Why Highly Sensitive People Sometimes Use Self-Blame as a Form of Emotional Protection

Client: [00:00:00] See if I, if, if I think that way, then the thought comes up, I’m gonna die. So yeah, I’m gonna die. Stops it, right? I’m gonna die. So no reason to do it anymore. So when something comes up, like I get scared or, you know, fearful. He said, oh, I’m gonna die. 

Todd: Welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around.

And the process that we use here is called the work of Byron Katie. I. It has four questions and turnarounds, and you basically start with any stressful situation, any stressful thought that you are thinking in that situation, and then you run it through these questions. Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true?

How do you react? What happens when you believe that thought and who would you be without the thought? And then you start looking at. What are the opposites to that thought? And could those be as true [00:01:00] or truer than the original thought? This is the work of Byron Katie. We, uh, get into this in detail here, uh, but this process of questioning what you think can be a very revolutionary and transformative experience.

I’m Todd Smith and on the program today, a participant does the work on. This feeling like that he is not caring when he pulls his wife away from what she wants to do. And he also has some great questions about this idea of self attack and how it can actually be come, kind of a safe place or a distraction from what is um, what is kind of scary to actually look at.

I also read my newsletter article called, uh, cleaning the Shower Revisited and how I removed a second layer of stress. [00:02:00] The recordings that you’ll hear are from the. Open sessions that I offer, and you can find those on the work as meditation.com. But let’s go into the work of Byron Katie listening to these recordings and, um, start to experience what this process of questioning what you think is all about.

As always, I keep these. Recordings unedited so that you can see exactly what it’s like to do this in real life.

Client: Well, for me, like sort of like a stressful thought would be just during the day that, just that basic background, I’m no good. Mm-hmm. Which, which will always be there, I’m no good or I failed, or I’ll never make it, or. A lot of the thoughts are, I’m gonna die or I’m dying. Okay? Mm-hmm. And so that’s like a stressful thought.[00:03:00] 

And then I’ll usually go, is that true? And, you know, and just go through it in my head and find some relief. But the thought I’m dying, what? What would you do with that? Because that’s, it’s a thought and it’s a feeling, I guess. ’cause there’s like a depressive feeling with it, or a low feeling.

And you have to just keep doing that forever because I, I do a lot of that. Is that true? Is that true? Is my mantra during the day. And is there a point where those thoughts don’t come up anymore or they come up but they don’t, you know, attach to us as much?

Todd: My experience is they, they come up a little less frequently and are a little less sticky and it seems to be kind of a gradient. You know, it’s not, some things just disappear. I don’t, don’t think that particular thought anymore, [00:04:00] rarely ever comes up. And if it does, it just kind of passes through. But some, it’s like a gradual.

Um, lessening of the, of that kind of thought coming up again and again, or that it’s coming up, but it’s just not, it’s just not landing or, or attaching as much. Um, one thing that helps with those, those kind of thoughts, um, is to get into the specifics of them. Um, and so I’m dying that can, can, can come up in many different contexts.

Um, I’m no good can come up in almost any context. It’s probably sitting there or I failed. It can come up in so many different contexts, so having a specific situation in mind can really help to make the inquiry when I do it more meaningful. Um, and, and what I find the most difficult kind of work to do is just the most [00:05:00] general things.

Like I’m no good in general, like. Oh my God. Like how do I work that? Like I can work it, but it’s so huge that, uh, sometimes it feels like any work I do is a drop in the bucket. It just doesn’t feel like it’s, makes any difference, you know? It’s just so, so huge. But when I go into, oh, right, you know. Last week on the pickleball court, I was down, I was up 10 points to two, and then lost in the end 11 to 12 to 10 or something.

You know, like I’m no good in that particular moment. I know exactly what I mean, you know, and then I know exactly what I’m thinking about. I can remember the sensations. I, I’m, I’m there so. So context really helps. Um, when, when doing the work on these general concepts, and then as you mentioned, like the difference between just doing it in [00:06:00] your head like that is like also kind of general because the mind doesn’t get into the details as much.

It’s like, oh yeah, turn out around. I’m not dying. Okay. Yeah. And you kind of get a feeling of it. It’s, it’s not nothing. It is valuable, but, um, there’s something to be said about like. Again, finding a specific situ situation and then going really into the details of it on paper or with a partner and kind of like really getting into the, the fine fabric of that.

