right, so we’re looking for the stressful thought. The situation is really clear. What are the thoughts here? Okay. I It’s too hard. It’s too complicated.

Client: I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna to do 

Todd: again, I don’t wanna do this. Yeah. Wait, what was that? I didn’t hear it. I don’t 

Client: wanna do this again. Yeah, that’s what’s coming up now. 

Todd: Let’s do it. Let’s do [00:07:00] this again. Let’s do this thought. I don’t wanna do this again. Yeah.

Is it true you don’t want to do this again? Yes. 

Client: And what do you 

Todd: mean by this? When you say, I don’t wanna do this again, this is my 

Client: I, because I’m rough on my computers and I’m teaching in construction yards and I drop ’em once. This is like my seventh or eighth computer that I’ve had to start over with, got it. Yeah. So it’s got it. I don’t wanna do this again. That’s what comes along. Okay. I’m with you. 

Todd: So can you absolutely know it’s true? Again, 

Client: I bought a new one, so I guess it’s not true.

I’m some part of me must want to. 

Todd: I have to dig deep to find it, but there must be something. 

Client: And I bought one. I bought a bulletproof cover for it so that I can’t hurt it when I drop it. 

Todd: Right on. So how do you [00:08:00] react? What happens when you’re thinking somewhere that you don’t wanna do this again? And it’s complicated.

It’s not straightforward. It takes some effort.

Client: I’m avoiding it, it’s two days have gone by and I just now plugged it in and opened it and and I don’t understand the very first thing it tells me I have to do,

and I already done the throw it across the room with another computer and that was not a good idea. So I’m not gonna be throwing this. 

Todd: Okay.

Client: Yeah. And then I just feel stupid. I feel can’t, there’s, you keep changing the words or the icons, an icon that I’ve learned for so many years, and now you just, you’re calling it a, you’re giving it a different picture or something, it’s I feel old and. I don’t wanna do, I don’t wanna do [00:09:00] any of this anymore. And this is gonna take forever and I’m still gonna miss some. I feel like, oh, I feel like I’m not with it. I’m not capable that I am just ready to give up. I, if someone is sitting in the same room with me, I’m more confident, but me sitting here by myself trying to do it not as good.

I think about how I have done it in the past and it eventually worked, but I think of the frustration I experienced in the past, and I bring it with the, with me into the present.

I think about how much money I’ve spent on these computers.

Yep. Yeah, Apple’s not cheap either. It’s but why do I keep doing that? ‘Cause everything I have is in it, right? It’s like it would be harder for me to switch to a different kind. So I’m sitting here going, weighing [00:10:00] the difference between changing to a, whatever the other thing is called a pc.

I get mad, my husband in my head because I had PCs and I was doing fine with them for years, and he talked me into getting a Mac and I did, and then he got rid of his Mac and got a pc.

And and then I think in terms of I’m only gonna be working for another year I don’t have to have I didn’t buy the top of the line this time. I just bought a regular one. And, but then the, what I have to, what I have to do to get everything on it so that I can use it for work, it feels overwhelming.

It just feels like way too big a job for me to be able to do. And, every moment, every time I hit a button and it doesn’t work I imagine another thousand buttons that aren’t gonna work. And so the whole failure becomes this gigantic experience right [00:11:00] from the 

Todd: first moment you run into something, then suddenly it’s imagined that there will be new.

It’s just be one after this. 

Client: Exactly. And then I’m overwhelmed. Then I just close it. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Client: and here’s funny, and two days go by, I thought I don’t have a day off this week that I would have the whole day to just concentrate on it. And so I put it away and then I had someone cancel.

So I have all day tomorrow, and now I’m mad because I have all day tomorrow.

So I don’t have any excuse about not having the time. Oh yeah. Okay. 

Todd: Okay. 

Client: Yeah. I feel it. I feel it. My chest like tightness, my jaw.

And I think the benefit, I’m just going by all the questions I would be asking myself here. The benefit. Is, [00:12:00] I can blame Apple for being too complicated instead of me for not carefully reading the instructions or asking for help. A lot of people know this stuff pretty well and could probably help me.

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Okay. 

Todd: All right. So who would you be without this thought that you don’t want to do this again? 

Client: I have a brand new clean, no cracks in it, no dents in it. Computer. 

Todd: Cool, 

Client: right? And a whole new place. I can put stickers.

It’s pretty, and all the keys work when I touch them. ’cause the F work wasn’t the F key. Stopped working on the last one. And every time I.

