How HSPs Can Cope with Feeling Dismissed by the Medical System Without Overwhelm

Todd: [00:00:00] Great thing about listening to a podcast is that you can do it from anywhere on your phone in the car, and it’s very enjoyable to listen. As much as it is enjoyable to listen to these open session recordings, it can be even more enjoyable to participate in them. And so if you’re interested and you have the time, go to the work as meditation.com and go to the open sessions page and you can actually be a participant in these same recordings that you’re hearing here.

And you can ask your questions. You can do the work with me, and it can be a. Really great way to get an exposure to the work. In addition, if you participate in 10. Open sessions. I give you a $50 coupon towards anything on my website, and that continues. You can do another 10 and another 10.

So check out open sessions at the work as meditation.com.[00:01:00] 

Client: I had a ultrasound two weeks ago and a lump in my throat. And they, my doctor’s office put every single person they had on the phone to find a place that would give me an ultrasound like the next day. And they found it and I got it, but they haven’t given the results yet, and it’s been two weeks.

Todd: Welcome the wiggle room. A podcast where we start with stress. And look for ways to turn it around. And I use something called the work of Byron Katie, if you’ve never heard of this, it’s a way to question your stressful thoughts. And the simple process of questioning your stressful thoughts can often lead to changes in perspective.

Changes in experience. And for that reason, I love it. I’m Todd Smith and on the program today. You’ll hear the recording of my open session in which a participant does the [00:02:00] work on the medical profession. She does the work on the thought. I’ve been abandoned by the medical profession in a specific situation that she’s dealing with.

So I think you’ll enjoy that recording. And then I will also be reading a recent newsletter article called Don’t Forget to Get Physical and the Value of Physical. Using the body as also a way of reducing stress. So let’s dive into the work of Byron Katie together. It’s a simple, powerful way to question what you think.

And here’s the latest recording of the open session, and as always, I like to share with you the unedited recording so that you can experience it as if you were right there with us.

Client: The word that’s the words that are going on in my head are, it’s happening again. And the background is I had a ultrasound two weeks [00:03:00] ago on a lump in my throat, and they, my doctor’s office put every single person they had on the phone to find a place that would give me an ultrasound like the next day.

And they found it and I got it, but they haven’t given the results yet, and it’s been two weeks.

Yeah. So if I had, and I was like, I’ll go along with it, but I’m okay waiting. And I like, if I can get an appointment in a few days in a place where I know that they give the results that afternoon, so I feel here it is again, the just incompetent medical and the whole funny thing is that the lump isn’t getting any bigger and it doesn’t.

Add up to anything that’s particularly dangerous, but it’s making me feel like I’ve been abandoned by my medical people. So that might be a better thing to start with. I’ve been abandoned by my doctors. Yeah. Or by the medical profession. [00:04:00] 

Todd: Okay, so let’s do the work on it. You’ve been abandoned by your doctors, by the medical profession.

Is it true? 

Client: Sure. Feels like it. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. And can you absolutely know it’s true you’ve been abandoned by them?

Client: No, I can’t know because I haven’t been in communication with them. 

Todd: Okay. So how do you react when you see it this way? That when you feel it this way, that I’ve been abandoned? By a doctor. 

Client: I’m, the first thing I hear is I’m on my own again. I, I’ve had to heal pretty much anything that’s gone wrong with me on my own.

And the doctors, they’re there to collect their money. ’cause I live in the us. For those of you who don’t live in the US and have real healthcare, we don’t.[00:05:00] 

And but at this, and then I go back and forth because I remember a time I thought that they weren’t ignoring me, but the doctors were actually talking about me separately. They were communicating with each other, trying to find the right kind of treatment for me. And, that worked out okay.

And the fact that they were working so hard to get me in someplace where I could get the test, that worked out. Okay. So I try, but, and then I argue with myself but they could have at least called you and said, Hey, there’s a delay. We’re trying to get this. I’ve called them twice and they’re like, oh, yeah we’ll call you right back.

And I haven’t heard back from them at all. And again, it’s two weeks. And so I say, okay, I’m on my own and I don’t know enough. I’m not a doctor, so I have to guess what I’m gonna take. And then I’m like looking on all of the websites that. That the doctors go to, to find out what should I take and what do I not take, and how does this comp, what am I doing wrong and how come this is [00:06:00] happening?

