How a Highly Sensitive Person Found Peace After Being Badmouthed Using Inner Work

Client: [00:00:00] So, uh, it was a conversation that was overheard on the telephone. Okay. And so and so, and Maria was badmouthing me. And so then I quit work and it’s like, it’s, um, yeah. So it’s like I feel like I can’t go back to work because I feel like there’s this bad. Feeling? 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: And I dunno how, I dunno how to get over it.

Todd: Welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around. This simple process of questioning the thoughts that we believe is so subtle and so. Almost non noticeable that you would pass by it easily. But when you sit in this process for a little while, [00:01:00] unexpected things often turn up.

And that’s what this podcast, and that’s what the work of Byron Katie is all about. I’m Todd Smith and on the program today, a participant does the work on the thought. He, uh, she badmouthed me. And this was a situation at work on the telephone. She overheard somebody and it was a stressful thought. As you will see, I also will be reading from my newsletter article.

Um, I should do the work on something deep. I. And this brings up again, something that I’d like to mention, which is that these recordings are always unedited because I like you to experience the organic way that the work actually happens. Um, it’s not a quick fix. Always. They’re dead ends sometimes. And as we explore in this piece of work, you’ll, you’ll find that, um, sometimes it’s fast, [00:02:00] sometimes it’s slow.

Um, but as you go through it, I. Especially if you get towards the end, you’ll see, um, quite a shift in perspective. So here’s the open session recording from this week. Um, and, uh, without further ado, let’s get into it.

Client: Maybe I’ll just jump in then with the, like the first sentence say. Filled in, which is, um, in this situation, who Angus confuses sadness or disappoints you and why? Okay. Yeah. So I, I’m hurt with Maria because she badmouthed me. Okay. So, um, so. I, I could give you the context for that, but I think I just Yeah.

Shall I? Well, 

Todd: up to you, we can do it without the context. As long as you’re clear of what the context is, that’s the only purpose of knowing the context. If you know where you were, where it happened, [00:03:00] um, then we can just dive in. 

Client: Mm. Um, so it’s, it was at work and, um. So, uh, it was a conversation that was overheard on the telephone.

Okay. And so and so, and Maria was badmouthing me. And so then I quit work and it’s like, it’s, um, yeah. So it’s like I feel like I can’t go back to work because I feel like there’s this bad feeling. Yeah. And I dunno how, I dunno how to get over it because. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: So, so she badmouthed you. She badmouthed you.

That was your first statement, right? 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: Okay. So is it true? 

Client: Well, um, yeah. Yeah. [00:04:00] 

Todd: And can you absolutely know it’s true. She badmouthed you. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: Okay. And that’s all we’re doing here is just looking for what we see is true. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: So how do you react? What happens when you think she bad mouthed me? 

Client: Um, well, at the time I was, um, angry and, and then it’s.

Snowballs into feeling suicidal. And, uh, that’s happened before. See, so that’s why Yeah. Sort of like a reoccurring thing. If it’s not this job, it’s another job and another job, it’s like, so, uh, yeah. But, um, um, yeah. So, so you’re feeling hurt. Hmm. And depressed and angry [00:05:00] and, yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. How are you treating yourself when you think she badmouths you?

What are the, what do you think towards yourself, act towards yourself? What’s the self-talk? 

Client: Um.

I just feel like I can’t handle it. I dunno how to cope with it. That’s what I tell myself. Hmm. I just can’t cope with it. Yeah. Hmm. 

Todd: And then what are the other reactions? Go back to that time when you heard her on the telephone and as soon as you have that, that conclusion, that thought that she.

Badmouthed me. How do you react?

Client: Uh, it’s like [00:06:00] disbelief, um, shock, um, and sort of feeling like not valued and disrespected and maybe betrayed and just unsupported. Um. So I feel like I’m working really hard to do the best and someone else is doing the opposite. It’s sort of destroying a sense of teamwork or I just think, what am I doing here?

