When Relationships Feel One-Sided: Inner Work for Overwhelmed HSPs Navigating Emotional Expectations

Todd: [00:00:00] If you would like to develop the skill of doing the work of Byron Katie and having it as a kind of tool for you, whenever stressful thoughts come up then, then I encourage you to take the work one-on-one course, which I offer. This is 45 lessons. They’re about an hour. Each can go at your own pace and you get a personal trainer if you choose that option.

This course will get into all of the nuances of how to do the work. You’ll get to do a lot of the work, and I, my hope is that you’ll gain a lot of confidence to be able to do the work in any situation. So if you’re interested, go to the work as meditation.com and then go to the work 1 0 1.

Client: The situation is that, uh. Um, my wife says she needs space. So at the bottom, the jump to the chase is that I’m kicked out of the house again. This is the second [00:01:00] time this year, fourth time total. So I’m back in my car. And, um, 

Todd: welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around and.

We use something called the work of Byron Katy. It was a way of questioning your stressful thoughts that, uh, its founder Byron Katy created some many years ago. I find this to be one of the most effective ways to begin to loosen up the grip that. My thinking has on me so that I can experience the same kind of situation in a less stressful way.

I’m Todd Smith and on the program today, we have a participant in one of my open sessions doing the work on the thought. She should be emotionally educated enough to work things out [00:02:00] instead of giving up. And this was a, a situation where, um, his wife kicked him out and was feeling really, um, just really stressed over the whole situation.

So I think you’ll find this to be an interesting listen as you find, as he finds his way to find a little bit of wiggle room in that stressful situation. Then there’s an excellent question. Um, just simply this idea, um, brought up by another participant in an open session that the work still doesn’t quite click for me, and we go into a little bit of discussion about that and especially she thought it seems so mundane as opposed to, um, sort of not, not as what you would typically think of as meditation.

So I give some explanation on that from my experience. Also, I’ll read my newsletter article called Proud of my Dad, meditation Teacher for [00:03:00] over 30 years, and I think you’ll enjoy that. So let’s dive in together and let’s explore with the work of Byron Katie, which is just this simple, powerful way of questioning what you think and starting to get in touch with your own wisdom within yourself.

Here’s our latest weekly open session recording. I share the unedited recording for you so that you can experience the work as it really happens in real life.

Can you hear me? Yes, I hear you. Ah, 

Client: I’m sorry. I cut out for a sec. What did you say? 

Todd: I just called your name ’cause you had your hand raised so. 

Client: Okay. 

Todd: Yeah, let’s do the work. Yeah. The 

Client: situation is, um, situation is that, uh, um, my wife says she needs space. So [00:04:00] the bottom that jumped to the chase is that I’m kicked out of the house again.

This is second time this year, fourth time total. So I’m back in my car. And, um, the um. I’m not sure what the statement that I wanna work on is. I’ve come up with a few, the, um,

should I go over what I’ve come up with? 

Todd: Yeah. Come up. Just share what you’ve, what you’ve come up with so far. 

Client: Um,

she should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out. Um, instead of, uh, just giving up. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Client: So, um, she should, uh, she’s abandoning me yet again, [00:05:00] and, uh, I’ve had enough and I’m gonna, um, she wants time off. Well, I may want time off like maybe for the rest of my life. Mm-hmm. Which kind of feels like, uh.

F you. Well, I’ll show you kind of thing. Um, she always gets her way. ’cause then, uh, you know, I was like, well, I’ll support you, whatever you wanna do, you know, trying to be, um, the way that I wanna be. And if that means that you want me around, then I’ll support you in that too. Um, but, uh. The 5-year-old part of me just wants to stick it to her.

Doesn’t really wanna support her in that for sure. The, um, okay, 

Todd: well these are some, 

Client: is there more, um, oh, just these are some good thoughts here. Yeah. [00:06:00] You know, she, she’s been very depressed for a long time and she, uh, made some comment, uh, you know, each time. Kill another little part of me. So just always blaming instead of taking responsibility and that, um, she only thinks of other consequences of her actions, um, to the consequences for herself.

