Edwin: I have something that it’s kind of weird that I’d like to do the work on.
Todd: Okay.
Edwin: I’m just not too sure about how to approach it. It’s the [00:01:00] situation is I’m walking with my wife, we’re like talking about life in general. then like the conversation escalated a little bit towards like the future not knowing what it’s going to be like or what are we going to do or how are we going to look like or, you know, all this kind of like all the thoughts started like coming in and out like right away. And it was like, right away. got frustrated with like, I guess life, I don’t know, for not knowing what’s going to happen.
Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the club.
Edwin: Yeah.
Todd: Yeah. So, um, so the question is how to do the work on this, right? That’s like the situation is stressful, but how do you do the work on it? So let’s just brainstorm a little bit about the kinds of stressful thoughts, um, going there. And you kind of said one there just at [00:02:00] the end.
I’m frustrated with life, uh, kind of for not, um, not knowing or not understanding. Bye. Letting me know what it’s gonna be. I don’t remember the words you said. Exactly.
Edwin: That one makes sense for not knowing what’s going to happen or
Todd: Yeah,
Edwin: I think that kind of like is the point right there.
Todd: yeah, yeah. So now we have to think about how to get that into a format that is easy to work. Um, and and it could be like, I don’t know what’s going to happen. That would be one way to phrase it. Or it could be in terms of the Yeah, yeah. Want like I want or a need. I need to know what’s going to happen or I want to know what’s going to happen.
These are all different phrasings of the same basic, uh, stressful idea. And so I leave it to you. What feels like it would be closest to what Um, you’re [00:03:00] experiencing there.
Edwin: Totally. I want to know what’s going to happen.
Todd: Okay.
Perfect.
Edwin: like a huge bell,
Todd: Yeah. So that’s like just a trick you can always use is looking for the want, you know, uh, Byron Katie sometimes says no stress without a want, and I find that to be true as well, there’s almost always something that I’m wanting or needing sometimes that is making the stress, uh, stronger. And so when I’m not quite sure how to.
how to phrase the thought, uh, phrase the statement to question. I will sometimes look for that, like what’s the want? And, and that’s what we did just here. So the cool thing is when you do it, sometimes it really resonates like you just found, um, here.
Edwin: right?
Todd: So, uh, put yourself in that situation. You’re, you’re walking with your wife, [00:04:00] your conversation kind of turns towards the future and what it’ll look like in the future.
And And you want to know what’s going to happen and obviously you can’t. So, so is it true that you want to know what’s going to happen? That’s the question. Is it true?
Edwin: Yeah.
Todd: Okay. And can you absolutely know that you want to know what’s going to happen?
Edwin: Yes. 100%.
Todd: So how do you react in that moment when you’re talking with your wife and you’re Thinking about the future and you’re not knowing what’s going to happen, but you have this feeling or this thought somewhere [00:05:00] inside that you want to know what’s going to happen. What happens to you? How do you react?
Edwin: I start feeling frustrated and I can see how I get overwhelmed by all this different thoughts about everything. Like my kids, my life, her life, the house, everything. It’s like the city, the world starts piling up everything. on top of each other feels like and it’s like Every every thought that comes in like adding more white spaces at the end It’s like it gets it just gets bigger and bigger and it’s just I just feel too overwhelmed the point where i’m like Almost frozen in a way like because I don’t know what to do It’s like too many different things and too many unknowns. [00:06:00] It’s like kind of like freezes me up
Todd: Absolutely. Yeah. Where do you notice it in your body? When you think this thought, I want to know what’s going to happen. And you’re seeing White spaces at the end of everything.
Edwin: I feel like tension like in my upper neck like the back of my head, I can totally see like if somebody put like, or, or if I’m against a wall or something like that,
Todd: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah, and then how does it affect the way you’re talking with your wife as you’re walking along and you’re thinking I want to know what’s going to happen and you’re not able to know.
