As an HSP, I Believed Self-Care Was the Best Antidote to Overwhelm — Until I Cared for My Dying Father

 If you believe self-care is the only path to peace as an HSP, this episode may surprise you because what I discovered during my father’s final days changed that belief for good.

Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People. A podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I’m your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie. A way to question and reduce stressful thoughts, and you guessed it. I’m a highly sensitive person myself.

In this episode, you’ll discover why self-care is such a powerful tool for managing overwhelm as a highly sensitive person, how caring for my dying father revealed a different and equally powerful path to peace. What this experience taught me about presence, love, and a deeper resilience available to HSPs.

This is an addition of Breakthrough Mondays, where I share success stories and helpful insights for highly sensitive people on the path toward dinner freedom. In this episode, you’ll discover why self-care is such a powerful tool for managing overwhelm as a highly sensitive person. How caring for my dying father revealed a different and equally powerful path to peace, and what this experience taught me about presence, love, and a deeper resilience available to HSPs.

This is an addition of Breakthrough Mondays, where I share success stories and helpful insights for highly sensitive people on the path toward dinner freedom. When it comes to stress management, I talk about self-care a lot. Because I don’t know if any other way to balance overwhelm better than rest rather than coming back to ourselves, giving ourselves time to decompress.

Whether that means sleep, whether that means meditation, whether that means just not going and trying to do things that are not needed, taking care of others beyond what is natural. So I talk about this a lot because it’s a balance. We as highly sensitive people are aware of our environment. We’re aware of all the nuances and all the things that we could do and the ways that we could serve and all of that, and we’re empathetic on top of it.

So self-care is the antidote to that outward move of the mind. It’s bringing us back inward and that’s where we can find some relief, some balance, and some peace. Basically where we get caught in the outward movement is it’s easy to start looking for approval or start trying to take care of others first, and then think that maybe they’ll reciprocate or maybe they will give us time or allow us time for what we need.

And in the end, we can end up getting caught in a loop where we’re needing the other person to cooperate. And of course, we can’t always control that. When we cut out the middleman and care for ourselves directly, then that’s when we can thrive as highly sensitive people. This can look like going to bed early, working fewer hours than other people, spending more time in nature than other people.

Getting grounded with exercise on a regular basis, being careful with our food. These are all the things that as highly sensitive people can really make a difference in our lives. However, this is not the whole story. This is one aspect of balancing and it comes under the category of self-care. I want to explore today another area of balance, which comes in an unexpected way, and this came to me.

My father recently passed away and for the two weeks before he died, I was caring for him with my stepmom. Around the clock so that he could be at home, and we were there for him 24 7, and it was all in, I didn’t have time for a lot of sleep. Every four hours I had to get up and change his position in the bed.

I had to give him medications. I had to do all kinds of things like that. So it wasn’t super restful. It’s not what you would call self-care. My diet was all over the place, although it was not too bad. I didn’t exercise at all. And so the strange thing is you would think this would be overwhelming.

First of all, end of life. My father. So this, you would think this would be emotionally overwhelming as well as physically overwhelming. And I’m a highly sensitive person, but my experience was just the opposite. My experience was it was one of the most profound, powerful, restful, not restful. Maybe that’s the exaggeration.

I, I felt deeply rested on Somewhere on the inside. I think my body could have used a little more rest, but it was not an overwhelming experience. And so I wanna bring this up to show you that in addition to self-care practices, there’s something deeper that can come into play to prevent overwhelm that is worth looking at.

My dad couldn’t speak towards the end, and so that gave me a lot of time to just be with him. I would meditate a lot, just quietly there. Maybe chat a little bit, but I was basically silent a lot and my focus was on him and the feeling of love that I had in my heart. This was the real difference.

It was if my heart expanded to contain my mind and. As a result, my mind became quieter. I just focused on him and his needs and just my being there and it felt like a connection. I, at first thought I was gonna work while I was there, and of course I decided quickly that was not a good idea. I would completely, that would cause overwhelm to try to do those two things.

So the one pointedness was a part of this. I was just there. I was just only there. Serving one pointedly to my father. And what happened was that I just sunk more and more into my heart and it was a feeling of overwhelming love that came to expand and came to expand out of my heart. And it was actually a really beautiful experience.

As I was contemplating this one day, I was remembering a story of my dad. And I, when we were sailing one time, my dad liked to cook on the sailboat and he made this apple pie and he makes this sauce to put on and it’s really good with cinnamon and nut mag and everything. And he had just finished cutting up all the apples and I was helping and I was munching a little bit, had a piece of apple, and then.

