Why Vacation Anxiety Hits HSPs Hard—And How Inner Work Can Ease Health-Related Fears

Client: [00:00:00] Cruise around the Hawaiian Islands and then cruise down to Tahiti two weeks and then fly back. And, and the thought that keeps coming up is, what if I have, what if I have a, a pancreatic, uh, episode? And that pain starts again. And 

Todd: welcome to Wiggle Room, a podcast where we start with stress and look for ways to turn it around.

I’m Todd Smith and on the program today, a participant does the work of Byron Katie on the thought, I’m going to be too sick to enjoy my vacation. Um, seems like a mundane, simple little topic, but as you listen, I think you’re gonna find it’s a, uh, a very touching piece of work, [00:01:00] and I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.

If you’re not familiar with the work of Byron Katie, this is basically a way of questioning any kind of stressful thought, and that’s what we use consistently here in, uh, this podcast. And as you’ll hear, this is a recording from. My open sessions. So let’s get into it. It’s, uh, it’s, um, just an unedited recording of this piece of work, and after I’m done with that recording, we will, uh, I’ll also read from one of my newsletter articles.

Uh. Which is about, are you focusing too much on technique when doing the work? So for now, let’s just listen to this session and see where it goes.

Client: Uh, one of, one of the things that keeps coming up for me is, uh, I, I, I, on the 19th of May, I’m scheduled to leave from home to Hawaii. [00:02:00] I know what an awful, stressful thought, but, uh, cruise around the Hawaiian islands and then cruise down to Tahiti two weeks and then fly back. And, and the thought that keeps coming up is, what if I have, what if I have a, a, a pancreatic, uh.

Episode and that pain starts again. And you know how I, I don’t know if I will be able to handle, I mean, how will I handle that? 

Mm-hmm. 

Client: And, and it’s, it’s almost to the point of, of paralyzing me to the place of saying, gee, maybe I should postpone. Maybe I should try to get my money back. Maybe I should. Uh, and the unfortunate part is it’s it’s way too late to really get even half of my.

Uh, money back and I have a friend that’s coming with, so I just, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna interrupt their travel, their [00:03:00] vacation, but I guess, I guess the stressful thought is, you know,

I, I’m going to be too sick to take my vacation. Mm-hmm. Too sick to be, to enjoy my vacation. 

Todd: Yeah.

So is that true? You’re gonna be too sick to enjoy your vacation? Oh,

Client: I can’t know that.

Todd: So how do you react when you’re thinking about this vacation coming up in a few weeks and you see Hawaii and you see all of it without, uh, when, when you’re believing the thought that you’re gonna be too sick to enjoy it? [00:04:00] 

Client: Oh, I, I just, uh. I could just kinda sink into, um, despair, uh, helplessness, hopelessness, um, frustration.

And, and the other thing that comes up is I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna let anyone else down. I don’t want to let my trouble partner down. I don’t want let my, I don’t wanna let myself down.

I don’t wanna be a burden.

So I, I, with the thought is that I think that I will be a burden, that I will be just, that it’ll be intolerable, that I won’t be able to enjoy, and that it’ll be such a pain that my, my travel partner won’t be able to enjoy either.

Todd: Are there [00:05:00] any images that come along with that? Um.

Client: Yeah, I, the other thing that comes up with that is, is, is, you know, having to cancel and losing, you know, five, $6,000 that we’ve put into this thing already. Um.

Being just, yeah, just losing, losing all that money for, for nothing and, and being, you know, my, my, my, my debt is just piling up more and more and more. So it just puts on more stress and more stress and more stress, which I guess is another story about. Money and stress and debt, but it just piles onto this, the stress of ev, of everything, and it just makes me feel hopeless and [00:06:00] helpless and wondering why this is happening.

Why would this, why can’t I just have a normal life?

So a bit of, uh, uh, uh, feeling sorry for myself for something that I have no idea is gonna possibly happen, but, um, yeah. Um.

