The Pressure to Finish: A Guided Meditation for Highly Sensitive People

By the end of this episode, you’ll discover how to loosen your attachment to the ideal of finishing on time.

Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I’m your host Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie, a way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I’m a highly sensitive person myself.

In this episode, you’ll discover how even a subtle pressure to perform takes HSPs out of their normal level of arousal. Why your inner experience is as important as your outward accomplishment and how to be confident in choosing self respect in the face of Disapproval. This is an edition of guided meditation Mondays where I’ll be guiding you to do the work of Byron Katie as you listen let’s do the work on deadline pressure as highly sensitive people deadlines are a challenge for us and Let’s take a minute to go inward and challenge a stressful thought around deadlines.

The thought I’d like to work on today is the idea that I need to finish on time. So to start with, look for a situation, maybe it’s one going on right now, or maybe it’s one from the past, where you felt this was true. You really do need to finish on time. Or you were trapped in that belief, even if it may not have been actually true, but it doesn’t matter as long as you were feeling caught in the idea that you need to finish on time.

So take a minute and see if you can find a specific time and a place. that will be your anchor for this meditation.

For me, I don’t have to look very far. I announced a course in January and then realized that I still needed to do a lot of work on it to get it ready to present. And so I delayed that start date by two months, and it sounded like a lot of time. Oh great, I’m gonna have a couple months to work on it. And as I get into it, I realized That is not going to be enough time.

I need more time to be able to do a good job on it. And lurking in the background is this thought, I need to finish on time. Do you have a similar situation, where you’re still under the gun for something that may not be realistic for you, or that is causing you stress?

So feel free to pause the recording if you need more time to find a specific situation as we begin this work. So we’ll begin by questioning the thought, I need to finish on time. And the first question of the work of Byron Katie is it true?

So sit with this thought. Is it true? It’s a yes or a no, and you can take your time to debate it, but is it true that you need to finish on time?

And be honest with yourself as you’re answering this question. I want the answer to come from inside of you, from on an experiential level, not from an idea of what’s a right answer or anything like that.

You need to finish on time. Is that true?

So for me, as much as I want to say, No, it’s not true, because I know in reality it’s not. If I’m really honest with my experience on the inside, It feels like it is true, and that’s the reality I’m living with on the emotional level inside. So I’m going to stick with that honesty, even though I see contradiction to it.

And so for me, the answer is yes, I need to finish on time. So regardless of what your answer is, say yes, then let’s go to question two. And if it’s a no, then you can just skip this question. Question two is, can you absolutely know it’s true? You need to finish on time.

Again, a yes or a no.

And again, listen to your experience. Answer from there. Are you sure?

For me, it feels like It’s no. I don’t, I can’t absolutely know it’s true. I need to finish on time.

So whichever your answer is, then let’s go on to question three, which is how do you react? What happens in your situation when you think I need to finish on time?

I feel stressed.

I feel pressure.

I push myself

and I feel overwhelmed. Because when I look at the reality of my calendar, I don’t see how that’s going to work in a sane way.

How about you? What happens to you when you think that you need to finish on time?

How does it affect the way you approach the project? How you Do the project what happens when you’re thinking you need to finish on time

for me It feels like my focus is on that deadline even though it wasn’t even a firm deadline in my case But it’s a it’s a deadline and I’m almost hypnotized by that deadline And I don’t I can’t really put my full attention on the project.

What images do you see in the future of? When you have this thought, I need to finish on time. These are also reactions. What do you notice? What are the images you see? For example, I see people being disappointed. People who I thought would take the course will probably not take the course. I see possible loss of income.

I see me being, I see people disapproving of me for not keeping my word. These are the kinds of images I see. So how about you?

In contrast, What do you think you will have if you finish on time? What are you attached to that also plays a role in this?

I’m attached to the feeling of relief that it’s finally over, it’s done. I’m attached to the idea of kind of celebration, if you will.

And so by contrast, I’m treating my project, which I actually love, and I can’t wait to keep working on, I treat it like it’s drudgery. I feel like it’s something getting in the way, holding me back from this imagined kind of celebration of it all being over. So this is what I mean by reaction. I react by living in the future.

Another interesting question is, what are you unable to do? When you think this thought what are you able unable to do now when you think the thought you need to finish on time?

I’m unable to take a slow methodical approach Which totally suits me unable I’m unable to see how well I do When I work consistently over time on a project Only focused on the deadline when I’m believing this thought And I miss diving in and enjoying the project.

How about you? Are you unable to do when you think you need to finish on time?

I’m also unable to let the project tell me how long it takes and to listen to what the needs are that are coming up.

I’m unable to take more time to research, more time to get to the bottom of things. I’m rushed.

So let’s go to question four of the work, which is, who would you be in the same situation, with the same deadline, everything the same, who would you be without the thought that you need to finish on time?

I feel a little freedom coming in. And I say a little because part of me is having trouble even believing, is having trouble even experimenting with the idea of not having the thought. So this is a challenging question. You have to almost pretend, play pretend, who would you be if you didn’t have the thought, or you didn’t believe the thought, that you needed to finish on time.

What would that look like? You might even have to be almost like a different person. What would that feel like in your situation?

So if I didn’t have the thought I need to finish on time, here’s how I’d approach this course. I would begin with where I am so far, where I’m at, and I would look at the big picture. Overall, am I heading in the right direction? Do I need some course correction? Is there more research I can do? In my case, yes, I see there is.

So I would just be following that trail into the research. And I still have an outline of what I’m doing, so I’d be checking in with that, seeing is that Is there anything I need to add to that? Is there anything I can develop here? But it feels like a very interactive kind of process where I’m connecting with what I’m doing and listening to the cues that are coming up and following those cues.

