Spiritual Pressure, Self-Blame, and Overwhelm (Stress Management for HSPs)

Client: [00:00:00] I have been doing the work for some years and, um, my question is to myself and then to this, this group is Byron Katie. And specifically her profound enlightenment experience. If you, if you follow me, is that a help to me or is that a tremendous impediment to me?

Todd: Welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress and see if there are ways to turn that stress around. Basically, we’re working with our thinking in this, and we use something called the work of Byron Katie. A way to question what you think and believe.

I’m Todd [00:01:00] Smith, and on the program today, a participant asks a question about. Comparing himself to Byron Katie and how, uh, wondering if her enlightenment that she describes is a help or actually an impediment for him. So let’s dive into the work environment, Katie, together. This is a simple, powerful way to question what you think, and in this open session, it’s really just a discussion.

We’re not actually doing the work, but there’s a very, some very interesting questions and doubts about the work that come up here. So here is the recording of the open session, and I always like to do these, uh, just unedited recordings and share these with you so that, um, you can experience the same way that I experience it as just like friends sitting around talking and sharing our experiences.

So here’s the recording of the open session.[00:02:00] 

Client: My question.

Really a long time. I, I, uh, have been doing the work for some years and, um, my question is to myself and then to this, this group is Byron Katie and specifically her profound enlightenment experience. If you, if you follow me, is that. A help to me or is that a tremendous impediment to me? Now, the reason I say that is because

there’s a tendency that I see in me and I see in others to pattern behavior after her, sometimes even to pick up the [00:03:00] way she speaks or. Whatever. And of course, you know, we know where that comes from, but so Byron Katie out of her, um, unique, her uniqueness sets what seems to be, for me, an unachievable standard of conduct and fearlessness.

Specifically, and this one is the one that really has gotten me, and maybe this is the only one for all I know, but it, it’s, it’s there. And that is that she tells the story about how after her 1986 experience that, uh, she was in this dysfunctional marriage and her husband was understandably upset by her, her change of personality, and he went around the house screaming and cursing at [00:04:00] her.

And she sat there on the couch and was just in wonderment, and her attitude was, this poor dear man, you know, I’m just gonna listen to him. This, of course, is, is wisdom. It’s, it’s a beautiful prescription just to just listen.

I think you know where I’m going with this. I’m, I see Todd shaking his head and smiling that that’s, that’s above my pay grade. Do you follow me? Okay. Yeah. So I’ve always aspired to that because, not, not just because like I’m gonna imitate Byron Katie, but because in number four there is that wisdom, there is the capacity in me, however it gets.

Covered up and rather quickly by my reactivity. So, so to bring it to a more tangible thing for this [00:05:00] group, practical, let’s say, is that in, in light of the first question I asked, is she an impediment? Um.

Do what, what is, what is authentic? I asked myself, what is my authentic behavior? If, if, you know, Katie can receive curses bill apparently cannot. He’s, he’s, you know, he’s tried it. So is it authentic to ask the other, um, you know, please, I, I, I can’t handle this. It, it, you know, it wrecks. It wrecks my week sometimes.

You know, it, it rattles me deeply, you know, and it’s not like, it’s not like I feel justified in it. It’s just, it’s just too, it’s just the way this thing works, this thing, it works. It works that way. So I get extremely affected, you know? And it disrupts my sleep. It hurts and whatnot. I do the work, I find, I find the truth in [00:06:00] it.

Uh, and, but ego comes back in. So I don’t think that’s news to anybody here. That ego comes back in, but so what do you, what do you say Todd, or what do other people have to say in their experience about, about behavior that you just can’t seem to tolerate? 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a really, really good question and really good topic that you bring up.

Um.

Another principle of Byron Katie’s that kind of fits in here for me is she’s often says, don’t pretend yourself ahead of your own evolution. Right? And so, yeah, she has a, a standard, if you will, she, she, she has just by her, her experience, her her nature. She is. She’s amazing. [00:07:00] She’s amazing. And so it’s inspiring to read her words and to hear her stories and, and so yes, in that way it’s a help.