And then I look and I see I’m running outta medication for this. Reaction that I’m having. And then I make panic calls to the pharmacy to get them to call the doctor to make sure I can get a refill. And I just sit there the whole day and then I’m like, is it still there? Is it still there?

Is it still there? And how come they haven’t called me yet? And how come, it’s oh, they’ve abandoned me. I’m on my own again. What do I do? What do I eat? What do I take? It’s just, and it’s just. Excuse my language is just mind fuck is what it is, yeah. So it’s exhausting

Todd: and you notice it showing up in your body anywhere and your reaction there. I’ve been abandoned by the medical profession.

Client: Yeah. My, my chest feels like, ugh. It’s heavy and my, I clench my lower body, it’s just clenched and I have [00:07:00] to take deep breaths to release the frustration and I, and other things. I keep picking up my phone to see if anyone’s called or left a message or anything. And yeah, it’s like an obsession.

And I’m not thinking of other things that I could be doing that are pleasant and. It’s not getting any worse either, then I argue with myself, but it’s the same size as it was before. It’s not getting any worse. There’s no pain, there’s no problem. It’s not cancer, it’s I just go back and forth and argue with myself.

Then I’m calm for about a few minutes and then it’s like I hear the ding and it’s, oh, that was my doctor. No, it wasn’t. So yeah, I’m probably driving my husband crazy. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s like your life is on hold until they come back with something, right? 

Yeah. So who would you be without this thought have been abandoned by the medical [00:08:00] profession?

I.

Client: My sooner part would come forward and I would realize that I’m not a death door. Whatever this is can be addressed a week or two. Isn’t gonna make any difference. I’m sure that there are people that are, if all these places were so busy that they couldn’t take me right away, then there must be a lot of people out there in way worse condition than I am, and they need to have the doctor’s attention because they actually have something that they need the doctor’s attention for.

Where, the doctor’s looking at me going. It’s, she’s not on, it’s not a death sentence. She’s uncomfortable. She can live with it. We’ll get to her when we can and I would appreciate that my doctors are prioritizing the [00:09:00] people that really need their attention right now. And then I would just do my job, which is to rest and heal.

And reduce the stress. And what 

Todd: would that look like? 

Client: It would look like me checking, what are, it is, it’s a thyroid issue and it would be me checking to see what kinds of foods are good for thyroid and what kinds of foods are not good for thyroid. And I would be working on making sure I had the right foods and and I would just be happy to be having the ability to take time off.

I can actually afford to take some time off from my business and rest and kind of reassess how I might have over been overdoing it before. And that’s how I got in this situation. So I could be looking at what would my life be like if I had more days that I actually relaxed and [00:10:00] enjoyed myself and took better care of myself.

Yeah. 

Todd: So how would you turn the thought around? I’ve been abandoned by the medical profession.

Client: I’ve been triaged by the medical profession. I could be a 

Todd: different way of looking at it. Yes.

Client: I’m the healthy one, I’m like, okay.

That’s more accurate. 

Todd: I like it. I’ve been looked at and deemed to be okay, 

Client: oh, good. Nothing wrong with her. She’s healthy, she knows how to take care of herself. We can go ahead and take care of these people that are, walking right past me, having a hard time breathing. They’re, yeah.

Oh gosh. 

Todd: Yeah. You haven’t been abandoned, you’ve been triaged. I really like that way of [00:11:00] reframing it and I like it a lot. 

Client: Yeah. And that helps a, that right there helped a lot. Definitely. Who? I’ve been abandoned by myself. I trying to, I’m watching this crazy person run around in circles. Calm.

One minute and what was that? Was that my doctor? Was it? Where’s the test? Where’s this, where’s that? And yesterday I had an upper GI and a colonoscopy and it went great. They’re like, I’m healthy. Like everything is fine. See you, down the road and cool. So it’s like I, I’ve just been, I would just keep doing my life and take advantage of days off and.

Todd: So you haven’t been abandoned by your doctors? Mean I’ve been abandoned 

Client: by myself, been by my logical or my seen self. 

Todd: So are there any ways that you could [00:12:00] come back to yourself like un abandoned yourself in any way considering that you’ve been abandoning yourself A little. 