He handed me the pot to lick with all the sauce in it. And I go, dad, this is apple pie. The apples has nothing to do with apple pie. This is the apple pie. It’s like the essence of it. And I was reminded of that story as I was sitting with him because again, we couldn’t talk and we were just being together.

A lot of times I was closing my eyes and it was just meditating and I was just feeling this expansion in my heart. And I was thinking, yeah, this is dad. This is who I experienced, dad. It truly is in the deeper level of it. And the body was just not that important. Just like the apples were not that important for the apple pie.

You can make it with anything. So that experience stayed with me. And when he actually died, I was it was so sweet. I was changing his fentanyl patch on his chest and. At that moment with my hands right on him, he passed away, just stopped breathing, and it just felt like this peaceful, beautiful end to the physical, that feeling of love was still there.

And so once again, no overwhelm. There was no overwhelm. And so I wanna bring this up because it is something that adds a new dimension to preventing overwhelm as a highly sensitive person. Even later when I went to the crematorium and I I pushed the button and then I went out in his old van and meditated outside in his air while his body was being returned to the elements.

And it was that same feeling of love and expanded awareness. And so I was letting his body go, but I was connected to my essence, which is also his essence, and I could feel the connection there. There really is no difference. So what this experience taught me is that there’s a deeper reservoir of resilience for all of us and as highly sensitive people.

We tend to get caught by the physical and it can be overwhelming. My, it’s definitely worth taking safeguards to prevent overwhelm on a physical level. I certainly slept after he passed and got caught up on my rest. But it, this experience reminds me that there’s actually an infinite amount of energy within us, and that energy comes from inside on the heart level where it’s connected to the deepest levels of ourselves.

And so whether I was getting up, in the middle of the night to change his position. Or or whether I was, just it was this feeling of energy is always there. Even if I woke up tired that energy neutralized my fatigue so quickly. So I wanna bring this up because if there’s a way that you can be in connection with your heart in some way, whether it’s caring for someone or whether it’s just doing what you do in normal life, it’s the connection with your heart, the connection with your being.

Again, a lot of meditation was helpful. That brings a wave of energy up from inside that is the complete antidote to stress and overwhelm. So I just wanted to share that with you and if you have a similar experience, let me know. It’s something that I think is great to explore in addition to the normal taking care of yourself aspect of being an HSP.

What’s ironic about the whole thing is that taking care of someone else is actually what was bringing me this connection with myself. This is a different kind of taking care of my, of other people that would bring me away from taking care of myself. It’s such a funny thing if I take care of myself with a motive to, to get something back or with a need or with an attachment or something that is like distracting me from myself, then it.

Drains my energy eventually. But if I’m giving from within myself without really any strings attached, it was just me being myself and connecting with my dad in that genuine experience of love. Then the experience was just the opposite. It was energizing. So a little bit of both, a little bit of depth and a little bit of self-care.

They balance each other. And between the two, you’ve got two really powerful ways. Of not experiencing overwhelm. In this episode, we looked at why self-care is such a powerful tool for managing overwhelm as a highly sensitive person, and that’s because self-care brings us back to a more restful state, brings us back to a more balanced state.

When we get go outward, we can get out of balance. When we come back inward, we become more balanced. We also looked at how caring for my dying father revealed a different and equally powerful path to peace, which is being in your heart in a way you could say it’s going even further inward, connecting to the deepest level of yourself, which is your heart, and from there, things can’t touch you.

There’s a resilience there that is beyond the ups and downs of daily life. Finally we looked at what this experience has taught me about presence, love, and a deeper resilience available to HSPs, and that is not to forget this deeper spiritual aspect of life and how it can bring balance to the surface values as well.

So the feeling I’m left with after all of this is a feeling of excitement that there is more than one way to stay balanced. So thanks for listening. It’s always good to explore with you. This podcast comes out three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Join me next time for Self-Compassion Wednesdays where we dive deeper into understanding ourselves as highly sensitive people.

By exploring the unique traits that shape our experience.

Tired of feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once. Take the HSP stress test@trueinnerfreedom.com. You’ll also find a link in the show notes. The test will reveal your unique sensitivity profile. Including how your nervous system naturally responds to stimulation, emotions, social energy, and more.

You’ll also gain a clearer picture of how stress might be amplifying that sensitivity. Take the HSP stress test now. It’s a powerful first step on your journey to true inner freedom.