She doesn’t think what the consequences is for other people. 

Todd: Okay. Yeah. All right, so it’s a good list. This is the way I like to do it. You know, the stressful situation presents itself, and then I just go to a piece of paper and start putting out whatever thought stream of consciousness is coming out of my head, and I trust it.

Totally trusted that stress will direct me what to write. And you’ve done that, um, beautifully here. So let’s just start at the top [00:07:00] of your list. You know, she should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out instead of giving up. Is that true? 

Client: Yes, that’s totally true. She’s been working really hard on herself for two, three years now.

And, uh, we know what the patterns are and, um. So just 

Todd: keep it as a simple yes, yes or no. Right Then, then it keeps it really simple. Okay. And the reason for that is that it’s, this is an experiential process. Um, and so even though you see the reasons there, there’s something about just saying yes, you know, or saying no, and then, and then holding it, owning it, that it, it somehow touches on the experiential level.

That’s, that’s the only purpose. So can you absolutely know it’s true, she should be emotionally [00:08:00] educated, uh, to be able to work things out instead of giving up?

Yeah. Okay. So how do you react? What happens when you believe this thought that she should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out instead of giving up. And she’s kicking you out of the house for the fourth time.

Client: Um,

I’m angry.

I’m depressed. So much work’s gone. I. Into working on this. And I think the part, the biggest, the strongest part is that I’m really just really disappointed. There’s something about me or my background that just [00:09:00] doesn’t have any respect for somebody. That takes the easy way out, and it’s pretty easy when it’s a struggle to just split.

Or have ask the other person split or whatever.

So I just feel really disappointed.

Okay. Do you see any, I guess I, part of me is, yeah, also feels, uh, I mean, I’m disappointed in her, so I guess that would be, um. I’ll just leave it as I’m disappointed in her. That’s all. I’ll leave it at that. 

Todd: Yeah, that makes sense. So what are the images from the past that you see when you think that she should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out and then she’s not.[00:10:00] 

Looks like it looks like you got frozen. Okay, let’s see if you come back.

Okay. So I don’t know if if, uh, he will be back or not, but, um.

Uh, Sydney. Yeah, go ahead and unmute yourself. Um, 

Client 2: okay. Um, while we’re waiting for him, in case he can rejoin. Yeah. Would you like to perhaps comment or explain or reflect a little bit about what just happened? 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client 2: With Mike. That might [00:11:00] be, that’s a good opportunity. And then maybe he’ll, maybe he’ll rejoin.

Todd: Rejoin. Yeah, exactly. So. As I mentioned with his number one when I said this is an experiential thing, and just that one word answer was touching in on that this whole process of doing the work is, is experiential. So I call it that’s, that’s why we call it meditation. Um, so what he’s doing here, having identified the stressful thought to question, he is starting to, starting to.

Notice what the reactions are inside of him and in terms of how he’s, how he’s seeing his wife, his disappointment, all of these reactions come out as a result of believing that thought in that moment. She should be emotionally educated, um, to be able to work things out. So we’re.[00:12:00] 

Here he is again, give his experience, um, and just let it be seen and experienced. Um, and then that gives the experience as you’re doing this and anyone who will have the same experience that you. You start to get it, like the part that stuck is the one that’s seeing and experiencing this. So it starts to see how stressful it is to believe this thought.

So that’s where we’re at right now. 

Client 2: And, and before, Mike, before you start speaking again, we were kind of filling for you while we were waiting for you. Um. Like someone like me who doesn’t do the work a lot, and I actually do know what you’re talking about, but if I didn’t I would think, yeah, but look what his wife did.

This is terrible. It’s awful. So that, so can you say a little bit about how that is or isn’t [00:13:00] important, or why we aren’t questioning. Her behavior. 