But where it becomes an impediment is when I start comparing, I start comparing myself to her, and then think that I should be acting on that level. I should be. At her level of evolution, whatever that is. It’s kind of like when you’re in, you know, I consider myself like in first grade and like she’s in graduate school or something.

And so if I’m in first grade and I’m not able to do, you know, differential calculus or something, then. I’m, if I think I should be, I’m gonna be beating myself up for not having that ability. But it’s above my pay grade, literally. It’s a, it’s a beyond my evolution at that point. So, [00:08:00] you know, um, comparison, comparison is a big source of stress and even comparison to something really good.

In fact, it usually is to something really good. And here’s something. Pam and Katie in some ways is like really, really, really good. So the comparison to that, I’m just gonna always lose. Uh, it’s just I fail. I’m just, I can’t, I can’t live up to that. And as long as I’m believing that I, that I should be living up to that or that I should be where she is, or I should be anything, um, like her, then it’s gonna be a cause of stress.

So if that stress comes in. Of course that’s where the work can serve, right? I should be, I should be less reactive. I should be able to just listen when somebody’s yelling at me. Is it true? Right? So I can question the [00:09:00] thoughts that keep me comparing myself to an ideal that’s beyond my evolution. Another way of saying that is the idea of loving what is, doesn’t just include loving.

People out there yelling at me. It also includes loving what is, which is my ability at this point to handle it. And maybe my ability is only so much, so can I be okay with that as well? And that’s, that’s another piece of work, right? So some things rattle me. I still, I have the same thing. Some things just rattle me and, and.

Basically if, if I’m not thinking I should be over this, I should be able to deal with this. Um, then I just know that’s as much as I can take and I have to just, I. Get out of the situation for a while and [00:10:00] regroup, you know, find whatever means I can, including the work to get grounded again. But in my experience, it’s a process of getting exposed to the challenges and then coming back and doing some work.

Integrating, resting, stepping out of the situation if necessary. Um, you know, like step into the fire, step out of the fire, step into the fire, step out of the fire, and I can only handle so much at first, but over time this is a process. What I notice is that my ability to handle the fire is just gets more and more, and it’s probably nowhere near what Byron Katie can handle.

But I’m looking at my own progress and there’s, there’s something there. So I content myself personally with, um, just the, the, the strides that I am making. And, and that’s enough for me. I’m, I’m in kindergarten, I’m in first grade. I’m [00:11:00] just taking one step and what I can handle today I find is more than I could handle a few years ago.

So that’s, that’s enough for me. Enough for me. I let it be enough. ’cause if I don’t, it stresses me even more. So that’s, that’s my experience. I don’t know if that resonates or, or anything, but that’s, that’s my experience.

Oh, bill was having some internet issues here, so he may be popping in and out. Um, and if anyone else here wants to share anything from your experience, I’d be happy to hear it as well.

I hear he comes back again. Yeah. Edwin, I saw your hand. 

Client 2: Yeah, it’s actually not related, but okay. I’m back, bill. See, thanks. [00:12:00] 

Client: Yeah, thank you. 

Todd: You’re welcome. Yeah. Yeah. Comparison, right? Comparison is a killer. Even to, well, 

Client: there’s a, could, could I just add something to that? 

Yeah. 

Client: Is that okay? Is that okay, Edwin?

That I, that I hog the time here? Um, um, once I factor out the comparison, and I don’t think that’s a huge issue for me. Like I don’t really think that it has been, but less, it’s more that Okay. I, I don’t want it to in the moment. I don’t want to defend. Okay. A, because it’s kind of prescribed in our community, and b, it, it goes nowhere.

You know? It just, I mean, who needs it? You know? It’s war. So, so now you’re left with this deluge and I, I don’t. And then I go back to the garage or something to get my, and you know, with [00:13:00] 10, 10, 10 worksheets and start working it. And then my life becomes like this. Like you just said, Todd, like you go into the fire, then you come outta the fire.

You into the fire. How about like, you, you, Todd, Todd, I don’t like that picture behind you. It’s really driving me crazy. Or I don’t like those glasses you’re wearing, or, I don’t like the way you speak to me. You know? Is that defense? Todd, I don’t like how you’re speaking to me. Or, or like, I can’t take it.

