How a Highly Sensitive Person Can Cope With Slow Healing and Aging Through Inner Work

Client: [00:00:00] I am ready to go and then as soon as I start playing, like my heart raises up like quite a lot and I feel tired, like almost five minutes in. So that leads me to think that either I got sick too and I didn’t, I still didn’t recover, or that my body is not recovering fast enough for me to be able to do that.

Todd: Welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress. And look for ways to turn it around. And the method we use is called the work of Byron Katy. If you haven’t heard of the work of Byron Katy, it’s an amazingly simple and deep way of looking at a situation and seeing if there are other ways of seeing that same situation that are not stressful.

It consists of four questions, some turnarounds and examples of [00:01:00] the turnarounds and. That’s what we do on this podcast. I’m Todd Smith and on the program today, a participant does the work on the thought. My body is not recovering fast enough, and I also read my newsletter article. What if your stressful thoughts are questions?

Can you still question them? Let’s dive into the work of Byron Katie together. And I hope you’ll enjoy this simple, powerful way of questioning what you think. We’ll start with listening to the. Recording from my latest weekly open session, and that’s where I’ll be doing the work with a participant. And then afterwards we’ll go through and, uh, read the newsletter article.

And also keep in mind that I. Share these recordings in their unedited form so that you can experience what it’s like to do the work in real, in real life. Um, this is not about, uh, having a perfect [00:02:00] production here, but more about just, uh. Seeing how it actually happens. ’cause that’s what it’ll be like when you do the work yourself.

So here’s the recording. I hope you enjoy it.

Client: Okay, so the situation I have is, um, my family has been or was sick for a few weeks and I was like, I was like the only one in the house that didn’t really feel sick. I couldn’t sleep very well. But I was the only one that really didn’t like, I can’t say I, I didn’t get sick, but I don’t know that for sure.

It’s like I didn’t have the same symptoms or the same things. So then I played basketball and soccer and I’ve been trying to keep doing that, as, you know, as a healthy way to do exercise and you know, don’t leave that behind. But then I started noticing that I have like [00:03:00] less and less energy. When I’m playing and I can feel that right away, like I’m ready to go.

And then as soon as I start playing, like my heart raises up like quite a lot and I feel tired, like almost five minutes in. So that leads me to think that either I got sick too and I did, I still didn’t recover, or that my body is not recovering fast enough for me to be able to do that, and I’m only doing it.

Twice a week, maybe three times a week. So I’m giving it some days to, to get a proper rest and don’t force it too much, but I still like came to the conclusion that I’m like frustrated with my body because it’s not, it’s not recovering fast enough for when I need it. So that, that’s becoming like really frustrating last few weeks.

Todd: Great. Well, this is a, this is basically, you just said line [00:04:00] one of the judge your neighbor worksheet. I’m frustrated with my body because it’s not recovering fast enough. So let’s do a little work so your body is not recovering fast enough. Is that true?

Client: Yeah, that’s true. 

Todd: And can you absolutely know it’s true. Your body is not recovering fast enough.

Client: Yes. I feel like yes. I don’t know if it’s to sleep, I don’t know, but in my mind it’s, it’s my body that is not recovering fast enough ’cause I can feel it.

Todd: So how do you react? What happens to you when you think that your body’s not recovering fast enough?

Hmm.[00:05:00] 

Client: I like put myself into attack mode to the body itself. Like to my body. I feel like I see like the frustration I can. Feel, even my heart started racing a little bit, like trying to get into fight mode, like being frustrated. It’s like thinking, oh, why is this happening again?

I start feeling, I start going back to all the times where not necessarily happened the same, but I was like feeling that my body was hurting so. Not that I got hurt, but it was like my knees started hurting because of a basketball. It’s a lot of friction and a lot of jumping, and a lot of stuff like that.

So I started having knee pain a [00:06:00] few years ago, so it’s like, and I never got injured actually. It’s, it’s just a, it’s just that feeling of pain. So I started going back and like, kind of like linking. That my body’s not recovering with that pain and my knees a little bit and like blaming it for it. And it’s like, here we go again.

