When Technology Frustrations Lead to Overwhelm: Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People

Client: Okay. Okay. So, um, my, uh. UCSD, the, um, university of California, San Diego Medical Center, uh, has a research group. And so they asked a bunch of old people if they’d be willing to take a free Fitbit and wear it for a year, you know, and have them check. So they’re looking to see. Like all the behaviors, how much exercise we get and what’s goes on with our bodies.

And so I got chosen, accepted to do that. So they sent me the Fitbit and I’ve had it now for a day and a half, and I’m still trying to figure out how this thing works. [00:05:00] It’s, it’s not logical. It go, you know, swipe this way, this way, this way, this way. Go to here three times, and then up six and over four more.

Oh God, me crazy. And I think maybe the whole thing was just to see if old people could do a Fitbit.

That’s hilarious. But it makes me, it is frustrating. And I know that the more I play with it, I’ll eventually have it down and you know it’ll work. But right now I just feel stupid.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah, so I hear ya. I actually got a watch here that’s got some weird things that I’ve never, still haven’t figured out.

I haven’t quite figured out how to turn the alarm off, so I keep it in the other room.

Client: Yes, yes.

I’m so glad I, in my head, I [00:06:00] think I’m the only one suffering these things, but it’s got, you know, now here you are. Yeah. Thank you.

Todd: So, okay, so how do we work this? Right? That’s the question. How do we work this? Yeah. Coming up, up

Client: with a way of saying it, but you know, I know that the feeling is I’m swiping, swiping, swiping, swiping, and the, and there’s, there’s the screen that I want, but I’ve already touched it so it goes someplace else.

So when I try to go back again, it doesn’t, so yeah. Have to go, I dunno how I got to where I was. And, and they just, they just make things. Ideologically or impossible to, to, you know, for I, you know, something in that area of mm-hmm. Why it could be simpler than this. It could be. Mm-hmm.

Todd: Mm-hmm. Okay.

Client: But yeah,

Todd: this is really almost a little judger neighbor worksheet on the Fitbit or on the people who make the [00:07:00] Fitbit.

Um, like what are, what are they? What are they doing to you? Right? They’re making you feel frustrated. What are they actually doing here?

Client: They’re, they’re, I.

The overall picture. So I can start there and then I can work, do a worksheet on this with all the little things. The overall picture is they’re, they’re setting up something for an age group without taking that age group into consideration. And I don’t, and I’m a little bit suspicious that maybe the question, you know, maybe what they’re trying to find out is if old people can do a Fitbit, but.

So somewhere in the feel like I’m failing the test. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Todd: So, um,

Client: I’m failing the test. [00:08:00]

Todd: Yeah, we could, we could work on failing the test. I’m just trying to think because it is something else. It’s really clear here. This is something else causing your, your. Um, stress. I’m sort of playing with the idea of not going straight away to a I statement.

Um Okay. Which is, which is fine. We do that a lot. But I can say that, but I’m thinking like what? Like if you were to write a judge or neighbor worksheet who. Are you blaming besides yourself here? Who are you blaming or what are you blaming? Are you blaming the Fitbit the most? Are you blaming the people administrating this, this year long program?

Are you, are you blaming the, the people who designed the Fitbit? Um, does, do you notice I’m

Client: blaming the people who designed it to be, to have so many options to use it, that it makes it incredibly complicated. [00:09:00]

Todd: So they’ve made a complicated, um, apparatus here and, and. When they do that, when they make this too complicated, what are they doing to you?

Client: Okay. Well, what it feels like, so it comes with a little instruction manual and in it, it has little pictures of what the screen should look like. But none of my screens look like those pictures. Mm-hmm. So they’re thwarting me. Yes.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. This is the emotional interpretation, right? It’s like they’re thwarting me.

Um, that’s what makes it, that makes it stressful.

Client: Okay. Okay. Yeah. So

Todd: since we’re writing a little tiny worksheet, let’s just go through quickly lines. That was, that would be line one. I’m okay. Frustrated with them because they’re forwarding me. Right. So holding that, what do you want? Uh, how do you want them to change?

