Why Inner Work Helps Highly Sensitive People Stay Peaceful, Even When the World Feels Out of Control

Client: [00:00:00] Well, I’d, I’d say it’s like last night I was watching him and he, and he, he’s to the point where he can’t even hardly sleep. And we’ve been to the vets and we’ve done, you know, and we could, we take good care of him that way, try to take care of mental me, you know, uh. Mentally, physically, whatever. He gets a lot of exercise.

It’s not like he’s cooped up all day, that kind of thing. And still we have this imbalance. 

Todd: Welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around. I’m always surprised how little room I need. To begin to expand and find freedom again, it doesn’t matter what the situation.

I’m Todd Smith. And on the program today, a participant brings up a very interesting [00:01:00] situation with a, a pet. He brings up his, his dog, and the dog’s having some issues and the stressful thought he questions is, I don’t know how to help him. Then we go into this week’s newsletter, which is Inner peace, doesn’t depend on peace in the world.

Let’s dive into the work of Byron Katie together. This simple practice of questioning the thoughts that run in your head can be such an opening to the experience on the inside. So we start with the latest open session. This is a unedited recording so that you can experience what it’s like to go from just a feeling of stress or a general subject and start to identify what it is.

I. That is, um, more specific, a specific sit situation. And then within that situation, specific thought that you can [00:02:00] land on that is actually stressing you and you’ll experience as we do this today, um, working with, um, this participant’s dog. So here’s the recording for the open session. I hope you enjoy it.

Client: So I have a question. And more of a question question, but I’d like to actually do the work if possible, but I’ve just wondered if you’ve had any, um, experience with animals, pets in doing the work. I know that may sound crazy, but we take care of a lot of different dogs and horses and, and uh, through the years, I’ve just noticed, and I’ve heard it said by other people too.

It’s kind of a scary thought, but in a way, but your animals, your pets, uh, seem to take on the same behaviors that the owners do. And I thought that was kind of. [00:03:00] At first, you know, I thought, well, yeah, maybe. But then the more I, I noticed it, um, or become more and more aware of it, it, it seems like when I was a kid, for instance, we raised our dogs on just about whatever kind of food we had available and we never had what I remember being food allergies or.

You know, uh, ulcers for instance, or nervousness or those kind of issues. And now both in our horses and in our dogs, we have both. And this has been over a 50 year period mind you. But, but I just seen and I notice any, and if I go to the veterinarian for either cases, I see horses in there with ex extreme.

Ulcerations nervousness, um, [00:04:00] burnt out. It is just, I, I just don’t recall seeing it to that level when I was that, you know, a lot younger. So I came up with a statement that I have a Jack Russell Terrier named Gus, and right now, over the past year and a half, two years, he’s been itching. He goes through periods of.

Severe scratching and itching and skin out allergy type thing. And so I got to thinking about it the other day. I was like, well, I just wonder if I should do the work on him and, and, uh, see if it would help, you know, so I came up with a statement that, you know, Gus has an allergy to any number of different things you can take your pick.

Food to flea bites to weather, to, uh, any, any number of [00:05:00] pollen, all these things. But it boils down to blaming things I’ve found, because I do the same thing, you know, if I get a cold or, or if I get a head cold or something like that, I’ll try to figure out, well, what caused it? What belief, what am I believing?

Like you said. What are we thinking that that could bring us into that being sick sort of thing. And I know that’s a little roundabout statement, but that’s what I was trying to narrow it down to is what am I blaming is carrying over to him. Or does it, I’m just curious. It’s an interesting idea. Relates to 

Todd: definitely an interesting idea, 

Client: experience you’ve had.

Todd: I mean, um, yeah. We all influence each other, including we influence our pets. Um, and so if [00:06:00] I’m balanced and peaceful and happy and well adjusted, um, that often can, uh, be a supportive environment for. A dog or a pet to be more balanced. Um, there can be, there can be a, um, a lot of synchronicity between animals.