That was my favorite letter. Anyway, I’m saying I’m sending stuff. It’s [00:13:00] saying

My key isn’t working. 

Todd: Your favorite letter.

Client: I’d be laughing. Yeah. And you know what? I, if you don’t have the thought right, without the thought, I don’t wanna do, get on the phone with Microsoft 365 and say, Hey, I have the thing for Mac. Talk me through this. Instead of sitting here berating myself for not knowing how to do it intuitively.

And then, yeah. Which I think I may do right after this call, just call Microsoft and say, talk me through this. 

Todd: Yeah. It might take five minutes and you still have the whole day tomorrow. 

Client: That’s true. Then I can pick the files I want. I got a half a terabyte. The one that I just killed had a terabyte and it was full, so I have to skim through.

Years and years worth of stuff that I don’t even need anymore. I don’t even know. I keep it [00:14:00] so without the thought. What a fresh start. I have a blank slate. I can pick the things that are current and I can just say thank you and go and put ’em on a disc someplace and let ’em go.

Yeah. And then there’s room for new stuff.

And then I do get I get the feeling of the community, it takes a village kind of thing where I can call Norton and they can talk me through that and I can call Microsoft and they can talk me through that. And then I don’t remember some of the other things I had on my computer and ’cause it’s so dead, I can’t even, it won’t show me.

Then I get the experience of. Of trying of trying to do something and realizing I needed to download that app,

Todd: oh, you need that app, right? Yeah. That there’s something missing. But then I 

Client: bet I had another 50 apps on the last one that I never used, [00:15:00] and so I, so a lot of that space is, was actually just junk.

Yeah. So I get to update and. Then just have what I need on here instead of so many things. I don’t, 

Todd: so that’s a difference. Without the thought that I don’t wanna do this again, then it’s a it’s just a different outlook at this. Yeah. 

Client: And now it’s like I, the difference between before I was thinking, oh, I’m gonna have to call Microsoft.

And now it’s oh, I call Microsoft and they can just talk me through this. Yeah. 

Todd: Cool. All right, so how would you turn the thought around, I don’t want to do this again.

Client: I don’t have to do this again. 

Todd: Yeah. Okay. Actually, fair enough. Can get 

Client: someone else to do it for me or help get other people to help me [00:16:00] do it, or I actually have a, a. There’s a young man who in town who specializes in Apple, and I would just, even he could do it for me. Yeah. So I don’t have to do it, but I can.

So that gives me choice. And then I, if I decide I’m going to do it, then that, then I wanted this. ’cause I wanted to, yeah. 

It’s like again here. 

Todd: Okay. Yeah. I like taking the half two out of it. I don’t have to do this.

Client: Oh. Sorry. I don’t know if I’m gonna show up again here, but I just had to plug in.

Todd: Yeah, I see you. 

Client: Okay, good. 

Todd: Is there another turnaround? I don’t want to do this again. 

Client: I do wanna do it again. It, the time I spend on this piece of equipment, I learn its own little quirks. I get more and more familiar with it and more comfortable with it and it’s [00:17:00] pretty, and it’s clean. Not that the other one was dirty, but I’m on construction sites and things, so after it gets kinda scratched up and dented and things.

Right.

Yeah. And I do wanna, I wanna. Play with it. I want it to be fun and oh, like creating something instead of,

ah, I’m getting it now. I’ve got another whole worksheet on that. Somewhere in my head I think I blew it, I, I didn’t take care of my last computer, so it’s my fault that it did that, even though I, it’s yeah, I got a whole worksheet to do on that one. Good one. My fault, my computer shouldn’t have.

Yeah. Whatever. I’ll work it out. Yeah. Yeah, I want to do this myself, and I don’t have to make it look like the [00:18:00] last one looked either. It’s an opportunity to redecorate. 

Todd: Blank slate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Client: And. And in order for me to cull through all of the files that I had before I probably half of that, maybe a third of a terabyte is videos.

Little short videos that are fun and funny and I can watch all of them again and pick the ones that are still relevant. So it turns out to be something that’s fun to do and it, yeah, so that’s very possible.

Yeah, there’s probably 10 years worth of files that I can just delete. So yeah, it’ll feel like a house cleaning or spring cleaning. 

Todd: Okay. How about like in the worst moment of it, like when you double click and they don’t tell you where, or something like that. Can you find even in that moment, I’m, I don’t, I want to do this again, or I’m willing to do [00:19:00] this again, or something like that.