And making. I, I guess, I guess the other thing, I, I mean, I, I’m creating this entire future that I have no idea what’s gonna happen. I mean, maybe, maybe, um, yeah, I, I, I’m just living in fear. I’m living in, so I’m not enjoying the present moment. I’m not enjoying the, the planning process. I’m not enjoying, uh, being.

I’m at right now. Yeah. Just a [00:07:00] lot of, lot of constriction and restriction and, and, uh, self-doubt too comes up for me. You know, should I, should I, should I, I don’t, I, I, and I say this to myself quite often lately, is I don’t know what to do. I don’t do. What’s best, what should I do? Should I turn right? Should I turn left?

So, so a lot of indecision, a lot of, uh, uh, just, just one questioning myself. Questioning what’s what, what’s right, what’s good, what’s best, what’s what, I should do, what I shouldn’t do. And yeah, that creates a lot of tension in and of itself. So, yeah, there’s a lot of tension, a lot of.

I’m just, I’m, I’m feeling it in my stomach. It’s physically, it’s appearing, you know, my stomach’s starting to churn and starting to just really, oh, [00:08:00] just add to the mayhem

Todd: and how do you treat the vacation when you think you’re gonna be too sick to enjoy it? 

Client: It’s a chore. Like it’s a, like I gotta work to make this happen. I gotta make it. I gotta, yeah, I gotta, yeah. It’s a chore. It’s a, it’s like wow. It’s not something to relax and enjoy and just say la. It’s, oh, I gotta make this, I gotta, I gotta manage, I gotta manipulate, I gotta make sure everything is in, in order, lined up.

And, and, and, and I do get really frustrated when, when, I mean, there’s a lot going on with the, the, the, the flights and the this and the that and the other thing. And when things seem to be changing or things seem to not, I mean, I get just. It just makes me absolutely insane. I mean, I take it to like a degree that is, is [00:09:00] just crazy making.

So, so, yeah, I get, I look at it as a crazy making insane job. It’s like, what? This is supposed to be a vacation, so it’s, yeah, it’s a chore. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. And whose business are you in when you think you’re gonna be sick? Too sick to enjoy your vacation? 

Client: Certainly not mine. It’s of my business. I, I’m, I do what I do right here, right now, and I take care of what I need to take care of right here, right now.

And I am, I. I mean this, this, this drug that seems to be causing my stomach to be even more upset. I stopped taking it. I told my doctor I did what I, so yeah. I just lost the question. What was the question? 

Todd: Yeah. Whose business are you in when you think, yeah, you’re gonna be too sick to enjoy your [00:10:00] vacation?

I’m 

Client: in God’s business. That’s not up to me. What’s gonna happen in the future? Yeah. I’m way out there in God’s business. 

Todd: Hmm, 

Client: absolutely. 

Todd: Wow. And how do you treat your travel partner when you think you’re going to be too sick to enjoy your vacation? 

Client: Well, again, like I said, I don’t wanna burden her. I don’t want to add burden.

I don’t want to add stress. I don’t want to be so, so I, I kind of avoid, I don’t, I’m not honest with what’s going on. I kind of, you know, treat her with kid gloves kind of thing.

Yeah. I don’t want to burden, I don’t want to add burden to her trip. I want her to have as much fun as she can possibly have too. So, so, yeah. I treat her like she’s incapable of being an adult. Wow. Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah, she can’t, she can’t handle that. She can’t, couldn’t possibly handle me not being a hundred percent.

[00:11:00] Well, that’s pretty sad. Wow. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. Yeah. She’s a.

Todd: That’s how you react under the influence of this thought, I’m gonna be too sick to enjoy my vacation. Yeah. 

Client: Wow. Just sad. 

Todd: Hmm. So it’s good to see, right? 

Client: Yeah. 

Todd: So imagine now, um, you’re right here looking towards that vacation coming up. Who would you be without the thought that you’re going to be too sick to enjoy your 

Client: vacation?

