Afraid of Being Forced Back to Work? Inner Work for Overwhelmed HSPs Navigating Welfare Anxiety

Todd: [00:00:00] If you’re interested in going a little deeper into the work of Byron Katie and questioning. All the beliefs and thoughts that are running in you. Then I have a course designed, especially for you. It’s called the Work 1 0 1, and we start from the very basics. But we go into all the nuances of this simple way of questioning your beliefs and you learn how to hold yourself so that you can do this in a gentle way and not hurt yourself in the process.

So we go into a lot of details. We get a lot of experience doing this. And you can do this in two different ways. You can do it in a completely do it yourself version, or you can join our community and be supported by others who are doing this practice and grow in that way. To learn more about the work 1 0 1, go to the work as meditation.com and then go to the work 1 0 [00:01:00] 1.

Client: And I’ve done the work on this many times, like okay, to be okay with being thrown out again. And every time I do it, it’s okay, I can deal with it. I can live with it. And it. And then the next day, or even a few hours later, when I think about it again, it’s oh, 

Todd: welcome to wiggle room.

A podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around. And we use something called the work of Byron Katie, which is a way of identifying. The thoughts that are keeping you closed down and then questioning those thoughts and letting the mind and heart begin to open again naturally when they are not constrained by those stressful thoughts.

I’m Todd Smith and on the program today, we will be listening to the recording of the latest open [00:02:00] session, which is where I do the work on a. Weekly basis for anyone who’d like to join in, and you’re welcome to join on these. And the person doing the work this time had done the work several times on the thought that she will throw me out again.

And this had to do with. A lady in the government who was in charge of her getting kind of disability payment and she was worried that she’s gonna have to go back to work and she’s not ready for it. And so it was a very stressful situation. Like I said, she’s done the work a few times on this and.

When what we do in this work is just ask the questions. We keep asking the questions and then see what comes up. And little by little new things may start to arrive or arise. But this work is a process and so I think you’re gonna witness here one stage in the process of this person [00:03:00] doing the work on this subject.

That’ll be the first part of the podcast. The second part will be me reading from my newsletter called The Work Is Yoga. So let’s dive into the work of Byron Katie together. It’s just a really simple way, although very nuanced way to question what you think and to begin to arrive at new ways of understanding your situation and starting to free yourself in the process.

As always, I share the unedited recording of the open sessions so that you can experience this work just as it was with all of us together.

Client: Yeah. It just came up actually. I’m

I’m receiving a payment. While being ill to an income. And I have this sense like, like almost every moment I can be thrown out. I have been thrown out and then there was a lawsuit and I [00:04:00] was back in and it seems it’s always this sort hanging above my head and, and I’ve done the work on this many times okay, to be okay with being thrown out again.

And every time I do it, it’s okay, I can deal with it. I can live with it. And then the next day, or even a few hours later, when I think about it again, it’s oh. It’s just so scary. It keeps coming back. Like it could be gone for a few days. And then it’s back again.

And it seems no matter how many times I do the work on it, it keeps triggering me. So I’m not sure what would be the best sentence, but. Something like, I don’t ever want to lose my clarity again. Or once I have this okay, I’m finally okay, like I can relax, I can just live, come as it comes in regard to that situation.

And [00:05:00] yeah. But if you have a sense that there would be a better sentence that you heard. I was talking about it, so I’m okay to go with that as well, but 

Todd: Okay. Yeah. It’s really two different layers of doing the work. One is doing the work on being thrown out, the fear of being thrown out that you’ve done yeah and can always I have sometimes worked the same stressful thought.

Many times until it starts to get more and more clear for me. But, so that’s one option. And then the other is doing the work on the. Insight being lost, on the freedom being lost. I do the work, I gain some freedom, and then I get it’s lost. And that’s can be a frustrating experience as well.

So we really have two ways we can go. We could go into being thrown out again and doing the work together on that one [00:06:00] more time. Or you can do the work on the stress of. Of doing the work on it and not having it stick, not having it the freedom. Yeah. So closest to. 

Client: Yeah.