Um, and I find that to be more helpful generally than the quick turnarounds that I do just in my head. Um, but I still do those. They’re good too. Yeah.

If you like, we can [00:07:00] use one, like one of those thoughts that’s coming up for you and see if we can. Sort of find a context and use that as a way of doing a little work. Like we could, you could start with, I’m no good, or you could start with I failed, or I’m dying, or any of those more general thoughts and then we could see if we could find something specific and, and go from there if you, if you’d like to do that.

Client: Too scary right now. I.

Like, I guess it would be a thought, it’d be like, if, if I let it go, whatever this contraction is, then well, there’s a fear there. If I let it go, I, well, I don’t know. I guess I’d have to do the work on that. What mm-hmm. What that, what that, what that would be. So I guess if you want to, we can do [00:08:00] that, if that makes sense.

I don’t, um. 

Todd: Sure. 

Client: You know, if I tell the truth, tell how I feel, or experience how I feel, it’s like, um, see if I, if, if I think that way, then the thought comes up, I’m gonna die. So yeah, I’m gonna die stops it, right? I am gonna die. So no reason to do it anymore. So when something comes up, like I get scared or, you know, fearful.

Like, oh, I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. And then that allows me, it’s my mechanism to just go, okay, just go turn on the TV set, go get high, go. Do you know? 

Todd: Right. 

Client: Uh, right. But, but I can say I, I can, I, I can do that. At least I can still say, is that true? But I, 

Todd: mm-hmm. What you’re, so if I’m following you, like the, the thought I’m gonna die becomes like a distraction Yeah.

[00:09:00] Thought from whatever else it was that started you feeling stressed there. Yes. And that would be, that makes a lot of sense. That’d be 

Client: true. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah, yeah. So I’ll just, yeah, so very interesting. So yeah.

So it’s, yeah, it’s, it’s scary to look at the real thing that’s actually causing me to start me feeling stressed, right? It’s just like addiction. Like I’ll start with, um, you know, something, something triggers me and then how I react as I go into addiction to just not look at that. Um, and it’s, and, and it kind of works, but it doesn’t really, but the problem keeps coming up.

So it’s the same thing here, like. Something comes up and then instead of going to addiction, I go into, I’m dying, I’m gonna die. And then that’s a bigger fear, but [00:10:00] at least one that I’m familiar with. And I can kind of, I kind of go in that direction and get, um, out of the, looking at the thing that was right in my face, gonna scare me.

Um, makes a lot of sense.

Yeah. 

Client: Got it. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s like it that you just pile, the mind just piles on, I’m gonna die. And now it’s like, really too big to deal with, so I’m just gonna not deal with it. Like, your mind just forgets about it in a [00:11:00] way. It, it’s an interesting little, little thing the mind does. Yeah. Hmm. So, okay, so you were saying, uh, Don, that.

There was like a layer in there that you might wanna work. Does that, is that, is that still something Yeah. I, you wanna play with, or is just thinking about it the way we’ve doing, addressing that? 

Client: Either one or a, I like the way you said a layer where it doesn’t have to end up to the complete turnaround, you know?

And now I’m healed. So I like what you said about Layer, if you wanna. Either do that or talk about what you mean by a layer. That’s a novel concept in, in spirit. Yeah. Yeah, 

Todd: yeah. It’s just my experience is these, these stressful thoughts are, are layered and I layer them on top of each other, uh, as I find them.

So [00:12:00] something happens. Oh my God, I’m going to look bad and whatever it is, the trigger situation and then, and then, oh my God, I’m no good. Like I layer that on top of, of that. But really what started it was somebody is not going to approve of me. That’s what really started the trigger here, and then I jumped in and put a layer of I’m no good as almost like a preemptive strike.

Maybe I’ll be. I’ll, I’ll just be hard enough on myself that they’ll have pity and not be so judgmental of me or something. I dunno. So it’s like layered, right? And then, and I can keep going with it. I’m, I’m a big failure and I’m gonna die. Throw it all in there. Why? So I don’t, you never know until you get into it, but, but each stressful situation can, uh, show up that way.

Can show up [00:13:00] as, as different. Um, you know, you remove one thought and you end up, there’s another one sitting right there underneath it. That was actually the bigger thought. Like, oh wow, cool. That it’s like excavating. Oh, I found that one. Now there’s something else there. Now I can work on that one. And little by little.

Like they say, peeling the onion, right? Just little by little finding what’s going on inside of me.

