Overcoming Social Anxiety as an HSP: Managing Stress When You Want to Impress

Todd: [00:00:00] By the end of this episode, you’ll discover how the desire to connect can get in the way of actual connection.

Todd: Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I’m your host Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie, a way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I’m a highly sensitive person myself.

Todd: In this episode, you’ll discover how wanting to be seen as interesting and cool can make connection awkward, why being uninteresting is actually more interesting for everyone involved, and how to be more yourself with someone you want to be close to. [00:01:00] Today is another edition of Open Session Wednesdays.

Todd: You bring your questions and stressful situations, and I facilitate you in the simple, powerful process of the work of Byron Katie. As always, I share the unedited recording so you can experience the open session just as we did.

Client: I do have a worksheet.

Todd: Okay, great.

Client: Um, do you want just one thought of it, or?

Todd: We’ll start with just, um, like what the situation is and then yeah let me know what what thought you’d like to question from it for sure.

Client: Okay, um the situation is I have a niece who lives overseas and we’re not in touch a whole lot and I feel kind of awkward when I We’ve never really had a lot of contact, um, [00:02:00] but now it’s like I, I want to have a relationship with her, but I feel awkward when I do call.

Client: It’s like, I don’t even know what to say. It just feels kind of awkward. And I know that I have apprehension about calling and this week is her birthday And I you know, I do want to call her it’s it’s it’s a big birthday it’s her 30th and I just um Every time that I do it I end up it ends up being okay But I have the same apprehension every single time

Todd: I can relate i’m thinking of my My nephew right now.

Todd: I can sometimes have that same apprehension and awkward feeling like I don’t even know what to say. So I’m right with you. [00:03:00] So what Um, what’s the thought you’d like to question then, or, or, yeah, what did you write on your worksheet?

Client: Um,

Client: I, well, I have several. Um,

Client: okay. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I want her to think I’m interesting and cool. I want to be the cool aunt.

Todd: I can go there. Okay, so let me write that down. I want her to think I’m interesting. And cool. Yep. Sweet. So is that true? You want her to think you’re interesting and cool? Yeah. Yeah. And can you absolutely know it’s true?

Todd: You want her to think you’re interesting and cool.[00:04:00]

Client: Yeah, somehow I feel manipulation in, in saying yes to that.

Todd: Good observation. If it’s manipulation, it’s not, we’re looking for your truth, right? Whatever it is, no matter how unenlightened it is. We just want to know what, where you’re at.

Client: Okay. Then I’m really unenlightened.

Todd: I’m raising my hand too, thinking, yep, that’s me too.

Todd: I really do want to be thought of as interesting and cool by my nephew. Okay, so this is, this is the process of honestly doing the work. You know, we’re not manipulating, we’re not using like tricks of mind, we’re not using psychology in a way, we’re [00:05:00] just Reporting honestly where we’re at, and that’s the starting point, and that’s what makes that’s what keeps it connected in a real way to our experience as we go through this process.

Todd: So how do you react? Next question. What happens when you think that You want her to think you’re interesting and cool as you’re thinking about calling her for her birthday.

Client: I hesitate. I delay it. Um, I keep pressuring myself. I, I have a lot of shoulds on my worksheet, , um, or not on this one, but in my mind a lot of shoulds that I should, it’s our 30 and, and I, I feel guilty that I, that I’m [00:06:00] not doing. I also feel guilty that I. I don’t want to call that I have this resistance to, to it.

Client: Um,

Client: I picture long pauses and awkwardness. We do it through FaceTime. Um,

Client: yeah, I, I, I picture and some of this is stuff I have experienced on other phone calls. I picture looking desperate. To find some common ground a question to ask her. I hesitate to ask anything that might sound too personal, but then I’m not [00:07:00] really finding out much about her. It gets in the way of any kind of closeness or intimacy.

Client: Yeah, I feel needy. It’s almost like I’m dependent on her. It’s almost like I really want her approval through her thinking I’m cool, that I’m interesting, so that,

Client: yeah, there’s a neediness there, a wanting that from her. Um,

Client: it was something that was coming up with that.

Client: Yeah, it feels somewhat dependent on her, which makes me feel even more needy and [00:08:00] desperate. It just, it feels really gross, uh, and it feels very inauthentic. And I, so then I’m, I’m, that’s what else happens. I become really inauthentic. I’m pretending. I’m saying things to sound interesting. I try to sound more interested in her life, even things that I’m not that interested in or that I don’t understand.