Todd: Right, right. So, you know, um, sometimes we can’t change the situation, but I. With this kind of inquiry, we can often change our experience of the same situation.

So it’s one thing if I can change a situation, I’ll do that. Um, but if I can’t, or even if I can, I may question my thinking and change my experience of it so that it’s less stressful for me one way or the other. Either way, it happens to, to go. So that’s what this work is about. It’s like coming. Back in to our inner experience and seeing if there’s another way of, of viewing it.

Okay. But we haven’t got to that part yet. We’re right now looking at how you react and I think, um, you’ve been, you’ve already answered quite a lot, [00:14:00] but Right when we got cut off, you were saying, uh, or I was asking, um, are there any images you see from the past when you think that she should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out?

Client: Yeah, I’d say the last few months I see a lot of images when there was conflict and we took a few minutes out and then, uh, reconnected and worked it out. Yeah. And, um, the fact that she doesn’t wanna do that, I’m just very disappointed and, uh, disappointed, resentful, and. Angry and hurt. Okay. 

Todd: So who would you be without the thought?

She should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out instead of giving up. [00:15:00] When she kicks you out, who would you be without this thought that she should be emotionally educated? 

Client: Oh, I’d be, um. I’d be happy. I’d go out on a nice afternoon run, I’d be focused on my work. And most of all, I’d be compassionate towards her.

Without that thought, I would be compassionate towards her that, um, her situation must be, have gotten bad enough to where she can’t, um, can’t work things out. And, uh. Tools like blaming and needing space are all that she has. Uh, I would be compassionate and feeling bad for towards her. 

Todd: Yeah. So we’re seeing here the difference with the thought she should be emotionally [00:16:00] educated, that resentment was paramount.

And without the thought that she should be emotionally educated, be able to work things out, compassion starts coming in, starts seeing how hard it may be for her, some understanding that it must be hard for her. So this is the effect of that thought on your experience. She should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out instead of giving up when that thought’s running in some form, even if it’s just on a feeling level, it.

Affects the experience so that you experience it as resentment as instead of understanding. So having seen the effect of that particular thought in this situation on you, let’s experiment with some of the opposites of the thought, which is the turnarounds. So how could you turn around this thought just technically first and then we’ll see if it can make any sense out of it.

So she [00:17:00] shouldn’t be emotionally educated to be able to work things out. What would be a turnaround?

Client: She shouldn’t be emotionally educated to be able to work things out. 

Todd: Okay, so that’s the turnaround. Now we have to hold that as our new hypothesis. Is it possible that that could be true in some way? It’s just the opposite of what we were just, you know, what you were just thinking and believing, but play with it is, is there any, can you find anything that makes sense to you that she shouldn’t be emotionally educated to be able to work things out?

Client: I’d say she’s only been doing this kind of work for less than two years, not, not decades like me. So she shouldn’t, I’ve seen her just lay in bed for long periods, [00:18:00] look pretty depressed for many, many months, so maybe, um, it’s just not possible. To work things for her mind to be rational enough to, um, so it sure is a lot easier to blame and scream and do all that than,

I guess they don’t call it the work for nothing. 

Todd: Yeah. Any kind of internal work where you’re starting to see your own part in things and take responsibility for, for everything, your own experience. It’s, uh, yeah. It’s hard work. It is. It takes courage and, and so who knows? It may be she reached a limit,

so she shouldn’t be emotionally educated. To be able to work things out. [00:19:00] Any other reasons why she, why she shouldn’t be? Or any advantages why she shouldn’t be? Like how’s it good for for her or how’s it good for you? Or any other ways of thinking that she shouldn’t be emotionally educated to be able to work things out?

Client: Um. Well, she shouldn’t. One other reason might be um,

’cause she isn’t 

Todd: Yeah, 

Client: that is so She shouldn’t be if she can’t. Yeah. 

Todd: The proof is there, right? She can’t. She is. She has kicked you out. So that means that there’s no guessing about it. She has reached her limit like that she’s, that was as much as she could do. And then she had, that [00:20:00] was what felt like the only option.