Client: That’s true. ’cause that would be the part. So yeah, I want to make a mistake again. I’m actually learning a lot. In fact, at the Apple store, when I was just setting it up, the guy that was helping me couldn’t answer a couple of my questions. And then I, all of a sudden I saw it on the screen and I had one thing.

I thought I’m gonna try clicking on this even though it doesn’t look relevant. And that’s where it was. And he was like, wow, for an old lady, you can do this.

Todd: Cool. 

Client: I said, yeah, for a 6-year-old, you’re not too bad either.

But yeah, it made me feel good that I didn’t know, but I was willing to click on a bunch of stuff until I found it. 

Todd: That’s it. I think that’s, we were talking in our family about that, like the difference between older people and younger people is, younger people aren’t afraid to [00:20:00] try everything and just push every button and they know it’s not really gonna break, but they just try everything where older people like better be careful. I don’t know if I’m gonna, I’m not gonna 

Client: be able to get out, get into trouble here. I’m gonna end up with porn on my laptop or something, because that’s a different laptop. No, yeah. So it’s not like I’m, yeah, I don’t know. The resistance is just old stuff. It’s just old stuff because I love it. I love working with my laptop. I love learning things. 

Todd: It’s basically an argument with reality I want it done yesterday. I want it to already be done. 

Client: Yeah. I want it to be done and it seems like I have to do this too often. 

Yeah. Yeah and what’s really funny is all the times that I’ve bought a new laptop I never bought. A, bullet it’s not bulletproof, but it’s just about bulletproof cover for it, and I just took the next one out into the field, and[00:21:00] 

yeah, I think I got smarter this time and just by having it covered, it will probably last longer.

Todd: Cool. 

Client: Yeah. Yeah. It’s. It’s a good thing. I think I feel better about it now. I was having some, yeah, 

Todd: there’s the problem, there’s the actual. Problem you’re facing trying to figure out the new computer, getting it all set up. It involves work and there’s all kinds of things to it. And then there’s the thinking on top of it that like, makes it into 15 times the problem or makes it insurmountable and just grinds everything to a halt.

So that’s what we’re looking at here is just the thinking part and how that adds so much weight to. What would normally be, not an un. It’s a problem, right? It’s not that big of a problem. 

Client: I would just sit down and start working on it and I’d work, okay, I’ve come to a stop, or I only have an hour.

We’ll [00:22:00] see what I can do in an hour. And then now I’ve got all day tomorrow, the rest of this afternoon. In fact, I’ve, my schedule’s clear, and Right. And then I still am just, time 

Todd: starts opening up. Suddenly there’s time coming out of the woodwork. That you didn’t even know you had. Oh my 

Client: gosh.

Exactly. And then instead of being all excited about it, I’m like. I’m gonna have to do it, but I don’t feel like that right now. Now I feel okay. Yeah, I can, I don’t have to do it alone either. 

Todd: Cool. 

Client: Thank you. Yeah. Probably have a little guilt and you know what, that is weird though. A little, what do you say?

Guilt in? How the computers don’t last that long, feeling that I’m the, I’m treating them pretty rough. 

Todd: Okay. 

Client: And, and everything else I own, I’ve had for years and years, and I take really good care of it. But for some reason my laptops are just, in my head it’s like I’m on a construction site all the time, or I’m in, the street or something.

Even if I’m [00:23:00] in a classroom, I’m often in a warehouse or someplace. And so I just don’t think in terms of, things break, get dirty, whatever, or I do think that, and I don’t think about. There’s a different experience available to me for my laptop. 

Todd: So the guilt coming from a thought, like I’m treating them too roughly.

Treating my computers roughly. Yeah. So is it true you’re treating ’em too roughly? Let’s do a quick one. Oh 

Client: yeah. Yeah. I was treating ’em really roughly. 

Todd: Can you absolutely know it’s true. You’re treating them too roughly. 

Client: When I showed the fixing guy my lap last laptop, he goes, God, what did you do to that?

Todd: Okay, there’s some outside. So 

Client: confirmation answer that. Yeah, it’s true. I’m treating him too. 

Todd: Love it. So how do you react when you think, when you believe this, that you’re treating them too roughly? These computers. 

Client: I wonder [00:24:00] what, I have the first thought what’s wrong with me? That I’m not, here’s, these things are expensive.

They are, excuse me, thousands of dollars. They’re not like, you can buy a computer for four or 500 bucks. No. These things are lots of money. And I’m not bragging about that. I’m just saying that the. So I’m thinking in my head it should stand up to that. It should last longer. It should be able to take it.

Todd: There’s an interesting, yeah, interesting underlying belief, right? It could, it should be bulletproof for two, two or $3,000. Exactly.