Um, and then with regards to, you know, sickness, I always think of there’s kind of two different sources of, of imbalance. One is. Is mental, like what we do. We look at the thoughts that cause stress. Um, and the other is physical things. Physical things can cause imbalances too. Um, so just whatever diet or exposure to certain toxins or, or whatever, um, can also be a factor.

So, you know, when you think about doing the work, uh, with related, with, [00:07:00] with relation to an animal, um, really the work is about my internal experience, right? So it’s about me coming back to balance no matter what’s going on in the environment. So an animal, uh, even if it’s close to me, is still. It’s like that’s my, um, it’s my experience of them and when we do the work on it, it may change my experience of them, but it’s different than say, taking them to, you know, to a vet or taking care of them, uh, for whatever particular ailment, uh, they may have.

But who knows me doing my work might, might end up, um, might end up. Opening things in either how I see them or how I am around them that might, um, be of real support. So, so [00:08:00] my, my take on doing the work on this would be to notice what it is that’s stressing you about your, your, um, your Jack Russell, um, and, and the itching.

Like what is it about that situation? That is causing you stress. What are you wanting to be different? What are you, what are you thinking, um, that’s stressing you? Where, where are you arguing with reality in some way? 

Client: I’d say off the cuff is probably more balance, um, financially. Primarily number one. And then number two is, um, um, overall balance.

Um, like if you draw a wagon wheel and you [00:09:00] divide it up into, uh, six different parts, I’m really real heavily balanced. Spend the priority of my time working. 

Todd: And I’m short on time that, that I do, um, 

Client: wouldn’t want to call it recreational, but I’d say there’s definitely an imbalance there though as far as where I spend my time, divide up my time, and it is stressful.

Todd: Okay, so, um, now is this in relation to, to gus your dog or is this just you in general? Like what’s stressing you? Um, ’cause if you wanna do the work on, on your dog, then you, we would look at what is stressing you about your dog’s condition. Um, but if you want to just do the work on anything, [00:10:00] then I’m happy to go there as well.

Client: Well, I’d, I’d say it’s like last night I was watching him and he, and he, he’s to the point where he can’t even hardly sleep. And we’ve been to the vets and we’ve done, you know, and we, we take good care of him that way. Try to take care of mental me, you know, uh, mentally, physically, whatever. He gets a lot of exercise.

It’s not like he’s cooped up all day. And still we have this imbalance right in him too. 

Todd: Okay, so this is a perfect example. Like when he can’t sleep, what are you thinking right there? What are you, what are you needing in that situation in order to be okay? 

Client: Uh, how can I help him? Okay. Is is where I’m, because I tried, you know, doing the vet thing and it, it’s one of those deals where you, you, you know, to me, [00:11:00] sometimes pills aren’t the answer to everything.

Mm-hmm. Um, mm-hmm. And since both, I’m not as familiar with dogs as I am with horses, but horses. They will watch you walking away a hundred yards away and they will take a picture of you and they pretty well know what kind of beha, what your attitude is at that moment. They’re very, very aware and, and, um, body language, I should say.

And this, we have two dogs and one of them is I can literally. Say, okay, you know, let’s go walk. And he will get up. I mean, he knows whether it’s the words or whatever, or, or the, uh, whatever it is, he knows. He just intuitively knows Gus. Is intuitively [00:12:00] aware of. He’s real small, but we have a lot of coyotes and deer where we live, and he can sense something that is two or 300 yards away that I can’t even see.

Okay. 

Todd: So when he 

Client: can, so I know that there’s something in there, you know, that he can pick up on that I can’t even imagine, you know? 

Todd: Okay. So when he can’t sleep. So I don’t know if that helps 

Client: clarify anything or not, but 

Todd: No, I, I think I, I’m getting the picture. Um, and the situation that I, that you mentioned is a good one, like he can’t sleep, right.

And you saw him just last night and you were feeling like, um, you know, I, the some possible stressful thoughts or something like. Um, I need to help him or I don’t know how to help him. Um, or, or something. I think I was getting something like that. From what you were saying.