Edwin: it’s like, I leave my body there in a way, like, I’m still walking with her, but I’m not there anymore. It’s just like, I’m trying to figure out the puzzle and try to find out what I’m going to do next and how is it going to look like and what [00:07:00] decisions we have to make and what the best is going to be. So I get lost in all of that, and I just, I can’t feel how I even forget that I’m walking with her, in a way. So it’s just like, automatic in that area, and then I’m just lost in my thoughts of Yeah, just trying to figure it out.
Todd: Yeah, and I don’t know if this makes any sense or not, but like, how do you treat life when you’re thinking that you want to know what’s going to happen and you can’t really know that?
Edwin: Oh my God. I treat it like, as unfair. I treat it as, as like a kid that doesn’t want to pay attention and like do what you ask them to do and they just keep doing whatever they want. [00:08:00] So it’s like, ah, it’s like I can, can feel how the frustration starts building up and up and up from there. Yeah, I see it as really unfair and like, not helping me at all, in a way.
Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Like you’re put into this game and you’re not told the rules and you don’t know what’s going to happen. Right. How fair is that? So.
Who would you be if you didn’t have the thought that you want to know what’s going to happen as you’re walking with your wife talking about what the future might look like? Who would you be without this idea that you want to know? What’s [00:09:00] going to happen?
Edwin: I would be pressing right away. I see how I start looking at things like I didn’t know what’s what was going to happen today Yesterday like I had no idea how it was going to turn out to be for the most part I feel like there’s no need to know in a way like there’s not that Willingness to know, like, like if they say, would you like to know that you’re going to die [00:10:00] certain way, certain day at a certain time, would that make life not fun anymore or something? So it’d be like, like a done deal in a way.
Todd: Mm.
Edwin: I can see how I open myself a little bit more. To see what’s coming up without like the Tension to know that I need to know what will happen
Todd: Mm hmm.
Edwin: I can feel how I let things flow a little bit more and i’m not just trying to control it, but just That [00:11:00] makes me feel good right there like Not trying to control what’s going to happen. So I know what to do exactly
Todd: Mm hmm.
Edwin: Just be part of it. Like if i’m inside of a boss or something like that and i’m just going along Rather than trying to drive the bus and like do everything.
Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Trying to drive the bus and you’re not in the driver’s seat. That can be pretty frustrating.
Edwin: Yeah,
Todd: Yeah. I love that. It’s like, why do I want to know what’s going to happen? And I think you’re touching on something interesting here, that it could be partly because I want to control what’s going to happen. I want to make sure only good things happen, or I want to somehow be able to avert bad things.
Things and yeah, so without the thought, there’s just [00:12:00] a little less trying to control a little more.
Edwin: yeah.
Todd: Yeah. More present.
Edwin: see that being a lot of me trying to for something. So when it comes, I’m ready and I know everything I need to do and like have everything organized. So it does. It affects me the last possible because I know what’s coming. So. It’s okay. So it’s the unknown brings
Todd: So going back to the question, who would you be without the thought? I want to know what’s going to happen.
Edwin: me back to that. I really don’t want to know, like I can be there and just [00:13:00] be pressing like in every moment rather than trying to figure it out and trying to know every single time what’s going to happen.
Todd: And part of what this question points to is like, what is, what would your experience be like? Like, what would, what would it be like, for example, talking and walking with your wife and thinking about the future if you don’t have any thought that you want to know what’s going to happen? If you weren’t attached to this thought that you want to know what’s going to happen.
Edwin: I can see how it gives me a lot of freedom to imagine what would happen, like what our life is going to be like in 10 years or whatever. [00:14:00] Yeah, there’s like more freedom to actually. Look at what could happen without that tension and that needy place of me like wanting to know that and I can see how I’m like freer in a way and I don’t need to. I don’t really need to know or I don’t want to know. [00:15:00] I can’t see how it gives me a lot of freedom in that moment.