Oh, right here, right now with that thought.[00:12:00] 

I’m okay. I’m okay. Life is okay. It’s okay. The universe is gonna, I trust that the universe is gonna unfold perfectly no matter what that is. Yeah, I can, I can trust, um, I’m not in fear, I’m not in fear.

I can actually look forward to getting away. I mean, I love travel and I love getting out of the norm, so yeah, I’m excited.

Oh, and I can do that. I can just breathe. I can just breathe in and out, and. And not be so concerned about what’s gonna go on tomorrow or the next day or the next week, or, or, or the 19th of May or whatever. [00:13:00] Yeah, I can just breathe a lot more peaceful.

And I see my, my, my friend that I’m traveling with, with a whole lot more, um. Hold lot more respect and, and, and, and I see her as a competent human being. I see her, I actually see her as a absolutely beautiful, supporting, loving, kind friend that would deal with anything that I, yeah, love.

Sorry. That’s, yeah. I just, I, I see her as a competent human being, a competent adult, loving, caring, kind that’s able [00:14:00] to deal with whatever comes about rather than this child that, that, that I need to protect. Yeah. I can lean on her if needed. I would hope that she could do the same. But yeah, just a different, a whole different, whole different relationship there with that.

It’s like, wow, that’s absolutely beautiful.

So yeah, I see compassion. I see love. I see strength. I see strength. I see being supported. Wow. Yeah, no matter what,

it amazes [00:15:00] me how the, I didn’t expect all that emotion to come up. It’s just like, wow. Just wow. Yeah, there’s, that’s, there’s a cleansing there too. There’s just a cleansing that I don’t have to be burdened by all this stuff.

Oh, yeah. So wider, uh, more able, more capable, more confident. I say with question mark,

but yeah, that’s there. That’s there. And not necessarily confident in me or my ability, but just confident in the universe, in God, in my friends,

and trusting what is.[00:16:00] 

Wow. And that’s a lot of strength. Absolutely. Beautiful.

And I’m thinking of the, the curve balls and the things that always, things change. Things happen things and, and just, I’m, I’m more able to look at those as.

Just another adventure, another part of the adventure. Not obstacles to over, not challenges to over not, oh my God, I can’t. It’s just, it’s another part of the experience. Another part of living that I get, I get to experience and walk through and looking back in the past, the images of the past. I’ve gone through some really difficult [00:17:00] things and here I am.

So what’s there to fear? Wow.

Todd: Wow. That’s, how would you like to find a turnaround? I’m going to be too sick to enjoy my vacation. 

Client: I will. Be well enough to enjoy my vacation. 

Todd: Okay. How could that be as true? 

Client: Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I will be well enough to enjoy my vacation Absolutely. No matter what that looks like, no matter what that looks like.

Wow. That’s a, that’s a lot of freedom there. I’ll be well enough to enjoy my vacation [00:18:00] if nothing else. Mentally, I can look at whatever comes up as another adventure rather than another obstacle or burden, or why is this happening to me? I can just see it as, as, as, as an adventure. Another part of that thing we call life.

Wow. 

Todd: Yeah, no sickness can stop you from seeing it that way no matter how. Unless it’s, unless, 

Client: oh, so beautiful.

Oh wow. Thank you. That just, yeah, man. Like I said, I didn’t know there, I, I didn’t anticipate all that emotion coming out, like, 

Todd: yeah. Yeah. That’s, that’s part of it. Yep. Yep. So keep looking, you know, how else could it be that. [00:19:00] You won’t be too sick to enjoy this vacation. How? What are the possibilities? It’s the future.

We don’t know for sure. So, well, that’s just what are the possibilities? 

Client: And I, well, I think, I think the biggest thing is, you know, looking at my past and how much stuff I’ve gone through, they have healthcare on those ships. Even if I’m in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, there is healthcare available. Abs.

Yeah. So, uh. Yeah. No matter how good or bad or or whatever, I will be supported. I will be taken care of. Yeah. Yeah.