Okay. So who would you be without the thought that you’re treating your computers too, roughly?

Client: Wow.

I would be thinking, I am [00:25:00] so glad that I can afford to buy computers this often. 

I was like, yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: With the thought is the guilt, right? Oh, I’m doing something wrong with me, I’m treating them too roughly. And then without the thought, gratitude that you’re able to afford another one. 

Client: Yeah. I feel very grateful that I work in a field that pays well and that, every few years I can buy a new computer.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. So turn it around. I’m treating them too roughly. 

Client: I’m treating ’em just rough enough. 

Todd: Okay. How is that, how could that be true? 

Client: I’m taking ’em to places where they will get banged up and dirty and and it takes years. It, they’re out there four or five days a week for years before they finally have had enough.

So I’m doing something right. 

Todd: Yeah, like how long did your [00:26:00] last computer last? 

Client: Seven years. 

Todd: Holy crap. Do you know that’s like way beyond the life expectancy of a computer? It is, yeah. I consider computer five years to be like a dinosaur. 

Client: Oh,

I got this at the beginning of 2016. So that’s 17, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23. Yeah. So it’s just, yeah. You’re treating him too 

Todd: roughly. Is it true?

I just gave away my last laptop that I bought, I think 2018 and, and that’s not been that. That’s not half as long as yours. 

Client: Yeah. That’s five years, 

Todd: right? Yeah. Okay, so this is, okay, so that’s a different 

Client: perspective. Thank you for that piece of information. But I’ve had computers before that have lasted longer than that, but I [00:27:00] wasn’t taking him into the field.

Wow. 

Todd: Wow. So from what I’m hearing, according to my scale, which may be off as well, you’re like a, you’re like the amazing person who can make the computer last forever.

It’s all relative. F 

Client: key didn’t work. 

Todd: At least my F key worked. I’ll have to send you a hot email.

All right. So I’m not turning them to roughly. 

Client: Okay. Actually, I’m doing a pretty good job now. Just one little piece. I’m impressed. Changes everything, doesn’t it? 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Now turn it around to yourself. 

Client: I’m treating myself too, roughly. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. I’m expecting more outta myself than I am about out of a computer, and I’m getting more out of the computer than I am outta myself.[00:28:00] 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Wow.

Yeah.

I just feel a whole different kind of appreciation and suddenly this blame is not just not laying on me anymore. 

Todd: Yeah, that’s the one you’ve been treating too roughly is yourself. Yeah. Over this computer thing. But, 

Client: Yeah, it’s funny ’cause stuff that I have lasts a really long time. I just was expecting, in my head, was I thinking 20 years or something.

Todd: Exactly. Exactly. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: I figure tools are meant to be used like when I, I. I have, I had a really nice professional photographer of camera that I just would beat the heck out of without in the world. And it had scratches on it [00:29:00] and bumps and everything like that. It still worked great and eventually it gave up the ghost, but I feel like it was well worth the time and it lasted a long time.

But it doesn’t last forever. 

Client: No. And you, and that gives me a new appreciation for my last. Laptop that just, it was a trooper, wasn’t it? 

Todd: And it didn’t even have the bulletproof no vest or whatever it is that you bought for this one 

Client: been doing with that thing. Breaking coconuts, right? 

Todd: Yeah.

We’ll have to have a redo of this one in about 30 years when this computer finally breaks down.

Client: That’ll be good. And I’ll be a hundred years old. 

Todd: There you go. Yeah. Maybe the computer with AI will be doing the work on you. Not lasting long enough. It didn’t take care of his owner long enough. That’s right. Oh, that’s too funny. Anyway. Thank you for your work, really relatable and much [00:30:00] appreciated.

Client: Thank you. That I love this. I always love this. Thank you. 

Todd: It’s a lot of fun. It is. Questioning thoughts. Who says it has to be serious? It can be a lot of fun. 

Client: I agree and they don’t have to be big thoughts either. No. The little thoughts are the ones s that transformed me the most. 

Todd: Yeah.

Yeah. There’s no pressure to have a big breakthrough on this particular thought, but you can feel the difference internally, and that is what it’s all about. Yeah. If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you just heard now, then go to the work as meditation.com and go to the open sessions page. There you’ll find the schedule of the open sessions coming up. You’ll also see how to sign up. You have to sign a release form since these are open sessions and they’re recorded and go out all over the place.