Todd: Yeah.
Edwin: And to not be afraid, I think that’s a big part of it too. Like being afraid of something bad is going to happen. So I don’t have to be afraid. Without the thought be just whatever it’s going to be without me trying to know it beforehand
Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So how would you turn the thought around? I want to know what’s going to happen.
Edwin: I don’t want to know what’s going to happen
Todd: Okay, you’re already starting to touch on that. So see if you can find some examples of why You may [00:16:00] not want to know what’s going to happen. Why that could be as true or maybe truer for you, even as you’re thinking about the future.
Edwin: yeah, I think what I mentioned like it will just take the flavor out of life pretty much if I If I know that I’m going to die like in five years or something, then I might die right now, like in my mind or whatever to not do anything about what I want to do, or it’ll be like a limit for me to know that. So that wouldn’t be good at all.
Todd: Yeah, I’m almost thinking it’s like being on death row or something, right? You’re gonna, you’re gonna die at this time, and suddenly now, it’s almost impossible not to be thinking about that to some degree. The, the mind starts obsessing about it.
So what else, what else is an example for you of how you may not want to know what’s going to happen? Like, that’s one example with the [00:17:00] Death. Um, how is it good or maybe even better not to know what’s going to happen?
Edwin: because there, there are a lot of surprises in life. Some things that you didn’t even expect to happen at all.
Todd: Yeah.
Edwin: you happy and then you have great times. But if you knew that beforehand, it would be like, Oh, okay. It wouldn’t be as fun or like a surprise at all.
Todd: Totally take all the spontaneity out of life and everything is all planned out and yeah, you have control, but where’s the fun?
Edwin: Yeah. It will get rid of all the fun for sure.
Todd: So how else is it a good [00:18:00] thing to not know what’s going to happen in the future?
Edwin: Because I would miss out a lot of things that I don’t even know yet. Like something I may want to do. But then if I knew what’s going to happen in the future, I may say, Oh, I don’t want to do that anymore because it’s not going to. Serve me at all later on
Todd: Exactly. And then you miss those experiences and those experiences are sometimes what build one upon the other to get to a new, like to have a new experience or that’s where I think of, I had two other businesses before I came to this one and it was like everything I learned from those experiences and some of them failures and everything like it helped me with this one and everything just keeps building like that.
So if I knew it was going to happen, I would just say, [00:19:00] Oh, forget it. I’m not going to even try.
Edwin: yes,
Todd: Yep. Okay. Any other reasons why not knowing what’s going to happen could be serving you or helping you in any way?
Edwin: because I think it would help me do things I want to do and also things I don’t want to do that I can learn from, which is something I wouldn’t do at all I knew beforehand and
Todd: That’s interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Like, sometimes I think my biggest learning comes from things that I would not do again. Like, I call them mistakes. But I learned a lot there. And if I had the choice, I probably would have not gone there, but I probably wouldn’t have learned that thing also. [00:20:00] Interesting. Kind of gets into the idea of what’s the, what is good and what is bad.
And we try to avoid bad things and have good things, but sometimes the bad things are the good things and we forget that.
Edwin: yeah.
Todd: So I don’t want to know what’s going to happen. Any other examples for you of why this turnaround can be true?
Edwin: I think also if looking at like outside of myself for a little bit, it would be annoying for everybody around me to, know that I know everything that is going to happen. So it would, it wouldn’t be a good idea at all. And then we can just have like a normal relationship.[00:21:00]
Todd: Right.
It’ll all be coming to you for predictions. Yeah.
Edwin: that would be really crazy and really annoying. Like you would know it all pretty much and then that’s not fun at all.
Todd: It takes the spontaneity out of life. It takes the, we were saying, the fun out of it. It’s like you already know everything, so what’s the point? Um,
it can also make you very future oriented. You start thinking about the future more because you already see what’s coming, and we already do that a lot anyway. I might be doing it more. And then trying to be ahead of myself, I might get frustrated with where I am because I know it’s it should be up here coming up.