What am I doing here? This is not the place that is, uh, conducive to building anything really. Relationships, work ethic. What am I doing here? And that’s it. That’s what I feel. I can’t cope. Then I feel like I’ve gotta, I’ve gotta leave ’cause I can’t work in an environment that just seems so destructive instead of we’re trying to be building, developing.

Todd: [00:07:00] Yeah, 

Client: yeah, yeah. 

Todd: It’s like the snowball effect, right? Yeah. It just starts going, 

Client: yeah. 

Todd: Do you see any images from your past when you think she badmouthed me? 

Client: Yeah. Like all the other jobs then that it’s happened in, so, yeah. Yeah. So why does it keep happening? Yeah. 

Todd: Right. And then, and then do you again, how do you treat yourself when you see that I,

Client: yeah. Suicidal. So I just think I gotta delete myself ’cause I can’t see where I belong. I do feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. And 

Todd: how do you treat the person that you overheard in your mind, at least when you think she bad mouthed me. 

Client: Kind of delete them as well. I don’t want to acknowledge they exist anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, [00:08:00] I can’t face them and I don’t want to face them. And that’s what’s my struggle is even thinking about going back to work. I think I can’t go back. I can’t go back there. I don’t feel safe there anymore. I don’t feel like I am safe. Um, supported. Yeah. So, so yeah, I can’t, I don’t know how to, I just would not answer the telephone to this person.

I’ll try and pretend they don’t exist. I was gonna go back, but at the moment. I’m not going back. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Client: yeah. 

Todd: So this is how you react. You know, it’s like, pretend they don’t exist or just stay away from them. Like there’s a, it’s more than just, yeah, it’s like reaction. You can feel the, the emotion in it. Do you notice that anywhere in your body?

Client: Yeah. Yeah. It’s like in my throat to my chest. Yeah. Yeah. That constricted, you [00:09:00] know? Mm, exactly. Yeah. My arms, and there’s tension then all over. Really? Yeah. My legs. There’s a stamp on a stamp kick. I mean, yeah. Like, hmm. 

Todd: So this is even the physical effect of a thought. This particular thought is giving a lot of reactions when I, when I think this thought she badmouthed me.

This is one of the ways I react. You’ve described a lot so far. 

Client: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: So who would you be without the thought that she’d badmouthed you? We’ll have to play with this a little bit because sounds like you actually heard her. So this is one of those moments where you’re dealing kind of with a, sounds like a fact in a way, but like who would you be if you weren’t so latched on to that thought, [00:10:00] she badmouthed me even when you hear her talking that way would be, would there be any difference?

Client: Yeah, I’d be strong. I would, uh, I’d feel strong, just safe. Like I’m keeping myself safe and I can do that myself. I don’t need to be affected. That’s, yeah, it feels safe. 

Todd: Interesting. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: So what we’re seeing here is that this thought. Is is the only thing we’ve changed. We’ve just looked at with the thought.

She badmouthed me. And even we didn’t even say without the thought, just less attached to the thought, badmouthed me and the feeling changes more safe. Mm-hmm. So the thought it’s, it’s interesting, like the thought is part of [00:11:00] what’s making me feel unsafe. Mm-hmm.

Now listen to that, what she was saying. If you can remember, like go imagine yourself there again listening and you hear her talking about you, what do you start hearing if you’re not thinking, oh, she’s badmouthing me. If you, if you weren’t so focused on that. 

Client: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: What are you hearing? 

Client: Um.

I am hearing where it she is, and that’s doesn’t have to be where I am. Uh, like that’s what her, that’s how she thinks and how she feels. It doesn’t have to be anything to do with who I am, and so I don’t take it personally. Um. [00:12:00] So I could separate from it. Um,

you know, it’s no judgment. It’s just that’s where she is and that’s okay. ’cause it doesn’t have to affect me. 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. 

Client: Just a 

Todd: little more space in there, a little more. Awareness of what’s going on or maybe going on. Mm-hmm. For her. So when the thought is there, I, she badmouthed me. Isn’t it interesting how the, the whole focus is on me, right?

