Why Highly Sensitive People May Not Be as Introverted as They Think

 By the end of this episode, you’ll understand why highly sensitive people sometimes assume they’re introverts, and what becomes easier when you start to clearly understand the difference. In this episode, you’ll discover why you may not be as introverted as you think if you’re a highly sensitive person, what your nervous system starts doing when it’s been overwhelmed for too long, and what becomes possible when you discover the difference between needing recovery and preferring solitude.

Welcome to this edition of Self-Compassion Wednesdays, where we dive deeper into understanding ourselves as highly sensitive people by exploring the unique traits that shape our experience. Most highly sensitive people have heard that around 70% of HSPs are introverts, and that means that 30% of HSPs are extroverts.

And that’s always surprising when you first hear it because you think … We tend to think of HSPs as being more introverted. And yes, as a general rule, 70% of us are, but it is also … There’s a huge exception to that when 30% are not. And this is just going to show that these are two independent traits. One is sensitivity and the other is introversion.

Many HSPs identify as introverts, but what if the answer wasn’t quite that simple? So in this episode, we’re not trying to decide whether you’re an introvert or not. We’re trying to look at understanding why many HSPs come to that conclusion and why the answer may actually be more nuanced than you think.

So most HSPs notice things like this, that crowds exhaust me, or I need lots of alone time, or social events wear me out, or I recover best in quiet. And when you hear these, they all sound like introversion, going inward to find balance, being alone to find balance. So the conclusion seems obvious. Okay, because crowds exhaust me, because I need alone time, because I recover best in quiet, then I must therefore be an introvert.

And this conclusion isn’t necessarily wrong. You may be an introvert. If you take the statistics, then 70% of the time that is gonna be correct. But it may not be exactly as black and white as it seems at first glance, and that’s because there’s another factor involved So introversion and high sensitivity are not measuring the same thing.

Introversion answers the question, where do I naturally gain energy? And introverts gain energy from being alone. Extroverts gain energy from being with other people. And this is just a preference. It’s a natural trait in and of itself, but it’s different from high sensitivity. Being an HSP answers a different question.

How deeply does your nervous system process experience? That’s what high sensitivity is about. So when you’re exposed to lots of different things, then your nervous system will process, try to process all of those things deeply, and that’s what the HSP trait is all about. These are completely different they’re just different questions completely and completely different traits.

So many introverts are, strangely enough, not highly sensitive. Like the this inverse is true. If you look at all the introverts in the world, there will be some that’ll be highly sensitive, but there’ll be a lot that are not highly sensitive. And of course, some HSPs are extroverts and many fall somewhere in between.

And this just explains why the traits overlap without being identical So an introvert may simply prefer smaller groups and enjoy solitary activities and recharge alone without having heightened sensory processing or deeper emotional processing or stronger awareness of subtleties or greater sus- greater susceptibility to overstimulation.

All of these, the heightened sensory processing and the greater susceptibility to overstimulation, those are, those come with being highly sensitive. Preferring smaller groups or enjoying solitary activities, those go with being introvert. And likewise, an extroverted HSP may love meeting people, enjoy groups, and thrive on connection, and yet still get overstimulated by noise or multiple conversations or emotional intensity or bright lights or too much activity.

That’s why they may need to leave a party even though they’re having a wonderful time So overstimulation can change your conclusions a little bit. Imagine your nervous system processing conversations and facial expressions and emotions and background music and bright lights and movement and subtle tension and your own thoughts.

And after a while, of course, you want quiet. But needing recovery isn’t necessarily the same as preferring solitude. Recovery is about what your nervous system needs. Introversion is about what your personality prefers So chronic stress can make you feel more introverted than you really are. A chronically overwhelmed nervous system naturally tries to protect itself.

And so if you’re overwhelmed, you’re going to naturally avoid crowds. You’re going to avoid invitations. You’re gonna avoid restaurants and travel and conversations. Eventually, this no longer feels like coping, and it can start feeling like your identity. Like I’ve always been this way. I’ve always tried to avoid conversations or invitations or crowds.

And so what happens is stress has quietly shaped how you experience the world. And you have… You may have a slightly skewed view of your own introversion versus extroversion because if you’re in a constant overwhelmed state, then you’re gonna naturally be preferring solitude, preferring quiet, and it sounds a lot like introversion.

So this is how stress can mask this. It can lay on top of these natural traits, and it can make you think that you’re more introverted than you may actually be. Of course, most HSPs are introverted, so we’re not we’re not debating that. But it’s just interesting to see how that constant overwhelm.

In our world, being constantly overwhelmed is almost normal as an HSP. Like from birth, we’ve been bombarded and have had very little tools for finding balance. And so because that’s always been there, it’s natural to sometimes think that we’re more introverted than we actually are. So rather than trying to diagnose yourself and figure out what’s your actual degree of introversion or extroversion, I would suggest asking yourself a question.

If you could remove the overwhelm, if you could just remove the overwhelm, would you actually enjoy more connection? And it could be small dinners, coffee with one friend, hobbies, volunteering, quiet conversations, travel Or walking with someone. Just become curious. If the overwhelm was not there, if the stress was not there, would you actually enjoy more connection?

And you may find yourself leaning one way or the other. It’s “No, actually I prefer to be alone doing my artwork,” or, “Actually, I would prefer meeting with people a little more.” So this is tuning into what’s underneath the stress and listening to that So whether you’re introverted or extroverted really isn’t the most important question.

The more useful question is, what does my nervous system need right now? Sometimes it’s solitude, and sometimes it’s connection. Remember that HSPs value connection. It tends to be something that is high on our list because we’re actually good at it, but we get overwhelmed by it, and so we need solitude.

So this is that ever-changing dance that we have to engage in of just paying attention to when do I need solitude, when do I need connection? And sometimes I need rest right after connection or right before connection. When you stop assuming that needing recovery automatically means you’re introverted, then you create space to discover what genuinely nourishes you instead of simply what helps you recover.

You can pay attention to what you actually need moment to moment instead of going with an overall view of yourself, which may be statistically correct, but may not account for the nuances. Even introverts will at some point have some desire for connection. It’s natural also. But that desire may be less than for extroverts.

So what this all points to is can you listen to yourself? The more you can, the more you can navigate just moment to moment what your actual needs are So the feeling I’m left with today is that while 70% of HSPs are introverts, these two things are two very different things. In fact, when you add stress into the mix, all HSPs will probably appear to be more introverted than they actually are because they are in need of alone time to recover.

When stress becomes less, the need for alone time also naturally becomes less, and what remains are your natural preferences, whether that’s to just be with yourself or to be with other people. In this episode, we looked at why you may not be as introver- verted as you think if you’re a highly sensitive person, and that is because stress plays a factor.

It plays a role in this. And what your nervous system starts doing when it’s been overwhelmed for too long, it starts craving being alone. It starts craving silence and the very things that are the natural preference for an introvert. And finally, we looked at what becomes possible when you discover the difference between needing recovery and preferring solitude.

These are just very different things. Preferring solitude is just a natural affinity. I’d rather be alone. I’d rather… if I had my choice, I’d rather read or I’d rather do something creative or I’d rather meditate or I’d rather do something on my own. Whereas the opposite would be I’d rather spend time with people.

I’d rather connect. And these are just two different ways of living, two different ways of being. This can be seen and felt and acted on when the stress load is less and the need for alone time is less. So thanks for listening. It’s always great to explore with you. This program comes out three times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Join me next time for Strategy Fridays, where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress as a highly sensitive person.