But it’s a great way to come together and bring your, not only your stressful thoughts to question, but your [00:31:00] questions about the work. And we have a lot of interesting things covered here and we would love to have you be a participant as well. And while you’re there, I encourage you to go to look at the Work 1 0 1 page on the work as meditation.com.

This is a 45 lesson course can be done by yourself. Do it your own kind of on demand format, or it can be done in our community or Inquiry Circle community. And this course, the Work 1 0 1 will. Not only get you started if you’ve never done the work before, but it will begin a practice of the work because it’s an ongoing kind of course that can set you up for keeping this work alive in your life in on a regular basis.

Next, I’m gonna read one of my newsletter articles called Adding Some Grace to My Workflow.

As a photographer, I [00:32:00] recognize and appreciate grace in nature, but I don’t always adopt a graceful way of living. What is grace? I recognize grace in nature as beauty, balance and harmony. The grace of a flower lies in its seemingly effortless natural growth. All the parts are connected to one another and work well with one another.

It is inspiring to witness. Compare that to the way I sometimes work at my computer. I am pushing myself to hurry up. I’m focused only on what I have not yet done, and I’m not adjusting to the natural evolution of my day. I’m trying to super impose order on my day instead of allowing a natural order to direct me.

This came to my attention working with a client. She noticed that around two 30 in the afternoon in her workday, she felt empty inside. It had overtones of [00:33:00] sadness and anger, but the predominant feeling was emptiness, and I could relate. As we looked for the stressful thought to question, it became clear that she was viewing her work that day as not good enough.

The thoughts were, I have not completed what I needed to complete and I haven’t moved fast enough, and I wasted time with someone on the phone and I should have done more, or I should have more done. We questioned, I have not completed what I needed to complete, and as she did her work, I found myself doing my work as well.

It’s amazing what a difference, a little pushing makes. When I’m believing that I haven’t completed what I need to complete, no matter how hard I’ve been working, I feel empty and sad and frustrated inside. I want to give up. It’s as if I’m only okay if I get things done. I can only relax when my [00:34:00] job is done.

Granted, this kind of work ethic has served me in many ways, but there’s a balance needed. When I believe that I must get a job done or an endless string of jobs, then I push myself to go faster. I rush, I’m tense, and I’m always in a way less graceful. Grace comes when I stop pushing. I could see it clearly as I worked with my client.

What drains me is not my work, which I love, but the way I push myself when working. What causes the pushing a thought like, I need to complete this today. And it’s cousin, brother. I need to do a really good job without these thoughts. I am grace itself. I am at play with my work. I’m excited to see how it en, how it unfolds.

It’s full of surprises. [00:35:00] Ironically, I am much more effective because I’m being pulled into my work instead of pushing myself into it. I’ve been experimenting with this living turnaround. How do I live the idea that I am moving fast enough? How do I live the idea that I am completing what I need to be completing?

For me, it has been a subtle shift of how I hold myself when I work. My preference is not with the end goal, but with the job itself. Accomplishing is more rare. I noticed that the feeling of accomplishing only happens once in a while when a project comes to a close. It’s a nice feeling, but I cannot expect that to be the norm of my work.

Maybe 5% of time I can experience that. I can’t base my living on that alone. So instead of holding onto that feeling of accomplishment or [00:36:00] hurrying to get to the next one, my client and I both found the value of a more meditative approach to work, an approach where the humdrum of work becomes as pleasant as the sense of accomplishment at the end.

This is what I mean by adding a little grace to my workflow. If I’m doing a mundane task, how can I move with it like a dance? Can I feel the smoothness of flow as I work? This in itself is a beautiful experience. It is the way flowers grow. It leaves me connected with myself and connected to my work. I can think of no better word to, to describe this way of working than grace.

With grace. Even boring prose feels like poetry. Can you find some grace in your humdrum? It’s all in how you hold the job. When I [00:37:00] push my grace evaporates. When I stop pushing, grace emerges and surrounds me while doing the most menial task. So what makes you push yourself? For me, it was a thought like I have not completed what I needed to complete.

When I question it, I see how well I’m doing and how much I am accomplishing. There is no lack, no need to push. It’s also a living turnaround for me to take time maybe at two 30 if I’m feeling empty or maybe at each step of progress to celebrate what I have done so far that day. It’s a turnaround from looking only at what I still need to do.

And here’s a quote from Byron Katie’s book, loving. What is the wonderful thing about knowing who you are is that you’re always in a state of grace, a state of gratitude for the abundance of the apparent world. I overflow with the splendor, the [00:38:00] generosity of it all, and I didn’t do anything for it. But notice.