Actually at the moment what feels closest is the being thrown out again. It’s triggering again. While talking about, yeah. So 

Todd: how would we phrase, what would be some different ways to phrase that, that has that sense of stress? Of Oh, of being thrown out again. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you.

Yes. Yeah. What would be the sentence though? What is your stressful thought around? 

Client: Yeah. She will throw me out again like this doctor. She will, 

Todd: Yeah. And when you say this it means that you’ll be thrown out from receiving payments for being when you’re ill. Is that the thing? 

Client: Yeah. Yeah. So she throws me out of this system of receiving 

Todd: got it. 

Client: Care, basically. [00:07:00] Yeah.

Todd: Yeah.

Okay. And let’s just play for a few minutes about which stressful thought to work, and the fear is she will throw me out again. I think that’s really clear, but let’s just play a little bit more with it. Like what what would that mean if she throws you out? Why is that scary? What are your, what else are you like Yeah, what is connected to that?

Client: Yeah, so I will be forced to work again. And I don’t feel ready to do that. Like I, I’ve been working so for such a long time actually to on survival mode that I was just working, like living to work basically. Like I, I had no energy left outside of work and all that. Until I totally burned out.

But it was really like going back to that place is really it’s not a life worth living, something like that. Yeah. To have, to go back, to be [00:08:00] forced to go back to that again, because I don’t have money otherwise to live from. Yeah. 

Todd: So in this, I’m already seeing some layers here ’cause she will throw me out again is one layer and then I’ll be forced to work again and then I don’t feel ready to work again.

Like these are different aspects of this. And always what I’m asking when I’m looking for the stressful thought to question is, which one feels closest to what’s really bothering me to that emotion, to that stressful feeling.

Client: Yeah I think she will throw me out again. Is the most stressful. 

Todd: Okay. Wow. Great. Yeah. So let’s do the work on it then. Yeah. So she will throw you out again. Is it true?[00:09:00] 

Client: Yes.

Todd: And can you absolutely know it’s true. She will throw you out again.

Client: No.

Todd: So how do you react? What happens when you think that she will throw you out again?

Client: I get so tied in my chest. Fearful. I’m really [00:10:00] afraid of her, like really? Afraid, like even thinking about having to meet her again and she will like of course there’s a whole story around it as well, but yeah. I see her as an enemy. She’s not that for me. She’s really representing like this.

Yeah. This idea that no caring for people, just like work, work as fast as possible, continue, go over your borders, doesn’t matter. That, that kind of system. So she represents this whole system that I. I know that just doesn’t work for me.[00:11:00] 

I am like, my minds are, I’m making myself small, like trying to protect me against being hit. Extremely uneasy. Not at all in my power or in my second at.

Todd: What are the images that are showing up for you, either from the past or the future or both? 

Client: I see images of the past that I’m sitting in this waiting room and [00:12:00] really nervous and then going in and then seeing her sitting at her desk and having this very strict look on her face. And she’s always like she never really believes what I’m saying, yeah, also this thing about sharing what I’m doing, but it’s never good enough. Like it’s never for instance, doing the work every day doesn’t count. Because it’s not in the general it’s not generally accepted as a way to. To help yourself or to, or even, yeah, whatever alternative therapies doctors I’ve been visiting, it’s all like school, like nothing, i,

so I also feel really angry actually because I cannot follow my own. I have to like, it feels like a, [00:13:00] she pushes me to do certain things that I don’t feel work for me. Of course that’s all other beliefs. 

Todd: So the thought is she will throw me out again. Any other images that show up from the past or the future? Yeah, 

Client: She threw me out before and when I was there, she said that she was she agreed with me and she was gonna leave me alone for a while and just it was good. It was that I would receive the payment still and whatever, and I could just say myself when I would be ready.

To go back to work or to start doing something in that direction. And then four days later I received a letter that she threw me out that I had to work again full time in two weeks. Just like that. So there’s this yeah. So it’s this distrust towards [00:14:00] service. 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have the proof it happened once, it can happen again.

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: So how are you with yourself in this time when she’s not seeing anything at the moment, but when you have the thought she will or she could throw me out again? What are you unable to do? 