Client: Um, yeah, it’s like I’m searching for questions. I’m constantly looking for signs to see if she’s still interested. I’m having these, um, fears that, Maybe she’s really doesn’t want to be on the phone call that she’s feeling obligated to keep conversation for a certain period of time. Um, [00:09:00] it’s usually her who ends the conversation and it’s not like she is quick to want to get off, but.

Client: I’m imagining that I’m just so boring to her that, you know, I’m her, her aunt, you know, that’s

Client: not as interesting as her friends. Which is okay, but I, I guess I, yeah, it’s just so much want her. Yeah, and it’s also, I realize I want this because I’m wanting, yeah, I want more connection with her. I’m wanting her to, it’s not just that I want her to see me that way. I want her to want more connection with me as well.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: You know, that, that she’s going to want to have future [00:10:00] conversations that maybe she would even, um, initiate them, which has only been once on my birthday.

Todd: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A

Client: lot of meaning on her reactions to it’s like I’m constantly scanning for any micro expression. It’s a, it’s almost like my This fear is looking for anything, like just throw me a life preserver, a lifeline so that I don’t have to feel uninteresting and uncool.

Todd: Yeah, really clear. So These are reactions.

Todd: These are your, the ways you react when you think you want her to think you’re interesting and cool. It creates a [00:11:00] automatic insecurity, in a way.

Client: Mm hmm.

Todd: Independence, as you described. So, who would you be thinking about calling her on her 30th birthday without the thought that you want her to think you’re interesting and cool?

Client: Boy, that’s such a habit. Such an ingrained habit. Um.

Todd: Mm hmm. Yeah, you have to really imagine. You have to want to step out of yourself and. I know. Play with possibility. What would it be like, hypothetically?

Client: It’d be a lot less pressure. I wouldn’t have to talk as much or ask questions or feel like I have to carry the conversation. Um,

Client: I’d be, [00:12:00] this is embarrassing too. I I’d be more, um, present to hearing what she’s actually saying.

Client: Yeah, I, I, I wouldn’t be thinking about myself and my, and what image I’m, I’d actually be enjoying the conversation, the time with her and

Client: perhaps this is a little bit of a stretch for me, but perhaps I wouldn’t be

Client: like, it’s almost like I’ve been keeping tabs on like some scoreboard.

Client: [00:13:00] Yeah, there wouldn’t be. It, it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t, none of it would mean anything about, it’s really so much about making what it means about me, her reaction, so without the thought,

Client: yeah, without the thought, we’re just two people having a conversation on social media. So like this big drama going on. It’s just a conversation.

Todd: Yeah. That’s what the thought adds. It adds a lot of drama.

Client: Yeah.

Client: Yeah. Like a Telenova. Like this is a big drama.

Todd: Exactly.

Client: Like everything rides on this conversation. Yeah.

Todd: Right. Yeah. No pressure. I’ve [00:14:00] got to get this right.

Client: My whole image, my whole ego depends on this one call. Yeah. Our whole relationship forever and ever. Yeah.

Todd: Yeah. So it’s fun. I love this question of exploring who would I be without the thought, you know, I want her to think I’m interesting and cool because it just opens up another way of looking at it.

Todd: And it also shows how strongly this thought influences the experience there.

Todd: So, let’s try a turnaround. Um, I want her to think I’m interesting and cool. What could be a way of turning that around that we could explore?

Client: Hmm, I guess I’ll shoot for the fences. I want her to think I’m not interesting and uncool.[00:15:00]

Client: If that’s really what she’s thinking, that’s authentic. Um, yeah, I don’t really want her pretending with me either.

Client: I could see also there might be an advantage because if that’s the case, then I don’t have to perform anymore. I, I, I’m, I’m relieved of that. Responsibility to be cool and interesting. It’s like, I don’t have to come up with all these questions or have to carry the conversation. Yeah,

Client: it is still a [00:16:00] little hook to it, but it’s like, I could see a benefit to, uh,

Client: Of not seeing uninteresting and not cool to, to, to seeing that is not like the worst thing ever, you know, like to not have such a huge fear of that because that’s really getting in the way of me wanting to call. And having the, I mean, that’s, it’s really, that’s what’s getting in the way of the connection.

Todd: Wow.

Client: That

Todd: is really interesting. Yeah. And

Client: I still want that, you know, I want both. I want the connection and I want her to see [00:17:00] me as cool.