So how could that be a good thing for you or her, or both of you? 

Client: Um, yeah, it could be a good thing. Um,

if I wanna work on my own issues and patterns, then, um, just like if I wanna be a better competitive athlete or climber or. Warrior. Anything else I need, I need somebody, I need somebody to spar with. So, uh, yeah. So by, uh, by being challenged to not be resentful, not feel abandoned and, and, [00:21:00] uh, be yelled at and, uh, be stick in a compassionate mode, then, uh.

End. It benefits me. 

Todd: She’s giving you work 

Client: even harder. Gives me, yeah.

She’s giving you the ultimate task, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

Todd: So she should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out from that point of view. Yeah. Her giving up is the very thing that can trigger you. So that’s the acid test. Yeah. You know, can I come back to peace even when that happens? Let me see.

Right. Yeah.

And um,

yeah. Any other specific things that come to mind of how. Her [00:22:00] not being able to work things out, not, you know, her giving up is a good thing.

Could be a good thing.

Client: Oh, maybe she’s right. Maybe. Um. She doesn’t call it, uh,

you know, she doesn’t call it kicking me out. Her term for it is she needs space a week, a month. She doesn’t know. So maybe, um, could be a good thing and that she, maybe she can’t process, maybe she needs a month to process. 

Todd: Yeah, it’s a very valid point. Like when you’re in the, you’re in the [00:23:00] fire and you can only, you know, even though it’s, you know, the challenge that you need, there can be a point where it’s just too much.

I just have to step out of the fire for a while and, and find some balance again, just by not being challenged to the nth degree and then. With that, some rationality comes back or some calmness comes back and it may, it may be supportive for whatever further discussions you have together.

Trying like, like, you know, like when a kid just gets totally breaks down and like they’re completely having a tantrum, you know, you just can’t talk with them then like it’s better just to have it be over with for now and then we’ll we’ll see later what happens. Yeah, so I love that example. She shouldn’t be emotionally educated to be able to work things out.

She can’t. She may be [00:24:00] flooded and. It’s, it’s, it’s a good time to give up and get a little bit un flooded before continuing. Yeah. Okay. So is there another turnaround? She should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out instead of giving up? 

Client: Yeah. I should be emotionally educated enough to work it out in my own head.

Todd: Okay. Examples of how. That could be as true or maybe even truer. 

Client: Oh, well, I’ve been working for whatever, 15, 20 years towards, um,

accepting equanimity and not being non-reactive and accepting people as they are, being compassionate. So. [00:25:00] Um, here’s a situation where another, another nice test and, uh,

yeah, I’m sorry. Can you repeat the, 

Todd: well, I think answering it, the question was why could it be. How could it be as true that you should be emotionally educated enough to be able to work things out versus her being emotionally educated? Yeah. Work things out.

Client: Yeah. That’s my goal. That’s what I work very hard towards. And um.

I’ve worked really hard on it, so I should be, 

Todd: yeah. So I should be 

Client: able, 

Todd: so looking at just [00:26:00] a level of experience, you’ve been working for many years, she’s been working for two, like it makes more sense that you would be capable of being able to work things out, being emotionally educated enough to do that.

Um, instead of giving up, then she would. Yeah. Yeah. The cool thing is you, you get, you rest on your own experience there. It’s not dependent on her some, somehow magically becoming emotionally educated enough to be able to work things out. Like it’s, it brings it back home to Oh, right. I have a lot of tools.

Oh yeah. I have a lot of experience. Oh yeah. I am kind of working on seeing equanimity and being. Yeah. More even in how I see situations. So that’s like, it’s like this turnaround, just like a reminder of the strength [00:27:00] and experience that you bring to the situation. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: As opposed to waiting on her to somehow catch up or exceed that.