I want them to.[00:10:00]

Client: I want them to, I want them to make it more user friendly and and simple, and I definitely want them to make the manual match the, the equipment. Yeah.

Todd: Okay. I’m just writing this down. Cool.

Okay. And then. What are they missing? What advice can you give them that they should do or should think about or should consider? Um. Considering the fact that they’re not doing this

Client: right, they should hire old people to tell them what it should be like.

Todd: I get it. Yep. I love it. It’s great advice.

Client: I, I’ve been computer literate for a very long time. I’m not illiterate. I am. I can figure just about anything out this. This. [00:11:00] Yeah.

Todd: Yeah. Okay. But they, they should hire some older people to let them, you know, tell them how it should be done.

Client: Yeah. Okay. And, and the words, th this is the size of the words on the instructions.

Todd: Yeah. Well, luckily it’s in English, so it’s a start.

So what do you need from them? What do you need? Uh, like basically they have thwarted you, right? That’s So what would, what would help, help you get over that or make you feel better?

Client: I need to, to have them contact me and actually do a training session with me on how this works and take suggestions from me on how I’ve already figured out it could be more efficient, and consider adding those.

And I need them to give me a manual that matches the equipment that I have. Yeah.

Todd: And before they can give you that [00:12:00] manual, they have to build you a manual. They have to create a new manual based on your suggestions.

Client: This is so funny. And what’s another funny thing is my husband works for a company that builds equipment and he.

Doesn’t design the equipment to build, he tries to get from the scratchings on, on napkins what the engineers did and how it finally got built. ’cause it didn’t get built the way it was designed on the paper. Right. And then he has to say, okay, this is done. And then make the the user’s manual so that they.

Have at the actual parts.

Todd: Okay. So you, you, you need, you need them to do it that way. Okay, cool. So then what do you think of them when they’re porting you in this way?

Client: Oh, I think I go from they don’t care to, they’re not smart enough.

Todd: Good.

Client: [00:13:00] Yeah.

Todd: Then what is it you don’t ever want to experience again in this kind of situation?

Client: I don’t wanna buy any more of their crap.

Okay, cool. I don’t wanna experience having some, having conflicting information and not being able to use something because, just because I can’t figure out. You know, it, it doesn’t have any instructions or there’s no obvious on button or something. Hmm mm-hmm.

Todd: Okay, cool. All right, so this is just a little mini judge your neighbor worksheet.

I will send it to you after the call and you can play around with it. But let’s start with line one, which you already found, uh, right off the bat, which is, they’re thwarting me, right? Mm-hmm. So, hold the situation. What would be the, the actual moment when you started getting that feeling that they’re thwarting, you started getting that frustrated feeling?

Client: The moment [00:14:00] that I swiped in the direction that they said. I tried all the directions, but the moment that I swiped exactly like the picture shows and a completely different picture was on and the, and what was on my watch wasn’t anywhere in the manual.

Todd: Okay, got it. So hold that, hold that and let’s do the work.

Client: Okay.

Todd: They are thwarting you. Is it true?

Client: I’ll just jump to two. No,

Todd: and, and B, like when I say hold the moment, what I mean is, um,

Client: sit in the upset I.

Todd: Be there like that. There’s a part inside of you, those assholes getting really feeling frustrated. [00:15:00] Right? Let that part do the work, and if it finds a no, great, but if it doesn’t, then that’s also okay.

Client: All right. Let me sit in.

Yeah, I think throwing my lotion bottle in my water bottle across the room is yes.

Todd: Okay. Yeah.

Client: Okay,

Todd: so can you absolutely know it’s true and I’m asking that same frustrated part for its opinion. They’re thwarting you. Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true?

Client: No, and, and it not, not out of softness for them, but I could see it could be co incompetence. It could be a, a small hiring pool.

It could be an accident. Yeah. [00:16:00] So yeah. It doesn’t leave me less frustrated. It’s just,

Todd: no, we’re just noticing that it may not be what, what it looked like. Who my,

Client: these out there. Let’s send her this one.

Todd: Right?

Client: Yeah, yeah,

Todd: of course. Yeah. Um, so how do you react? What happens? When do you think they’re thwarting you on emotional level?