Client: Unable to relax. Looking for ways how to make me safe somehow. Like it’s this continuous what can I do?

How can I do and at the same time,

having to put aside like what I want is basically is a kind of suppressing. The parts that, that how I would like to do it. Like really thinking in her, like how she sees things and she approaches things in my view. [00:15:00] Yeah.

Todd: Do you see any images from your work when you think she will throw me out again?

Does that show up for you? What it’s like to be at work. 

Client: Could you repeat it? 

Todd: Do you see any images of what it’s like to be at work when you think she will throw me out again? Does anything like that come up for you?

Client: I see myself struggling through the day being really tired and not able to rest. I see myself having to do small talk with all kinds of people. I’m just really super tired. Like the last thing I want to do I see. Things like

yeah, having to follow, [00:16:00] in my opinion, stupid rules to that they don’t serve me at all. That just take a lot of energy. I see myself traveling like endlessly every day. Yeah, getting up really early. I. Being super tired and then making smoothies and all that before work even. And then this whole like ongoing

thing and what am I doing it for? Something like that. Yeah. Like this.

Todd: And then how do you treat her in your mind when you think she will throw you out again?

Client: I really distrust her. Yeah. That’s a big one. [00:17:00] I.

I cannot really see any good in her, like I it’s really hard.

Todd: Like you said, you see her as the enemy, 

Client: right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, in a way de spice her as well. There is this weird dynamic like feeling really small, but also feeling better than her, there’s a part of me that wants to convince her and that this is not the right way. Yeah.

Todd: And then where do you feel it in your body if you do, when you think she will throw you out again or your emotions, where do you feel it? You [00:18:00] throw me out. Oh 

Client: like right now, my whole body is trembling basically. Like my, yeah. Yeah. It’s really like a lot of tension there and yeah, everywhere.

My torso my arms, my legs. Yeah. 

Todd: And I can’t hear you quite too well. 

Client: Oh, sorry. Yeah, it’s my like, like this trembling in my torso, in my upper arms and upper legs mostly. Ah, so it’s, yeah, just shaking. 

Todd: Yeah. So the physical effect of the thought is showing up, right? She,

Client: yeah.

Todd: Despising. Almost a hatred. There’s an anger, there’s a fear. Like a lot of stuff Makes sense. Yeah. 

Client: Frustration, [00:19:00] everything. It’s this whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: Okay, so this is the effect of thinking, the thought. Who would you be without the thought? If you can imagine yourself thinking of her. If you don’t have the idea that she will throw you out again, who would you be just now?

Client: Yeah. When I imagine like going into her room at an appointment, it’s so much more.

I’m so much more at ease. I can stay more connected to myself

share, share how I am, how I’m seeing things. More of a conversation, basically [00:20:00] like two way interaction. Yeah. Instead of sensing her attacking me and me having to defend myself

yeah. More equal. Yeah.

Yeah. I don’t have to see her as my enemy anymore. If she like without a thought, like she’ll throw me out. 

Todd: Yeah. How would the conversations go with her if you’re not afraid that she would throw you out again?

Client: Yeah. More, more peaceful. Yeah, like I’m just sharing how things are going and how I, what I think would help me to move towards a better place for [00:21:00] me to do something else again. And, I could hear her better. I think ’cause it, it’s like this sword above my head. It is not there.

Todd: It’s hard to listen when there’s a sword above your head. 

Client: Yeah. It’s also hard to be relaxed, so 

Todd: Very, yeah. Yeah. So just to let you know, I don’t 

Client: see your video anymore.

Todd: I don’t know if you, you don’t see my video? 

Client: No. 

Todd: I think it’s okay. Is anyone else seeing it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so I don’t know why it’s not showing up for you, but I see you and it’s okay.

Client: Okay. I still hear you, so that’s fine. 

Todd: Okay, great. So this is a really powerful thought, right? That she will throw me out again. As soon as that comes in, the sword comes on top of your head and you can’t relax and you can’t [00:22:00] see her as anything but the enemy. Yeah, and without that thought, just the opposite.

More able to relax and more able to see her as an equal to have a normal conversation. So it’s just fascinating to see how the idea of her she will throw me out really changes the experience, that idea. 