Who knows? I’m just [00:22:00] thinking. Yeah,
Edwin: That’s really interesting. It made me think about like what we usually do, which is living in the future and not the present at all. And like, but not wanting that I get more chances of actually living here right now, rather than trying to live in whatever future I’m thinking of.
Todd: right. Like, maybe it’s a good thing that there’s no, you don’t get any satisfaction about looking in the future so that you don’t keep going there too much. And you get satisfaction from being in the present so you can want to stay there more often. Yeah. So maybe the setup is, is good. So it keeps you coming to where the good stuff is happening, which is here.
Edwin: And that way I don’t even get lost. you could just stay living in the [00:23:00] future, you never live your present, so.
Todd: Mm hmm. Exactly. Not to mention all those complications that happen with, you know, time travel and all that stuff. You know, if you watch the read the books on time travel, that kind of thing, it’s like, okay, so if I do something in the future, I mean, this is probably too far out there. But, you know, the idea of like, if I’m too much in the future, then, then, yeah, it gets complicated.
Like, because, right. Mm hmm.
Edwin: It creates a chaos, because I’m trying to control my future with everything I’m doing right now, so moving a needle here and there, it’s going to affect it. So I’ll try to be more controlling.
Todd: Maybe. Yeah, exactly. Or anxious or all of that. So
interesting. So I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know [00:24:00] what’s going to happen. It could be just as good, maybe even better in a way. And this is one of those turnarounds where you could sit. For hours, days, years, and you might find a million more examples of how this could be just as true that it’s even better to not know what’s going to happen.
I’m almost thinking along those lines, how the future is just a possibility from where we stand. It’s just, we, and there’s so many different possibilities for the future. And so if the future was, Really, if you knew it all, then it would take all that possibility out of it. It would just be like walking down the same road or something.
I don’t know. It takes the, the wonder out of [00:25:00] it a little bit. Anyway, I’m just brainstorming here, but, um, cool work, cool work. So is there another turnaround before we close? I want to know what’s going to happen.
Edwin: I think one that I thought of is my mind wants to know what’s going to happen,
Todd: Yeah,
Edwin: and that one makes sense too, because of course it’s trying to control and like, make sure it’s prepared for everything. So it’s trying to figure it out and find a solution for it, the magic solution for that.
Todd: yeah,
Edwin: So it keeps working on it.
Todd: It’s a mind thing, right? Like the heart doesn’t care about that as much. And the mind really cares about trying to know the future, protect me, control.
Edwin: Right.
Todd: So,
Edwin: it’s where the frustration comes in because [00:26:00] like, I’m used to trying to figure it out and find the solutions for it. this one doesn’t really have a solution. There’s no way.
Todd: nope.
Edwin: it’s like the mind doesn’t get it. It’s like, no, I need to figure it out.
Todd: Yeah, impossible. Yep. I see another possible turnaround too. Um, I want to know what is happening right now.
Edwin: Oh, I like that one. And that makes total sense because I’m not seeing it at all. I’m just like trying to find out what the future is. So I’m missing out on that’s happening right here,
Todd: Yeah. I mean, you’re having a walk with your wife, right? You’re missing out, separated out from your body almost, right? So, yeah,
Edwin: yeah,
Todd: I want to know what’s happening.
Edwin: kind of like time traveling to [00:27:00] all those possible possible futures. So I’m right there testing it out, getting frustrated and kind of coming back and going to a different one.
Todd: Exactly. Yeah,
Edwin: So yeah,
Todd: and there’s so much to explore right now. There’s so much richness right here that is real that you can have, that you can explore and it’s available. So I wanna know what’s going on right now because I can, compared to the future, which I can’t.
Edwin: love that one. Really good.
Todd: Me too.
Great. Well thank you.
Edwin: Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
Todd: You are [00:28:00] welcome.