Client: I could do the work maybe on an open session.

Todd: That’s a possibility. Yeah, that’s a great idea.

Uhhuh, consider it done. 

Client: See how fast this works.

Todd: Amazing. Like the, 

Client: yeah and I can also just chill, like I am, I have the next year, I’ve already told all my clients that I’m only working part-time, so I’m already setting. I then did that from this place of sanity. You know what, I’m not doing these on the road for more than half the month, [00:13:00] driving thousands of miles up.

A month teaching, driving, teaching, driving, teaching, driving. It’s not gonna do that anymore. And and they’re respecting me and I even said, I’m gonna have to write, raise my prices. And they’re like, okay, 

Todd: cool. 

Client: So I have all the support. 

Todd: But that’s one way to not abandon yourself to come back to yourself.

And it’s very clear. Any other ways that you could do that?

Client: And my doctors, they’re, I know that they haven’t abandoned me. I know that they’re very committed. I have in the past, gotten together to discuss treatment for me and it was very successful without me knowing about it, and we get in that crazy place and our mind just takes us [00:14:00] to, insanity.

Todd: Yeah, I’ve been abandoned. I’ve got, 

Client: yeah, and be, and besides being triaged, I’m respected by my medical professionals. They do listen to me. They understand my input. They take it into consideration. They they fit a treatment to my needs. And they’ve been very cooperative with that.

Todd: Yeah. That’s the opposite of abandoned, isn’t it? 

There’s just a delay. 

Client: Yeah. And it just crosses my mind that.

Sometimes back to the triage part. Sometimes when you have results. I’m looking and thinking in terms of maybe all the x-ray tech technicians or the ultrasound technicians, [00:15:00] if they have, if they did 10 of them that day, they’re gonna be spending their time writing up more complex reports on people that had something wrong with them.

So by not actually hearing from them for two weeks, it’s possible. It’s because there’s no, there’s nothing wrong, like there’s not some urgent need to have me treated right away. 

And I could, believe that just as easily as I could be the, they forgot about me, 

Todd: right? That’s the beauty of the unknown.

You don’t know what’s happening, for sure, for real. But just since it is unknown, you could just as easily imagine that it’s. It’s that what’s that’s happening rather than they’re abandon 

Client: you. If I’m gonna make something up, I can make up anything I want and I may as well make up something empowering and loving.

Yeah. Just as easily 

Todd: as 

Client: the other. 

Todd: It’s all conjecture anyway, so yeah. Why not choose something

Client: that is more, brings you peace. 

Todd: Brings you peace. It doesn’t 

Client: interfere with healing. 

Todd: And it doesn’t mean you’re turning a blind [00:16:00] eye when whenever you actually do get communication, you’ll deal with that when you get it right.

But in the unknown period, let me just hang out and then assume all’s okay. All’s well. 

Client: And I have a lot of moments where I’m in that space if everything is fine and I’m not worried about it and there’s no real interruption in my day to day other than I took the time off to heal. So it’s the moments when I’m, I don’t know, like it’s not consistent, most of the time I’m calm and sane and then all of a sudden the little insanity creeps in and there’s that thought, and then it just builds on itself.

Yeah. 

Todd: Little vicious cycle. It just builds and builds snowballs. And then pretty soon, 

Client: do you need more? I’m 

Todd: totally out of balance. Yeah. 

Client: Okay. Thank 

Todd: you. What I love about the work is it just interrupts [00:17:00] that a little bit, right? Oh, okay. Let’s just consider it. Could it be the opposite? And you found some great examples.

There could also be another turnaround I’ve abandoned. The medical profession. Profession? 

Client: Oh yeah. For my 

Todd: doctors. 

Client: Yeah. Because in my head I’m now I’ve gotta take care of myself and so I’m not even gonna listen to them. And if I stay in that space, when they give me advice, there’s always a possibility that I may not take it or hear it.

Yeah.

Todd: Are there any ways to come back to the medical profession, come back to your doctors as a way of un abandoning them? 

Client: I may have to write out. Yeah.

I’ve been doing a lot of one-liners with this whole situation, but I think I need a whole work. I need to do a whole worksheet and actually go back to [00:18:00] the original issues that caused me to distrust in medical profession the first time. Because right now I have some of the best doctors, they’re the university doctors there, and this place that they sent me for this ultrasound was outside the university.