I love that feeling. That’s what, that’s what the work often does for me, is it brings me back to this feeling like, oh, right. I, I’m not, I’m not, you know, a victim here. Like I’m, I have some resources, I have a lot of resources actually within myself, a lot of experience to support me and, and it. Reduces the threat of the actual situation, the feeling of threat.

So I should be emotionally educated to be able to work things out instead of giving up. Yeah, and you can also turn it [00:28:00] around to yourself too. Instead of giving up on myself, there’s a giving up on us and there’s a giving up on myself. Yeah, so regardless, one is, let me not give up on us ’cause it’s not necessarily over.

Maybe in a month’s time she’s ready to talk again or who knows. But in the meantime, regardless of whether a breakup is permanent or not, let me not give up on myself. Let me be emotionally educated enough to be able to work things out with myself. I don’t give up on myself, and that way I’m really safe, like a hundred percent safe, regardless of what happens.

Client: Yeah, yeah. And if that happened, I would be safe in all kinds of situations and closer to achieving Michael. 

Todd: Yeah. So in the end, all that’s happened is this little. Challenge [00:29:00] and it’s bringing you, in some ways, doing this work shows the options that it’s not, it’s not the, you know, the feeling is when you get in these situations, it’s the end of the road.

Right? But, but it’s not the end of the road. There’s, there’s so many options that we’ve already touched on in just a few minutes. So what I encourage you to do. Keep following these stressful thoughts when they come up. They may continue to pop up different ones. After this one, there’ll be another one and you’ve already written a few down and just, just question a few of ’em.

Don’t have to question all, but just if you get stressed, question another one, one a day. That’s plenty. And then, and then it just keeps reminding me of what I have. So thank you for your work. Really appreciate it. 

Client: Thank. Thank you for the facilitation. [00:30:00] 

Todd: My pleasure, Sydney. Yeah. Yeah. And go ahead and unmute yourself as well.

Client 2: I’m almost reluctant to raise my hand because I don’t know if other people want to work. Um. 

Todd: Well, we’re kind of at the end of the, of the half hour here. I would love to keep going, but um, 

Client 2: okay. 

Todd: Yeah, but if you have something that we can look at briefly then, then lemme know. 

Client 2: Oh, is the call a half hour? I thought it was an hour hour.

So 

Todd: I’ll, 

Client 2: I’ll come another time and do it. Yeah, 

Todd: you’re welcome to. Yeah. We do this every week and, um, I love having a group of us here and, and, um, you know, I’m, I’m encouraging people now with a, if you come to 10 of these, I’ll give you a $50 coupon on my website so that you can, you know, just, just another little encouragement to, to be here with us.

’cause I really, I really value it. [00:31:00] And, um. If you enjoy doing the work or being around the work is a great place to hang out. 

Client 2: I might actually ask a question. 

Todd: Go right ahead. This is 

Client 2: okay. Um, this is, uh, I don’t know how, how you’ll feel about this, but, um, there I, um, Katie wrote the book, loving What Is. And I love that title.

And I, for me, that title says, says it all. Yeah, that’s it. Um, the work itself still doesn’t click for me and I’m, and I’m willing to do it, but it, it seems like, uh, it’s so heady and so. [00:32:00] Well, you’ll know what I mean when I say it’s, it seems so rooted in the relative. 

Todd: Mm, mm-hmm. 

Client 2: Um, you know, oh, these options, this situation, these perspectives, these thoughts, which still isn’t fully really loving.

What is, anyway, um, I’m here. I’ll come back. Um, and I, and I’m, and I, as I said earlier, I, I think you are the absolutely best facilitator that I’ve ever encountered with the work. Um, I love working with you, but I have this, you might say. Stressful thought about the work. 

Todd: No, that’s a good one. And, and so I’ll just give you a quick thought on it now, but we can come back and we can, you can do the work on the work, you know, I’m happy to do that.