The cool thing about the work is you don’t have to work on the deepest layer. Who cares? Just work on whatever layer comes, whatever start anywhere, anyone will do. And each one you just follow the breadcrumbs. Oh, this one? Yeah. Then that leads here. Then it’s kind of fun.

Client: [00:14:00] So, okay. So a, a little one just to keep it real simple and quick more is that, so I was in the car with my wife this morning and we were, we drove somewhere and had to go somewhere else and she was doing something. I said, oh, we gotta go to get to the other place. So I pulled her away from what she was doing.

Then we got to the other place, and for other reasons, I said, oh, we gotta get going here. And she wanted to do something else there. So pulled her away from there. Right. So I was pulling away and, or I was pulling her away, and then she got in the car and she was upset. And I said, what’s wrong? And she said, well, you’re pulling me away from everything.

And I, I said, I thought to myself, yeah, I, I didn’t say that to her right away. You know, I had to defend myself. I said, yeah. Um, I. And, but I needed to do what I needed to do. I said, yeah. And then the thought came in, God Don, well you know how, what a selfish thing to [00:15:00] do. This is your wife. You love her, she’s beautiful, she wants to do this.

You want, I know down deep, I wanna support what she’s doing. And um, so it was like, I’m just, um. I’m not a good person, not a kind person, not a good husband, not a good father, not a good anything. Just let me off the planet. That’s another way I say, let me die. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Client: That’s a more spiritual way of saying, instead of saying, let me die, it’s like, God, take me.

’cause then I least, I don’t really die, I just lift up. Right. So. So, so that, that would be the thing. So I, I was there and then, you know. Okay. So like that there is, is that sort of an example? Okay. Or more That’s 

Todd: a great example. Yeah. I love it because you’ve, you’ve literally gone into some, a very [00:16:00] specific situation, um, where this.

Same thought came up. And what we’re seeing here is that thought is really reaction. Like, how do I react? I go into, I’m not a good person, and you know, all of that. So what would you have to be, um, thinking and believing to show up as pulling her away from everything? 

Client: Say that question one more time. 

Todd: What would you have to be thinking and believing?

To show up to her as pulling her away from everything.

Client: So I’d have to show up as just not caring or Right, yeah. Right. Not caring and, okay. And that’s horrible or that’s my, 

Todd: yeah, so that’s, look at that one. You’re not caring in that situation. Is that true? When you pull her away, you’re not [00:17:00] caring? 

Client: Oh God, that’s a tough one. Um, well,

I’ll say, I’ll say yes. 

Todd: Okay, good. So can you absolutely know it’s true. That you’re not caring when you pull her away. Yeah. When 

Client: I get to that question, no, when I get to that question. Good. No, I’m not not caring, I’m just act, I’m just reacting, not caring. 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Nice to see the difference. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. So how do you react in retrospect when she gets. Angry or upset. And you on some level think you’re not caring for pulling her away, 

Client: pull away. How do you react? I just pull away. Pull away. [00:18:00] Want to die or pull away? Don’t wanna be here. Yeah. Don’t wanna deal with it. Yes. If I dealt with it, I’d have to be vulnerable.

I’d have to open up. Ah, okay. 

Todd: Exactly, so, so when I think I’m not caring, I pull away. 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: And I do. Yeah. Try not to deal with it. Right. ’cause it’s too, 

Client: yes. Yeah. 

Todd: Vulnerable. Yes. And how do you treat yourself when you think you’re not caring? 

Client: Oh, like, like an ant, like stepping on an ant. I’m a just. God, just not, not even God.

Take me there. It’s like, just let me die into the hole. I can’t even Alize it.[00:19:00] 

Yeah. That’s a really deep thought, huh? Okay, go ahead. It’s like, 

Todd: yeah, here it is, sitting right here all along. But when you look at it, it’s like, holy, tomorrow.

It’s like, so, um, who would you be without the thought when she’s upset about you pulling her away? Who would you be without the thought that you were not caring when you were pulling her away? 

Client: I could hear her more. Acknowledge, yes. I get it. And who I would be would be like, okay, let me give you a big hug, and then from there, let me re-look and see.

Or we could talk about [00:20:00] what we wanna do. Uh, but it would be like the love first or the connection first, and then, you know, discuss what we’re going to do. So, uh, I mean way different. I mean, I can see that in my mind. I could. I could have hugged her right there and, yeah. Okay. That’s, that’s who I’d be. 