Todd, I’m sorry. I’d like to be your friend, but you’re, you’re over the top man. Like, where, where do we go with this? You see what I’m saying? Other than to the garage with my worksheets. 

Todd: Yeah, yeah, yeah, 

Client: yeah. 

Todd: I know what you’re talking about. Yes, like. Going to the garage with my worksheets is one way of, uh, of, of like really taking care of the underbelly of the, of the beast.

And it takes time. It’s a long process. It’s a, it’s, it’s an ongoing thing. Um, and then like, how do I, I. What do I do [00:14:00] in the moment? Kind of is another, I don’t know if that’s kind of where you’re getting there, but, 

Client: and, and with the whole relationship because it’s repetitive behavior. 

Todd: Right? Right. So, um, you know, one of the things I’ve noticed in myself is that I’m more, the more I’ve done this work, the more I have become, um.

I don’t know, fearless is a little too strong, but like more willing to, to actually stand up for myself as well. Um, and, and so, you know, the work can be used as an excuse sometimes to like just, oh, it’s just my stuff and I can end up just like you say, not defending in a way that is, um. In, in essence, it’s a good thing, right?

It’s a, I’m going in finding my stuff and, and all of that. But I’ve also noticed, like there’s [00:15:00] where I like to rest and where the work always points me is to what is the actual truth of a situation? And sometimes, sometimes I’m not wrong. Sometimes I actually have a valid point and. What I find is that I actually am becoming stronger in saying that and, and whereas before, I think the only way I had to say that was with defense and with attack and with a lot of, of, of kind of energy behind it.

Um. What I’m noticing is that I’m willing to speak up a little bit. It actually takes some courage for me to speak up, uh, and kind of say, well, I don’t see it that way. Uh, and, and at least voice my, I. My point of view because no one else is seeing it. And that has, that has been [00:16:00] something that’s been increasing for me and it has made the interactions less stressful in my experience.

Um, so it’s not a replacement for Yeah, going to the garage and doing my work, but 

Client: Uhhuh, you 

Todd: know, where I’m kind of, where I’m going with that, where I’m saying. 

Client: Beautiful. And, and would you give an example of, of what that looks like? 

Todd: Uh, sure. Yeah. Like, um, funny you would say it, but just a couple days ago I had a, had an a kind of an argument, uh, with my partner and, uh, yeah, I was starting to share something a little bit more vulnerable, um, with him.

And he, he cut me off right at the beginning saying like, I don’t remember what the words were, but it’s sort of like short version, you know, like, he doesn’t have time for this. Um. I just felt kind of shut down by that. I didn’t really want to share, uh, much more at that point. And, and then he kept kind of pushing [00:17:00] and showing why he was, why it was justified to do that.

And I, and I. At one point just said like, you’re trying to blame it on me, but it’s not, I, I’m, I didn’t do anything. Uh, you know, wrong here. This is, it’s natural to expect someone to want to listen. And I was just, I was, I did get a little bit more, you know, I, I wouldn’t say I was totally calm. I got a little angry, but it didn’t go down into like the, the depths of my, my heart, you know, like I, I slept fine that night and I was, uh, it, it was like there was a.

There was, it felt like it was not coming as much from the reactive place as from just an observational truth place where, hey, this is, you’re off. You know, you’re off and, and I can see where I was off in certain ways too. But overall. I wasn’t that far off, and so I didn’t have to beat myself [00:18:00] up as much with it.

Um, so, you know, that’s kind of a, a, an example for me. And I, and I look at that, where I would’ve done three, 10 years ago, I would’ve been shut down for like three days. I would’ve not slept at all. I would’ve been like totally avoiding him and passive aggressive and, and everything just like. A ball of stress, and somehow I just dealt with it in the moment, kind of didn’t make it my problem, gave him the feedback, and, um, yeah, it, it affected me, but it wasn’t, it wasn’t as consuming as it was, um, when I, when I first started doing the work years ago.

Client: Thank you. Thank you very much. 

Todd: You’re welcome. Yeah. Uh, yeah, Kira. 