Todd: And 

Client: I, I guess the other thing that’s coming to my mind is even if I have to, gee, even if I have to sit on the deck of the ship and just sit there, what an awful thing to have happen.[00:20:00] 

Paradise sits sitting on a, a ship that’s cruising. Yeah. What an awful thing. 

Todd: Right. Right. So even if you have some sickness or some pain on that deck, what are the ways you can still enjoy that experience? 

Client: Oh, I can still be as present as possible. I can still be, be, uh, uh, you know, realize that, well, first, the, the, the very first thing when you said that, the very first thing that came to me was.

I can know that the universe isn’t revolving around me. It’s not just about me. It’s like, hello. There’s a whole bunch of whole bunch of things and, and I, I’m just a part of, I can still be a part of. I can still be a, I can still be a participant in this thing we call life even. Mm-hmm. To no matter what degree or what, you know, limit.

I might [00:21:00] have, I can still be a participant and, and still be as, as fully aware and as fully present as I possibly can be. And that’s, that’s heaven in itself no matter whether I’m on a cruise ship or sitting in my, sitting right here in my, in my, in my living room. Right. It’s heaven. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Todd: So I’m not gonna be too sick to enjoy my vacation. Yeah.

Even if you’re sick, can you still feel the sunshine? 

Client: Absolutely. There it is. I can see it. Feel the warmth. I can feel the breeze. I can smell the sea air. I can, I can be present with my friend. Mm. 

Todd: Yeah. Even if one’s sick can still enjoy, I can. The warmth of friendship, 

Client: absolutely enjoy that friendship.

Enjoy the [00:22:00] connection. Without a doubt, I can still look inward and find that that place that that connects me with, with my higher power. That’s always there. That’s always there. No matter. No matter what. And that’s, that’s brought me a lot of, a lot of solace and peace and, and, and, yeah. Wow.

Absolutely. I never have. I never have. And like I said, right, like I went through some amazing, I mean, pretty, yeah. And I’ve never been too sick to, to not be able to connect with that, that internal connection. It’s there. Always there. Yeah. That’s precious. [00:23:00] Absolutely precious. So, oh.

I’ll be too, to enjoy my vacation.

The, the one, the other thing that comes to my mind is, so what? It’s, it’s a very short little piece of, of, of, of my life and I will either survive or not. And when I back home. Here we go with normal life. So what? Right? Every single second, everything will, will be absolutely the way I think it should be and absolutely perfect.

So what is it really that Yeah, it’s the, that’s, wow. 

Todd: That’s the story of a vacation that we create for ourselves. Like it’s gonna be, it has to be really good, it has to be perfect. And turns out. You’re in [00:24:00] the sick bay the whole time. What’s the difference between that and going to the hospital? You know, like, but it’s the story.

This is a vacation. This should be amazing. 

Client: Right. And that’s exactly what it is. It just, it’s my shoulds, it’s my, my, that whole long list of shoulds. It should look this way. It shouldn’t. And, and they should. And they should. It shouldn’t. And man. That’s, and, and when I, when I can see those things as stories as just my thinking, there is absolutely nothing wrong no matter what, no matter where I’m at.

Right. It’s absolute perfection. So, yeah. Right. So yeah, 

Todd: and those $5,000 or whatever they could have been, they could have ended up slipping away any other way. There’s so many ways. 

Client: Right. It does seem like money does that. It comes, it goes and, and it’s like. Wow. Where does, how did, what did Ha 

Yeah. 

Client: Oh yeah.

You’re right. It is, it’s my story that [00:25:00] says, oh no, it should, it should it again, the shoulds and the shouldn’ts and the, 

Todd: yeah, I have to get my money’s worth. I have to get value out of it, you know? And then now I have this pressure to have a good time and oh my gosh, I better get my. My health better cooperate.