Todd: So that thought, I’m not caring, interferes with that.

It, it, it causes the opposite of I’m just gonna Yeah. Get outta here.

Without that thought, I’m not caring. Then the love is there. Then the possibility of communication is there. So this thought gets in the way of that. That’s what we’re seeing really 

Client: clearly. Got that one little thought. Gets in the way of the love that’s already there. Yeah, 

Todd: isn’t that crazy? Crazy. One little thought can shut the whole thing down and yeah.

Blows me away every time I see [00:21:00] this. Here it is again. Oh my God. So let’s turn around this one little thought that you’re not caring. What would be an opposite? 

Client: I am caring

and so

I am caring and I am caring. Sometimes the stress makes me forget it. 

Todd: Yeah, exactly. So the turnaround is I am caring. Yeah. And the example is, yeah, I am caring. I just, the stress makes me forget it sometimes. And so I get, I get, I get anxious, I, let’s go, we gotta get to the other place. Right. Gotta go. But it doesn’t mean [00:22:00] that I’m not caring.

Client: Yes, yes. 

Todd: They’re not mutually exclusive. One may cover the other. It may look like I don’t care. Right. But it’s not really true.

And any other example for you? How you are, you are caring even when you pull her away. Even when you pulled her away. 

Client: Because when, when she shared with me. She wasn’t blaming me or anything, she was just said, I’m sharing you so I could let you know how I’m feeling. So she was like really cool with it. And an example would be I,

instead of saying something back, like to defend myself, I just stayed silent and felt to the best of my ability what her upset to sort of just sit there with it and go. Sit with it. She shared something with me. Just stay with it for a while and, um, see what [00:23:00] happens. So that’s great. Yeah. So that would be like, uh, 

Todd: yeah.

That’s you caring. 

Client: Yeah. You know, I, I, yeah. When I looking at it now, going back there, yeah. I, I, I cared about her upset that she was upset. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: You know, and that I may have been something to do with it, you know? Um. I did on, uh, when, when we got outta the car, I said, I’m sorry. And it was, she, she said, no problem.

You know, no. She just wanted to share. And it was like, so another, uh, I don’t know if it’s a turnaround, but, or whatever it is. It’s like what we went through and what I’m going through now is like, it was actually a positive, positive experience that we shared with each other. That we’re deeper in communication now, you know?

Todd: Exactly. [00:24:00] Yeah. So I was seeing a lot of examples there as you were speaking of how you were actually caring. Mm-hmm. And the mind discards those in the moment. It just goes, oh my God, she’s upset. I pulled her away. Oh my God, I’m, I’m, I’m not caring, right? I’m a terrible person, right. I’m no good. But, but here it is.

In reality, a lot of caring was, was actually happening, including in her upset, whoa. How about, go back to the moment when you were trying to go from one place to the next place and you said, Hey, come on, we gotta go. Can you find caring even in that?

Client: Well, oh boy, that’s a tough one. ’cause I, I felt I was, you know, being selfish. So one of it was to come back to get to this call. [00:25:00] Ah. So

I mean, I could look at it, although I, I don’t know if it’s a cop out, whatever, but because of this call and because of how I’m seeing things newly now, I could say that’s caring because now after this call, I will be even more compassionate towards her. Even the next level of, I’m even more sorry, and I don’t mean that in a negative way.

The, sorry, I don’t mean it that way at all, but it’s like, I understand you more and uh, and I will try even harder, you know, next time to, you know, catch it. 

Todd: That’s so cool. So yeah, so even your urgency to get away to get her going was motivated by [00:26:00] a desire, I’m guessing, to get a little, uh. Like clearer Yes.

About how to be less stressful in any situation. And turns out this one came up so lucky you.

So, so yeah. There’s caring. You’re caring. It wasn’t like, oh, I’m just gonna go out and, and. I don’t know. Get drunk or something. Right, right. It was like there was some carrying there. 

Client: That’s beautiful. That’s a great context. I like that. 

Todd: It’s cool. It kind of, another, it kind of bleeds over into another turnaround, which is I am, I am, and maybe it’s a double turnaround, but it still kind of makes sense.

It’s like I’m caring, um, I’m think I’m caring of myself a little bit, you know, like I’m, I. Taking care of.

Yeah, and it [00:27:00] does kind of feel like a double turnaround. So where I’m going in terms of the real turnaround is I’m not caring of myself in that situation. How are you not carrying of yourself when you were

like. Yeah, you see it? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Client: It’s sort of like it is okay to have boundaries. Is that another way of saying Uhhuh? 