Client 3: Yeah, I have a question about that. And I know I’ve asked you about this before because I feel like that’s very different [00:19:00] from the work. Like the work just keeps putting the attention on me and, um, and I do have questions about that because sometimes I feel like it, it’s really helpful to look at just.

Um, all of my own stuff and try to take a broader view that can sort of encompass everything. But sometimes I feel like it lets people off the hook too. Not that I wanna put someone on the hook, but like it. Doesn’t necessarily address some things that maybe need to be addressed sometimes. So I get confused about that because if you, it seems like in that situation, the work would say, well just like turn it back on yourself.

You know, and so I get confused about that, you know, how to, how, like it’s super helpful to live that way. It makes you more compassionate and loving towards the people around you. But in terms of being [00:20:00] engaged in life in a way where, um, like there’s connect, like you feel more connected and yet there’s a loss of connection in some way be, I feel like something is lost too.

Yeah. In the work, like some semblance of reality. 

Todd: Yeah. You know, the work is not a replacement for, for living for action. Like it’s not a replacement for it, it’s an adjunct. It’s an addition to, to, um, it’s like. Basically, there’s two areas here. There’s the world of action, doing things, saying things. Um, all of that which we use to change the world is the opposite of like loving what is, is like the world’s fine as it is.

Don’t need to change anything, right? So, but there’s, there’s a place for doing things. There’s a place for taking action. There’s a place for, for, um, [00:21:00] for all of that. On one level, the work just comes in as an, as an addition to that so that sometimes when I take action, I don’t get results. I get frustrated and so I’m stuck with only one with one hand, right?

But when I come in with the work, I have another whole hand where I can, in case things don’t go the way I want, I can work them and see if I can find where it’s, um, where it’s okay that I don’t. Get it the way I want it to, but in no way, in no way was the work designed to be like, oh, just take everything.

Like, just don’t, don’t, um, don’t, um, I. Don’t act anymore. Right? Like that, that people can use that as an excuse, can use the work as like, oh yeah, it’s just, everything’s just my fault. Or you know. I mean, this is like the extreme version of using the work to blame yourself. I’m not saying that we do that that often, but it can happen.

And [00:22:00] that 

Client 3: misunderstanding. What about like acceptance? Like to Bill’s point, like, um, I think Katie would, she has full acceptance for every single moment, y you know what I’m saying? Mm-hmm. Which, that feels different. Like, I’m not saying she doesn’t move through the world, she obviously does, and yet she has no desire to change anything around her.

Todd: But if you’ve ever spent any time around Byron Katie, you’ll also see that she’s very decisive. And she’ll say no to this and yes to this. And she won’t let people get away with crap. And she’s, she’s like, she’s tough actually. She’s, she’s like, just the opposite of what you think of as complacent. Oh, I just do my work and everything’s, she’s like, she is, she’s a tough lady.

Um, and so. My experience is the more, the less defensive internally that I am. ’cause the work is only about the internal. So the less defensive I am on the inside, the more I [00:23:00] can be bold in what I’m actually saying to people. But when I’m defensive inside, I’m actually in a weak kind of place and the only choice I have is to try to lash out.

And it’s always weak and it never really goes anywhere and it come ends up coming right back to me. So the work, as I do the work and I find my part, you know, that’s where you started. Like it’s finding my part that, that if I really own that and I really start, um. Getting in touch with, yeah, this, I’m the only one who can make me a victim, and I start seeing that I don’t have to do that.

I stop feeling like a victim and then when I’m in a situation that is even abusive, I’m, I’m not thrown as much by it, and I’m in a better position to say, Hey, no more that doesn’t work. Or to remove myself from the situation or to take some action or to even just be understanding and diffuse the situation.

There’s so many options [00:24:00] that show up, so the work gives me. It like gives the responsibility for my happiness back to myself. That’s all. It doesn’t blame me. It just gives me the options and when I start to see it, then my actions often start to be less reactive. And in that I. I’m able to be more decisive, more bold, more just like, Hey, enough’s enough of that, or whatever.