So I’m sure they’re just as frustrated. So I think I’ll think I’ll put a worksheet together and do it on the website? Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. Like when I first distrust something, then it doesn’t take much for me to distrust again. So sometimes dealing with that first mistrust, can 

Client: rigg soften it 

Todd: for the other 

Client: triggers.

The other one. Huh? 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: Great. Thank you for your work. 

Client: Thank you for doing that with me. I knew I feel better.

Todd: [00:19:00] Always feels better to come back to myself when I’ve been abandoning myself. Yeah. 

Client: And we lost Susan. 

Todd: So any other questions or any comments or anyone wanna do another short piece of work? We could still do a little bit.[00:20:00] 

I’m just nice just to sit in that experience of doing a little work. Yeah. No words need to be there.

That’s what I love about the work. It’s an experiential thing. I. And sometimes my answers to even the questions of the work are wordless hard to put words on. Who would I be without the thought? And then it’s a feeling I can’t even put words on it sometimes. And that’s a, that’s also answering the question.

Client: Yeah. ’cause right now I’m sitting in a feeling of appreciation instead.[00:21:00] 

But I don’t have a way to describe it other than, 

Todd: I don’t need to Describing is for communicating it to someone else. But 

Client: yeah, 

Todd: experiencing is already experienced myself and it’s the work is for me. The work is an internal thing. Once I see it, once I feel it, once I experience it, that’s it. It’s nice to talk about it, but usually words fall short of what actually happens.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: Maybe with that, let’s just end a little early and enjoy the feeling and I appreciate your work, Wendy. It’s always nice to hear and it’s nice to just be present with what comes up. It can come up. Thank 

Client: you 

Todd: again and again in different forms and each time it comes up. 

Client: [00:22:00] I’m getting pickier and pickier about just the little thoughts that come through, because it, in the past I would just dismiss that oh no, I can do the work on that some other time or something.

But now even just the little tiny thoughts and I can understand how Byron Katie even questions, positive thoughts because there’s some something that could dash that,

Todd: yeah. In her book Loving. What is Byron Katie says something like people who’ve been doing the work for a while get Pettier and Pettier in writing their worksheets.

Yeah, because they’re looking for the sticking points that are left and it’s. Yeah, it might seem ah, why bother? I don’t need to do the work on that. Oh, it’s so minor. But if you really are interested in freedom, there’s another door to knock on and another layer of freedom can come out of it. And so that’s the appeal for me.

I love doing the [00:23:00] work. Not really that stressed out. 

Client: There’ve been a couple times I’ve worked on something that I thought, God, that’s just a little thing I don’t, it’s and then when I actually really did the work on it, it wasn’t a little thing. It was like changing my whole perspective of some whole subject matter and yeah.

Todd: Yeah. I actually find those minor things to be my favorite things to do the work on, partly because I don’t have any. Pressure on myself to find realizations or breakthrough or get out of pain. It’s just this little minor rub and oh, what the heck? Let’s just work it. And there’s an openness in that, but it often blows me away oh my gosh, that was as, as valuable or as big as what was.

Making me go crazy in a much more animated way. 

Client: Yeah,[00:24:00] 

Todd: it’s a cool tool. I love the work because you can do it in so many different ways. You can do it on gross things that are just at the top of the. Just the loudest, stressful kind of situations and thoughts to the most tiny, minuscule things, and it will hold you, it’ll hold you. These questions just always point back to myself and that’s I.

Why I love it. It’s like saying, how do I go back home? Oh, ask this question. Oh yeah, go back in here, go, oh, that. And then it’s oh, right back to me. Oh, there I am again. Oh, and it feels like coming home again and again. So it’s a beautiful setup. It really is.

If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you’ve heard just now. Then [00:25:00] go to the work as meditation.com and then go to the open sessions page and you can see the schedule coming up there. You can sign up and you can come to ask your questions or do the work with me. And while you’re at the work as meditation.com, I also encourage you to check out the virtual retreats page.

Every season we have a new virtual retreat, so four times a year there’s a winter, spring, summer, and fall virtual retreat, and you can join us for a weekend on Zoom with other people around the world and you can participate in as many of the sessions as you like. We’ll have two hour sessions around the clock from Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon, and it’s a great way to.

