Beyond Thoughts: Discovering Who You Are
with The Work of Byron Katie

By the end of this episode, you’ll discover how to simply be as thought falls away.

Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I’m your host Todd Smith, a certified facilitator of the work of Byron Katie. A way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. In this episode, you’ll discover how a thought can keep the mind stuck and feeling stressed. How questioning the thought, no matter what it is, can open up the experience. And how the real you is available to be experienced directly at any time. Today is another edition of Open Session Wednesdays. You bring your questions and stressful situations.

And I facilitate you in the simple, powerful process of the work of Byron Katie. As always, I share the unedited recording so you can experience the open session just as we did. So I can read the worksheets? Yeah, that’d be great.

I’m scared of my feelings, cause feelings are not valid as they are. I need to understand my feelings. My feelings are overwhelming, immense floating. my feelings should come gently and slowly, then by step, allowing me to understand them.

I don’t ever want to feel drowned and fooled. With my feelings again, and it was the first thought that I realized was not true, that I want my feelings to be clear. so yeah, about this one, I understand that it’s not true, totally, and yeah, it’s, I have a kind of a crack here. The first time I realized that it’s not true, I cried.

the rest of the words here, that feelings are not valid as they are, it’s still true to me. look at what you wrote there, and which statement would you like to question?

Words are not valid as they are or just not valid. I have lots, I just noticed that my mind brings a lot of, proofs why it’s not relevant. Okay. Yeah. So, just to give us a context, is there anything, like when you said some of those proofs, what’s one of those images that comes to mind that can help? Cool. I was working on an exact situation, actually.

So, I didn’t hear that word you were working on what on an exact citation. Okay. Great. So I have lots of them, plethora of them right now, but there is one really, really strong that’s made these worksheets, real. Okay. Cool. So, can you share any of the, situation with us? Bye. yeah, sure.

So I am in my room and I’m realizing that every thought, stressful thought that I have on another person is not true. Every thought. okay, in the end, I feel this, like, strong desire to come and say sorry. I don’t even understand why I am sorry, but I want to say sorry.

basically, it’s just, I feel gratitude and I feel sorry. And I’m scared to express it.

Great. So, the thought is that feelings are not valid as they are. Yeah, my feelings are not valid.

And I just noticed through this poet how I want to ask you, like, if that’s understandable what I’m saying, if you have any question, you’re welcome to ask me. So, even now when I express it, I say it in front of myself, you know? I love it. I love it. Yes. I’m relating to what you’re saying. so. Let’s, let’s do the work.

Let’s do the work. Feelings are not valid. Is that true?

To be hard, but yeah, it’s no.

So how do you react? What happens when you’re sitting in your room there and you’re seeing that every stressful thought on another person is not true and you have this, this belief that feelings are not valid. How do you react? What happens?

When I’ve been liberated, I don’t do what I want to do. I basically, I feel like I’m a manager with a difficult client and I try to, you know, work on this. So I bring approval. So yeah, it’s like, it’s just crazy thinking.

Yeah, and I don’t do what I want to do. It’s like there are two parts within me. One says why it’s valid, another one says why it’s not, and they are discussing it while I’m having this feeling and I want to follow it, but instead I’m just having this discussion in my head.

Yeah, and I, hate myself for it. So if I’m not listening to them, it becomes louder if I’m listening and getting involved, So there is only one way is to listen and, stay away from that discussion. Either way, it gets louder.

allow them to speak and not

I find it really, it takes a lot of energy.

how do you treat your feelings I hide them, because, it’s the feelings. Feelings are the reason I’m feeling discomfortable,

all this thinking in my head.

I don’t trust them.

And I am kind of, so it’s like I treat my feelings as a silly child. So I, had on the worksheets, like

why I want my feelings to be clear and understandable. When I asked myself that, even though, even though I knew that wasn’t true, it’s cause I,

I can’t explain it right. And I will look stupid and naive. Single my child, and I’ll be ashamed of, if I just come and express myself the way I feel, not understanding it. Yeah. It’s just, I can see the stress of this thought, right? Because there’s a natural urge to express feelings. And if they’re not valid, then I’m, what do I do?