Todd: Yeah. And it’s natural and it’s not, you know, it’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just the mind gets attached to it. Like wants in them, wants on their own are not a bad thing. But when I get attached to it, that’s when they become stressful and that’s when they can start interfering as we’re seeing here with, with actually what I’m wanting can actually get in the way that can block me from getting what I want in a funny way.

Client: Like one want getting in the way of another want.

Todd: Or one want getting in the way of its own want. You know, it’s like I want her to think I’m interesting and cool, while me wanting that is making it harder for her to see me as interesting and cool.

Client: That’s a very good point. Yeah, that’s true. How can she see that if she doesn’t ever see me?

Todd: Yeah.

Client: I don’t give her that [00:18:00] opportunity. Yeah.

Todd: Exactly. Or if I come with that little desperation, you know, then it, then I, it pushes people away, even though it’s meant it’s good. It means well, but it doesn’t. So the want, it’s not that the want is a bad thing. I do want that. It’s the attachment to the want

Client: that makes

Todd: it.

Todd: Get in the way.

Client: Yeah. Thank you for that because I would have been, I think that’s part of it is all this embarrassment is coming from this like thinking I’m wrong for having this want.

Todd: Right. Like the, the wants, wants can come just from the heart. Like there’s desire to connect. There’s something beautiful about that.

Todd: It’s a, it’s something.

Client: It is.

Todd: It’s nice. It’s, I wouldn’t want to shut that down. Um, by doing this work or something, if that’s what I think I’m doing, then yeah, no, I don’t want to be embarrassed about what my [00:19:00] heart desires. And, but what happens is if I get attached to that outcome, then it gets stressful.

Todd: And so it’s gotten to, it’s gotten out of balance and the work is just a way of rebalancing it so that it comes to a place where I can want, but I’m also okay with getting or not getting what I want.

Client: Yeah. That actually feels. more relaxing. There’s a lot of tension in being attached to an outcome that I have no control over.

Todd: That’s it. That’s it. Yeah. If I’m trying to do something I can’t control, that’s, uh, that’s very stressful. And I’m

Client: at the mercy of something that I’m, that’s even worse. And it’s like trying to control how [00:20:00] I’m going to feel based on trying to control something I can’t control.

Todd: Yeah, exactly. So that makes it very hard to be content and peaceful because it’s depending on something I can’t control.

Client: What

Todd: the turnaround does is free us from that attachment a little bit, just balances it out a little bit and says, Oh, I don’t want her to think I’m interesting and cool. It’s also okay if she doesn’t, I still want it, but it’s okay if she doesn’t. And there’s a freedom in that because I’m no longer dependent on.

Todd: on her doing it, you know, on her coming through.

Client: Yeah, it gives her freedom too.

Todd: And it lets, it gives space for whatever is real to emerge, whatever’s real.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Or maybe there is something and maybe it’s not, [00:21:00] you know, this much connection. Maybe it’s this much connection or maybe, or maybe it’s no connection, whatever’s real. gets a chance to be seen instead of me trying to, um, trying to make it something.

Todd: And it doesn’t mean I may not still keep trying in a way, but that, that may be what’s real for me. And it’s just coming from a natural place as opposed to the, the, the kind of desperation feeling that can come.

Client: Yeah, that’s, that’s been the thing is that I wanted to get over this fear of having this, it’s almost like I didn’t want to want it, because it’s so scary that I might not get it.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: I mean, so this changing my relationship with the fear itself is, seems to be the thing [00:22:00] because if I don’t fear that, then I, I’m free to just be myself and she’s free to perceive me however she wants. But it’s been this fear that’s really been driving this.

Todd: Yeah, like when I’m not attached to that outcome, I’m kind of free to lose in a way, you know, I’m a free to free to not get it because it’s also okay, right?

Client: Yeah. It’s that okayness. It almost feels like a turnaround for fear.

Todd: Yes. Like to be

Client: okay with it. It’s like a turnaround for that.

Todd: That’s right. If, if getting what you want and not getting what you want are equal somehow, they’re both okay, then there’s freedom.

Client: Yeah, there is a little bit of a temper [00:23:00] tantrum when you said equal to not getting what you want, but I can see, I can really see and feel the benefit of that truth.

Todd: And keep in mind that just because I’m okay with getting what I want or not getting what I want. In other words, I’m not attached. Doesn’t stop me from following my heart’s desire, which may be to look for connection and keep trying and keep, uh, keep connecting in different ways.

Todd: So these things can all exist. Simultaneously.

Todd: The only thing we’re doing when we question a thought like this is we’re loosening our attachment to it. That’s all. We’re not getting rid of it. It’s loosening our attachment to it.