Todd: Uhhuh, Uhhuh. 

Client: And then I could do thousands of judge my work, judge myself on. I don’t deserve boundaries, but that, oh, I think take your nine week course for that one. Right.

Todd: So when I don’t care about my boundaries, [00:28:00] then, then I get, I end up getting anxious and I end up pushing other people too. You know, like it becomes, but if I really do care about my boundaries, then I. Then I’ve expressed them in ways that isn’t shocking to people because I’m, I’m doing it in a, I’m taking care of what is, feels important to me.

So I am, yeah, I don’t know. We’re kind of losing the thread here a little bit, but it’s like, I originally were thinking, I’m not caring, I’m not caring of her or something. 

Client: Not true. 

Todd: What we’re seeing is maybe I was just not caring of myself and that was what Oh boy, caused it to be showing up that way.

So like how could you be more [00:29:00] caring of yourself if you were ever in a situation just like that again, I.

Client: To share, to be honest, to be honest, and to be honest, and do the work right there and say, give me three minutes. Let me pull out my paper and pen. Do a quick, you know, uh, and mm-hmm. Give me three minutes to take care of myself and that will probably benefit you. Yeah. So, uh. Yeah, and like, like I gotta just say, stop for me.

Just stop. And to those thoughts, I guess. 

Todd: Exactly. So it’s like, yeah, we’ve gotta go, gets turned around to, I’ve gotta go, I’ve gotta go take care of this for a minute. I’ll be back. And 

Client: it could be just from, whoa. Oh, those are boundaries, aren’t they? Whoa.[00:30:00] 

Give me a minute. 

Todd: Yeah. So like if I’m really express, if I’m really sharing what my boundaries are like, or what my experience is, oh, I’m feeling stressed because I really want to go to this call. Yeah. And, and I explain it like that, then Oh, if you notice the difference, if you explain it like that. Yeah.

Versus, come on, let’s, we gotta go without explaining which one feels more stressful. 

Client: Oh yeah. Okay. For sure. Yeah. 

Todd: Right. Yeah. So when I explain it, suddenly we’re on the same team and then we can work it out. Maybe I decide not to go to that call. Or maybe, right. She decides to come like there’s a, there’s a kind of negotiation that can happen, but, but if I’m just saying, gotta go without giving any, any explanation, then suddenly, uh, it’s like a command or something.

Yes. And I feel like I’m not caring. She may feel that too. Yes. Right. [00:31:00] So me taking care of myself, yeah, and sharing what’s actually going on. Turns out to be caring for both of us,

but even in spite of all that, we’ve seen a lot of examples where you were still caring throughout this whole thing. So there’s not, there’s no problem, right? This is just level layers again.

And that’s what I love about the work is you always end up finding new ways of doing things. Like, oh, right, I could have, I could try that next time. Like, and then I’m like, can’t wait till the next time I feel anxious about getting her moving because I’m gonna, I’m gonna try some of these things and see what works and what doesn’t.

Keep refining the process.

Client: That’s a beautiful way to look at life. [00:32:00] Yeah, being excited about the stuff that’s gonna come up in life that’s gonna throw you off. 

Todd: It’s coming up anyway. Might as well be, might as well. But really it’s like when I do this work, that’s why I love the work of Byron Katie because it, it shows me ways of looking at situations that I normally wouldn’t think of and, and that.

It shows me options for acting in those kind of situations again, that I wouldn’t normally have thought of. So I really do get excited like, like, wow, cool. Can’t wait to see how these kind of interactions could go. And I’ve watched with my partner over the years, these types of interactions that used to be so stressful have started to become completely easy because.

I or we have found ways of, of ma, of communicating, of making it work, of seeing, and like I’m seeing it [00:33:00] differently. So cool stuff. 

Client: Thank you. Thank you so much. So appreciate it. 

Todd: If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you just heard here, then go to the work as meditation.com and go to open sessions, and you’ll be able to see the schedule coming up.

You’ll be able to sign the release form to allow me to share these openly like we do here, and then you’ll, uh. Be able to actually sign up once you sign the release form. Next, I’m going to read one of my newsletter articles called Cleaning the Shower Revisited How I removed a second Layer of Stress.