It’s like this is, this is all about me and I don’t feel safe and I can’t cope and I can’t go back to work. Right. But without the thought, she badmouthed me or without as much focus on that as the conclusion. [00:13:00] It’s more about her like, oh yeah, interesting. Wonder what she’s thinking and believing. 

Client: And then what happened was, um, we brought this up to, um, the boss, two bosses to say, uh, you know, this is not the way to speak.

And the bosses both defended her. So, like you say, it was, it was like, um. Again, it’s like, well, that’s what they think I should have. Whereas I should have maybe, again, felt dis be able to disconnect. But again, I just made it made it worse for me as if, oh my God, they all think badly of me. It was, it was like it was, 

Todd: and totally under, totally understandable.

Right? Oh my gosh. They’re all 

Client: fighting 

Todd: with her. 

Client: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it’s 

Todd: like imagine that that same scenario played out and you didn’t have the, like if you weren’t, you weren’t so attached to the idea that she’s [00:14:00] badmouthing me even when you hear what she’s saying, if it didn’t, and you were starting to see, you see what’s going on for her, but let’s take it to the next step.

Now the bosses start siding with her as well. 

Client: Oh yeah. If you 

Todd: still don’t have the thought, she’s badmouthing me. They, they, they’re badmouthing me. If none of that was sticky for you, how would you experience them doing that? 

Client: Um,

well, the bosses said that they just ignore her when she does that. Um, she does it to the customers. She does it to people in the shop. It’s just what she does. I’m like, are you serious? She does that to the customers and it’s fine. Right. Okay. But yeah, I, I could, like, I could, I. [00:15:00] Disconnect from it, but yeah.

That’s not, well, that’s not what you’re asking. Not asking me to do that. I know. Um, 

Todd: there’s something in there, there’s a, there’s like two kinds of disconnecting. One is like pushing it away, like you described in how you react. Like the, I don’t ever wanna see her again. I’m not safe. I’m running away. And the other is kind of like, it’s like just separating, like, like, it’s like not, not even a separation.

It’s a, ironically, it’s not even a separation at all. It’s almost a. Understanding, like, like, oh, she must, she has something going on and this is the way she, she, she talks. 

Client: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: Bosses are also aware of it and for whatever reasons they keep her on. 

Client: And, and then they also, uh, you know, perpetuating it in a sense.

So, 

Todd: right. 

Client: They’re all doing it. Um. 

Todd: Right. So it is now it’s sort of like, oh, [00:16:00] this is so interesting how these, how these people are, I’m the odd one 

Client: out. But like, yeah. So 

Todd: this is how they, this is how they function. This is how they, they work. This is their, so again, coming back to the question, it’s like, who would you be without the thought seeing all three of them without this thought, oh, she bad mouthed me.

Client: Um, 

Todd: and the trick again is like, and this is something for everyone. If you’re doing the work on something that actually happened in this case, it’s a. And like you actually heard the words and everything, so it’s not like you’re in this question. Who would you be without the thought? It doesn’t mean pretend it didn’t [00:17:00] happen or kind of go into some kind of denial about it, whether it happened or not.

That’s not what we’re doing. So if it’s a in statement of fact like this, then you have to hold it really delicately. Like, who would you be if you weren’t so attached to that idea? That she badmouthed me. Who would you be if you weren’t so obsessed about that thought, that idea? Like, um, that’s kind of what we’re playing with.

Client: Yeah. Um, I’d like to be that person who knew that it was

like. Just like, almost like, that’s not me that she’s talking about. Or I’d like to go to disconnect. I’d like to be the person who could disconnect from it. 

Todd: And it’s a little different than I’d like to be that person because that’s still like, um, [00:18:00] like the me, the work is a meditation, so it’s like what I’m wanting to do is to actually stand there.

Those bosses are. Defending her and feel what it would feel like if I wasn’t so, so involved with that thought that she badmouthed me. If I wasn’t hanging onto that thought, if I didn’t think of it as a big deal or even as a bad thing, who would you be?

Client: It’s really hard to go there. 