Client: So, okay, uh, [00:24:00] just hit me that attachment and fear kind of go together.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Is that always the case? I

Todd: would say like what is fear is like fear of not getting what I’m attached to or fear of losing what I’m attached to.

Client: Yeah. It’s like it seems to me that every fear is a fear of not getting or of losing something. And I never thought of it in those terms as that’s what attachment is.

Todd: So when you question different

Client: people. Yeah.

Todd: Yeah, so when you question your thoughts, you, you look for the balance and it becomes less attached. So, you know, we were looking at this turnaround and maybe we can, um, look at it one more time before we go to the next one of, I want, I don’t want her to think I’m interesting and cool.

Todd: I want her to think I’m, I can’t remember what the exact words you said were.

Client: Um, uninteresting and uncool. I’m not sure that’s [00:25:00] a word,

Todd: but. Something like that. Right. So. Give me a few more examples if you can find any of why her seeing you or thinking of you as uninteresting and uncool could be, uh, okay.

Client: To stop caring about what everybody thinks. It kind of helps, I think this kind of helps me with that fear, that attachment, because it’s not just with her, it’s with other people too. And it’s like, if I can,

Client: if I can change that,

Client: experience here, then I, it’ll help me elsewhere also. It’s almost like it’s, it’s almost like it’s helping me break a pattern of [00:26:00] approval seeking and image management, how I want to control how people perceive me. So I can see a real benefit there. Um, specifically to her. I want her to see me as uninteresting and uncool.

Client: Then she doesn’t have to pretend with me either.

Client: I didn’t see that coming. Yeah. It’s because, I’m not sure but, somehow all this performative stuff that I’m doing is probably that, That energy is probably impacting her too, because there’s, it’s, it’s not, uh, it’s not [00:27:00] been, my calls with her have not been, with, with a little bit of exception, have not been super connecting.

Client: And I can see that’s why there’s this fear, you know, it’s like every time I’m not connecting and then there’s fear the next time and the next time, what do I need to do now? What do I need to do now to connect? And that’s been like almost the self fulfilling prophecy of, you know, I. Of the trying is making me yeah, that’s another thing in the trying to present this image is making me probably look even weirder and even weirder look even less cool.

Client: Yeah, it doesn’t look cool to try to be cool.

Todd: Isn’t that great.

Client: Interesting.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Oh, gosh. [00:28:00] This is all very humbling.

Todd: Oh, I get it. I feel it so much, yes. It kind of brings me back to high school, you know, trying to be cool. And it’s not cool. Yeah,

Client: well, it never was one of the cool ones, but for some reason here it felt, here it was felt so imperative.

Client: Felt like, Really a strong, almost survival kind of mechanism. Like I need this to happen.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Yeah. So this opens up a new kind of possibility for, for, um, being around her, um, which is to be being more yourself instead of being cool or interesting or trying to be that like what. It opens another layer of possible vulnerability and just honesty, and I am what I am, [00:29:00] um, kind of thing, and there’s a connection or not, um, and it’s, it’s just resting on reality, which is more freeing.

Client: I had a question about that though. When you’ve been performative for so long and you’re not really sure who you are,

Todd: you don’t know

Client: what’s natural for you. Um, yeah, it’s almost like, how do I be? What I don’t know what it is. It’s, it’s almost like, cause all, I mean, I’m so used to putting up these masks.

Todd: Yeah, we all are. And so we’re going into the unknown to, to start dropping the masks a little bit. And. Exploring what does Who am I? What am I interested in? Um, [00:30:00] am I excited about what, what, uh, you know, and then exploring if there’s crossover between what I’m interested in and what someone else is interested in, or just being in touch with my affection for somebody and just, um, not knowing what that’s going to look like or be like.

Todd: These are all kind of unknowns when you’ve. And I’m right there with you, been keeping a, like putting on a show or trying to keep up an image somehow. So the exciting thing is, as that image, even just the idea of putting that image down a little bit opens up the possibility for real connection for myself, with myself and possibly with them.

Todd: And I don’t even know what those connecting points are yet because I’ve been so invested in the show. [00:31:00]

Client: Exactly. Exactly. It just, it strikes me that it’s not only letting her get to know me, but even me getting to know me. I mean,

Todd: And I know from my experience too, that when somebody does let their guard down a little bit, you know, and just shows a little more who they are without the trying to impress.