It’s, it’s the opposite of being a doormat, which is what sometimes people fear will happen if you do the work. So I have, I have, that’s been my experience. I’ve become more bold and, and I think it’s because I’m less, I’m less defensive internally. That’s really it, because that when I’m angry inside, when I’m defensive inside, when I’m upset inside, I don’t have the [00:25:00] creativity and the bandwidth to, to be, um, yeah, to be creative in the way I deal with the situation.

I have only one option, either fight or flight, you know, two options, fight or flight. And without that, uh, with, without that. Reactive part inside of me. I have a lot of different options. I’m, I’m, I have a lot more options and, and that’s this begin, this growth of freedom that this is about. So the work is an internal thing and it does not require me to stay in an abusive situation.

It does not require me to just put up with things. It just requires me. To get clear doesn’t even require that. It just invites me to get clear of where is my suffering coming from? Is it coming from the situation or how I’m thinking and, and what I’m believing about the situation? And when I start to see it’s about how, what I’m seeing and believing, bam, I’ve got [00:26:00] all kinds of, of options, uh, because I’m actually the one in control here, not, not the situation of my happiness.

Yeah. 

Client 3: It’s super helpful when you talk about, um, just that you, it gives the, it puts the responsibility back on you because from from that place, there’s options, you know? Yeah. If everything is dependent on me, like I have choice everywhere, so it’s not about blaming it. I under That’s, that was really helpful.

Todd: Good. Yeah. That is it, it’s a subtle distinction there, but it’s, um. But that’s, that’s my experience. Yeah.

Cool. Um, we only have a couple minutes, so Yeah. I see Edwin, you got a quick, uh, quick question or something to add? 

Client 2: Yeah. Um, I was gonna ask a question related to that. How do you deal when you do the work and once [00:27:00] you get to the point where you look at things from a different perspective, there’s, um, guilt coming into play.

Because you, your mind made you believe that you were in the right, but then you look at it from a different perspective and you might find out that it was actually not the way you, you were thinking about it at all. And then there’s guilt in it because you feel Yeah, that it’s your fault. So that’s where the believ, what it was, 

Todd: the mind swings from one extreme all the way over to the other extreme, right before I was blaming the other people.

Now I’m, I switched it around. Now I’m blaming myself, but we’re still blaming, it’s the same game here. We just pointed the gun in a dir different direction. So what, what I love to think of in the work is like, I’m. I’m finding like it’s their fault. It’s their fault, it’s their fault. And I start turning it around and I’m thinking like, oh yeah, it’s, it’s my fault too, but I don’t have to go all the way into, it’s my fault.

It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s like those two can balance each other where it’s like, yeah, I [00:28:00] can see where I’m as much at fault in this as they are, or maybe even more, but it’s not like I’m bad for that. It’s just I’m innocent. I was innocently believing. And got caught in this thing and, and now I’m seeing through it.

So the work never, never takes me to the opposite extreme. I always think of the turnaround as a balance to the original statement. Those two often coexist, like where that person had some fault in it and I had some fault in it, and I can kind of join them there. Like, oh yeah, we’re, we’re both humans and we’re both kind of, you know, fumbling around here and.

Yeah. So if I noticed myself going into too much blame, then either just back it off a little bit, or if necessary, do the work on, it’s all my fault, I did a terrible thing, you know, or whatever. Do the work on that, and the turnaround of that will bring you back up to, oh, I didn’t do it. Wasn’t that terrible.[00:29:00] 

Um, and it’s the B we’re looking for balance and you’ll feel it. Your emotions will tell you they’re the sensitive instrument that tells you. If I’m blaming him. Ouch. It hurts. I’m blaming me. Ouch. It hurts. But somehow if I can find that little place where the, you know, the pendulum crossed, right, right in that little balance place there.

It doesn’t hurt. So like that’s where I’m, that’s what I’m looking for.

If you’d like to participate in open sessions like the one we just heard, then. You’re welcome to do so, and you can find information about these open sessions. I do them every week by going to the work as meditation.com, and then clicking on the open sessions, uh, page. And there you’ll find a calendar, upcoming sessions and you can sign up there.