[00:13:00] Yes, that’s correct. Okay. So, so of those two, which ones which one? I 

Client: would narrow it down. Do you know? I don’t know how to help him. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Client: or what’s the, you know. 

Todd: So that’s a stressful thought. Okay. Let’s do the work on that. So you don’t know Gotcha. How to help him. Is that true?

I came to the conclusion last night that I do know how to help him, so

it’s not true. 

Client: Okay. 

Todd: And let’s be in that moment when you saw him there last night and he, he was having trouble sleeping. So how do you react? What happens when you see him there and you have the thought? I don’t know how to help him.[00:14:00] 

So that’s an, an anxious thought. Hmm.

For me, so, so it’s 

Client: like this, that’s a stressful thought. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Client: Do well, how do you react? What, especially at 10 30 at night, you know? 

Todd: That’s right. So what does it look like? What do you, what happens inside of you in, in your, in your thinking, in your body, in. And just like how, what are the reactions that start to happen inside of you when you think, I don’t know how to help him and, and he needs help.

It’s, uh, anxiety more than anything in, um, 

Client: I, you know, my knee jerk reaction is, well, you go look in the medicine cabinet or our vet thing and see what’s in there for him, [00:15:00] for his sake. Physicality, but mentally it’s stressful on me because we’ve tried different things and it hasn’t worked right. And um, so I’m trying to figure out what it is that maybe I’m doing that’s reflected in him.

Right. So notice how you’re, the weird thing is, is I, I do have rashes on occasion myself. 

Todd: So how are you treating yourself when you think that you don’t know how to help him and he is needing some help? 

Client: I feel like I’m not, uh, doing all that I can as far as I’d say, taking that time

I, my go-to is the material aspect in it. You know, I’ll go find. The new cure of the day, I guess. And [00:16:00] then instead of sitting down and calming myself, yeah, yeah. Take the time to whatever is on the next agenda on my to-do list. Just say, okay, let’s, let’s just sit down here and calm down here. 

Todd: So when you’re under, I 

Client: don’t know.

It’s weird. I, I, I, sorry. 

Todd: Yeah, I was just gonna say, when you’re under the influence of this thought that I don’t know how to help him, then you’re unable to do that. You just get caught. Caught in that Correct. That anxious, uh, place. Yeah. Um,

okay. So who would you be without the thought that you don’t know how to help him? Just sit there last night as you were 10 30 at night and he is. He is itching. He can’t, he just keeps on itching. Who would you be without the thought? I don’t know how to help him.[00:17:00] 

I would say that I’m giving myself permission 

Client: to, to help 

Todd: him. 

Client: I innately, I do know. I just need to take time to recognize it. 

Todd: Okay. So on an experiential level, ’cause this work is a meditation, like experience it, what, what’s it like to be you 10 30 last night looking at your dog? Gus, what’s it like without the thought, I don’t know how to help him.

Without the thought, I’d be more confident. Yes. And how does that feel inside of you and your body compared to when you were believing that thought?[00:18:00] 

Um, yes. More relaxing. Much more. Yeah. Now look at Gus scratching himself. What do you see when you look at your dog? Without the thought, I don’t know how to help him.

I see that, that in 

Client: those momentarily, those moments of when he is able to rest, it seems like they can get extended. In other words, he may not be totally relaxed, but I did notice last night that once I did calm myself, that there was more in between spaces where he wasn’t itching and he was able to relax.

Yeah, 

Todd: that’s it. Without the thought, [00:19:00] I don’t know how to help him. You start noticing those spaces. You know when you’re thinking the thought, I don’t know how to help him. It’s just pure anxiety trying to somehow figure out what to do, but without the thought, just a little more in touch with what’s actually going on, which is sometimes he itches and sometimes he has some times of rest.

Sure.