It’s, it’s like,

Client: oh, that, that, that whole statement that you just said really is laughable, and yet that’s exactly what we do. It’s like, yeah, it, it has to be this, it should be, why No, this is my vacation. It’s gotta look a certain way. 

Todd: Right. It’s like, who would you be without that 

Client: story? In peace, in absolute peace. I wouldn’t need a vacation.

Wow. Wow. Oh my goodness. It would be in, in heaven right there. Just, 

Todd: yeah. [00:26:00] Right here. ’cause we’re looking ahead to three weeks from now or whenever that is, that vacation. And so the vacation starts now. The vacation from thinking I should enjoy my vacation can start right away. 

Client: Love that. Wow. That’s, that’s wow.

That’s huge. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Things that come up, I love it. Just absolutely. I mean, you just, how can you expect, it’s just like, I did not see that coming and, and there it is. 

Todd: Yeah. I love this process. I just, I just trust it, you know? I start with something stressful. And then I just walk through this process and then it’s just, it’s amazing what comes out when you just innocently look for what is actually there.

And, um, so thank you for, for sharing this with me and for. [00:27:00] Walking through these steps with me. It’s, it’s expanding just to witness and to listen as you do your work. 

Client: Thank you. Yeah, thank you Todd. Just, I, I love, I love the process as well, and, and I love that you provide this, this space to do this. It just.

Absolutely priceless. So thank you. Yeah. 

Todd: If you would like to participate in open sessions like the one you just heard, then please go to the work as meditation.com and click on the open sessions link. And there you can see the schedule of upcoming sessions. You can see the times in your time zone, and I’d love to have you be a part of these open sessions.

I actually encourage you to. Be a guest participant if you can. Um, this requires signing a release form and if you’re willing to, um, this is a way for us to be together, do the work together and bring up any questions that you may have. And it’s also a service to those who listen and [00:28:00] watch, um, these recordings.

Next, I’m going to read one of my newsletter articles called. Are you focusing too much on technique when doing the work?

So this article starts with a photograph, which I can’t, uh, put here in the, uh, in this recording, but last summer I won silver at our. Club pickleball, tournament and pickleball is one of my favorite sports. I play it three or four times a week and I just, uh, love the game. So the prize, of course, is a bottle of pickles.

I start with that because pickleball, um, is a skill, just like doing the work is a skill and. I love to learn technique. I love to focus on technique and [00:29:00] improve my game, both in pickleball as well as in doing the work of bi. But I also find that’s important sometimes to forget about technique and just go by feel.

Just play by feel. If I’m playing pickleball or do the work by feel, just listening, just kind of feeling my way in the dark is the way I like to describe doing the work of Byron Katie. So thinking about this more generally, I think we were all trained in school, uh, basically to do what the teacher said to do, to follow directions, to adjust our wrong ways when we do something that isn’t quite right.

And this kind of training runs deep. It, it also comes from our parents as well. So in many ways this is a good thing. Um, it, it does serve us and I’ve experienced many times that if I can learn from somebody else’s [00:30:00] experience and then piggyback on them, then I move more quickly in developing my own skills.

That’s why we hire coaches. That’s why we have teachers. That’s why we learn from each other and this is a good thing. Um, so. It could even be the case even with the work of Byron Katie, right? Like so I offer this course called the Work 1 0 1 course, and I give a lot of directions about how to get more out of the work, how to go a little more deeply into it, how to develop a practice of it.

I’m sharing my experience and you may find that beneficial. You may be able to take my experience and then go further with it so we can all. Support each other. Um, when we share our experiences. So even with the work in Byron Katie, there’s value in learning technique, um, uh, sharing and, and gleaning from each other.

Um, for example, I have [00:31:00] in some instructions with the work 1 0 1, where we actually try to get. Closer to what’s actually bothering us in writing a judge or neighbor worksheet. So if, if somebody is bothering me, I, I may start to write a worksheet, but if I sit with it, I can actually get even closer and closer to what was really bothering me about that situation.