’cause that’s kind of how I started feeling. It’s like my knees start hurting, so I’m, and then I’m tired five minutes in. So yeah, I just go back to the last few weeks where that happened when I wanted to. Workout or like put as as much effort as I could, but then my body was like giving up and I couldn’t do it.

It was like, no, you’re not running that fast today, or you’re not jumping that high. Or you can put just the energy you can, you can see that right away. I can feel it and I go back to, I mean, I go [00:07:00] forward also in time like playing. I have a game in actually tomorrow. And I’m already thinking that that’s gonna happen again.

It’s like, yeah, I’ve been resting and I’ve been trying to take care of my body, but even though I’m doing that, I know it’s gonna happen tomorrow again, like five minutes in or, or something. I’m gonna start feeling tired again and, and feeling that my body’s just not recovering as it should and I just get stuck ’cause I don’t know what to do about it.

Like, I try to sleep, I try to like drink enough water. Try to hydrate it as much as I could try to stay relaxed, but somehow it’s just like, it just go, goes back to the same place and I can’t do it. 

Todd: Yeah. Where do you feel it emotionally or in your body, anywhere in terms of this thought? I’m not recovering.

The body’s not recovering fast enough. 

Client: It’s weird because now that you [00:08:00] mention that Ivan. I was having no knee pain at all. Like I usually don’t feel it at all until I start playing and just right now I kind of like started feeling like ants in my knees, which it’s really weird. It’s, yep. Like a little bit in there.

So I was like, what? It’s weird. Uh, but I started feeling it right away, right there in my knees. Yeah. Like, just like the mind just 

Todd: starts looking for the proof, right? Like, my body’s not recovering fast enough. Oh look, there’s my knees. 

Client: Right.

Todd: And what do you see when you look at your, your teammates and your team when you think that your body is not recovering fast enough? 

Client: Hmm. I see disappointment ’cause I’m usually. We have kind of like a weird team where [00:09:00] nobody comes to practices and it’s usually more effort based and skill-based. We could say that way for now.

So I’m usually the ones that puts like the most effort and try to tries to make everybody getting the right spots, like scoring and all that. And as soon as I do that, like I look back and I can see their faces of disappointment because I’m not. Able to perform as I usually do, or hit the shots that I usually do, and I go back to blaming the body.

It’s like, ah, here we go again. I couldn’t rest enough, so I cannot put the effort. So yeah, it’s definitely disappointment. Yeah. 

Todd: And how do you treat your body, if that’s any different than what you’ve already said? Do you treat it any differently when you think that it’s not recovering fast enough? 

Client: Whew. I go pretty hard at my body too, ’cause [00:10:00] I feel like I was, I stopped doing sports for like eight years or something.

Like fully stopped doing it because I ha I was busy living in a different city and I was too busy with work. And somehow I go back to those moments and I think that’s like eight, nine years. That I saved in terms of mileage on my body itself. You know, that’s the way I see it. At least I know it’s not real.

It’s like going out of reality, but it’s like if I didn’t use it for this amount of time, that means I could use it for longer than the regular people would do it, or it should be healing faster because of it. I didn’t put too much into it for those years. So yeah, I blame it for not being able to. Be there and you know, like I can hear it some, I can, I can feel it sometimes really good.

And then I think, oh, it’s back to normal, and I can just like [00:11:00] start putting my full effort into it. And then it goes back to the moment where I feel like I’m tired again and I can’t do it anymore. So yeah, I bit it up pretty bad because of that. It’s like, it’s like I don’t trust it anymore. You know? It’s like before you just.

It’s just like a run. You could just go out and running ’cause you know you’re running. But I know I need to be aware of how I’m running or when I’m running. ’cause I know the pain is gonna start again and I’m like, so I have to kind of like balance that out a little bit so I can be able to run as much as I can.

So yeah, I don’t treat it good at all. It’s just like. I complain a lot too because of it. It’s like, oh, here we go with the knees and there are a bunch of thoughts start coming up. Like, I should have just quit playing or stopped working out or, you know, blaming my body. ’cause I feel the way, the reason I [00:12:00] I’m back to working out that much is because I wanna be healthier.