Todd: Well, you’ve, you’ve done a lot. We’ve been, I’ve kind of asked this [00:19:00] question a bunch of different times and different scenarios and you’ve given plenty of answers. So I’m just, uh. We were just exploring there, so, so let’s go on to a turnaround. All, what the purpose of those questions are is to see the difference between with the thought and without the thought.

With the thought or with, I’m attached to the thought, or I’m not attached to the thought. So try turning the thought around. She badmouthed me. 

Client: Mm-hmm. What 

Todd: would a turnaround be? 

Client: I, I Badmouthed me. 

Todd: I badmouth me. So how could that be as true or truer? How could that be as much a part of the, the suffering as sheep ad mouthed me?

To yourself, can you find where you’re bad mouthing yourself [00:20:00] in any way to yourself? 

Client: Um, what in that situation or like I do all the time anyway, 

Todd: let’s start in that situation. But we’ll see. 

Client: Um. 

Todd: Well, that counts if I do it all the time anyway.

I do. Right. Like, okay. So how many times do you badmouth yourself and how many times has she badmouthed you that you know of? 

Client: Um,

yeah, I do. Um, I suppose it didn’t. Expect to get overheard. So that’s what she got. She got overheard when she didn’t expect to get overheard. Um, 

Todd: in a way, don’t we all badmouth each other and just don’t get [00:21:00] caught very often? Mm-hmm. 

Client: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Out. Mm-hmm. 

Todd: So it softens it a little bit. That’s what we’re looking at.

When you first see the words, she badmouthed me. It’s like, what? You know, the injustice, the, the gravity. It’s a terrible thing. And, but seeing this turnaround, it’s like, oh wait, I, I badmouth, I badmouth myself. I badmouthed others and others, bad mouth, others, it’s, we just don’t always get caught. Don’t wanna get overheard.

It softens it. So now looking more specifically, she badmouthed me. I badmouth myself. How were you badmouthing yourself directly about this whole thing or right after this thing? 

Client: Um, I guess, um, by taking it to heart, by [00:22:00] taking it so personally by I, it’s like maybe that’s kind of the same thing I. Being so harsh on myself, just in the same way as I don’t want her to be so harsh on me.

I’m gone. And maybe it’s like that. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. You don’t know how harsh or not harsh she was being. We don’t know that for sure, but we, but you would know if you’re being harsh to yourself. That’s like direct experience. I badmouth me. Could be, could be certainly as true, maybe even truer,

in fact. Did you keep on badmouthing yourself in, in ways? I think, I think I remember you saying some things and how you reacted, like afterwards. 

Client: [00:23:00] Yeah. ’cause like, you know, it, it’s, it happened a month ago and I’m still. I can’t go back to work. I still can’t do it. I am still trying to, I, yeah, I mean, it’s like reliving the pain.

That’s it. Yeah. 

Todd: So each time it gets played over again, then you experience being badmouthed. But in this case, it’s your mind that just keeps doing that. Not that he can even control it, but just notice where the badmouthing is happening. 

Client: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: So what’s another turnaround? She badmouthed me. 

Client: Um,

she’s badmouthing herself. 

Todd: Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. How could that be? 

Client: Because. [00:24:00] She’s just been heard, but like badmouthing and so now I, yeah, and that’s what the bosses said. They said, uh, she would be mortified if she knew that, that I knew.

Yeah. Oh, poor her. I was thinking, oh, 

Todd: she basically made herself look bad, right? Yeah. That’s what bad mouthing is. 

Client: Yeah. Um, 

Todd: she just, she just ruined her own reputation in a way. 

Client: Yeah. But, and at the same time, everyone’s like, oh, it’s fine, but Yeah. But it is like that. Yeah. Um, so I still feel like I’m the one who came off badly, but yeah, here we are looking at how she’s come off badly, 

Todd: that’s [00:25:00] all.

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. Like, yeah, we’re looking for balance. I came off badly, but actually she did too. She may not even know it yet, but she came off badly.

In fact, the bosses even know, you know, there might be a limit to how much they tolerate as well. So she badmouthed me. Is there another turnaround? 