Client: Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

Todd: So how could you turn the thought around? She will throw me out again. Is there any way that could be turned around and then we can look at it?

Client: Yeah, I will throw myself out again. 

Todd: Okay. Yeah. So what could that mean in this case? How could that be? Oh, yeah. 

Client: Like in [00:23:00] my mind, I’ve thrown myself out so many times. Yeah. Yeah. What, even before she threw me out and then again after she threw me out 

Todd: oh my God. It’s like a 

Client: million times, yeah. 

Todd: That sword, it falls again and again. Like in, in your mind. Yeah. So it’s the, I will throw me out again, could be causing as much or more of the stress. Then she will throw me out again. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: The good thing is that part is more under your control. Maybe not a hundred percent because we cannot control our thoughts, but it’s just a little closer to home.

Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. It’s definitely true. Yeah. 

Todd: And on that note, is there any way that you could, if you’re aware of it, that you could not throw yourself? [00:24:00] Out again in your thinking, in your mind. 

Client: Yeah, it would be easy to say not go into the future, but I’m afraid that’s not really helpful. Yeah. It may just happen, right? Yeah, it happens. Yeah.

Todd: But and there may not be a practical way with this, but I always like to ask ’cause sometimes there is like a living turnaround or something that you can actually do that will help you.

I am doing the work 

Client: on it every time it comes up sorry, that’s something I do. And then I can take the, or the pressure off and I can. She usually see more clearly again and then comes back again, but I do work on it again, et cetera. Yeah, that’s one thing. Also to maybe see that she did throw me out already and I.

It didn’t work. I’m still in. 

Todd: Yeah, good point. It may throw me out again, but it may not keep me [00:25:00] out, 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: That’s the thing, because what’s the idea of this health benefit is if you really cannot work that you’re supported. So she may try to bring you back to work, but even that is just a test to see if you really can handle it.

Yeah. If you can, great. But if you can’t, what are the chances they will again give you the benefits? 

Client: Yeah. It’s

Todd: yeah. Yeah. Some people are on permanent disability because they just cannot work. Yeah. So she may not be clear that you need that, but if you actually do need that, she probably will become clear at some point like, oh, this really doesn’t work for her.

Client: Yeah, it’s true. I’m just afraid of the damage that may be [00:26:00] done until that point, but yeah it is true. Yeah. At some point. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. 

Todd: So is there another turnaround? She will throw me out again.

Client: Yeah. She will not throw me out again. 

Todd: How could that be as true? 

Client: Yeah. Actually, I. Yeah, so this is not in the situation. I already did the work on this before I recognized her. There’s one coming up that I I saw yeah, she threw me out and I had a whole lawsuit around it and she lost, so I don’t know how eager she would be to throw me out again.

Maybe 

Todd: good point. Again, 

Client: I don’t know, 

Todd: does she wanna lose again? Yeah. I don’t know 

Client: She will not throw me out. [00:27:00] Yeah. Maybe because now I am doing some of the things that she wants me to do for a long time already. 

I’m not really happy with it, but I’m doing it yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. So she may see that.

Then it may be enough for her to say, okay, she’s doing what I ask her to do, so I will not throw her out again. It’s possible. Yeah. What else? How else is it possible that she will not throw you out again?

Client: Yeah. Like maybe in the end it’s not really her business nor my business, right? It’s just what needs to happen on the, in the bigger scheme, like in on the bigger plan. I don’t know what’s supposed to happen, right? 

Todd: Yeah, maybe it’s not all her. Maybe it’s just she is part of this [00:28:00] and 

Client: yeah, it makes it easier somehow to not make her like really responsible that to trust that what needs to happen.

So it makes her less the enemy somehow. Yeah. She’s the, just the means, right? If it’s, if that’s what needs to happen. I can 

Todd: feel more easily if it does happen. She throws you out again? ’cause we might, we don’t know. How could it be okay? Even though it’s not what you want? How could it be? Okay.

Client: Last time it happened I learned loads. Like I You 

Todd: learned loads? Yeah.