Client: My first thought is, well, I’m glad this thing was free. Mm-hmm. And then I, um,

I get online and look to see if I can find something. I get frustrated because of the, I. It doesn’t matter if it’s the same model number, but depending on what minute it was made, it has different functions. So, um, and that I just, I just shake my head in, in sadness that it’s just, it’s gotta be better than [00:17:00] that.

And I think of all the times I’ve followed the instructions and they didn’t work, and I had to figure it out on my own. And. And some, and I get mad because sometimes that can delay you. You know, you’re operating a piece of equipment and it’s not working the way it’s supposed to. So I go back in time during the times that I was frustrated, um, responding to an emergency and having a piece of equipment not work, you know, and then.

Not being able to help someone. So in, in my back of my mind is people could die because this thing doesn’t work the way it’s supposed.

Todd: Yeah, that sounds like the mind. It just amps it up right to the max,

Client: you know? And someone’s getting a tie because something doesn’t work. Yeah. And then, and then I kind of fum about a little bit because there isn’t any person that I, even if there was a person, I wouldn’t be [00:18:00] taking it out on them in real life, but I’d still be taking it out on them in my mind, which is the same thing.

So, oh, and then, um. I think, uh, in the future, I think in terms of no electronics around me, you know, just anything that needs to be operated. One button. That’s it.

Todd: Yeah.

That’s it. Oh yeah. I’m done with Electronics for Life.

Client: Eliminate all of them. Yeah. And as baby boomers get older and older, it’s, there’s gonna be more of us doing that.

Todd: Right.

Where do you feel it in your body when you think that word you?

Client: Um, it makes my fist, I get fists, uh, clench my teeth. I wanna, I make a fist and I hit my couch. Uh, in my [00:19:00] head I want to throw something. Um, I physically in, in life, I’m not a violent person, but in my mind I am. So there again, you know, it’s like, break this, send it back.

Tell ’em that the jig, the gig is up, whatever it’s called, the gig is up. I failed it.

Todd: Yeah.

Client: Are you happy now? No. Let’s see. I, I get,

I, I get frustrated and then my mind shuts down. And the only way I, I feel better is to go do something mindless or, you know, which is do a puzzle or something that I can get my mind off of it. And then I, and then I feel a [00:20:00] disappointment in the FU for the future. I do, I feel a disappointment. I. That I’m sitting here and I am in good condition and I’m relatively intelligent and I can’t figure this out.

And so I start making up scenarios where people in worse condition than me are like dying because they can’t get their thing to, to work or they don’t understand it and they’re, yeah. Right. So like it becomes this, it becomes a fire.

Todd: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Exaggerate it. Right, right. And, and make it, build it up. Yeah.

Client: Right.

Todd: Um,

Client: and I’m trying to think of a reason to keep this thought and I just can’t.

Todd: Mm-hmm.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: And how do you treat yourself when you think they’re thwarting you? Does that come in in any way? I,

Client: yeah. I flip back and forth between, I’m smart enough to, I should be able to figure this out. I was using palm pilots and making, um.

PowerPoint presentations in the 1980s, you know, it was like still new to even just have a computer. [00:21:00] And so, um,

you know, part of me is like, I am smart enough, I should be able to figure this out and I am smart enough and I will eventually figure it out, you know, like, but um, and then I flip flop too. I can’t believe how stupid I am. I can’t believe that. Yeah. Okay.

Todd: So who would you be without the thought that they’re thwarting you and you’re flipping the screen and it’s not matching what the directions we’re saying? The manual. And who would you be in that moment if you didn’t have any thought that they’re thwarting you?

Client: I had a, I, I would, I had a funny moment this morning where I looked at the time and I thought it was the date.

[00:22:00] It’s been five 13 and I thought, is it, is it still May?

And then I just laughed and laughed. So I would, I would just laugh. I’d be like, okay, I’ve got, I’ve, I’m definitely taking this too seriously. This is a fun to. I, it can be learned. Yeah, it’s gonna take some time. I’ll play with it a lot and I’ll have a few, few laughs about it.

Todd: And how about when you see the discrepancy between the manual and the actual Fitbit and they’re not matching, who would you be seeing that, that discrepancy without the thought they’re thwarting you.