Client: Um,

I can’t think of another one. Um, how 

Todd: about I badmouthed her?

Client: Yes. Yes. ’cause it shouldn’t have gone any further really, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That’s it really. [00:26:00] 

Todd: So how do you define badmouthing? 

Client: Um,

um, she. Um, like what I said and what she said, I said was two different things. So, um, like,

like she lied about what I’d actually said to make me look bad to other people. Okay. 

Todd: Got it. 

Client: Yeah. Um, 

Todd: so is there any ways that you exaggerated or lied to make her look bad? And you may not have, but I just, I’m just asking. 

Client: Mm-hmm.

I don’t think so. No. 

Todd: Okay. So then you didn’t, didn’t badmouth her. You [00:27:00] reported her. That’s a different thing. 

Client: Yeah. That’s a different, yeah. That, yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: But that’s not badmouthing. Um, 

Client: okay. That’s good. 

Todd: I don’t know. According to your definit. 

Client: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that is 

Todd: You reported her. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: But yeah. 

Client: How about 

Todd: in your mind, do you exaggerate and, and quote unquote lie about her to make her look bad in your own mind at all, even though no one, you might not tell anyone?

Client: No. No. Okay. So 

Todd: this would be a case where the turnaround doesn’t actually. It’s not actually, we’re not finding any truth for that. We’re not finding any examples for that. Um, so there’s one more turnaround I’d like to look at, and that is, she didn’t badmouth me. So is there any alternative explanation for her saying what she said besides badmouthing to [00:28:00] purposely make you look bad, lying to make you look bad?

What else could be going on? 

Client: Um,

I,

Todd: I mean, one way to look at it is she’s badmouthing me, right? But it could be, I. Thought of in different ways. Like, I don’t know, maybe she is, um, she is like blowing off steam or something, or she is trying to look good to a friend or she’s caught in a. [00:29:00] Kind of trap that some people do at work of complaining about things because that’s sort of what everybody does.

So I have to think of something to complain about. Like those are the kinds of things, I’m just brainstorming here, but can you think of anything that would be like an alternative explanation besides, 

Client: yeah. Um, so. Um, the position she’s in at the front of the house is she has to deal with facing customers.

And the customers come in and say, where’s my order? It’s late, or something like this. And so that’s what she does. She picks up the phone. She, you know, says, where’s, and that was the problem is the way she said. The customer’s order and I said, we’re running late. And that was what I heard her say to her colleague then was that I said, [00:30:00] you know, we’re running late.

And I hadn’t said like that. I just said we’re running late. But that was what I had heard was the bad mouthing was that I’d said it.

So from her point of view, she’s like you say, letting off steam because she’s stuck between the customer and the workshop where, where we are. Yeah. And she’s stuck in between where, and normally in the past, I’ve always tried to give them, tell the customer, blame it on COVID. There’s a delay in the.

Molding arriving some, you know, something. So that helps her to give the customer, I would always do that. We’re always like a team like that. We’re a team. Give them, but I, so that’s why I just didn’t understand why she was wanting to make it as if we’re, you know, like that, like the enemy rather than it being, let’s work together with this problem.

So like, she must have been like that. She must have been feeling, like you say, stuck in between. [00:31:00] So she wanted me to be, to blame me. That’s what was going on. And that’s, so, if that’s what she makes her feel better is let’s blame the workshop for why the customer’s work isn’t arrived. If that’s what makes her feel better, then that’s what was going on.

Really. Yeah. Um, makes sense. So that helps me not take it so personally. Now I say that to you. Um, yeah, thanks for. That was that, that I am aware of that, that, that goes on. And, um, so, but, so that’s what hurt. Like behind my back, they’re blaming the workshop. Right? That’s what hurts really, when we’re trying so hard to meet all the demands and all the, we work so hard.

We work evenings, weekends, holidays, and it’s just crazy. We. Just, it’s like, pull me. Well, that, that’s what it’s like. It’s like, [00:32:00] 

Todd: but she doesn’t have anyone 

Client: blame anymore. Yeah. And she’s got her pressure too. Yeah. Right. So 

Todd: she’s, so now she doesn’t even have COVID to blame, so she’s looking for something to save face.