Next, I’m going to read one of my newsletter [00:30:00] articles, and the article that I wrote this week is called. How to fit the work into a busy life

when every inch of ground is taken, where do you find room for one more thing, how to fit the work into a busy life? The problem in life is that there are too many good things to do. It’s good to sleep. It’s good to make healthy meals and eat them peacefully. It’s good to exercise. It’s good to invest time and energy in a job.

It’s good to spend time with family and friends. It’s good to learn new things. It’s good to bathe. It’s good to clean the house. It’s good to meditate. It’s good to do the work. Unfortunately, it’s usually not possible to do it all. So how do you decide what to do and what not to do? Most of us let life decide.

For [00:31:00] us, we focus on whatever demands the most attention, usually emergencies or whatever’s easiest to do. And this often leaves no room for the more subtle, uh, long-term practices that also bring joy, such as the work of Byron Katie. You can make these decisions consciously or unconsciously. If I just let emergencies decide for me what to do, then I will stay busy putting out fires.

I’ve done that many, many times, and I know many people that live that way as well. The problem is there’s always another fire, so it just keeps going and going. If I step back and look at my life objectively, I can see that some areas of life are actually more important to me. And those areas are often not fires to put out.

They’re, they’re usually more quiet activities, things that, [00:32:00] that nourish me. Things that, um, that I love to do but are not emergencies. And those areas are just sitting there waiting to be encouraged or waiting to be. Brought into the light. These quiet, long-term interests don’t cry out for attention like emergencies, but they’re actually very dear and meaningful.

And spending time on these aspects of life can actually be a foundation for a happy life. The thing is, though, it requires some conscious attention, uh, to notice these things and to actually act on them. They need some protection from the ways that emergencies override them, and without conscious attention, they’re easily lost or hidden from view or just deferred until some later date, which never comes.

Doing the work of Byron Katie is one of those things, at least for me, it’s a quiet, [00:33:00] meditative practice and it doesn’t demand that I do it, but. And so when I’m, when I’m faced with other emergencies, it tends to come second. You know, like job emergencies, family emergencies, financial emergencies, even just demanding people, like I’ll just put this self-care on the back burner while I deal with these demanding people.

So anything quiet like this, anything meditative like this often becomes the last thing that we end up doing. So I like to think of. How to protect the practice. Something that if I don’t create some kind of protection around then it, it just gets overrun by all the other needs, uh, of life. Because it’s a subtle practice.

The work needs time and space where chaos and emergency demands cannot reach it. So I’ve made a list of some of the ways that I have [00:34:00] found. Work for me and some of my clients of kind of protecting this space, creating a space and protecting it. That, um, that will allow me to do the work on an ongoing basis.

When I say space, I mean space and time. Both are important and I kind of like to find, uh, an area where it’s not going to be, uh, overrun by emergencies. So here are some ways that I like to protect, um, the practice of the work. One is to make an appointment with a friend or a facilitator to do the work.

This kind of agreed upon meeting time. I. It can serve as a shield from the chaos of life for one hour. We do it all the time. We make a meeting with somebody and then we don’t answer our phone during that time. We don’t text during that time. We don’t, uh, check our emails during that time. Uh, the doors closed.

Nobody, [00:35:00] everybody knows for one hour, I’m, I’m not available. So there’s something about working with somebody, doing the work in spoken form with another person at an agreed upon time. That creates a protection there. And, and this can be done on a daily basis even. So that’s the the next point, which is make an ongoing appointment for doing the work with somebody.

Better. The beating just wants to do the work, meaning once a week or once a day or at some other regular interval gives a bigger protection for the practice and then no matter what’s going on, the meeting routine holds on and, and this I find to be very effective. The other thing I really love about an ongoing appointment is that.

Basically time, uh, keeps going. And even though it’s a one hour segment or a half hour segment, whatever it is, [00:36:00] there’s another one coming and another one coming and another one coming. And as long as I keep going, there’s really almost an infinite amount of time. And this gives me a feeling of, of plenty, like a feeling of affluence, of time that I can.

Take my time, slow down work, smaller pieces of work without any pressure of like, oh my God, I have to get, I have to do, be really productive in one hour. So having an ongoing an appointment can be a really big protection for this practice of the work. And it can also be by yourself. Doesn’t have to be with another person, but with another person Often is a stronger support because you, you wanna show up for the other person.