Client: I would, I would do my analytical aspect and look at it and say, okay, this is probably not being made in the us. It’s very likely because the instructions are in four different [00:23:00] languages and it’s likely to be being made somewhere outside the US and it might be being made by people who don’t read English and, and there.

The, you know, they’re bought the, you know, the picture I get is that they’re just making something from the picture, and so they don’t know. It’s like it wasn’t done to thwart me. It was just mm-hmm. We’ve got a group of people putting things in boxes, put this piece of paper in this thing in a box, and we ran out of paper, get that other stack off the shelf.

Todd: Right, right.

Client: It’s a production error, you know?

Todd: Right.

Client: Yeah. I mean, it, it can go anywhere from, from that to actually one that I find, um, funny. Even though in my head I probably have to do the work on this, it’s not nice, but I like it. [00:24:00] And that is the picture I get now is that someone who has not been paid enough to do their job and has been yelled at every day at work, has been told to do to, to get this out the door as fast as possible, and they’re, they said.

I’m sorting the company because this is a turnaround. Right.

Todd: It’s kind of the turnaround. Yeah. It’s,

Client: and they intentionally put the wrong instructions in. Right,

Todd: right.

So, yeah. So how do you approach the problem? Like, you, you want to use this Fitbit, and how do you approach that, that issue of wanting to use it without, without the thought that they’re thwarting you? Does that change any.

Client: It definitely changes it. And what I can do is I can, you know, make my own little instruction manual.

I, I can, you know, start at the beginning and swipe one way and then I. Right. Make a note of what’s on that, you know, and tap and tap and tap. Until [00:25:00] I can see all the things that it’ll do. I can make a little Venn diagram, you know, of all of the functions, and then, then I’ll be able to think it through.

Todd: Okay. That’s cool. You make a map of your, of your insides, of your, of your Fitbit.

Client: Yeah.

Todd: So what I’m just, I’m kind of in awe just hearing that because it’s the, the creativity and the resourcefulness that just kind of comes out there when you’re not thinking they’re thwarting me.

Client: Right. Ex. Exactly.

Todd: Cool. So having seen the effect of this thought, how would you turn it around?

They are thwarting me. Well, they’re

Client: not thwarting me. They’re being thwarted as, as possibly, or, you know, they’re just, they, it just is not known. You know, that, uh, a. They’re doing, they’re trying to do their job. I think they sell a lot of these. So it’s not something like they’re waiting for an order.

They’re [00:26:00] probably got people demanding that they fill the orders. And, um, and so I, I just see workers just trying to get the job done as soon as possible, get the product out.

Todd: And if you imagine that company and them producing and. Designing and, and, um, developing this, uh, product, uh, what, what could be going on, um, that could cause this kind of discrepancy between the manual and the, and the actual product.

Uh, besides anything even intentional.

Client: No, I mean an unintentional mistake as well. Right. They just don’t, they just don’t [00:27:00] know. They can’t sit there and turn on every single one of these and go through and swipe every way and make sure that that manual goes with the right one. They’re, I’m sure they’re produced massively. Mm-hmm. And it would, it would just be a production error.

Which anyone can make

Todd: easy to do, especially with a complex company complex who knows how many versions of this. It might be updated, as you say, every minute. Um, so the software developers are developing, but the manual people aren’t in sync with them or, exactly.

Client: Right.

Todd: Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. They had a bunch of old papers, you know, whatever manuals from the last run, and they’re just like, let’s just use these up, send them out with a new product.

Who cares?

Client: Exactly. Exactly. Or print. Print this file and it’s the wrong file or something. Yeah,

Todd: yeah,

Client: yeah. I would, I would [00:28:00] recommend that they number these or date them so that you know.

Todd: They could probably, um, benefit from some organization. Yeah. There

Client: actually is a little itty bitty teeny number right down here.

So

Todd: that would be interesting. Like the, yeah, if you had some kind of support to call ’em up and say, okay, I’ve got manual number, dot, dot, dot and I’ve got Fitbit number.do dot, do those match. Am I even on the right version here? Or, or what?

Client: It can, I mean it can always, A mistake can always happen. We ordered, um.