Okay, so what we’re looking at here is the effect of the thought. This thought, I don’t know how to help him, the effect of the thought on you and your experience, and it’s, and it’s pretty clear. So let’s try turning the thought around. I don’t know how to help him,

so I do know how to help him. Okay. How could that be true? Let’s look.[00:20:00] 

Um, 

Client: it allows, uh, like I said earlier, kind of like a, it allows you permission to giving yourself basically 

Todd: myself permission

and confidence that I do know. Yeah, 

Client: it may not be immediately available, but at least it calms me down enough to, to recognize that when I’m not anxious, that is, it is reflected. 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. My problem abil, problem solving ability when I’m anxious goes way down compared to when I’m not anxious. 

Client: Correct. 

Todd: So I do know how to help him.

Like what would be, [00:21:00] what would be the next step you could explore with regards to helping him

listen?

Okay. And what do you mean? 

Client: I think for me it’s just taking time to, to, to, to listen, uh, to my inner voice instead of looking in the medicine cabinet. 

Todd: Okay. You never know what’s gonna come up from within. You know what, what might be something more to explore. In fact, why not listen to that inner voice just now and just see is, does any, [00:22:00] is new ideas come up in terms of, of where to go next?

If there’s a need to go anywhere? I don’t know.

Uh, kneejerk reaction. There is just, 

Client: uh, consolation, uh, with regard to him because it seems like, uh, excuse me, if I do take that time to just, that, those in-between times between taking thought so to speak. Versus not having those anxious thoughts. Just that space seems to help. I know it sounds weird. That might be, 

Todd: that’s what, that might be a huge help for him, right?

That if you’re [00:23:00] taking, like slowing it down a little bit and like that might be the place. From which new ideas come from which love and compassion comes from, which so many things could come that would support your dog.

Yeah. So I do know how to help him by slowing down myself. 

Client: I think another thing that comes to mind too is, uh. Not to personalize it. 

Todd: Uhhuh. Yeah. Which is 

Client: hard to do because he’s had this so many times that, that you’re thinking, oh, well that’s just Gus, you know, that’s just him. And, and that’s what I gotta be careful about with people too, in a way because then we label [00:24:00] and then, then they’re in a box, 

Todd: right.

So that’s another way 

Client: that, I mean, I could be totally wrong, but I’ve just noticed that carry over too with people too, because we, I tend to, oh, you know, this person has this or that problem or this issue, and then we just think, well, that’s the way they are, you know? Right, 

Todd: right. And then notice what happens.

The mind closes and it’s sort of like, oh, okay. And any thought of offering support goes away. So, right. Yeah. So this is another thing. You’re coming up with so many here. I do know how to help him, like just not personalizing it that way, not making him, putting him in a box. So that’s just the way Gus is.

Can [00:25:00] who knows, lead to more support for him. All right, so let’s look and see if there’s another turnaround. I don’t know how to help him as the original statement. What would be another way of turning it around?

Hmm. I’m drawing a blank there. Okay. Let’s see. The only one I’m seeing is I. I don’t know how to help me.

And it sounds kind of similar to what you’ve been finding already, but isn’t, isn’t this as much about you as it is about Gus?[00:26:00] 

This is true. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. So I don’t know how to help me. I don’t know how to help me be peaceful around Gus when he’s itching.

Interestingly enough that other turnaround was starting to show ways that, that like that you can find ways to help yourself. But Sure. The original scenario was, yeah, I’m, I’m stuck. I don’t know how to help myself. I think it’s like, I don’t know how to help.

Client: Yeah, no, you’re right. I tend to put myself in a box too. 

Todd: Right. 

Client: Well, that’s the way I am, you know? 

Todd: Right. I’m the guy that doesn’t know how to help Guss. Yeah.[00:27:00] 

So, okay. So interesting. Right? I don’t know how to help him completely. Kind of creates this anxiety inside of myself without that thought, less anxiety. And then as we’re exploring these turnarounds, I do know how to help him. And seeing that that help may not be what you’re expecting, just somehow the openness and willingness and interest.