I don’t know, because it’s hard for her to just, just, um, pass on that information. She’s, 

Client: yeah. So she blamed me. 

Todd: Blamed you. Yeah. 

Client: Well, it’s all right then. I feel bad now. 

Todd: Yeah. It doesn’t make it, it’s like it doesn’t make it even right. Or anything like that, but it just makes it so understandable, like Oh, right.

That 

Client: okay. And 

Todd: less personal. So that’s 

Client: less personal. That’s the thing. That’s, yeah, that’s what it is. It’s ’cause I do, I think with every job, I think I’ve, I’ve done something wrong and there’s something wrong with me. And there you go. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s 

Client: not, not necessarily. 

Todd: Yes. Not necessarily, 

Client: necessarily.

Oh God. [00:33:00] Thank you for your, thank you. Oh gosh. Thank you. Yes. Yeah,

Todd: if you would like to participate in open sessions like the recording that we just heard, then go to the work as meditation.com and then click on the open sessions. Link there and you’ll be able to see the schedule of upcoming sessions and you can find the times in your time zones. And feel free to join in.

Uh, we do this pretty much every week. Next I’m going to read one of my newsletter articles. And this article is called I Should Do the Work on Something Deep.

It is easy to get attached to depth, but even that attachment is a distraction. I should do the work on something deep. Is it true when the mind wants to have [00:34:00] a particular experience doing the work, it tries to set things up, uh, to get what it wants? This makes perfect sense, of course, because that’s how we do things in the world.

We set our sights on a goal and then we do everything we can to get there. This approach doesn’t work so well when doing the work of Byron Katie. If I have a particular outcome in mind when doing the work, I actually limit the process. If I want to go deep, I. My mind then becomes closed to the shallow end of life, which may actually be where balance can be found at times.

And this is certainly my experience where I wanna go deep. I’m, I’m almost addicted to that idea of depth. Um, but many times in my life, the depth, I already have too much depth. Like I spend too much time in, in the deep end and to come out and like. Spend some time in the shallow [00:35:00] end. In the, in the dry land is, is actually.

More of a balance, um, for me. And so it will be depending on all of us in each situation. But the point is when my mind’s open to seeing that both depth and shallowness are both, both good, then I’m free to let, let the work kind of work me and to explore all sides of this in a very open and unbiased way.

Having an open mind when doing the work means open to deep and open to shallow alike. Only then can the mind be free to explore in an unbiased way when shallow and deep are equal. The mind does not discard anything on, uh, its search for balance. This goes for choosing a subject too. I remember when I first started doing the work, I saw the power of the [00:36:00] process and I wanted to maximize it.

I thought a good way to do that would be to bring up deep topics, painful issues, embarrassing stuff, trauma, that kind of thing. Then I would be getting to the core of everything with the work or so I thought. The thing about these kinds of topics is that they do feel deep, deep, because I don’t talk about them that often.

They lie deep in my memory, and to bring them out feels like a big deal. So having the courage to bring up deep topics always felt important to me when I started doing the work. And I can say today, I still enjoy bringing out deep topics from time to time. But the difference is today I no longer believe that these topics are better for doing the work.

I. Or that they’re more important, uh, to work on. There’s simply one aspect of my experience. Instead, I think of things a little more. Um, like that any [00:37:00] situation can be a portal for the work. I. Um, over time I’ve done the work on everything from the deep to the trivial. Big traumatic events from my past have come to be worked and tiny insignificant little rubs, um, from daily life have been worked.

My conclusion is that both are equally helpful to explore. Ironically, tiny little daily problems often contain the whole depth of my life as well. So from this perspective. Every situation has depth, every situation can bring me back home. And it’s one of the neatest things to experience when you’re working on some minute little annoyance or some little tiny daily, uh, stressful experience.

And then as you’re working this, you start seeing how many similar things have happened and how much your whole life is really contained even in that one moment. Shallow [00:38:00] situations are actually often easier to explore. And so this is one advantage for working shallow situations. When someone doesn’t reply to my text, for example, and I feel a little stress about it, it doesn’t take this huge amount of courage to write a worksheet.