Little rubber shoes for our dog. And my husband measured her feet and everything. And, and when they showed up, they were like, like, I could wear ’em, you know? And so I thought, well, I guess I’ll return them. And in the next day I received an email from Amazon saying that this company apologizes for sending out the wrong sizes.

They, um, we, [00:29:00] the Amazon site. Put the sizes in American sizes, and they had the sizes in European size.

Todd: Okay. Things like that happen all the time with systems, right? All the time. Just like I was saying before we started this call about the my, my Reminder System, having people wait until 2024 to get sent a reminder to come to open sessions.

So,

Client: and next year people are like. Open session,

Todd: right?

Client: You have to schedule em on the same days.

Todd: Even with my best intentions, like, Nope, I missed that one.

Client: It’s

Todd: gonna work. It’s gonna work. So these are just possibilities, right? Yeah. We’re just, we’re we’re playing with the possibilities that. They’re not thwarting me.

And the more we paint that picture, the more we play with examples of how that could be. Sure. The more it settles the heart more, it’s, it quiets the emotions and, and leaves me in a place [00:30:00] of, don’t know. Right. It may, maybe they were intentionally doing something to their customers or, but it’s also quite possible that they weren’t, and there were other factors.

Um,

Client: and, and I’m forwarding them.

Todd: So that’s another turnaround.

Client: How are you? I’m God mouthing them. I’m, I haven’t had a chance to tell too many people, but, well now

Todd: it’s all over YouTube, so you’re in trouble.

Client: That, and I’m supporting them, making people think that they shouldn’t buy it because it’s too complicated when it could just be a, you know, a very small error and, um, and it’s not fair to them, you know? Even not, I, I don’t have to know someone to be kind in my mind about them. Right, right. Yeah. So I’m supporting them by badmouthing ’em, by complaining and just the energy that I’m sending [00:31:00] in that direction is, is negative.

So, yeah.

Todd: Who knows, they may even want to do a good job and then mm-hmm. If you don’t call them and talk to them, they might, they may not know that they’ve messed up. And, um,

Client: yeah. And that’s the other one is probably a good worksheet because if I call them, I was ordering the special dog food one time. My dog’s allergic to chicken.

We got this pork and she exhibited the same allergic reactions, and I thought she was allergic to pork, but the pork didn’t look, it looked different than it usually does one time. Um, and so I called them to say, Hey, you know, this, this is packaged, it’s labeled pork, but it doesn’t look like pork. That’s why I gave her that.

I had given her that, and that’s what she was responding to, and they looked at the lot and apparently was mislabeled and it was chicken, [00:32:00] and so I said, yeah, my dog’s been having these allergic symptoms for a long time. The woman just started crying ’cause she’s so committed to giving healthy food to dogs.

To find out that she had actually caused harm to a dog was more than she could deal with. So I kept doing the work with her. Mm-hmm. Tell her, no, no, it’s all right. You know, she was a little uncomfortable. We got taken care of. She sent me like several hundred dollars worth of free dog food and said she checked the labels herself and.

Todd: Yeah. So,

Client: yeah, that’s the thing.

Todd: People wanna do a good job, they wanna serve, right? They, they want their customers to be happy, they want to do a good job. So, but if I don’t give any feedback, then I’m, I. I’m, I’m hoarding them in a funny kind of way. Yeah,

Client: well, somewhere in here, in one of the languages, there’s some email address that I can send, uh, a plan next time, give the right [00:33:00] manual, but I’m sure I could even probably contact them and ask them to send me the right manual.

But I, I bet I could find it online. I just got yesterday, so.

Todd: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They’re probably online. So there’s one more turnaround to yourself. How would you find that? They’re thwarting me.

Client: I’m thwarting me. Because when I’m in that state of mind, I can’t think of all of the loving ways to respond. That would be a lot more effective.

And then I’m shutting down my own intellect.

Todd: Major thwarting. Yeah.

Client: And then I’m setting myself and then, you know, and then I’m like. Cursing this poor piece of equipment that did not come into my life cursing me. Right,

Todd: right. Yeah. It was a gift to you to help hopefully to make you more healthy or more aware of your

Client: Exactly.[00:34:00]

Yeah.