And I wanna, you know, but like the competitiveness kicks in too. So not only I wanna work out, but I also wanna be able to do the things I was able to do before, even if it was the week before or something like that. So I go back to it and when it starts, it starts hurting. I’m like, should I quit? And like, there’s a lot of things that come to mind when that happens.

It’s like my body just gave up so. I better just quit before I break a bone or something like that. So that kind of starts, right? Supporting the idea of like, my body’s failing and I can’t do it anymore, or like, it’s not resting. I don’t, I, I don’t seem to be able to find the, a way to, to make the body rest enough so I can go out and perform and work out as much as I want to work out.

So, yeah, [00:13:00] it’s. Gets to the point where it’s frustrating and I blame it all on my body. 

Todd: Got it. All right, so who would you be when you’re starting to play and within a few minutes your heart starts racing and you don’t have as much energy? Who would you be when that happens? If you don’t have the thought that your body is not recovering fast enough?

Client: Hmm.

It feels like instead of forcing it, I’m kind of like slowing down. [00:14:00] Both physically and mentally like, like if I know I can run at 80 miles per hour, I just go to 60 and then try to help the team as much as I can with what I can do at the moment, instead of going back to it.

Yeah, and I’m not like double guessing myself all the time. ’cause I notice that I do that a lot when I’m, when I have a thought, like, should I go for that ball? Should I go for a layup or should I try to score? Things like that. I’m doubting all, all the time because of the thought, but if I don’t have it, I’ll just read the play and would do what I can at the moment instead of thinking about it.

Just like reacting to it the way you should more [00:15:00] naturally, instead of thinking three, four times before I make a move. That’s interesting. Yeah. There’s not much. Thought process into it. I will just do what I can with what I have. ’cause I, I still have a lot of things that I can do to help the team. Not necessarily scoring a lot or doing all, but I could defend, I could pass the ball better, I could involve everybody better.

It looks like somehow it shifts the focus on, it’s not, it’s not about me anymore. It’s about, okay, how can, with what I can do, how can I help the team so they can play better? Hmm. I never looked at it that way.[00:16:00] 

It’s like before I’m putting all the weight on myself. Trying to do everything to get a win or things like that. And now without it, it is like, how can I help them be better or do what they do? Shoot from a better places where I know they’re gonna score or make them better. So yeah, it’s, it’s not about me at all anymore.

If I, without the thought, it’s about them, the team itself and not. Not just me,

and that’s really freeing. Like I’m not putting more weight on me every time I miss a layout or I can run or something like that happens.

Yeah, it’s really [00:17:00] freeing.

That’s 

Todd: really cool.

So how would you turn this thought around my body is not recovering fast enough? 

Client: Well, the first one will be my body is recovering fast enough. 

Todd: Okay. So how could that be true even when you still have less energy?

Client: It’s interesting because I can, I can totally see that being true. Like usually when you don’t rest good en well enough, the next day you are sore. You can barely walk or. You feel it, you know, you feel all the effort that you put the, you put in the day before you [00:18:00] feel it in your body, but I’m not feeling that at all.

Like the next day, no matter how much I run the next day, I feel like I could run again if I need to. Like I’m not even sore most of the times. That’s, that’s so interesting. So 

Todd: much for that story. So 

Client: yeah, like that’s a huge difference. Like if that was true, like I would be sore the next day. I could barely walk or do anything at all.

But I just feel good. I feel like. I did a good workout the day before and I can just keep going the next day. Like I don’t feel that tired or exhausted or sore or pain. There’s nothing. I’m just [00:19:00] good. I actually feel better than the day before because of a workout. The work that I did or the game that I played, or the training or whatever it was.

Todd: Hmm. So, so yeah, the body is recovering fast enough. 

Client: It is. 

Todd: So how about when you look at the, like there’s a little bit of less energy when you’re playing. Can you find that even with that little bit of less energy, that it’s still possible that your body is recovering? Fast enough, like recovering fast maybe?

I don’t know.