We can discuss it further. Um, [00:33:00] but yeah, it, like loving what is that describes sort of the, I don’t know, end point of the work, like the goal of, of the work is what, what? Reading what Byron Katie writes seems to be what she’s experiences or describes, and then the work deals with the relative, you know, it deals with the specifics of life, the nitty gritty, the the mundane, and it’s, I I find that fascinating because I.

I’ve been doing meditation for decades. That is like transcending the relative, like, let’s just get to the absolute, let’s just get, you know, to that inner quietness. And I love that. And what I find the work does is it, it integrates that [00:34:00] quietness with the mundane, it like it bridges that gap somehow really, really well.

And so. We’re dealing with. It’s a meditation, right? It seems counterintuitive, but this is a meditation and we start with negativity. What? Okay, let’s have a nice quiet meditation. What’s stressing you? Sounds, sounds strange. And it is strange. Um, everything’s kind of upside down and inside out in the work.

So we start with stress mundane, relative. Minutia of life. And what I love about the work and my experience is, is that I start to see transcendence in the relative. I start to see something of transcendental nature in the specifics of, you know, a fight or, or something. You know, really [00:35:00] what we call caustic, like just.

Not something we’d wanna put our attention on even. And so if I can find, if I can see even a glimpse of peace, if you will, in war, that is a, that takes a lot of flexibility of the nervous system. That takes, that’s a, that’s a large. Stretching happening there. And sometimes I can’t do it ’cause it’s too much.

It’s like beyond what I can stretch, but sometimes I can, or sometimes I can stretch enough to glimpse it or to taste, taste it. And sometimes it’s quite a lot. And when that happens, it’s, it, it. It changes my experience. Like that negative ceases to be something negative. ’cause now I see the goodness inside the negative, and that’s a transformation for me when I actually experience it.

So that’s for me what the work does and why it’s a meditation, even though it looks like, oh my God, [00:36:00] this is so mundane. This is just. You know this crap. Yeah. The funny thing is I don’t even care about what the subject is in a way of what I’m doing the work on. It’s this process of bridging from absolute to relative and somehow connecting those two that fascinates me.

Um, so that’s my experience and I would love to, you know, talk more, chat more, do the work on any of that. Um, yeah. With you for sure. 

Client 2: Thank you. You’re 

Todd: welcome. If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one we just heard here, then go to the work as meditation.com and then go to the open sessions page.

You can see the upcoming schedule there of sessions. I have one every week. You can find the time zone converter to find out what time that is in your time zone and you can sign up to be a participant so that you can join us, do the work with us. Bring your questions. Basically anything connected [00:37:00] to the work of Byron Katie is welcome in these forums.

I also wanna point you while you’re at the work as meditation.com to another one of the things that I like to offer, and that is a, uh, what I call virtual retreats. These are a unique way of coming together and having a retreat experience over a weekend. But we do it virtually. We do it online, we do it on Zoom, and you’ll find a a very receptive group of people, people who have been doing work for a long time.

Some people are brand new to the work, and we work together in a group. I answer questions, I facilitate, and we break out into breakout rooms of partners and we do the work that way as well. And for those who are experienced, you can spend every session doing the breakout rooms. So on one weekend’s time, you can end up doing a lot of work.

The most cool thing about these virtual [00:38:00] retreats is that the sessions go around the clock for 48 hours. So that means you can choose any sessions that you want to come to in any time zone, and we’ll be there to do the work with you.

Next, I’m going to read one of my newsletter articles called Proud of my Dad, meditation Teacher for over 30 years. My dad and stepmom have been teaching meditation for over 30 years, and I’m proud of my dad Today. I just wanted to share a newspaper article written about my dad and stepmom who live in Vermont and who have been teaching meditation for a very long time.

I grew up with my dad meditating. He learned in 1975 when I was five years old, and he asked me if I wanted to learn in 1976, and I was a yes. So I have many fond memories of doing yoga with my dad and then meditating together, uh, [00:39:00] most days growing up in my teen years, many times, twice a day together. And I’m grateful for his open mind, which allowed me to get into meditation at an early age.