Todd: Cool. Well, thanks for your work. That was, thank you for your work. It was fun as well as, uh, interesting. And I think the, the amazing thing always is how the, just the thought that I’m thinking and believing makes such a difference. Um, and, and there were, there were other ones on that worksheet that we wrote, so I’ll send that to you and you play around with any of those as well.

But, um, thank. Really nice. Thank you. Yeah,

Client: and I’m learning that it, it doesn’t matter how well, how insignificant. In fact, the more likely I try to dismiss something because I think it’s insignificant or that shouldn’t upset me, the more comes out in the work.

Todd: That’s my experience. The, the more trivial the worksheet, the more trivial the situation.

The more unimportant it is, the more I tend to get out of it in a funny kind of way because it’s so. Tiny. It’s [00:35:00] so easy to hold. It’s so like a microcosm, and I can, I know what I’m talking about. It’s very clear, and I don’t have to solve it to solve the world’s problems. Like I don’t have to, I’m not gonna like save my life if I finally get this one figured out.

It’s, no, it’s just a, just a. A

Client: little bit of peace. Just a little bit of peace. Yeah.

Todd: But that little model of how to be peaceful in that little tiny situation is a reference point. A new reference point for when I’m living my life in lots of other dis different situations. I’m like, oh, it was that easy.

With the Fitbit, it could be that easy with something bigger or something more emotional or whatever. So it carries over. It’s. It carries over to other situations.

Client: Perfect. Thank you for today.

Todd: Yeah, thank you.

If you would like to [00:36:00] participate in open sessions like the one you just heard now, then go to the work as meditation.com and then go to the open sessions. Page. And there you can see the schedule, you can learn how it works. You can sign the release form ’cause these are open sessions. Um, and if it works for you, you can join in and, and sign up and actually participate.

The value of these open sessions is that it’s only, it’s limited to seven people each time, so. It’s a small group and we just, um, go with the flow if you want to do the work. Um, I’m happy to facilitate you. If you want to ask any question about the work, then it’s a great forum for doing that. So all this can be found at the work as meditation.com under open sessions.

And while you’re there, I also encourage you to check out my uh, PDF book called Finding the Door to Inquiry. I wrote this book a number of years ago as a way [00:37:00] of supporting people to, um, find out what are the stressful thoughts that are. Running in the mind so that they can begin to question it. And, uh, one of the main tools like we use today is the judge, your neighbor worksheet.

This book is all about how to find a judge your neighbor worksheet in any situation you notice in this session, she started out with, uh, a stressful thought, like, I think it was, I’m, I’m stupid, or, um. I’m failing the test and it was more self, uh, self-judgment, which can be interesting to question, but I find that the statements about the other person or about the other thing that is causing stress, when I question those, I often learn way more about myself and about the situation.

So this book, finding the Door to Inquiry is a great way to, um, kind of learn. How you can write judge your neighbor [00:38:00] worksheets when you might not have thought otherwise. For example, this Fitbit, I mean, who, why would I write a judge? Your neighbor worksheet, where’s the neighbor? But we found the neighbor as kind of a hidden neighbor.

The people who developed, um, the app. Or the, the, the machine. Okay, so all that’s at the work as meditation.com under my book, uh, which is Finding the Door to Inquiry. Next, I’m gonna read one of my newsletter articles called Constant Adjustment to Reality

Efficient Wind Turn. Turbines constantly adjust themselves so that they always face the wind. I sometimes have a fantasy, a fantasy that I can set things up once and then forget about them. The old set and forget mentality, it shows up in a lot of [00:39:00] areas. I wanna set up my website and then forget about it.

I wanna set up my accounting, then forget about it. I wanna set up, um, different systems that I have put them in place and then never have to look at ’em again. That’s my theory. I even sometimes wanna set up a friendship and forget about it. Kind of put it on automatic pilot, and you could say it’s a combination of laziness and intelligence.