It’s, it’s, it stops me. So, yeah.

And again, I just noticed that I sit, whether it right now. I feel lost and I hate myself for this, like, I need it to be clear. Exactly.

Okay, so who would you be without this thought? Feelings are not valid.

My first answer was I would be stupid. Might be true. What would it be like to be stupid in that way? Try it on, just experiment. What would it be like?

It’s experiment. Experiment.

So I would start, it’s actually something I tried for a while. I, I would actually do it stupid. So, I mean, like stupidness, I don’t remember it was similar, like courage and stupidity, something like that. I’m not sure. So, yeah, I, I tried on that lifestyle Like, stupid things, if they are amazing, are the best things.

So who would you be if you didn’t see feelings as childish things, or that they’re not valid, if you really didn’t think of it that way? Like, not to treat it seriously, but not to treat it. It’s stupid. Mm-Hmm.

Okay. Allows me to breathe and I notice that it’s that sinking. I just,

yeah, it just quiet. surprisingly quiet. When you look at your feelings without the story, what do you see when you don’t think they’re not valid? When you just think they’re normal? What do you actually see when you look at those feelings?

It’s like, so metaphorically, it’s like an ocean or a sea.

So it just builds up. Right now I enjoy the quietness textual thing. Yeah, it just feels like I’m continuously, sitting in, in the water. Yeah. it flows

and it feels, I don’t know, it’s not good or bad. It just feels, I feel it. And, live. They are alive.

Yeah, here it’s not important, like any plans or things to do or things to achieve. It’s not important at all. Like it doesn’t exist. Yeah. So, where this came from is this quietness. Where this quietness came from was without the thought. Feelings are not valid. It just, the mind became quieter.

Yeah. Thank you for getting me back to that.

That’s who you are.

You are without this thinking, this thought. Yeah, thank you for saying that. You know, I actually want to say that’s when you are, like you are, period. Period. Yeah.

Because I didn’t feel myself as I am.

It was just feelings, and I didn’t realize it yet. So

this thinking that feelings are not valid keeps the mind in this loop. Oh, I can’t trust that. And so it becomes busy, and there’s no quietness. And without that thought that feelings are not valid. They just are, like you said, in the ocean, just sitting in them, and it’s quieter. So, basically, I understand that I am unconscious of who I am, and I was identified with my thinking and I never identified myself as my feelings. Or I did, but not like right now. Yeah, like you’re judging your feelings as childish or not allowing that to be also. They are doing things rightly and strictly and effectively, productively. They achieve their goal, you know, they don’t waste their time. And it has its value, but it’s not the whole picture. And what you’re experiencing right now or in this last few minutes is something very valid, something internal, something real that does not depend on.

What’s the value of achieving? I can say from my, yeah, I mean, maybe, maybe I should ask you, start with there. And I’m happy to share my experience too.

What do you think is the value of achieving? As in addition to feeling or being as you’re just experiencing.

I’m looking at some achievements of my life from this place and it doesn’t feel like achievement. You know, like I did that or I got a new result. It’s just

another way. it’s not, it just feels differently, you know, it’s not like there is a track that I go through and I, you know, life doesn’t feel like a stair that I’m walking on. Okay. Yeah, one thing, then the next thing, then the next thing, then the next thing. Yeah.

it doesn’t feel like that. It’s just different, and I’m not, again and again, this thought, I’m not sure that it’s valid, you know? I’m not sure that it’s valid, because the valid is this there.

Valid, this there is valid. And that way of living is not.

It’s just something that I experience, I don’t. Understand it. Yeah. So the mind likes to, say that one thing is valid and the other thing is not valid. So it starts out saying the feelings are not valid and that’s not, you know, and then it switches and says, no, now the accomplishment is not valid.