So read the article. I find the article I’m sharing with you to be both accurate and inspiring. I still love my twice daily practice of transcendental meditation, and if you ever try it, I think you’ll find it’s a great compliment to doing the work of Byron Katie. I’ve even heard Byron Katie say that meditators have more fun with the work.

So here’s the article and it goes like this.

Feeling stressed out, burned out, irritable and anxious. Dr. Edward Smith has a, has a prescription for you. Try transcendental meditation. The twice daily meditation technique has been shown to lower blood pressure and stress levels. [00:40:00] Improve mood, focus and memory, and help practitioners feel more grounded and creative.

Introduced in the West in the 1960s by the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi TM was popularized, popularized by the Beatles. Today its most notable fans include artists and celebrities like Jerry Seinfeld, Oprah Winfrey, Kendall Jenner, and David Lynch. Dr. Smith is in a household name, but he’s an enthusiastic local TM technique booster.

Since 2011, he and his wife Janet, have run the Vermont Transcendental Meditation Center in Williston, which recently moved to a new location on Mountain View Road. They offer TM classes to individuals and businesses and work with people of all ages from all walks of life. Edwards has an unusual and instructive backstory.

He first learned about the TM technique in the 1970s after reading an article about it in [00:41:00] scientific. American Smith was no counter-cultural, uh, revolutionary at the time. After graduating from Virginia Military Institute, he trained to be a doctor at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, and he was practicing rheumatology and, and internal medicine in Newport News, Virginia when he decided to give TM a try.

Its effect on his own life, convinced him the benefits were real. Within two weeks of my learning, he said during a phone interview, the assistance in my office went to my partner and asked why Dr. Smith stopped coming out and blowing his stack several times a day. That was my first inkling about how stressed I was.

After six months of regular meditation, he made some changes in how he spent his time. The next day I did 20% more work. In less time. He recalls, he made other adjustments that upped his output. Again, I began to [00:42:00] realize that I was not short on time. He said I was just not using it creatively. Daily.

Meditation helped in other ways too. Over the course of a year, I lost interest in smoking and drinking alcohol, lowered my blood pressure, and lowered my cholesterol, and most likely. Uh, and most likely had become a nicer person to work and live with. He said. Smith also started recommending TM to his patients and saw their improvement as well.

Over the next 10 years, I had 200 patients learn. He said they became the easiest patients in my practice to manage. Many of them reported the same experiences he did. I was beginning to see that this was the real preventive medicine for which I had been searching all my career. So Smith sold his medical practice and joined the TM organization full time.

The howells of disapproval from family and friends were deafening, [00:43:00] but I persisted. Anyway, he said he spent eight hours, uh, sorry. He spent eight years on the faculty of Maharishi International University in Fairfield, Iowa, learning Ayurvedic medicine and becoming a teacher of the TM technique. Since then, he’s taught TM to numerous students who have struggled with depression after taking up tm.

They’ve shown sustained improvement over time. I’ve never seen anything like that in modern medicine. He said. What does transcendental meditation involve compared with other wellness activities? TM is pretty straightforward and simple. There are no spongy maths or special clothing to buy. No regular group group classes to attend.

Beginners, uh, do take four consecutive days of training, which requires a few hours, uh, a day of one-on-one interaction with a trained TM teacher. The Smiths point out that they have a sliding scale fee structure and are committed to helping make it [00:44:00] affordable. During those sessions, the students receive their own individual mantra, something they repeat during their me daily meditations.

After that, students are on their own if they want to be, or they, um, have access to an international network of TM centers like the Smiths, um, uh, that can offer other resources ch do check-ins and more training if desired. TM practitioners meditate for 20 minutes twice a day. They can do it anywhere they like.

There are no prescribed uh, movements or poses. Janet explains. It’s simply a matter of knowing how to allow the mind to easily move inward. Then the benefits show up spontaneously outside of meditation time. Meditation works for all ages. The method appeals to Brad Coolidge, a filmmaker who grew up in Vermont and moved back with his family during the pandemic.