Todd: It actually makes me feel in a way closer. I’m kind of drawn to that because there’s an honesty and, and realness to it. That’s a kind of attractive, even if I’m a weird or not cool or that kind of thing.

Client: I think that’s another example then of that turnaround is I don’t want to look, I don’t want her to see me as being cool and Interesting.

Client: I want her to see me for me.[00:32:00]

Todd: That’s what will be fulfilling. Otherwise, she’s having a relationship with my, you know, with your image.

Client: My avatar.

Todd: Your avatar. She’s having a great relationship with your avatar. Maybe it’s not so great, but she’s, but it leaves me on the outside, which is not so much fun.

Client: Yeah. I don’t have a good relationship with that.

Todd: No.

Client: Yeah, there’s something, something very, um,

Client: something very vulnerable and, and beautiful about that. I’m just letting that go.

Todd: And, you know, it kind of points to another turnaround, which is, I want me to think I’m interesting and cool.

Client: I was avoiding that.[00:33:00]

Client: Oh, actually, yeah, I can see an example right away. I like myself more when I’m being more real. I don’t like, I mean, it’s so cringy when I’m performing and I’m aware that I’m doing that. Yeah. It feels, it’s so cringy.

Todd: So what, let’s just play with possibilities of how you could be, um, who you are a little bit more with her. If you’re on a call with her, are there any natural ways that that might show up? And we’re just exploring because it may be completely unknown.

Client: Well, I know that [00:34:00] I’ve tried to avoid it. When she asks how I am or what I’m doing, because I’m thinking my life is probably so boring to her, uh, kind of deflect or exaggerate things or, yeah, so I’m sorry, what was the question again?

Todd: Yeah, something along those lines of like, what would it be like, what are some ways that you could show up, um, on a call with her that are not, um, that are just being who you are, um, on like without the, the avatar in front.

Client: Yeah. Um, yeah, I think if I’m more comfortable with me that, and that’s going to come through.

Client: And I think. [00:35:00] That’ll allow her to it’s almost like this dependency where this it’s been like making her responsible for my feelings. It’s like, I can. by just being myself and being okay with being myself. Um,

Client: I don’t know if it, I mean, maybe it’s in her business, but it feels like I take the pressure off of her.

Todd: Yeah, it may have benefit for her, right?

Client: Like she did, she’s not, she’s no longer, um, um, I’m absolving her of the responsibility of caretaking for my emotions. Uh huh. Yeah.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. So it was like, If, if, if she asks you, how are you doing, um, what are some options of things you could say?

Client: Or like if she asks, like, what have I been doing? [00:36:00] I, I, I don’t really have a great answer for that. You know, I, I, I have to search, you know, it’s like I’m trying to, because I’m trying to search, because I’m trying to find anything that seems interesting. Right.

Todd: That’s the key. You’re just like, I don’t have a great answer for that.

Todd: It’s like, what if you didn’t have to have a great answer, which sounds like avatar again, you know, like, who would you be like, sort of what could you say off the cuff? What are the kinds of things that. Start coming to mind if you’re not looking for a really interesting thing to say

Client: I could even say there’s not any Not anything earth shattering interesting, you know going I mean, honestly, that’s the most honest answer I could give because I really don’t have any other It’s like, well, okay, do I go back to, you know, what I did moment by moment? I mean, that doesn’t make sense either.[00:37:00]

Todd: Right. Yeah. I love that. Just starting with an honest answer of, that’s a great question. And I’m, I don’t think that much interesting has been going on. And, um,

Client: cause

Todd: it’s real. Not, it doesn’t matter the content, but the fact that you’re connected with your real experience and you’re sharing it unguardedly with her.

Client: And that might also allow me to share things that might not be, sound as interesting as she does a lot of travel, she’s, she’s really excelling in her career. She’s got all kinds of great things coming in her life and, you know, and I am interested in it. And so I’d rather talk about her stuff than mine because I thought it’s like, what do I have to.

Client: To compare with um,

Todd: yeah, so this brings an opportunity for you to join in the conversation Otherwise, it’s like you’re [00:38:00] just listening to her podcast, you know It’s like a one way or you’re Just keep reflecting it back to her um, but even if it’s Even if it’s sharing nothing much, um, but it’s honest and like you say some little ideas may start coming up of Oh, you know, this is something that i’m interested in something i’m Exploring or learning about or who knows what there, even if it’s totally not.

Todd: interesting on a global level, it’s the beginning of connection. It’s actually being there. Um,

Client: I just had a, I just had a aha moment too, that when you said, if otherwise you’re just listening to a podcast or podcast, when you said that, that kind of That was like a little bit of an arrow because I do that a lot.