Client: I think it’s, yeah, because like if not, I wouldn’t go to play. So it’s, it’s weird because I feel [00:20:00] good right before the game starts and it’s just those five minutes in when everything starts, like, oh, here we go. Here, it’s starting again, or something. So I feel like it’s not,

it’s not my body. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just running and not running properly or breathing the wrong way, which makes me feel certain way or just parts of, uh, that sickness that we had in my family and my house. That it’s still there and I don’t know anything about, it’s like sometimes you just don’t see it at all and it’s just slowly going out or something, and that’s a way to show it.

So I can’t blame it. I can definitely blame it on my body and say it’s, it’s not because I’m not recovering ’cause I feel good those five minutes before or 10 minutes [00:21:00] before, I feel just as good as any other day.

Todd: Yeah, so if there was some virus or some something in the, in your family and, and your body is processing that, then, then it may be recovering fast enough. Like in fact, I think you said you didn’t even get sick. Everyone else got sick. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: Right. So. Whose body is recovering fast is, is recovering fast enough?

Like 

Client: That’s true. It didn’t even hit me as hard as them. 

Todd: Right. 

Client: It’s like 

Todd: Right. 

Client: So that means it’s recovering really fast. 

Todd: Exactly. It was just given a strong, uh. Something strong challenge the body got a strong [00:22:00] challenge from whatever that bug was, and it’s recovering really fast, but the mind says it’s not perfect, so it’s not fast enough.

Client: Yeah. And I start looking for ways like, oh, you see I can run fast enough anymore, or I can jump high enough. Yeah. It starts to validate that. Even though we can totally see that it’s recovering pretty fast. So that’s really interesting.

Todd: Hmm. Yeah, so it’s all depends on how you look at it. If you look at it of, compared to all the other times when I had no, no virus in my system. Or when I was younger or something, then it feels like, oh, it’s not recovering fast enough. But if I look at it in terms of what’s actually happening, I was exposed to something, everyone else got sick.[00:23:00] 

I didn’t get sick, and I’m still playing basketball, then, then it’s truer that I am recovering fast enough. 

Client: Right? And I, I even started playing. Like, I didn’t stop, even though when I was not sleeping right because my family was sick, I just kept going. I didn’t even let my body actually rest because of the virus.

I just kept going like nothing was happening. So that’s a lot to take in too. It’s, yeah. 

Todd: Like, and still your body is doing pretty good, right? Yeah. Even with less rest, even with the virus, all of that. And, and it’s still, it’s still recovering. Pretty good, right? 

Client: Yeah, I could, I could still run pretty, pretty well, even though I was feeling my heart beating faster and everything I could, it was not just like I was not able to run or do anything at all.

I was still able to do those [00:24:00] things. So how 

Todd: much of the game did you play, do you think? 

Client: Mm, probably 60% of the game. Wow. A little bit more. How much 

Todd: do you usually play in a game? Like, uh, normally 

Client: like 80%, 90%, sometimes a hundred percent. 

Todd: Okay. So yeah, considering the factors involved, not bad. Not bad. 

Client: Not bad at all.

And now that you mentioned that I was not even. Taking consideration that we, we were actually playing on a new court where you can run as fast or you can move as good for basketball. ’cause it’s like, it’s, it’s, it’s a different material. So you’re lighting left and right when you’re trying to do something.

So that makes it worse when you’re trying to control your [00:25:00] body and balance yourself and mm-hmm. And I was not even considering that at all. And it was the first time that we played on that chord. So we had no idea how it was or, yeah. 

Todd: Right. So there can be other factors involved here as well. 

Client: Right. I was just putting it all in my body and not being able to do, ’cause I couldn’t run the same and it was not the body at all.

I was just a chord too. So interesting how I put it all in. 

Todd: Definitely. And then like, it’s not recovering fast enough, like it is recovering fast enough. What, like recovering fast enough for what? Like what were you, what, what did you, what were you trying to get, um, from having that? [00:26:00] Recover for full recovery?

Like what were you trying to, to get fast enough for what? 

Client: I think it’s what you mentioned before. It’s like the way I’m looking at it, it’s like when, when you feel your body or you peak that you know you can run as fast as you can and then you can jump as high as you can. So I go back to that my body’s not recovering fast enough to that moment where my body’s feeling great and I can feel like I can run all day long and I can hit all my shots and, and all that stuff.