There are layers upon layers of dirt and grime in this auto mechanic sink, and I have a picture here, one of my favorite pictures of a. A [00:34:00] super dirty auto mechanic sink. Um, the paint is peeling off the wall. The soap is pretty much molded to the sink and everything is some, uh, shade of brown or gray. So this is a super dirty sink and I’m comparing this to cleaning the shower in our house.

Now our shower is not that dirty. But by doing the work on cleaning our shower, I’m finding that there is actually layer upon layer of my own stressful thinking to peel away. You may remember the first time I brought this up in an article back in 2015, who would you be if you weren’t keeping score?

That’s the actual article name. The first pass at doing the work on cleaning the shower. It’s the most trivial little point of stress for me regarding whose turn it [00:35:00] is to clean the shower. We wipe it down every day in May. I discovered that it would be much more peaceful if I wasn’t keeping score. That helped a lot, but I found out last week that my work wasn’t done.

There was another layer of my thinking to peel away in May. My work focused on keeping score. It was the completion, or sorry, the com competition element of the situation, the fairness element that triggered me just asking myself, who would I be if I wasn’t keeping score, helped me step away from that kind of power struggle, struggle that I had, uh, gotten into.

But when I experienced, uh, a small trigger again over whose turn it was to clean the shower 10 days ago, I wanted to know what other layers of stressful thinking were left. So I wrote a new judge, your neighbor worksheet. One of the stressful thoughts I wrote on that worksheet was I want him to agree to system and stick to it.[00:36:00] 

This was a subtler element of the situation for me. It was not just about being fair and keeping score. It was about him messing with my system. In other words, I wanted him to set up a system and never have to think, uh again. I wanted to be able to set up a system and never have to think about it again.

And I love where this work took me this time. The turnaround for the statement, I want him to agree to system and stick to it was I want me to agree to a system and stick to it. At first, this seemed to go nowhere. That’s what I had been trying to do, stick to a system, and my partner had been messing with my system, so it seemed like this turnaround didn’t make much sense, but I found some satisfaction when I realized that I.

Can agree to a new system that there is no system. This immediately shifted my perception. Now I [00:37:00] could have the stability of a quote unquote system ’cause I love systems without requiring him to be consistent in any way. The experience was freedom and since then I’ve been rolling with the punches beautifully.

I can say, even now, this, this article was written probably seven years ago. I’m reading it now and it’s like, I don’t even think about this anymore. It’s just not a stress at all. And I think this was the, the real shift for me was I realized that there is no system and that is the system. It’s really cool.

So sometimes we wipe down the shower in sync with whoever took whoever’s turn. It is to cook. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes I sleep in and miss a few days in a row. Sometimes I do the shower for several days in a row. In fact, for the last couple years I’ve been cleaning the shower almost exclusively because I like to exercise in the morning.

So I’m the last person taking the shower. So I. [00:38:00] That’s how it’s rolling. Sometimes it’s the last person to take the shower. Sometimes it’s just, it’s just, um, according to some rule and sometimes it’s not. It’s all over the place. And the cool thing is, it’s all good with me now. Um, I found my prescription for happiness, which is agreeing to a new system, that there is no system, and then sticking with it.

So I found a new system and I stuck with it. It feels great now and I actually look forward to discovering any new layers of stress that my shower thinking may bring up for me. But so far, looking back over seven years, it really hasn’t, um, no more has surfaced at this point. So this is my favorite thing about doing the work of Byron Katie.

Consistently, I peel layer after layer of stressful thinking away. And so you never know. It’s never done until it’s done. And just because I did the work on it doesn’t mean [00:39:00] that there might be something, there might not be something really interesting underneath on the next layer. So if you wanna do the work more consistently, start peeling away the layers, then I encourage you to take the work 1 0 1 course.

Which is my introductory course for the work of Byron Katie, but it’s also meant to be for anyone, even if you have lots of experience of the work, and it allows you to start doing the work on a regular basis, going a little deeper and slowly, more slowly into this practice and setting you up for hopefully moving into a daily or weekly practice of doing the work on an ongoing basis.

So let me end with a quote from Byron Katie from her book, loving. What is people who have been in the work for a while get pettier and Pettier on their worksheets as they try to find the sticking points that are left. Beliefs just get [00:40:00] more subtle, more invisible as problems dissolve. They’re just the last little children calling out You who I’m here.

Come and find me. The more you do the work, the more uncensored you become and the pettier you like to get, because it becomes hard to find something that will upset you eventually, you can’t find a problem. That’s an experience I hear from thousands of people.