Client: Yeah. I got really confronted with huge fears and [00:29:00] really worked on those. It’s very interesting in a way to work on them to be confront, like I don’t easily work on them this steeply if I’m not confronted with it this intensely.

So 

Todd: we put it off, right? If it’s not confronting us. Yeah, it’s really 

Client: not so far. And yeah, answer. Yeah, it’s, and this is really real, so I. Like I can imagine something and it’s still a bit different than actually being in the 

Todd: situation. Yeah. There’s some situation, there’s no way out other than in.

Yeah. Yeah. And so it forces me in a way to do my work to go inward. Yeah. And see what I can learn because there’s no other way. Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. And also I can see like how I had this idea of how things would go. And it went totally different. Like I went this whole disastrous scenario in my head and [00:30:00] 

Todd: Interesting.

Yeah. And 

Client: it didn’t happen. 

Todd: Yeah. So she may throw you out and it might be something better than what you’re thinking. 

Client: Yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: That’s the fear. Yeah. It wasn’t as off 

Client: as I thought. Yeah. 

Todd: Because then the mind imagines, it’s designed to imagine the worst case scenario. So it imagines how bad it was last time, and maybe it will be even worse this time.

And you just, you can see the catastrophe that could happen there. Yeah. And there may be some truth in it, but it may just be the mind doing the worst case scenario and there might be a lot of better scenarios. Outcomes that could happen if she threw you out again? 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: In fact, let’s just play with that.

Like what could be some other outcomes become besides something terrible if she throws you out, [00:31:00] who stops the money, says you have to go to work.

Client: Yeah. I think there’s too many beliefs around that still to to make any good outcome. I like,

yeah it’s if I could find, somehow, I could find trust in that and be curious about what could open up. Something could open up maybe, I don’t know what, but just allowing something to unfold and being, yeah, I can sense the excitement about the adventure in that wow, there’s really no other choice.

Like I just have to see what comes. And being in this curiosity and it, and [00:32:00] the surrender and the excitement of it I don’t know, 

Todd: like it could be a positive experience that way. Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. I remember that place as it, it can be really exciting actually. 

Todd: Yeah. And do you have to go back to work if the money stops from the government?

Client: I don’t know. I might, yeah I’ve considered like living on the streets and then like maybe moving to a little bit of warmer place. But and then, I don’t know, but even that, like there, there probably would be steps in between, 

Todd: right? Yeah. And do you have to work a job that you have to get up really early for and work really hard and travel a lot?

Or is there something in between?[00:33:00] 

Client: Yeah, maybe yeah, it’s just possibly, yeah, there could be possibilities that are there. 

Todd: Again, the mind goes all or nothing, right? It’s either I’m completely supported from the government or I have to work like a crazy person, and neither one is working a hundred percent. Yeah. Maybe it’s not black or white.

Client: Yeah.

Yeah. I just don’t see another solution in that yet at the moment. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: But possibly there is, yeah. 

Todd: So that’s the, just the possibility of it is enough that I don’t know. But if she throws me out, I might find a better job, something that’s more suited to me or something that [00:34:00] works for me. Or I might find some part-time job that allows me to have some kind of balance with myself, or who knows.

Or like you said, maybe I just go in completely different place or a completely different situation. Who knows? That’s what, that’s really where we have to leave it because we don’t know. 

Client: Yeah. But 

Todd: it might not be. Only the worst case scenario that you’ve experienced before.

Client: Yeah, that’s true.

And that’s for me, somehow what resonates more is the just being in the unknown and letting it unfold, like this excitement there instead of I just I just think there’s too many stories in me around having to work again, like in whatever form at the moment, that is just everything seems too much. So it’s hard to go into that. 

Todd: And that’s also an option, like if you never work again, [00:35:00] there are many people in this world who never worked again. If you were like that, then is it possible that you would still be okay? Because the assumption is I have to work in order to survive, and yeah.

Is it true? That can be another thought to question. 

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Okay. So thank you for your work and for exploring a little bit more. It’s a process. It’s a process. Yeah. It’s, yeah. One little bit at a time. And I love that you’re doing the work regularly because each time it comes up, it can come in a slightly different format. We might say something slightly different and.