So I’m going back to that moment and comparing it to it and I see, oh, it’s not a to that level, so it’s not recovering fast enough. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s like for that feeling of like invincibility or something, right? Like, I’m really great doing great, you know, that, that feeling, right? So how is it possible that, that your body is recovering fast enough for you still to have that [00:27:00] good feeling, even if you’re only at, uh, 60% on the physical level?

Client: Well, I could see that. Right away when there’s a timeout or something and I’m sweating more than usual, I can feel my body, even though when I’m sweating because I’m not sleeping very well or whatever the reason might be, I’m actually recovering faster than most of my teammates ’cause I can go back and like go back and play right away.

Some of them can’t even get in anymore because they’re so tired. They need a longer rest. And I don’t, so I definitely can see that my body is recovering pretty fast and I was not seeing that. 

Todd: Cool. There’s another kind of interesting turnaround. Um, my thinking about my [00:28:00] body is not recovering fast enough.

How could that be a factor here? 

Client: Very much. I was thinking about that exact same turnaround too, and I can see the minute something happens, it kicks in. Like trying to build the case and put it on on my body again. It’s like, oh, you see last week this happened again. So my thought it is bringing those memories back of what happened or this many years ago where you, when you missed the layup or when you were so tired.

So. That in itself, it is not letting my body rest because I have that in the back of my mind all the time. It’s like I’m not even allowing it to rest. It’s like the day before, like just right now talking to you about the game tomorrow, I was already thinking, oh, am I gonna have that same thing again? I’m not gonna be able to rest my body.

So it’s in the back of my head for sure. So I can see how that [00:29:00] is not letting my body rest. It’s not giving it a chance to. To show that it’s actually resting and it’s trying to make me believe that it’s, it’s not going to be able to rest. Or when that happens, it’s like you see, you couldn’t rest well enough.

So that’s on your body. 

Todd: Exactly. So it’s like the body now is carrying not only the virus or whatever that is, um, not only just. Just whatever’s physically going on, but then all the mental weight, like all those thoughts, they’re heavy. They, I have to like, and they come with their own chemistry, right? Yeah.

When I think these thoughts like, oh, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. Like you can feel the physical heaviness there. So now I’m like, even more effort I have to make Yeah. To do the same thing. Yeah. 

Client: I totally see that. It’s like when that happens and I’m in the middle of a game, it’s like somebody put like, I don’t know, 40, 50 pounds more for me to run.[00:30:00] 

So now I have to, yeah, I have to do it all over again with more weight and then also my will. ’cause like the will just goes away a little bit instead of like, oh, I’m gonna just go and rest. Like right at that moment, I’m out of the game. I’m not in there anymore. It’s like my body’s trying to go to bed and, and get some rest, which is what I think I need, but I’m not, I’m not there physically anymore.

Mentally, physically I’m there, but mentally I’m gone. It’s like 

Todd: Right. 

Client: Yeah. And it’s a lot more That’s a cool to run for sure. 

Todd: Yeah. So then like that shows that there’s, some of that is more under. Like under my control than just the body. Like a body I can control, certain degree, getting rest, whatever. Um, but it has its own life, right?

I can’t ultimately control, I can’t make myself feel like I was 18 all the time. May not happen, right? But I can at least take some of the thoughts [00:31:00] that are sitting here just like we’re doing and question some of those and maybe, uh, just. Like, if that’s a little less, then the body is only dealing with the physical, not with the mental and physical at the same time, 

Client: so, right.

That’s so cool. 

Todd: So yeah, my body is recovering fast enough. It’s, it’s, it’s doing its best. And my thinking is it could be recovering faster, 

Client: right. And building the Ks around it. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: That’s so cool. I 

Todd: mean, I love doing this kind of work, uh, on situations in like sports, uh, ’cause I also play sport, I play pickleball and I love, I love that.

And all these little situations, whether it’s with my body or whether it’s with other players or it’s, whether it’s with the game itself, all different, different aspects of that. They, they’re. They show the same kinds of [00:32:00] thinking that, uh, can cause stress and gets in the way with things in normal life as well.