To take the next step, whatever that may be. Listening. Yeah. So I do know how to help him.

Yeah, that helps a lot. Takes the pressure off a little bit, and I find it’s not [00:28:00] about getting to this. It’s not even about reaching the end goal of having the dog be not itching yet. It’s just, what can I do next? What can I do next? What can I do next? And

I’m listening. I often know,

oh, well thank you. That’s what it 

Client: takes. So is that time to, you know. Detach from whatever it is I’m doing, and then 

Todd: mm. 

Client: Hit the pause button. 

Todd: Yeah. Coming full circle, right? I do know how to help him is another example for the turnaround. I do know how to help him by detaching a little bit and, and giving some attention to Gus when he needs it.

Well, 

Client: yeah, that, that, that’s a good point right there [00:29:00] because, uh, like I, like if you do give him that attention, it takes his mind off of it too. 

Todd: What a help. We’re looking for help here. What a help. Right? Kindness. Love to an animal just like it is to a human. It’s helpful. Think about if you’re sick in the hospital, somebody comes and shows you some kindness, it helps Sure whether you can, whether you can cure their sickness or not.

It helps. So I do know how to help him. Love it.

All right, well that brings us to the end of our time here. Um. Thank you for your work. Really appreciate it. And well, I’m 

Client: sorry I took up everybody else’s time too, but, 

Todd: oh no, this is very common to, to spend the whole half hour on one [00:30:00] statement, in fact, that that’s just no worries at all about that. Um, that’s, that’s, that’s normal.

So looking ahead next, well, I really appreciate. Oh yeah. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Thank you for bringing your dog to, to this open session. It’s really, it’s really, well, who 

Client: knows? It may carry over to some other people and help them, you know, with their dogs. 

Todd: There are a lot of us out here with pets.

Yes. And how we relate to pets is very important. So, yeah, thank you. If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you just heard here. Then go to the work as meditation.com and then you’ll find open sessions there. And it’s a great way to join in, in this conversation. You can be a guest participant, um, or you can be a part of the audience, but it’s a great way to experience this work on a, on a [00:31:00] weekly basis or whenever your schedule allows it.

Next I’m going to read one of my newsletter articles, and this one is called. Inner peace doesn’t depend on peace in the world.

I often feel peaceful in a peaceful environment, but this is not the only way to experience peace. A lot of times it’s easy to think that I need to have the environment peaceful in order for me to be peaceful, but inner peace doesn’t actually depend on peace in the world. It’s a, it’s an unusual thing to think about.

So the way we’re built, our eyes are directed outward. So no wonder we think everything must be in order in the outside world. In order for us to relax is what we see. Order in the outside world does bring peace. [00:32:00] But it’s temporary peace. It’s a piece that depends on situations and circumstances, and the world’s always changing, so it’s not a very solid basis for peace.

As my grandmother used to say, you’re leaning on a weak stick. Turbulence, injustice, war meanness, loss. Every other form of disruption occur frequently in this world. How can inner peace be found and maintained in such a world? It’s only lack of awareness that keeps me dependent. When I’m not aware of how much I influence my own experience.

I see the world as the cause of my suffering. I. When I see problems in the world today on a global level or on a personal level, I can be quickly brought to a place where I feel powerless, sad, angry, or fearful. Basically, [00:33:00] I’m dependent on my world, and if it isn’t perfect, I’m in trouble. In this state of mind, I believe that my peace depends on everyone getting along on kindness and goodness dominating everywhere I dream of heaven.

But I’m not able to be free on Earth. But as my awareness grows, uh, by looking inwardly, I notice that it’s often actually up to me how I see the world. It’s possible to see even great tragedy with an open, peaceful mind. And there have been so many. Uh, cases of this throughout history, famous cases of people in terrible situations that were acting and, and experiencing according to their own experiences, a very, um, a very calm, peaceful experience on the inside.