Over time, the mind gets clearer and clearer. That’s my experience. Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. I think it’s, yeah it has changed even though it [00:36:00] can still really trigger. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. So there’s some thoughts I’ve worked on for 10, 15 years doing the work on, and they keep coming up. What I noticed, the way they used to trigger me 10 or 15 years ago, and the way they trigger me now is very different.

Like it was much more reactive, much more stressful at that time. And over time it’s become a little less. Yeah, I’m not done. Those things can still get me, but it’s less. So that is. What I experienced as progress.

Client: Yeah, that’s good to hear. Yeah. So I’ll just continue. Yeah. Thank you.

Todd: If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you heard just now, then go to the work as [00:37:00] meditation.com and go to the open sessions page. These are free, they’re open to anyone. There’s an agreement form to, to fill in because we share these openly. But if you would like to participate, bring your own work, bring your questions about the work, I show up every week and I would be happy to see you there.

And in addition, as just an extra bonus for participating. For every 10 sessions that you participate in, you’ll get a $50 Canadian dollar coupon for anything that I offer. While you’re at the work as meditation.com, I also encourage you to check out my virtual retreats. These are something that I offer every three months, more or less, four times a year.

We have a spring retreat, summer, autumn, and winter retreat, and. These are a weekend intensive of doing the work. We’re open 24 hours a day for two full days, so 48 hours. And we have session after [00:38:00] session for you to participate in. It’s a great way to get some immersion in the work, to really do a lot of learning in a short amount of time, and I encourage you to look at these and consider joining us for a virtual retreat.

Next, I’m gonna read one of my newsletter articles called The Work is Yoga.

There are many practices of yoga. Self-inquiry is one of them. The work is like yoga. Many people think of yoga as stretching and strengthening the body, and anyone who has been doing the work of Byron Katie for a while can easily notice the similarity between the work and physical yoga in the work. You stretch your mind by considering the very opposite of what you believe.[00:39:00] 

People who do the work regularly become very flexible in their thinking, but the work is not just like yoga. It is yoga. In the ancient tradition of India, physical stretches are only a small part of what is known as yoga. In the second sutra of Patanjali’s yoga, Sutra yoga is defined as yoga. Chita yoga is the cessation of the mind’s fluctuations.

What causes the mind to fluctuate? Leaving thoughts like I want, I need, he should. She shouldn’t. These thoughts that would that the world should be different than it is drive the mind out, away from balance. The work brings the mind back to balance by questioning the validity of these wants and needs and shoulds.

When these charged thoughts lose validity through questioning [00:40:00] or lose, if you lose attachment to them, even if they are true, then the fluctuations of the mind settle down. This is the beginning of peace. This is yoga. Here’s another definition of yoga. There is a verse from the Bava Gita, another ancient text on yoga.

Let that disunion with the union, with sorrow be known by the name of yoga or union. I love this definition of yoga. There is nothing that needs to be created or added to experience to experience yoga or union. Unity is my nature. It is only my attachment to beliefs like I want or I need, et cetera, that cause sorrow.

When I question those beliefs, which bring me sorrow, they cease to grip the mind and my natural unity or yoga is allowed to [00:41:00] surface. All we do in the work is to disunite ourselves from the union with sorrow. And finally, another quote from the Yoga Sutra of Patanjali. The most specific reference from the ancient yoga tradition that describes the work is this Vitarka bad Preti.

In the case of negativity, think the opposite thought. This sutra describes in compact form the practice of the work, which opens the mind to the very opposite of what it believes. And that’s what I love about the work. You don’t have to figure it out. You don’t have to understand why you’re suffering.

You just have to start walking in the opposite direction. In doing so, you move most quickly away from suffering. It’s that simple. This is yoga, [00:42:00] restoring balance to the mind by coming back home. And I invite you to join our community and go the distance with this practice of yoga. And here’s a quote from Byron Katie’s Byron Katie from her book.

Question Your Thinking, change the World. Attachment to a thought means believing that the thought is true. When we don’t inquire, we assume that a thought is true. Though we can’t ever know that. The purpose of attachment is to keep us from the realization that we are already true.