Client: It’s not just with her. [00:39:00] I do that. And then because I feel like I don’t have something interesting to share. And this is with people in general. And then I hear all about their stuff. And then there’s a part of me that feels Hurt that they’re not thinking they’re not interested in me.

Todd: Yeah. Right. My

Client: thinking, I have nothing interesting to share, so I don’t share it.

Client: And then I project onto them that they’re just not interested in me. Or don’t find me interesting. It’s

Todd: really good to see that.

Client: Oh gosh. Yeah.

Todd: It’s more into your control than you think. Like there it’s just. Um, like I have to allow myself to be a part of the conversation. And when somebody asks me, then share what that is, um, to whatever degree is honest, [00:40:00] and it may never be as glamorous as what the other person’s talking about, but it’s me.

Todd: And otherwise, if I don’t include me, it’s a one way conversation.

Client: That’s, that’s a, that’s a really good thing to, to remember that being part of the conversation as opposed to listening to a podcast. I like that. That’ll help me remember that, um, and being part of the conversation. I mean, that’s still an internal experience.

Client: Then even when I’m listening, I’m listening from true connection, not listening because. I’m trying to think of the next question, or I’m trying to avoid being asked a question. Right,

Todd: right. So I’m part

Client: of the conversation, even if I’m not doing a lot of the talking. But then I don’t feel like I’m left out of the conversation.[00:41:00]

Todd: That is so clear, so beautiful. Yeah.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Well, thank you for this work. It’s been inspiring. Thank you. Yeah. I love it.

Client: It’d be a lot easier to call her.

Todd: Very cool. Very cool. Yeah. Makes me think about my nephew and how much more involved in the, like just being there and how much more willing I’d be willing to.

Todd: Make that kind of call. So for your

Client: work. I even had the funny thought about what it, and then what happens if she doesn’t even ask and I’ve been worrying about it. Yeah.

Todd: Yeah. Right. And that’s okay too, right? It’s like conversations, relationships are very dynamic things. We can’t script them. Um,

Client: yeah,

Todd: I just have to, it’s the idea that we’ve been exploring here of.

Todd: There is, there is something I can do in terms of [00:42:00] being more, uh, a participant or being more available instead of looking for what will impress and not finding it and then feeling and then leaving myself out, um, and then feeling bad about it. So.

Client: That applies to life. Being a participant in your own life instead of all this pretending, that, that feels pretty profound.

Todd: Yeah, it is profound. I sometimes say the ego is who I’m pretending to be, you know, and so if I, if I come back to who I actually am, even if it’s not glamorous, I’m much more connected with every part of my life and much more. It’s more fun to be around me and, you know, everything improves. So.

Client: And at least I can enjoy myself even if other people aren’t interested.

Client: It won’t matter because I’m enjoying myself.

Todd: [00:43:00] That’s it. Great. Well, thank you again. And, um. Yeah. Thank you. In this episode, we looked at How wanting to be seen as interesting and cool can make connection awkward. And you witnessed this experience with the person I was working with just now and, um, it’s also my experience as well.

Todd: When I’m trying to, like, say, impress my nephew or try to be cool, it’s this weird feeling inside. And then we looked at how being uninteresting is actually more interesting for everyone involved. And this was so cool to see because, um, just playing with the idea that, um, I could say something that is not earth shattering, not amazing, not super, uh, cool.

Todd: Is suddenly bringing myself into the picture and is beginning to have a kind of, [00:44:00] uh, like a relationship is actually starting. And then we looked at how to be more yourself with someone you want to be close to and it comes down to actually answering their questions. You know, how are you doing? Well, okay, let me.

Todd: Let me ask, what’s going on for you? Let me ask myself what is and see if I can find something but not put a high bar on it. I have to find something interesting. It’s like, oh, well, not too much going on. And then, um, and then feeling the freedom to explore what could be, uh, something that is just mildly interesting to you and then sharing that.

Todd: So thank you for listening. Thanks for following along as we did this work. I really enjoyed the session. And I look forward to more sessions, and in the meantime, as always, I hope you have a great day, and we’ll see you next time.[00:45:00]

Todd: Dreaming of a stress free, balanced life? Visit TrueInnerFreedom. com and complete the HSP Stress Survey. Gain clarity on your stress triggers, and enjoy a free 15 minute Inner Freedom Call designed to guide you towards lasting inner peace and fulfillment.