Coolidge says he [00:45:00] first learned about TM years ago on the Howard Stern Show. Stern is another famous TM fan, but it wasn’t until he and his family were in Vermont and he saw an advertisement for a family TM class that he decided to try it. Coolidge, his wife, Melissa, and three of their four kids took classes with Edwards and Janet and now meditate twice daily during a family Zoom interview.

Brad explained that unlike other forms of meditation, he is tried. There are no requirements to sit straight up and clear your mind. I had always. Almost get anxious thinking about paying attention. He said, with this, you just sit close your eyes. Remember your mantra? It feels like two minutes have passed and it’s 23 minutes.

Their 13-year-old son Kieran used TM during basketball season to prepare for games. I try to find time before the game in the car to do it or at school. It does calm me down or [00:46:00] takes away anxiety from things. He said, I will just close my eyes and do it, and it really does help. His 10-year-old brother, Dylan does it too, and it eased him through the transition into a new school.

Even one of his teachers noticed a change in him. Melissa said it’s been good for her. As a parent, it’s really easy to be thrown off your center. It’s really easy to be triggered, especially by kids or by comments people make. She said, since I’ve been meditating, I can see right through the center, uh, right through the center of something someone says, and see that that’s about them and not about me.

Also, I noticed behavior that normally would’ve triggered me, and I’m now able to just take a deep breath and move on. Meditation can help addiction. TM can also help people struggling with substance use disorders. Edwards has worked with many TM students, uh, who have reported that meditation reduces their impulse to [00:47:00] use mind altering substances.

One of his students, Connor Meager, came to TM after years of using drugs. He’s been in recovery for seven years now. I’ve done talk therapy before. It didn’t seem to cut it, he said. He found TM four or five years ago and started seeing the benefit immediately. It’s probably one of the most helpful things I’ve done.

He meditates twice a day, usually once in the morning before his shift as a restaurant general manager, and once in the evening it kind of wipes my slate clean. He says, meditation boosts creativity. Practicing TM doesn’t have to be about solving a problem. Edwards and Janet’s, uh, Edwards and Janet said it’s really about managing attention spontaneously, being able to attend to, to things that really matter.

Instead of focusing on the constant bombardment of information and noise, Janet compared the mind to an ocean. The surface of the water may [00:48:00] be roiled by waves, currents, and storms, but it’s still and calm down below. CM helps people access that calm, that peaceful place within. That’s the place where good ideas come from.

Edward said, he pointed out that you don’t get ideas by sitting at at a desk and thinking hard ideas come to you when you’re in touch with that calm centered part of your mind. That’s why creative people appreciate tm. This is a technique that gets you to that level, he said. Learn more about the transcendental medi meditation technique at a free introductory lecture at, uh, at my dad’s meditation center.

And you can also visit tm.org to find out more information anywhere in the world.

So that’s a cool little, um, n newspaper article about my [00:49:00] dad, about tm and I resonate with all the points that were brought up there. I never was interested in substance abuse, and I think that’s partly due to having had meditation from a young age. And it’s helped me, it’s been like an anchor for me through many, many years of living.

So I encourage you.

Okay, so thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast, share it with a friend, um, or post something on social media. Leave a review for the podcast if you haven’t done that before. And come by the work as meditation.com to get my newsletter to participate in open sessions like the one we heard here today, and to find hundreds of articles on the work of Byron Katie.

As well as information about the Work 1 0 1, my in-depth online course for learning the work of Byron Katie and for going deeply into the practice of that, um, that process. [00:50:00] You’ll also find virtual retreats there, do those every quarter. Uh, my Inquiry Circle ongoing practice group is there. You’ll find private sessions, you can do one-on-one with me, and you’ll find a course called Living with Money, which is a great way to explore the stressful thoughts you can question about money.

So thanks for being here with me, and until next time, have a wonderful 

week.