So the secret lies [00:34:00] in looking for this kind of perspective. If I do nothing, then my semi aware mind will always naturally focus on the problems that surround me in the world in which I live. But if I direct my mind inwardly, at least from time to time, this point of view can change dramatically. This is what I love, uh, about doing the work of Byron Katie as a meditation practice.

It invites me to connect. My inner and outer worlds, it feels like a bridge between those two. And it starts with the outward focus. So that’s where I’m already looking at what’s wrong in the world, what’s causing me this, this lack of peace. And then I identify what those things are, and then the work of Byron Katie directs me to explore the unknown of my inner self.[00:35:00] 

And it does this by asking me to question what I believe about my world. So I start with my world. I find the beliefs about my world, and then I begin to question those beliefs. And it turns me inward. Turns me inward without even hardly knowing that I’m doing that. ’cause I’m asking myself these questions.

This process of asking myself if there’s another way to see my outer world often leads to the the discovery of new perspectives that are actually not stressful at all. The world can be at war. People can reject me, my health can suffer. But when I go through this process of questioning. Myself, questioning my thoughts.

I often find that my peace, my peace can coexist with the drama of my life. This feels like peace for [00:36:00] me. This is a more real kind of peace, a piece that comes with freedom from dependency on outer life. This is the antidote to fear, knowing that no matter what is happening. I can still find a perspective that feels gentle to me, and it feels empowering.

It’s like the opposite of feeling powerless. There’s a knowingness that I can find something, find a way of seeing things that’s not so stressful From this perspective, inner peace does not depend on peace in the world, nor does it depend on peace in my family. It does not even depend on peace in my emotions, and this is a radical idea I’ve even experienced where I’ve been feeling anger or shame or sadness inside of myself, and yet a kind of peace and understanding [00:37:00] coexisting deeper within.

So even on the emotional level, peace can coexist with negativity. In theory, I could be sick or I could even die. But from this point of view, inner peace does not even depend on being alive. This is the gift of the work of Byron Katie. When I do it, I become accustomed to touching that part in my depths where there truly never can be a problem.

From there, I can do my part to make the world a better place with no dependence on it, even getting better. So this is a freedom, it feels like love. It feels like peace. It feels like freedom because I’m not depending on the world to be better. In order for me to be okay and when I’m coming from a [00:38:00] place of fullness, from a place where I am.

Okay, I have a lot more to give. To whatever troubles there may be in the world. And of course, when I get overwhelmed again and lose that peaceful place within myself, I have the work to redirect me back again. It’s such a gift.

Join us for the work 1 0 1. Would you like to make the work your meditation practice? Join us for the Work 1 0 1 online course, and you’ll start looking at your world and what’s not right about it for you, and then you’ll look for new ways of seeing it. If you’re interested in this kind of exploration, then this, this process of doing the work can be amazing.

And this course is designed just with that in mind to give you as much experience to, to dive into this kind of work so that you can. Really start seeing [00:39:00] things in, in new ways. So I’ll end with a quote from Byron Katie, and this is from her book, A Thousand Names for Joy, which is a wonderful book. I, I love this book.

As you inquire into your own thoughts, you discover how attachment to a belief or story causes suffering. The mind’s natural condition is peace. Then a thought enters. You believe it and the peace seems to disappear. You notice the feeling of stress in the moment, and the feeling lets you know that you’re opposing what is.

By believing the thought, it tells you that you’re at war with reality. When you question the thought behind the feeling and realize that it isn’t true, you become present outside your story. Then the story falls away in the light of awareness and only the awareness of what [00:40:00] really is remains. Peace is who you are without a story until the next story appears.

So, um, thank you for listening and. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and stop by the work as meditation.com, where you can get my newsletter or participate in open sessions like the one you heard today. And you’ll also find hundreds of articles there that I’ve been writing over the years on the work of Byron Katie.

Just use the search bar and you can find just about anything. And check out the work 1 0 1 online course as well as virtual retreats, my Inquiry Circle ongoing, uh, group for doing the work and other programs that I offer. So until then, [00:41:00] have a great week.