It’s so minor that there’s little resistance, uh, to getting started. Now compare that to the huge amount of courage that sometimes needed to face a big issue from the past. So the entry into doing the work is actually a lot easier when you’re working on a shallow situation. Secondly, you don’t have to get it right when, um, you’re dealing with a shallow situation.

I, I say shallow in quotes because I’m, I just don’t even believe that term anymore, but it’s not what I think of as deep. When I’m dealing with that kind of a situation, I don’t have this pressure to find a solution [00:39:00] when dealing with, um, this kind of situation. Because for me, the stakes are not very high.

Like who cares in, in the big scheme of things, whether they responded to my text or not. It’s, it’s not life or death. It’s more like a curiosity and that word curiosity I find to be really helpful when doing the work. When I’m doing things out of curiosity, my mind’s really open. I have no idea what I’m gonna find, and I’m really starting to explore things, um, with an open mind.

So the lack of pressure, um, allows my mind to look freely in all directions when answering these questions of the work. And then finally, one other advantage of, uh, shallow situations is that these minor. Types of situations are often very fresh in my mind. More often, not more often than not. I work these little moments of stress soon after they happen, uh, which allows [00:40:00] me to easily remember the details.

And the good news is there’s an unending supply of these little minor moments. Just look back over the past 24 hours, there’s always a moment that could be an entry point for a worksheet. So readily available, easy to enter into. And no pressure to have a breakthrough that makes an ideal situation for exploration with the work of Byron Katie.

And when I give myself the permission to explore these small, seemingly minor situations, I often find that a lot of big things shift in my life without even trying to.

So I invite you to gain experience diving into any situation and, um, one way you can do this is by participating in the Work 1 0 1 course, which I offer usually three or four times a year. And [00:41:00] this course allows you to. Go into one situation and spend a fair amount of time on it. We sometimes spend a couple weeks on one worksheet, we write a worksheet, and then we go in depth, uh, on this.

Worksheet and find what we can find there. It doesn’t have to be a deep situation, but we actually kind of go deeply in these shallow situations and it’s amazing what you can find. So if you’re interested in exploring, uh, this and getting more familiar with the work, Byron Katie, and starting to become more self-sufficient in your ability to do this work, then I encourage you to join us for the work one-on-one.

And, uh, you’ll also get a chance to work through these worksheets and gain direct experience in the process. So let me close with a quote from Byron Katie, and this [00:42:00] is from her book, loving What Is, which is a great little book if you’re interested in knowing what the work is and just kind of getting an understanding of what is possible.

If you don’t know what to write about, wait, life will give you a topic. Maybe a friend didn’t call you back when she said she would, and you’re disappointed. Maybe when you were five years old, your mother punished you for something you didn’t do. Maybe you’re upset or frightened when you read the newspaper or think about the suffering in the world.

All right, so these newsletters are something that you can subscribe to anytime. Um. You can go to the work as meditation.com and you’ll find, uh, a lot of resources there. You’ll find all the newsletters that I’ve ever written, a bunch of articles, uh, hundreds actually. And you’ll also find [00:43:00] my podcast there as well as open sessions like I mentioned earlier, and the work of, uh, work 1 0 1, um, that I just mentioned.

So a lot of resources for doing the work. The emphasis for me is on doing. You know, it’s, it’s one thing to understand the work, get the idea of it. Get the gist of it. But this work is a meditation practice and I invite you to make it a practice if it interests you. And for that reason, I offer lots of programs and options to make that easy for you, including virtual retreats if you haven’t been on a virtual retreat.

These are, uh, a lot of fun. It’s a lot of chance to do a lot of work in a short amount of time. We actually do, um, sessions around the clock usually for a whole weekend. No matter what your time zone, you can uh, join in, join us for a two hour session, and then um, see where you go. Okay? So with that, I’ll leave you.

I hope you have a [00:44:00] great week, and we’ll see you next time.