Lazy, because I want to do less and accomplish more, and intelligent for the same exact reason. I want to do less and accomplish more. It’s not, it’s not a bad thing. Um, but let’s look at it. The problem is reality rarely cooperates. The wind always shifts direction, and so do the needs of a website. So the needs of accounting, so the needs of friends, and if I don’t shift with the needs of the time, then I stall.[00:40:00]

The work is a powerful way of helping the mind to shift to a new direction. It helps loosen attachment to an outdated direction. But even when doing the work, and what I mean here is the work of Byron Katie, which is a way to question stressful thoughts. Even when I’m doing this. There are no absolutes. A turnaround today may need to be left behind tomorrow as the wind continues to shift.

Here are a couple of examples. I remember once getting a cool job offer. Um, I was resistant actually at first, and, and it took a little adjusting for me to even consider it. It was a turnaround for me to consider it when I was focused on my primary. Uh. Job at the time. And then it turned out the job didn’t come through.

And now I was turning facing, thinking, oh great, I’m gonna work this job. And it took some more [00:41:00] adjustment to think about why that was even better, that I don’t. Um, work at that job. So this is what I mean by constantly adjusting to reality. First I’m thinking I’m going in one direction, then another op, an opportunity comes.

So I shift there. Then the opportunity goes away. I shift back there or to some other place. This is called flexibility. Another time I was planning to go on a retreat. So I was all headed for the retreat. Looking forward to it. Uh, but I got called for jury duty instead, I. So that took some adjusting. I was all ready to go.

Okay. Jury duty. And so I had to start thinking, how could that be good? And I. Then it turns out I went to jury and went through a couple days. I was not picked for the jury. So, okay, now I need to adjust in a new direction. I’m not going back to the retreat too late for that, but I’m not on jury duty. What do I do?

And if I had held onto the retreat idea or [00:42:00] even the jury duty idea, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the gift of a week with nothing else to do, which I actually enjoyed. So whenever I feel resistance in changing to the next version of reality, I write my resistance thoughts on paper and I question ’em. And that’s what the work of Byron Katie is all about.

Notice what’s resisting, what I’m resisting, and then write it down and then question it. And I’m often surprised at how much this habit of adjusting starts to become. The more I practice this, the more I am able to do it. And doing the work in written form or formally in this practice of the work is, um, a way of, of building that muscle so that after time you may not even have to do the work.

Um, it’s for those times when you’re still stuck and you’re still resisting. So anyway, it makes, uh, dealing with [00:43:00] uncertainty and change much more pleasant than my old set and forget mentality. So what changes are you still resisting? I invite you to scan through your life and look for anything you still wish was the way it used to be.

And write your stressful thoughts. Maybe even write a judge or neighbor worksheet on the situation, and then question those stressful thoughts with the four questions and turnarounds of the work. If you have any resistance to change, the work can accelerate your adjustment to reality. And here’s a quote from Byron Katie, and this is from her book, A thousand Names for Joy.

To respect the way of it is to follow the simple directions. If you have the thought that the dishes need washing, wash them, that’s heaven. Hell is asking why. Hell is, I’ll do it later. I don’t [00:44:00] have to do it. It’s not my turn. It’s not fair. Someone else should do it, and on and on. 10,000 thoughts a minute.

If it comes to you to do something, just do it. All the unquestioned thoughts about how the, uh, about that are how you hurt yourself doing what’s next without a mental judgment, without a mental argument is devotion to God.

So. Thank you for listening and be sure to subscribe to this podcast. Share it with a friend, um, post something on social media. Leave a review wherever you happen to listen to this podcast. And if you’re new to podcasting, be sure to check out the wiggle room podcast page on the work as meditation.com and read the different apps that you can use to, uh, to listen to [00:45:00] this on any device anywhere.

And also stop by the work as meditation.com to get my newsletter to participate in open sessions like the ones you’ve heard, the one you heard here today. And also to find many articles. There’s, uh, over I think, 600 articles on the work of Byron Katie, as well as information about the work 1 0 1, the Work 1 0 2 Virtual retreats, uh, inquiry Circle the Breakfast Club.

Private sessions, living with Money course, finding the Door to Inquiry book, and other programs that I continue to develop over time. So thanks again for being here. It’s a pleasure, uh, for having you listen and being able to share this amazing process called the work of Byron Katie. Until next time, have a great [00:46:00] week.