Another protection is to find a time when you’re not expected to be available. So early morning is a good time for many people. Late at night can work for people, certain breaks during the [00:37:00] day or transition times of any kind. These can all be excellent times to carve out a protected area for doing the work each day.

I do the work at the very start of my business day before I check emails and get into projects. And I love this. It’s like before everything hits me, I’ve spent at least a half hour of doing the work. And I do it in written form, but, um, I love that it’s the same time every day and it’s just a kind of a part of my routine.

Now, another way to protect this practice is to tell others that you’re meditating now. Have a friend or spouse even be on, be like the guard dog for you while you close the door and do your work. So letting people know can be a huge, uh, a huge help. If I just close the door and hope they don’t interrupt me, then I’m really a sitting duck.

But if I tell them ahead of time and say, Hey, I’m gonna be gone. Please don’t [00:38:00] interrupt me this time. The chances of not being interrupted and the chances of getting respect from the other people for being included in that, um, are much higher. Another interesting one is to create a series of small breaks.

And this is interesting. You can do five minutes of the work and then another five minutes of the work later in the day, and another five minutes of the work and maybe another five minutes like. Four times five is 20 minutes, and you could easily do a whole piece of work in written form in that way. So it’s possible to do a little bit of the work, then stop, and then come back to it, and it can come back to it the next day.

It doesn’t have to be completed that day, and I find writing in a notebook really helps with this, or writing on a computer document really helps with this because it’s easy to pick up where I left off. Another thing that helps with these smaller segments of time, uh, it helps anyway, but, but especially with these smaller segments, is some kind of reminder [00:39:00] system like in a calendar.

Then another way to, uh, protect the practice is to take a class. Um, this kind of regimen of assignments in a class can really support the practice. You’re kind of externally motivated, uh, but. That external motivation is really for you to come in and do your inner work, so it’s a great combination of using something external to support your internal practice.

Then finally find a group or sup, uh, a group to support your practice. And the power of a group cannot be underestimated for protecting a practice. That’s why athletes practice in teams. That’s why mu musicians practice together, why students study in schools, why business people work together. When everyone around you is also doing the work, it becomes easier to do.

So I do that with the My Inquiry Circle group. We have a group of people there and, [00:40:00] and I love to show up and do my work there, and they’re doing the same and we kind of, we kind of encourage each each other just by showing up meditation time versus other time I. It’s interesting, but meditation time does not tend to mix well with other time.

When I’m available and responsible to others, it’s kind of hard to listen to those quiet whispers within me. Meditation requires some time dedicated just to that. Now with the practice of meditation, I become better and better able to listen to myself even when. Chaos is going on around me, but the practice of meditation is what cultures that, and that often requires just some, some time away from all of the busyness of life is dedicating some regular time to the work valuable to you.

I invite you to really think about that. Just sit, sit with that and see what’s true for [00:41:00] you. If yes, then what options do you have for fitting it into your life? Doing nothing. Let’s chaos dictate the direction instead. So take some time and see what works for you. Make some plans. Luckily, the work is there for emergencies too, so if things get too stressful, you can always do the work and find peace again without having a practice.

But why stop there? Why not make finding peace a regular part of your life? Take some time to look at your schedule today. Where could you fit this beautiful practice into your routine? And here’s a quote from Byron Katie. Um, through inquiry we discover how attachment to a belief or story causes suffering.

So I write these newsletters each week and you can subscribe to them by. To [00:42:00] the work as meditation do com and um, just subscribing to the newsletter, subscribing. You can find it on any page there.

So thank you for listening today for, for to this podcast and invite you to subscribe to it. Go to the work as meditation.com. Um, check out all the resources we have there for doing the work, including the open sessions like you heard, the newsletter. Um, many courses that I offer as well as an ongoing practice group called Inquiry Circle.

If you’re interested in the work of Byron, you’ll also find tons of articles, hundreds of articles there that I’ve written about this practice and, um, you can just explore. So thanks again for being with us, and until next time, have a great [00:43:00] week.