Dive in a little deeper with the work in a supportive environment and to do a lot of the work one-on-one with other people in the course. So check that out at the work as [00:26:00] meditation.com, and then virtual retreats.

Next, I’m gonna read one of my newsletter articles called Don’t Forget to Get Physical.

Getting physical is a great way to get out of the mind. Don’t forget to get physical. If you’re like me, your interest in meditation and the work and self-discovery is motivated in part by a desire to slow down the mind and to get more in touch with who you are inside. Luckily, for us, there are lots of ways to do this.

The agitated mind. Why does the mind get agitated? It gets stirred up by desires that it cannot fulfill. Actually, it’s not completely true. It gets agitated when it’s attached to fulfilling a desire and can’t, or is not sure that it can fulfill it. It gets agitated [00:27:00] when it has what it wants, but fierce it may lose it.

In other words, attachment to getting what I want is what speeds up the mind. It starts brainstorming to try to figure out how to get what it wants and how not to lose what it has and when it’s not possible to control the outcome, it becomes anxious and stressed. This can lead to a vicious cycle where trying to figure out how to solve the problem leads to frustration and not being able to figure it out, and frustration leads to more thinking about how to solve it.

It’s a mental trap that can be hard to come out of, but there are ways out of the trap. One of my favorite ways, of course, is the work of Byron Katie. Take any thought, I’m attached to question it, and my attachment often loses. I start to see that I don’t have to figure it out. I can let it go and leave space for things to work themselves out.[00:28:00] 

This kind of freedom is what attracts me to the work and is why I do the work every day. It feels like coming home there is less I have to out and my mind is freer to rest and focus on what is actually doable. But let’s look at another way out of the trap of agitation and anxiety. Basically, anything that can break the vicious cycle will help.

What are some of those ways? Here’s a quick list off the top of my head. Exercise, sports, yoga, social gatherings, friendships, reading and of any kind. Meditation, massage, creativity, and art learning. Sleep. Let’s look at exercise, physical exercise, like any of the items on the list above exercise, can [00:29:00] break the cycle of thinking and trying to figure out how to solve a problem.

It requires that your attention be brought to something physical, moving the body, watching a ball, interacting with teammates, or feeling a stretch. This shift of awareness from the mental, where the mind is stuck, trying to figure out a difficult or even impossible problem to the physical pulls the mind out of this trap.

This may be temporary, but it doesn’t matter. It breaks the cycle, allowing the mind to rest and loosening the attachment to solving the problem for a while. In addition, many physical exercises bring balance to the physical system, making you feel better, so that solving the mental problem becomes less of an issue.

When I’m feeling good, I’m less attached to getting other things that I want. I’ve been stretching twice a day. My chiropractor gave me some stretches to do twice a day for about [00:30:00] 20 minutes, and I’ve been doing them regularly for a couple of months now. The difference is like night and day. I start my day with the stretches, nice, really slow stretches, and I do them again just before I go to bed.

This simple way of getting out of my mind just before bed is allowing me to fall asleep right away every night. All the problem solving and agitation is loosened by doing these stretches. I love yoga for the same reason, and in fact, many of these stretches are yoga postures. It’s like a buffer slowing me down, balancing my body.

And allowing me to transition into sleep and rest. Each way has its merits. I love stretches, but I also love the work. What I love about the work is that it addresses the root of why I get attached to an idea, and I often find that it, I can let it go completely. This shifts things in a major way because it often means that I become immune to that kind of stress [00:31:00] in the future.

Stretches on the other hand, may not address that kind of depth, but they loosen the physical results of mental, a the physical results of mental agitation, and they address stresses that come from purely physical causes as well, such as bad posture, overworking muscles, et cetera. It feels like a one-two punch when I use the work and stretching together in my life.

How about you? How do you break the cycle? In addition to the work, what other things do you use to get out of your mind and back into your direct experience? If you wanna learn or practice the work more regularly, join me for the work one-on-one, my in-depth online course for going deeply into self-inquiry, and you can find that as always at the work as meditation.com.

And here’s a quote from Byron Katie from her book, A Thousand Names for Joy. [00:32:00] The mind surrenders to itself when it isn’t at war with itself. It experiences a world that is completely kind, the benevolent mind projecting a benevolent world.