And those instructions, which I give in the course, um, are a little bit technical. And of course, while they’re good, it’s also to good to remember what is most important. And so. Even while getting into the technique of things, it’s important to stay in touch with myself. What is the purpose of the work?

For me, the work is a way to get more in touch with myself. So I start by getting in touch with my stressful feelings. I listen to my stressful thoughts, and then I ask myself if there could be other ways of seeing the same situation. And this process is a very [00:32:00] personal one. In a way, you cannot use a technique.

You can have some guidelines, you can have some things that may be helpful, but ultimately listening to myself, getting in touch with myself is something I have to kind of find my way with. Um, that’s why I always love that phrase of feeling my way in the dark. That’s, that’s the way it feels. I’m confused, I’m angry, I’m stressed, and I’m using the work.

To kind of find my way back home. So yeah, technique’s helpful, but it only goes so far. I have to actually listen to my feelings and let them be the most important thing. That’s what’s going to guide me. That’s what’s going to show me the way back home. So when I’m writing a judge or neighbor worksheet. I may keep some of these guidelines in mind, but the main thing I’m doing is giving myself permission for my mind to rant and rave, [00:33:00] and you don’t have to rant and rave properly.

Anyway, that you rant or rave is great. Just get it out. Let it be seen. Let it explode. You know, be petty, be cranky. Ignore the rules. I don’t care if every line in your worksheet is exactly the sa, exactly the same, just say what you need to say. Say it from feeling, stay connected to that emotion, and then say the truth of how you feel.

That’s all. Writing a judge your neighbor worksheet is all about, and that’s all the work is all about. The alternative, on the other hand, is very flat and lifeless. If I try to write a perfect judge your neighbor worksheet, I miss the whole point. The point of writing a worksheet is to give the microphone to the angry, crazy stuck part of me, and then let it blurt everything out.

This is [00:34:00] not an essay contest, and you don’t get freer quicker by doing it perfectly. The number one technique is that there is no technique. Just be immature and let it fly. Those are great worksheets. Once you start to trust this, then there may be nuances worth exploring by following more technical directions that I offer.

But no matter what, you can always come back to the simple practice of writing your raw, uncensored thoughts on paper. That is the most important thing. Now this may be a turnaround for you. If you like doing things well, you may think that mastering the techniques is the most important thing, but I’d say getting the feel of it is way more important.

Feelings don’t lie. If you pay attention to them, they’ll tell you if you’re getting too intellectual or rule-based in doing your work. In this case, turn it around and hold more loosely the [00:35:00] guidelines for filling in a judge or neighbor worksheet, or for answering questions one through four or for finding turnarounds and examples.

The work is not 40 questions. It’s four questions plus turnarounds and examples. The mind loves to make it more complicated, but don’t forget this simple, basic structure. That’s all you ever need to know. You can just keep coming back to that again and again. Raw mind, raw emotion. Just get it out on paper.

That’s it. And if you wanna do a lot of work in a short amount of time, then I encourage you to check out the weekend virtual retreats that I offer. Um, these are. Something I do a couple times a year open to the public and, uh, four times a year for people in, in Inquiry Circle. And we offer sessions around the clock, 24 hours, uh, a day.

So it’ll be two hour session and a one hour break, two hour session, one [00:36:00] hour break all day and all night for two days. So come to the sessions of work in your time zone and take advantage of this group opportunity to go a little deeper to support each other and to, um. Experience this firsthand that you don’t have to know a lot.

You don’t have to have any previous experience with the work to join one of these retreats. And I can guarantee that if you allow yourself, you can have a very complete and full experience of the work of Byron Katie. So here’s a quote from Byron Katie, the founder of the Work, and it’s from her book, A Thousand Names for Joy.

Self-realization is the sweetest thing. It shows us how we’re fully responsible for ourselves, and that is where we find our freedom. Rather than being other realized, you can be self-realized instead of looking for us [00:37:00] for your fulfill, for your fulfillment, you can find it in yourself.