Why HSPs Struggle to Start Without a Perfect Plan — And How Inner Work Can Ease the Overwhelm

 By the end of this episode, you’ll discover why HSPs often struggle to start without a perfect plan, and how inner work can help you move forward with less pressure and more ease.

Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People. A podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I’m your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie. A way to question and reduce stressful thoughts, and you guessed it. I’m a highly sensitive person myself.

In this episode, you’ll discover the perfectionist fear that nearly stopped me from launching the work 1 0 1 12 years ago, and the thought that kept playing on repeat, how questioning my stressful beliefs helped me shift from pressure and paralysis. Into clarity and momentum and what actually happened when I let go of getting it right and how that one choice opened the door to something much bigger than I expected.

This is an addition of strategy Fridays where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress as a highly sensitive person. 12 years ago, I knew I wanted to create a course, but I had never done this before. I wanted the course to be experiential, leading to inner transformation, not just intellectual understanding.

And I had a lot of experience doing what I was teaching, which was the work of Byron Katie, and that’s a method I love for finding inner freedom. But the leap from desire for having a nice course to accomplishment of it was too big for me at that time. I envisioned a fully functioning course, and I wanted it to be as good as possible right from the beginning.

That tends to be the way I tend to do things. I remember in school I always tried to do every assignment as well as I could, and I do that in my life in many ways. But here I was trying to create something that was a big leap and I was trying to get there all in one step. And as a result, it was stressful.

This vision of the ideal outcome was both inspiring because it helped me to move in a direction that I wanted to move in, but also intimidating because I wasn’t sure how to get there. And I felt anxiety about how that, how I could get there, and I needed to do it right from the beginning. So this is a little element of perfectionism that came in.

And it had me stuck waiting to get started until I had figured out all the details in advance. Luckily, I was teaching self-inquiry and I could apply the very thing I was teaching to myself as the teacher, which is to, first of all, trust your stress, that it’s letting you know something, like something’s off here for you.

You’re believing something that isn’t quite right for you. And then to find out what those beliefs are and to question those thoughts that the stress is bringing up. The thoughts that I had were things like this. My clients will be upset with me if I don’t do a good job. They’ll want their money back.

I’ll be a failure. And even my mom will judge me for once again falling short of the mark. I have a history with my mom where. When I was young, I did really well in school and I knew it was important to her and I always tried to get like top marks and she was very pleased with that. And then after I graduated from college, I went and lived in an ashram for 10 years and it was not what she was expecting of me.

And and so I felt a lot of. Kind of disapproval, even though she was very kind about it, I could still feel a kind of disapproval there. And so sometimes I think the rest of my life I’ve been trying to catch back up and try to get back into the her good books again. And of course she’s already gone and it’s just me with myself.

But these kind of experiences do play an important role. So that was one of the thoughts my mom will judge me for once again, falling short of the mark. What I found is that as I questioned these thoughts, I started to find some looseness there. I started to find that, my clients are probably not gonna be that upset if I don’t do this perfectly good job.

Everybody knows that things are a work in progress and depending on how you present it. It can be totally acceptable to have version 1.0 of the course. And I realized also that the world is a big place and there’s, they’re always new clients, new customers, new participants. And so if a few people aren’t happy with it, it’s not the end of the world.

Even if they want their money back, I know I can handle that. I’m. I, it’s not like I won’t be able to find the money to give people money back. If that happens, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It just took the pressure off as I started to explore these thoughts and started to turn them around and started to see that I’m actually more of a success by just starting than I am waiting until I get it perfect before I can begin.

And with regards to my mom, I started to play with the idea that she may not be judging me as much as I think she is. Maybe I’m judging myself more than she’s even judging me. And that she, again, even from an objective point of view, may be even proud of me for just trying, for, just getting started, for seeing my first steps.

After all, she saw me take my very first steps as a baby. And I’m sure I didn’t get up and just run right away, so I’m sure she’s probably got some patience there. And so seeing that started to ease this feeling of pressure that I’ve gotta like really nail it right from the beginning and this freed up space and gave me courage to simply offer the course.

And so I did, I offered it in his rawest form. It was three sessions. I can’t imagine how simple it was back then. Three sessions, like an hour and a half each, and I think we had 20 people on the calls and it was like, it was so basic, you wouldn’t even believe it. But people had good experience. It was still, the essence was there.

And from there people gave suggestions. I had new ideas and it grew from there. And each time I did the course. A new idea would come in, I’m like, oh yeah, I should do some PDFs, or, oh yeah, I should do some videos, or, oh, I should do, I should make it longer. I should, and I just kept on building on that, and each time I did it, it got better and better.

Now when I look back on the same course from over a decade of offering it. I see that it has grown and it has improved, and it is now in a place where I’m really actually very proud of it. I love the course. I’ve had a lot of people have good experiences with it, and that it almost feels like it wasn’t me.

That’s the difference. And I think perfectionism is tied a little bit to a pride or identity. I did it, I want to do it, I wanna do a good job so I can be a good person, or I can get the praise, for my mom, for example. But this is more okay I got the ball rolling and then it grew and it improved, and different people contributed and different ideas popped in from all different directions.

How can I say that’s mine? And I. In a way, the ego doesn’t love it. ’cause I love to do everything myself and take credit for it. But the experience is actually really exciting. It feels bigger than me. It feels it feels fun. It feels like something new is coming in and I’m just helping it take shape.

So in essence as I question my thinking. I became less identified with being the creator of a perfect vision or a perfect version of the course, and I started being more of a facilitator of something that was organically growing and eventually blossomed into a course that I’m really happy with.

In this episode, we looked at the perfectionist fear that nearly stopped me from launching the work 1 0 1 12 years ago. And the thought that kept playing on repeat, which was simply that I could make a mistake, that I’ll be a failure. My clients will be upset with me, my mom will judge me. Yeah, more than one thought.

But these together created a feeling in me that kept me unable to start. And then we looked at how questioning my stressful beliefs helped me shift from pressure and paralysis. Into clarity and momentum, and what I saw was that I didn’t have to do it perfectly from the beginning. Just taking the first step would allow me to build on that and grow organically as I learned.

And then what actually happened was just that, that once I began the process, then it took over on its own accord. I began to experience new ideas coming in from all sides, including from within myself, and that was the ideal way actually, to develop that course. So the feeling I’m left with is a kind of enjoyment in letting go and letting something bigger happen instead of having to nail it down perfectly from the get go, which first of all is restricted to my thinking at the time.

Second of all, I don’t have the resources or know-how to do it many a times. And third, it gives me a lot of stress when I do that. So letting go, letting something bigger organized and letting it have a life of its own is a more peaceful and actually more effective way of approaching a project.

So thanks for listening. It’s great to explore with you. This project this podcast comes out three times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Join me next time for Breakthrough Mondays, where I should share success stories and helpful insights for highly sensitive people on the path towards inner freedom.

Tired of feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once. Take the HSP stress test@trueinnerfreedom.com. You’ll also find a link in the show notes. The test will reveal your unique sensitivity profile. Including how your nervous system naturally responds to stimulation, emotions, social energy, and more.

You’ll also gain a clearer picture of how stress might be amplifying that sensitivity. Take the HSP stress test now. It’s a powerful first step on your journey to true inner freedom.