If I didn’t have the thought, I need to finish on time, I would feel free to take as much time as I need to and it feels easy. They feel, there’s a feeling of fun coming in because I love doing this.

So how about you? Who would you be if you weren’t believing that you needed to finish on time?

I would also see that it’s not necessary that I finish it, that I finish it at all. It’s a luxury. I’m doing something extra, but otherwise my life is fine. It has been fine for all the time up till now without doing this. So there’s a kind of relaxing that happens.

So let’s go to the turnarounds. Now, a turnaround is an opposite and we hold it as a new hypothesis. So the original statement is, I need to finish on time, and an opposite would be, I don’t need to finish on time. So how could this opposite this turnaround be as true or truer than the original state?

I need to finish on time. How could that be true that I don’t need to finish on time? We’re gonna look for examples of how. This might be true.

And look specifically at your situation. Why do you not need to finish on time just to be a devil’s advocate with yourself? Look for why that could be true.

The obvious one for me is I can simply let people know that the project is going to be taking longer than I expected and I don’t have a firm deadline at this time. And so I’m under no obligation. I guess that’s the point for me. I’m not holding anyone’s money. I don’t need to finish on time, and it’s really good to take that in.

How about you? How is it that you don’t need to finish on time, even though you may want to, and maybe you will? This need, how’s it possible that you don’t actually need to?

For me, for example, I’m not financially dependent. on finishing this on time or finishing it ever. So that’s good to see.

And in a way, not finishing it on time because it’s a course on, for highly sensitive people, on stress management, in a way, it’s a great lesson. The lesson I’m learning myself and wanting to share with others of putting my specific special needs on an equal footing with accomplishment. So I don’t need to finish on time because, in a way, I’m sharing, teaching, if you will, through example.

How about you? Where is it that you don’t really need to finish on time, even though you may think so? Look at the worst case scenario. In case people are disappointed or you’re going to lose something, is there any way that could be a good thing? That could serve you? Could be better for you? Or even better for them.

Tiny examples work here. I know one specific person who, actually two specific people who said that the delay wasn’t going to work for them because they’re busy in the summer. So maybe a longer delay will work for them because the timing would be better. How about you? Where is it that it could actually be better for them?

That you don’t finish on time.

So we’ll go with one more turnaround, which is just a variation of the same turnaround, which would be, I need to not finish on time. It’s like extreme version here. So just to push the envelope a little bit and see if there’s any examples that come up in that regard. And one pops up immediately for me.

If finishing on time is going to make me stressed and crazy, then I need to not finish on time. It’s actually my. My duty not to do that. My duty to myself.

And this is especially poignant for me because I’m teaching a course on stress management for highly sensitive people, so if I get stressed in the process of that, then what am I actually teaching?

So I need to not finish on time.

It also goes, flies in the face of a cultural norm. Once you start something, you should finish it. or something like that. I remember my grandfather was very proud of me that I seemed to finish what I started. And maybe I made a religion out of that in my own mind, and I’m getting bound by something that’s not absolutely necessary.

What am I really wanting? My grandfather’s approval, he’s been gone since 1980. So it’s like I’m living in a constricted world because of that. That desire for approval, possibly, and so I need to not finish on time, maybe to break out of that, maybe to become more comfortable with changing my mind, with changing gears, saying, Oh, I thought that’s what I was going to do, and it turns out that’s not so good.

I don’t usually give myself that much freedom, so I need to not finish on time to exercise that muscle, maybe, and to normalize changing my mind as well.

So if you have any other ideas, any other thoughts of why it might be a good thing to not finish on time, or we can put it this way, how not finishing on time could be as good? as finishing on time. Maybe they’re equal. Then take a second to look.

Maybe it takes the pressure off of someone else. Maybe it gives them more time. Maybe it unwinds a tightly held community that is too time driven. Maybe it slows it down a little. In this episode, we looked at how even a subtle pressure to perform It takes HSPs out of their optimal level of arousal.

And this is a key concept with when understanding HSPs, that there’s an optimal level of being aroused or stimulated and there’s a low one level that’s too low or a level that’s too high where we’re overstimulated and we get overwhelmed. So the sweet spot is where we’re an optimal level of arousal.

And the pressure to do things on time can quickly overwhelm HSPs. Basically, when we think we have to perform on a certain amount of time, in a certain amount of time, It can add us, it can create a kind of pressure that prevents us from doing our best. We also saw how the inner experience could be as important as the outward experience or the outward accomplishment.

In my case, I was giving up something outward. There was a certain kind of success that could have been there, a certain kind of a financial gain that could have been there, a certain kind of approval that would have been there. These are all outward things. And where this work pointed me was to take care of my inner, that was as important, that was foundational and is worth making a priority.

And then finally we looked at how to be confident in choosing self respect in the face of disapproval. And this is all hypothetical because in the future here, but the idea is that people may not like it when I choose balance, when I choose taking care of myself. They may think I’m weird. They may think there’s something wrong with me.

And it takes courage to do that. But what gives me confidence is the knowing that this is the right thing to do. This feels right. It’s honoring of myself. And in the end, if I didn’t do this. I would come out with something that was less than a good product. Then I would actually feel like like I had cheated people of what I could have given them.

And that leads to a feeling of non self respect and can actually lead to greater disapproval, ironically. Sounds strange, but taking care of myself and going out of my way to do even when others don’t like it, may actually be preventing greater disrespect later, and greater self disrespect throughout the process.

So thanks for listening. It’s always a pleasure to do this work with you. Thank you for following along and doing some of your own work. We do this every Monday, and I look forward to the next time we do a great day. Rest of your day, and we’ll see you next time.