So I sometimes tell people I could do the work only on pickleball situations for the next, for the rest of my life, I will get everything I need. Right. For, for how to live a life, right? Whether it’s out or whether it’s in, or whether it’s, yeah, all of that. So,

so thank you for bringing this. I love it. Thank you. Good. Next, I’m going to read one of my newsletter articles, and this is called What If Your Stressful Thoughts Are 

Client: Questions? Can you Still question them?

Why is Spring so slow this year? It’s 

Todd: a question, but really it’s a stressful thought. How do you do the work on this? Can you question a question? Sometimes stressful [00:33:00] thoughts come as questions. Why can’t I find a better paying job? Do I really need to stay in this relationship? When will I ever get to bed on time?

Why do I bother reaching out to him? If you want to do the work of Byron Katie on these stressful questions, you may find that. These questions don’t quite fit the process. For example, it’s awkward to ask, why can’t I find a better paying job? Is it true? Like, what does that even mean? Or when will I ever get to bet on time?

Is it true? Questioning a question just doesn’t make sense, but stressful questions can be worked. Just because it’s a question doesn’t mean that you can’t do the work on it. You just to have, you just have to have some prep work. First you have to ask yourself, what are the stressful thoughts or beliefs behind the question?[00:34:00] 

For example, why can’t I find a better paying job? That’s the question. So what are the stressful thoughts behind this question? The stressful thoughts when I think about it are. I can’t find a better, better paying job, right? The question is, why can’t I find a better paying job? Really, I’m just complaining.

Why can’t I find a better paying job? But the stressful thought behind that question is. I can’t find a better paying job, right? That’s one that I can easily take into the work. Go through the four questions and find the turnarounds. What other thoughts are behind this question? This, this original question, why can’t I find a better paying job?

What? What’s behind that? I can’t find a better paying job. I need to find a better, a better paying job. My job doesn’t pay enough. It’s not fair that my job pays less than his job. Um, I don’t have enough money. These are all underlying beliefs that back up and [00:35:00] support and are kind of underneath the original question, why can’t I find a better paying job?

Another example of this is, uh, the question, why do I bother reaching out to him? You know, it’s kind of like one of those questions you ask yourself, oh, why do I bother? You know, it’s a question, but it’s really, it’s, there’s some stressful thought underneath there. Again, it’s kind of like a complaint. So what are the stressful thoughts behind this question?

He doesn’t care about me. That could be one right there, or I give more than he does, or. I want him to care about what I care about. So these are possible underlying beliefs that are sitting underneath the question, why do I bother reaching out to him? So if you come up with a question and you feel it stressful, all you need to do is sit with it for a minute [00:36:00] and ask yourself, what are the stressful thoughts behind this question?

Behind every stressful question is some kind of stressful belief. The stress may come out as a question, but underneath that question is a belief that can easily be questioned using the four questions and turnarounds of the work. So don’t be fooled by this format that your stress takes. If it’s a question, simply look at what thoughts are also there, which argue with reality.

If you feel stress, you can be sure that you’re arguing with reality somehow. Just look at it. You will soon find. What the question is all about. Basically a way of saying this shouldn’t be happening when you find it. Doing the work on this underlying belief is no different than questioning any other stressful thought.

So I encourage you to join us for one of our virtual retreats. Um, we do these [00:37:00] retreats, um. A couple times a year, and it’s a great way to spend a whole weekend diving into the work, uh, and. Looking at stressful thoughts of all different types. Some are judgments of other people, some are self judgments, and you may even bring up some of these kind of question type situations and look for the stressful thoughts beneath them.

So these virtual retreats. Are a way to do this work in a group with the support of facilitators and other people who are doing the work. And we do these around the clock. We’ll do two hour sessions with an hour break, another two hour session, an hour break, and we start on Friday and go right through till Sunday afternoon.

And this allows you, no matter what time zone you’re in, to join in and do some work with us and take advantage of this group format.

So let me finish with a quote from Byron Katie, the [00:38:00] founder of the work, and this is from her book, loving. What is, there’s no thought or situation that you can’t put up against inquiry. Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here for the sake of your freedom. When you experience anything as separate or unacceptable.

Inquiry can bring you back to the peace you felt before you believed that thought.