And so, this is just the mind looking at one part, saying, this is, this is it, you know. And then, another time, you might think, this is it. And different people will think this is it in different ways. But, the way I like to think of it is that all of this is it. Like, you know, if you have an, the ocean goes to the depth.

It’s very quiet in the depth. But on the surface, there’s all kinds of activity and waves. And both parts are part of the same ocean. And so, quietness, feelings, internal experience, is one part of life. And accomplishing and being practical and connecting with other people is also part of life. A valid part of life.

And so as the mind expands, as you expand, as stress falls away, and your mind will naturally become what it is naturally, which is expanded, then it can hold both sides, practical and abstract being. They both can be there together. And so that’s, that’s I don’t know if that’s exactly what you’re asking, but those are the thoughts that come up as I hear it.

Yeah, it’s really good, metaphor about ocean. I can understand it better, like, practically, that’s all. Mm hmm. Every wave is really the whole ocean in a way. We’re just seeing the tip of the wave. And the ocean has the waves, like the waves and the ocean, they’re the same, really.

It’s just, how do you want to divide it in your mind? It’s a concept. This is waves. This is ocean. That’s a concept. The reality is not the concept. Whole thing comes with waves and quietness and both. To me, it’s more that

Productivity, or what way it comes out, because it will come out anyway. Yeah. Kind of automatic. Yeah. So thank you for creating, you know, that like thread between one and another, because to me it felt like two different things that are not connected to each other and I can see the relation.

Thank you. Welcome. So, is there any turnaround to this statement that we’re questioning? Feelings are not valid.

I’m taking a pause because I don’t see any, and still it feels like there is something. Okay.

So, the original statement. Yeah, I just wanted to get back to that. Yeah.

Can you please ask me again, who would I be without? Going back to question four? Sure. So, question four is, who would you be without the thought that feelings are not valid? Okay.

It feels complete. I don’t see anything that I can bring right now.

Yeah. So once again, that’s, that’s who you are, right? It’s just a, it’s an experience. Yeah. I think that moment when you said daily days when you are, it was really precious to me mean something that allowed me to feel and recognize

more conscious, conscious. Just be conscious about it, that this is me, I felt seen, yeah, and it’s my

takeaway here. Yes. Thank you.

So it’s really good work. I’m playing with this turnaround that my thinking about my feelings is not valid. Thank you. That’s where the non valid comes in, so when I start thinking about my feelings instead of just being with them, which is what you’ve been doing here.

Well, it’s true, I tried it on, but at the same time, when you said that’s when you are, I thought that that’s when I am, and it changed everything.

I mean, in a way, we’re looking at something even quieter than feelings. Feelings, they can get loud, too. They can become strong, like, even overwhelming. but underneath, just like thinking can become very loud, and it also can become very quiet. but underneath all of it, who am I without the thought, really?

It’s almost beyond, it’s just being, it’s just being.

Well, at least quietness feels like that.

And I didn’t realize it, yeah. I didn’t, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Actually.

And feelings come and go, thoughts come and go, achievements come and go, but that being is, that’s whole, that’s

who I am.

Yeah. Yeah. That, we can say, is who you are.

Precisely that.

Thank you again, and thank you, everyone, for listening, and Being a part of this and if there’s if anyone wants to share something before we close I’m happy to hear as well.

Thank you. Thank you in this episode We looked at how a thought can keep the mind stuck and feeling stressed just this one thought feelings are not valid When you really look at it, was getting the mind caught and stuck on a superficial level.

And we also saw how questioning the thought, no matter what it is, can open up that experience. Just that place where, where there’s less of a grip of thoughts. And we finally saw how the real you. is available to be experienced directly at any time. The real you is who you are without the thought. And this can go in any situation that you’re looking at.

So thanks for listening and being a part of this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to next time. And in the meantime, have a wonderful rest of your day.